Oh, gosh, I'm sorry you're in such a bad place right now.
I did notice that your posts were veering from clever and cool to deep and emotional... which makes perfect sense for how you're feeling. It's so brave of you to come out here on the site and try to be helpful to others when you yourself are down! I admire you for that.
My best friend in the world is a man I lived with for four years. We always adored each other, but at some point, we realized it just wasn't meant to be a romance, so we parted in the most amicable of ways. I helped him move into a new place, working late into the night... and when I came home and saw the imprints in the carpet where all his things had been, I sat down on the floor and sobbed.
I knew it was the right thing for both of us, and that we'd both be happier in the long run... but the actual moment of the ripping asunder is just going to hurt, no way around it, y'know? It just does. So I understand what you're feeling.
Oh, I wish I had some magic words for you! But I think there's nothing to do but feel
this way until you can stop
feeling this way. That won't be long, though -- even tomorrow morning, you'll feel a little better than today, and better still the morning after that.
And what you're doing will help! By staying in touch with other people, even strangers -- maybe especially
strangers -- you keep creating new places for your emotions to pour out, rather than letting them all stay concentrated on your own situation.
You'll get through this. Just keep on keepin' on.