School - 1976 and today - Page 3

thankful about what? thankful for no control over the classrooms, thankful they dont have to listen to the teacher ? thankful for the killings?

that is why teachers have no control over the class room now, no fear of the teacher , no fear of mommie and daddie, no fear of the police etc.

Scenario-
1984- Freshman student is smoking marijuana in the smoking lounge with friends and one of their teachers comes out and catches them. Surprisingly, he joins them.
2007- There is no smoking lounge! Students pay more attention to education then what teachers are "cool" and how to fit in!

Agreed!

Look, I agree with you. When I was 13 there was no WAY that would have happened under my parents' roof - nor would it when I was 17. But I came from a stable home with two parents.

My girlfriend is recently divorced, and working all hours to support her family. Her ex-husband was a waste of space and does nothing and contributes nothing. When this happened, she was at work and the children were being looked after by her mother, who had gone to bed. The boy had his girlfriend over watching movies.

Don't get me wrong. She was furious with him - angry, upset, horrified, all of these things. However, she had every right to be grateful that he was honest with her and I applaud that with the loser father he had, that she was able to provide enough of a good example to her children that honesty is always best. Had he told her and she went wild at him, what do you think he's going to tell her in the future? Nothing, that's what. And yes, she was grateful that if it was going to happen it happened in a safe place, and all the sex education they'd had ensured that they used protection and were dating - not just random partners in dangerous places, as is so often the case with young kids. In a bad scenario, his was about the best way it was going to happen.

Now, if you are naive enough to think that parents can supervise their kids 24/7 then good luck to you. Children are masters at getting away with just about whatever they want to - no matter how vigilant the parents are or how involved or how attentive. It's what kids do. I had strict parents and was allowed to do very little as a teenager, and I still managed to start stealing cigarettes off my mother at age 11 and then smoking them in the bathroom under the exhaust fan. While they were home. They had no idea - I was sneaky, I'd pretend to have a shower - and besides, why would they ever suspect?

Kids can and will do what they please if they have a strong enough motivation to want to do it, and peer pressure is something that is unbearably difficult for kids. What we have is a responsibility to raise them to make the right choices, and not fear us if they want to tell us the truth. Having a child who will confide in you is a gift, and you should cherish it. Of course 13 year olds have `boyfriends' and `girlfriends'. They're in the ninth grade. It's the age of puberty beginning - hormones and feelings and noticing the opposite sex. The thing is, when I was 13 I had a boyfriend - but all we did was hold hands between class. Kissing wasn't even considered. Sex at that age? Goodness - I don't think so.

I was never, ever allowed to have a boyfriend in my room with the door closed when I was at home. Or in my room at all, for that matter. I couldn't go to parties unless my parents had rung the other parents first to check that they knew about it. I couldn't really go many places without parents and was really wrapped in cotton wool until I was about 17. And I hated it at the time but I'm grateful to my parents now because their tactics did remove me from a lot of bad things. BUT I lost my virginity at 16 at a party, in the back yard of a deserted house across the road, 30 minutes before Mum was due to come and pick me up. It was awful. I got drunk underage, I smoked pot - I did all sorts of things in a rebellious way because I'd been so stifled as a teenager. My parents never knew - again, I was sneaky. And I had brilliant, involved, attentive, awesome parents. Because I'd been raised with values and rules, I never went further than that. I never tried LSD or ecstasy or snuck out or did any of the things many of my peers were doing. I knew that there was a line I would draw.

No, you don't just take the attitude `well they're going to do it anyway so I may as well allow them to'. Not at all. You have boundaries and you have rules and your children are expected to follow them. You teach your children responsibility and self-respect and that it's ok to say no if they don't feel right about something. But if you think that's going to STOP them if they really, really want to do something, think again. And with the internet, and how savvy kids are with these things, it wouldn't matter what you did - they'll see what they want. And that freaks me out. The best you can do is raise them to be good people, to respect those who are older and with more experience, and hope they'll make the right choices and trust you enough to tell you about them.

[quote=KitEKats4Eva!;1719656]When this happened, she was at work and the children were being looked after by her mother, who had gone to bed. The boy had his girlfriend over watching movies.

Had he told her and she went wild at him, what do you think he's going to tell her in the future? Nothing, that's what. And yes, she was grateful that if it was going to happen it happened in a safe place, and all the sex education they'd had ensured that they used protection and were dating - not just random partners in dangerous places, as is so often the case with young kids. In a bad scenario, his was about the best way it was going to happen.

Now, if you are naive enough to think that parents can supervise their kids 24/7 then good luck to you. Children are masters at getting away with just about whatever they want to - no matter how vigilant the parents are or how involved or how attentive. It's what kids do.
What we have is a responsibility to raise them to make the right choices, and not fear us if they want to tell us the truth.
Of course 13 year olds have `boyfriends' and `girlfriends'. They're in the ninth grade. It's the age of puberty beginning - hormones and feelings and noticing the opposite sex.

But if you think that's going to STOP them if they really, really want to do something, think again. And with the internet, and how savvy kids are with these things, it wouldn't matter what you did - they'll see what they want. QUOTE]



Nope, 13 year olds do NOT have boyfriends and girlfriends who go over to each other's houses to watch movies. Flirtations at school at that age, sure. But no 13 year old should be "dating" and no parent should sanction such a thing. 13 year olds are still *children* and are nowhere near mature or responsible enough to date, let alone have sex. It is precisely because of "hormones and feelings" that you do not facilitate the circumstances for having sex, such as leaving two 13 year olds alone to watch a movie.

Sorry, but your friend dropped the ball, and so did her mother. I'm sympathetic to a single parent trying to raise a son alone but she was wrong to allow this boy to have a girl in the house, and I don't know what Grandma was thinking to leave these two youngsters alone and unsupervised.

Your friend does not need to "go wild" on her son, but a very long, serious discussion with him is in order, and clearly, things need to change. She can certainly be glad of his honesty, and should tell him that. However, as I've stated before, the fact that he was honest about what happened in no way gives him a "pass".

I am not naive and yes, I do know that parents *can* supervise their kids 24/7. I've seen it done. It isn't fun, it isn't easy and it requires a tremendous amount of effort. It's especially challenging for a single parent.

The first thing that your friend should do is sit down with the parents of the girl involved. From this moment on, it should be resolved that there is no more girlfriend/boyfriend relationship between these two kids. They'll see each other in school, but beyond that, it's over.

Second, when the boy isn't in school he needs to be involved in age-appropriate activities. Either school, or non-school related sports if he's athletic. This should be a structured, adult-supervised activity. If he's not into sports, let him pursue interests in art, music, science, etc. by joining after-school clubs or enrolling him in after-school private lessons. I'm sure in Australia there are similar clubs/groups available to kids such as we have here in the US: the local "Y" , church youth groups, Boy Scouts, etc.

Your friend should be able to account for every minute of her son's day. At any given time, if he's not in school, she should know who he's with and what he is doing. At all times, there should be an adult involved, whether a coach, a teacher, another parent, a relative, a friend. There should be a minimum of "down time" and when there is, an attentive adult is still there. No unsupervised hanging out with friends.

As far as the internet is concerned, there are filters parents can purchase to prevent their children from seeing inappropriate websites. Your friend can also put the computer in her room with a lock on the door, if necessary.

If this seems Draconian, think about the alternative. The boy is only 13 years old and he's already had sex. Where does he go from here if things are left status quo? If your friend doesn't want an irate father pounding on her door someday enraged about his pregnant 14 year old daughter, she had better make some changes, and quickly.

Her son's innocence is gone at a heartbreakingly young age. Childhood is all too short as it is. It's your friend's responsibility to move heaven and earth to see to it that she can salvage what's left of it.

Hmmm, what a comprehensive lecture on how to raise a child from someone who has read about five paragraphs on someone else's life on an internet forum! I'm impressed!

Tell me, what makes you assume that she didn't sit down and have a long talk with him? What makes you assume that she didn't sit down and have a talk with the girlfriend's parents? What makes you assume that he is not involved in age-appropriate extra-curricular activities? I've already told you they used protection, so what makes you assume that she will get pregnant? Or is more likely to get pregnant than perhaps a 20, 25, 30 or 35-year-old might?

You have judged this woman and her parenting skills on a story told by someone on a cat forum using a brief description of her situation as an analogy for something else. Tell me, are you always such an insightful judge of character?

Tell me something else, do you have any children? It's not that I don't agree with much of what you say, I actually do, but does it come from experience or opinion only? I only ask because you seem to really believe that you can supervise your child 24/7, which is literally, physically impossible even if it's not figuratively impossible. I find it hard to believe that anyone who actually has children would claim that.

For example, how can you stop your child from trying smoking, if someone else brings them a cigarette and they sneak into the toilets at lunch time at school? Short of having a teacher at the door of the toilet and strip searching every student as they enter, I don't see how this could be avoided. This is one example, but there are infinitely more.

(I thought I'd better edit this to apologise if I sound snarky - it's early in the morning and I didn't get much sleep. Plus, this is one of my best friends we're talking about here, so I'm naturally defensive of her!)

I think teachers get a lot of criticism from people, but if it is that horrible, why don't you home school??

It can be done...my friend goes to university full time, works part time, has 5 children, and homeschools 2 of the 5 children, so it's just a matter of wanting to do it badly enough. I think that it's just a lot of whinning and generalizing that schools are so terrible and that kids are so horrible. There have always been kids who get into trouble and there always will be, but it is never a whole generation. Let's not forget the good kids in all this, plus, who's to say, even if a kid does make a poor choice, doesn't mean that the kid is bad or that is who that child is.

I was a teen mom. Had a kid when I was 16, but I'm married to his father, half way done a university degree and I'm already being a postive influence in my community and society, so labels and judgments don't help make things better. Support and encouragement do!

I also can say, in my experience as a parent, it is impossible to watch your children 24/7, but it is possible to get darn near it, just minus the bathroom breaks and there yah go lol.

My father quit his job when my younger sister got into drugs. He took her to school, walked her to her classes and sat outside the doors then he took her home and watched over her as she did her homework etc. This girl didnot get to have privacy, because privacy is not a right, it's something you earn through trust. My family had to make a lot of sacrifices, but that's what a real parent does when times call for desperate measures. Anyone who say differently is, IMO, just being lazy.