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Over reacting ???

post #1 of 40
Thread Starter 
Since we lost our Mozzie, we left it a couple of days before the whole family felt it was time to let another kitty share our home.
We got onto the Bengal Rescue/Welfare Society, and was put in touch with someone who wanted to rehome a 6 year old cat they've had since kittenhood. After a couple of chats and loads of emails, the owner said that while he felt we were an option, and he'd be happy for the cat to come here, he also wanted to explore other options, to see if he could keep his cat. And so nearly 40 days after first contact and that rush of excitement, we are still waiting to see if his other options are working, ( we've heard nothing to indicate one way or the other ) or if we should pursue other Bengal cats from the rescue when one comes up for rehoming. As we are so keen to take on the 6 year old, the Bengal rescue say that we should give it some time to see how it all works out. They've heard nothing either.

We all feel we desperately need another kitty to help us with Mozzie's loss, and I'd love a Tuxedo cat, after losing my 16yr old black and white cat to old age last November. So we started looking in rescue centres. Now comes the problem. Mum has a form of Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, in that she believes the house is never tidy enough for guests. We don't believe in buying animals, and all our pets are rescues. All the sanctuaries want to do home checks which is very good, but quite frankly, the house even when tidy, is cluttered ( my father is a hoarder ), and we haven't had a guest enter the house for 3 years now, because mum can't cope, so there is no hope for any homechecks, and therefore no hope for a new cat, unless I personally rescue it like I did with the two cats I mentioned previously. With the 6yr old cat I first mentioned, the owner, said he wouldn't bother with a home check, and as long as we go to him to meet the cat, should he wish to rehome him, then all would be well, but it seems at this stage, we'll never take on that cat anyway.

Anyway, so in my local paper, I rang a number advertising a private rescue, that has young cats and kittens needing homes. I rang in the morning, and after she described a few cats that I felt I wanted to meet, and maybe take one home, the woman - a nice lady - asked if I could call back in the evening. She said she rehomes by interview and says she has a good feel for people. We talked a while and then she asked about where I live. I told her I live in a Semi-detached house, amongst other things. She asked about what is on the detatched side, and I told her a part of a T junction of a quiet road. She asked if that meant that should the cat jump the fence, would it mean it would be on a pavement. I said yes, it is afterall the truth. Then she became very reluctant, and eventually said she didn't feel we'd be suitable to give her cats a safe home, and that she'd worry about them. She said that it was proof enough to her that Mozzie had been killed by a car, and that she'd rather her cats went to a good safe home.

It is her perogative, and if she feels we are not good enough then I'd rather she said no. It is for the cat's best interests, that she is thinking afterall. So why then am I sitting here feeling so bad ???

When I hung up, I hugged my teddy bear and sobbed ( I'm 27 yrs old now, and I still behaved like this ). I just can't shake that feeling of rejection. We've never turned an animal away, and all our pets recieve all the best love and care and attention, that we can give, and now we are turned away because of our house location and maybe something else not mentioned ??? I feel terrible. I also feel very bratty and moany. My poor mother hears me whine every day of how much I need a cat - very childish - but I want the daily nightmares of cleaning Mozzie up after his passing, to end, and the space he left is so vast, that it needs filling soon. And while she wants a cat too, we have this 'no buying, no guests', hang up banging down on us, what can we do ????

Whilst at work yesterday, after a particularly bad night, I sat cuddling and petting a ships cat that the company I work for commissions for sale. They are a cardboard moulded body, covered in garenteed by product from the food industry... real rabbit fur. I loathe fur products, but these ships cats do look as real as you can get, and it is real fur so it gets warm as you pet it, and I am really desperately longing for a feline companion to snuggle. I know that when I actually get a feline companion, I'll be horrified when I realise how close I am to buying a ships cat...it's all so silly, but I've never been without a cat in all my life, and it all seems so empty without one here. A home is definately not a home, without a cat !!!

Any suggestions at all right now would be gratefully received !!! Am I over reacting??? If so, how can I break the cycle ???
You guys have always been so supportive, so I figured I'd rant on and hope you can help. Thanks in advance, and I'm sorry this is so long.

Peace, Love, and Happiness, Always
post #2 of 40
Oh Sonia!!!!!!!! Your post just brought me to tears!!!!!!!!!!!!! I want so badly to reach out to you and give you the biggest hug I have ever given anybody in my life!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Please don't feel rejected by these people...you have a wonderful loving home to give any cat that you could possibly ever meet, and so much love to give them!!!

My heart is just aching for you! I rememebr your post about Mozzie dying, and how you had to clean him up to bury him, and it was so sad!!!

You need another cat to love...a real cat!!! And you will find one! Very soon, I just know it! There are so many cats in the world who would love to have a home with you, and to receive all the love you have to give!!

Are there any shelters that you could go look at where you could just adopt a cat without any house visits or interviews? There are so many cats that will be put to sleep because noone wants them, and you DO want one..there HAS to be a way!

I will be thinking of you until I can get back online again, which may not be until Friday....PLEASE don't feel badly, hun...you WILL find a cat...and that cat will be the luckiest cat in the world to have your love!!!!!!!!!
post #3 of 40
Sonia don't feel so bad! You know someone else who'd take a cat in for the novelty value would have had one by now and most likely have gotten rid of it too but a good home such as the one you'd provide can't seem to find a cat to bring into your home. Hang in there, there's plenty of kitties looking for homes and the right one is bound to find it's way to you.

Have you considered looking in the paper for a private owner who needs to find a home for their cat? This way you could get past a home visit.

Whatever happens best of luck to you!
post #4 of 40
Sonia, I have lost cats before too, and I know what you are going through. I have a couple of suggestions.

Your family wants rescued cats only. Some cat owners are irresponsible and let their cat keep having litters of kittens even though they don't want them. Sometimes these kittens are abused or killed and sometimes they are taken to veterinary clinics to be placed. Would your family be willing to adopt from a veterinary clinic? There would probably be a charge for the care the kitten received at the clinic.

One way you could satisfy the lady who was concerned about a cat you rescued jumping the fence would be to either buy or make an outdoor cat enclosure.

I hope you find a new kitty to love soon. Good luck!
post #5 of 40
Sweety don't worry, you are not over reacting at all. Your loss is very real and you have every right to mourn. I believe you are also suffering from depression and this is understandable. If these symptoms persist for more than a year please seek grief counceling and treatment for depression. I would hate to see a loving vibrant person suffer when there is treatment that can help you. You will have a kitty adopt you and soon. Please write us and let us know what you decide to name your kitty and what it looks like!

post #6 of 40
Sonia, its so infuriating isn't it?!!? Have you tried the RSPCA (you probably have) but I ask becasue we have had 4 cats from that particular rescue centre, and they never did a home check, just asked us to fill out a form (lots of questions about how you care for them, how long they'd be left alone etc etc etc), and sign to agree to have them spayed/nuetered if they are not already.
Alternatively, you could try to arrange for your Mother to be out when the home check happens, I know its a kinda sneaky, but what she doesn't know won't hurt her, and might just help you to fill the void
The suggestion to contact the vets is a good idea too, I got Pip, my male tabby kitten, from a lady who fosters for the Vets, she didn't want a home check just and "interview" (more like a friendly chat to make sure you're suitable) or you could even conisder fostering for the Vets??
Keep looking in newspapers too, there are alwasy a lot of kittens/cats needing homes in there, you'll find the perfet baby for you very very soon, don't give up!!
All the best!!
post #7 of 40
Sonia, try the LOOT free ads paper, there's ALWAYS cats in there being sold/given away by people who can't cope.

Here's a link to the Loot webpage


I hope that you find a cat soon as I know how upsetting it is to loose a special friend.
post #8 of 40
Thread Starter 
Thank you all. I just took a look at the Loot link Bunn, thank you !!! There is advertised just today, exactly...right down to the face marking...the type of black and white, I have been searching for to take on. I've been looking since last year for exactly this type of cat. Originally my parents thought it was me trying to 'replace' my black and white, but I soon sorted that one out. Anyway the ad reads :

Kitten 8wks old,male, black with white paws and chest, unusual white flame outline on nose, plump, naughty and loving - £40.

I told my family about it, trying to keep a straight face and hiding behind the printout as I read it out, and mum said talk to dad, dad said he would love a cat, but he didn't know, and then so very helpfully said " Do you know, if we decide to take him on, he'd be the first bought cat we've ever had." AARRRRGGGGHHHHHH !!!!!! Now mum is all indecisive, and back on the ole emotional roundabout we all climb !!! What is it with my parents ??? If I were rich enough, I'd move house !!!

I told mum that I really need a feline to snuggle, and promptly burst into tears, recounting Mozzie tales. I think she may already realise that I'm finding it tough, with the nightmares. I've woken up with her sitting on my bedside saying I'm sobbing in my sleep and calling out for Mozzie. I think I may just get some grief counselling anyway. May stop the nightmares.

I didn't tell my mother my heart skipped a beat when I read the ad, and the hairs shot up on the back of my neck, as I don't want to emotionally blackmail her either. If we take on a cat, I want everyone here to be happy, but at the same time, I feel selfish in my desperation, as obviously we have issues with my mum, that she refuses to get counselling over.

I told her that I really, really want to at least see the kitten. If it were 12 years old, I'd still want to see it. And it is only a 20 minute drive away. She said she wasn't sure. If it were the Bengal we are waiting for that would be one thing, but buying a kitten is a big deal...we only do rescues.

This is all so frustrating, and upsetting !!! I love my parents, but like all children...inspite of age...sometimes you just feel like screaming at them. With that in mind I have one question...
anyone want to adopt me ???

I am 27yrs old, fairly self sufficiant, have a liveable wage, am fully toilet trained. I come complete with all clothing, and bedding, and cooking skills ( such as setting light to toast ! ), 4 guinea pigs, a pony(being cared for by someone else for me), 2 cockatiels, a tortoise, and a fish. Only requirements...must allow/have cats, and other animals, and an internet connection so I can remain an active member of the various forums I am with. Any takers ???

Well, I might just ring the kitten people anyway. It may already have a new home. For all I know, I may be getting hyped up for nothing.

Thanks once again for all your support...you are all faboulous people, and I'm honoured to know you. Thank you !!!

Peace, Love, and Happiness, Always
post #9 of 40
One thing that you may mention to them is that this may still be a rescue. People have found out the hard way that no matter what the situation "Free Kittens" gets you all kinds of nasty people, from abusers to people who will just sell them to animal researchers. I know that no matter the situation, no one here would ever just "give" a kitten away. Money lends an air of responsibility, and many people who rescue do charge, not to cover their costs but to make sure the person has some sense of value for the little life they are taking on. I don't know what the whole situation is for this little one, but it may be more of what they want than they think.
post #10 of 40
Thread Starter 
The money isn't a problem in this issue. Mum says it's just the very act of 'buying' the feline from someone who isn't a rescuer is the problem...not wanting to encourage breeding and all that. Whatever happens, I'm going to call the number in the morning, otherwise I'll never know the story, and it may give me more leverage in the whole debate.

Thanks again.

Peace, Love, and Happiness, Always
post #11 of 40
I love all animals and would love for you to come stay here! My back yard is large enough for a pony and the zoning is OK for horses. Bring the whole bunch if you like!!
Now mind you I haven't asked my hubby or children. And you would have to help with the grooming of the cats! (I have 9 persians and one rescued short hair.)Bath time is a lot of fun, really..
Well, there may be rent to pay as well and a job to be found and ... well let me know what you decide!
Best of luck with the kitten, if it's meant to be, it will come to you.
post #12 of 40
Sonia, this me talking and this is what I would do.

I'd go see the person about the cat you're after, buy it if you have to, you can always say to your Mum that you only paid for the injections. most welfare organisations require you to pay a small amount anyway, usually £20. Okay it's a little deceptive but when all said and done you cannot harm anyone, and you're giving a cat a home. I know some members here would disagree with this idea, but sometimes you have to grab the bull by the horns and do whats best for you.

You deserve a cat, I want to see you with a cat, you will get one. But if you feel awkward about doing the above how about going to work voluntaryly (sp) at a cats home? You'll get to help homeless cats and give them love and attention. Hey it may lead somewhere

Again I apologise to anyone who feels my idea is wrong, it's my opinion.
post #13 of 40
Sonia!! All the best for the cat you've found!! I would reason it with your parents that if you don't take this kitty, he may well BE a rescue in the near future, you never know who's going to adopt him, or even if anyone will - if no-one takes him then he may well end up in rescue anyway.
Either way, as BuNN said, you are still giving a need cat a home, and you DO deserve to have cat!

Please let us know!!
post #14 of 40
BuNN does have a point. I do voluntary work for Cats Protection, and I know that the request a donation from adopters to cover some of the neutering/vaccinating/feeding costs.

Actually, the usual recommended donation is, funnily enough, forty pounds.

Check the situation out with this kitty, it could be that the person advertising it is just looking to recoup outlays and it's not as if it's a transaction for profit.

Follow your heart - you've mentally already bonded with this kitty. It's talking to you so at least go and have a look, a chat and find out what the score is with it.

Good luck.
post #15 of 40
Originally posted by Sonia
Kitten 8wks old,male, black with white paws and chest, unusual white flame outline on nose, plump, naughty and loving - £40.
I think any mixed breed kitten that comes from a private home can be considered a possible rescue. My cat Snowball is an example of this. The people who owned the mother cat were unable to find homes for the kittens and they were going to take the entire litter out to a relatives farm to live as barn cats. When my son told me about this, I said we could adopt one of the kittens, and as a result, Snowball has had a much better life than he would have had otherwise.

If you really want this black and white kitten, I think you should go ahead and adopt him.
post #16 of 40
Sonia, Anyone who advertises "free to a good home" is either naive or doesn't care about her kittens. The newspapers warn -in writing and on the phone- that many of these kittens are picked up by people who sell them for medical research. The person who is asking for money is the responsible owner. Perhaps she has to move or has become allergic to her cat. Or, as happens to the best of owners, the female bolted when the door was opened. Heidi is right. Pay the money. That person is likely the better owner. Or, go to animal rescue. Our rescue center charges, but then spays and neuters free when the kitten is old enough.
post #17 of 40
I think you should take the very good advice that has been offered. I coulnd't get along without my cats. I have moved all over the place over the past 15 years, and the only constant thing in my life, other than my s/o has been my Fred. He is 14 years old and has been my constant companion. Some of just need cats as a necessary part of sane living. There is no shame in being one of those people. I just lost my dear Leo, and if I hadn't had the others, I would have gone straight to the shelter from the emergency vet.
post #18 of 40
KrazyKat, so sorry to hear of your recent loss!!
post #19 of 40
Thread Starter 
The kitty was killed in a road accident when someone else who was interested went to see him, and left the front door open. I guess it was just not meant to be. :o(

So back to square one I go !!! I need your opinions before I act...do you think I'd be stupid to advertise myself, on the Loot.com with an advert reading :

" We have a good knowledgeable, loving, home for life, waiting for a black and white 'tuxedo' kitten or cat. Vet reference can be obtained. Guaranteed 24/7 human company from all adult, mixed pet, family household, with a garden. No breeders, or timewasters please. Cat will need to be vet health checked before adopting !!! "

My vet said, any cats they get in for rehoming, go straight to our local animal welfare group...who do the homechecks. AS I've said before homechecks are great...I myself am a Homechecker/Field Officer for the Veteran Horse Society...but I can't help but wonder how many people don't take on animals because of this, and the possible fear of rejection, or judgement. At least in our case we know it's my mother's mind which is the problem, but other's may think their house to small or whatever.

Anyway, do you think the advert will attract the wrong sort of applicant...ie those who want to dump their cats due to the animals ill health, and not tell the truth about the animal. I would only put on my email address as a point of contact, and not a phone number, so I can read carefully, any prospective applicants.
Whatever happens, it would be hard for me, if say for example we recieved 12 applicants, to pick just one, if they all had sob stories attached. Or do you think it is safer that I just keep searching. Oh what am I to do ???

Please give me your opinions...can you tell we are a desperate family, with MAJOR issues, by any chance !!!???!!!

Peace, Love, and Happiness, Always
post #20 of 40
That poor kitty! What an awful thing to have happen to him!

Sonia, I think you're idea of placing an ad looking for a cat is a good idea. Sometimes people are looking for a good home for their cat but don't want to place an ad for fear they would attract the wrong people. It certainly can't hurt and you never know what will happen until you try it.
post #21 of 40
That's just awful about that little kitty the poor little mite.

Sonia, although I think the ad is a good idea, I would be wary about the responses, I think you've identified correctly that all sorts of dweebs read these types of papers and you might get someone trying to off-load a sick kitty. Thing is if you've bought into their story it'll be difficult to back off and say no.

If you can be complete cold, brutal and selfish in your approach to selecting a cat this way then it might well work.
post #22 of 40
Sonia, I don't know if you've had a look at this portal, http://www.animalrescuers.co.uk/html/cats.html, but they have lists of rehoming charities for cats.

There's lots of Cats Protection links (and I know their criteria are quite strict), but there are a number of others listed too, particularly one in London and one in Bristol who are independent.

Good luck!
post #23 of 40
Thread Starter 
Chapter 1...Is There Hope ???

Whooooo-hoooo !!! I am so happy...thank you all for giving me your support. But you'll never guess what happened today. I and my mother went to the local RSPCA cattery and talked to the people there about the homechecks and the situation we have. It turns out that because they are so over loaded with dumped kitties, the first time since they can remember, people dumped their cats, rather than look after them over the summer holiday season, and also there are a vast amount of autumn litters, they have researched and decided that in certain circumstances a homecheck can be waivered. Oh my gosh...I was so happy. We wentto the cattery and were introduced to a ginger tom who was very loving but had had an eye surgically removed. The operation was done very badly and the cat looked horrific. I couldn't believe the RSPCA would operate and leave a cat like that. The cat itself was skinny and kept sneezing. They said it had been in over a year because of it's looks. Whoever did it, practically butchered the poor thing. We would have taken him on, except that he needs to be an indoor, one cat family. They left us to wander around, showed us the kitten ward, where their were 10 day old nursing litters, in at least 8 pens, and then we carried on looking. Nothing caught our eye.

Mum and I just thought it would become our weekly visiting place, when we saw in the 4th from last pen, a beautiful big fluffy black and white cat. We just knew he was to come home. He was curled up in his litter tray, not shy or frightened, just laid back, and we asked if we could stroke him. With encouragement he was on his paws, and a couple of vaccinations later, and a microchip in place, we were on the way home with a beautiful one year old male black and white cat.

When we got home, he climbed out from his box and laid down on the table, purring, and hasn't stopped ever since. He is a big softie, and the RSPCA said he was 'not the most intelligent cat', but he is gorgeous and we are already smitten. I hugged him when we got home and sobbed my heart out. I thought of all the pain from losing my previous Black & white and of course, litttle Mozzie, and just sobbed. He actually turned round and licked my face, but just sat leaning on me, getting soaked. It is so good to have another cat. He was found on the 1st of November, wandering in a local town, taken to the cattery as a stray, and when no-one claimed him, he was up for re-homing. He was obviously a well loved cat before being lost, or becoming a stray. He is so affectionate and didn't bat an eyelid at the neighbours fireworks, or any of the other pets. Within ours he staked a claim on my bed, and my lap, and my mother, and the table, it's like he's always been here. Here are some photos of him asleep on my bed while I chatted to friends to inform them of the addition.

Er..well...it's really small, I'll get my brother to resize them tomorrow...it's all to technical for me !!!
post #24 of 40
Thread Starter 

Soon after arriving home and snuggling this very huggable teddy bear of a cat, I get a call from a very distressed friend of mine. Her horse has Strangles. That is a very bad virus that causes abcesses in the neck, throat and if left without the abcessing bursting, it can travel to the brain and kill. It can be a little similar to Mumps in humans, except we don't get the brain killing thing, or the abcesses. Anyway, she begged me to come and help her remove the infected material from her horse's throat abcess. So off I went.

While I was there, my phone rang. My mother was in floods of tears. The new cat was nowhere to be seen and she thought it may have got out, when she came in. I said I'd be home soon but just to keep searching. As it turned out, when I eventually got home, I found the cat asleep, all sprawled out on my bed, in amongst all my soft toys...she just didn't notice him !!! phew !!!

As I was clearing up at the stables, the phone rang again. I thought it might be my mother saying the cat had turned up, but it wasn't. You will never guess who it was...it was the man who I was put in touch with, regarding a Bengal needing a home from the Bengal Welfare, and he was seeing if he could work things out, and as I'd heard nothing in weeks, we'd all assumed that this was not to be. Well, his plans failed and he asked if we wanted to come and take the cat from him tomorrow !!!

Consequently we are seeing the cat next weekend, as a family, and will more than likely take on this 6 year old Bengal fellow as well. Good grief !!! Talk about a stroke of luck !!! First I can't get a cat for love nor money, and now two come along at once !!! And we all couldn't be happier !!!

Ok, but now I need your opinion. The black and white one, which still needs to be named, has only just arrived...what do you think about the arrival of another cat in exactly 7 days...is this asking for trouble ??? Is it fair on either cat ??? The 6yr old Bengal is a dominate cat, and the 1 year old black and white is a submissive lap cat. If we don't take the Bengal, then he will be handed in to a rehoming centre. Please advise us on your thoughts, and opinions !!!

I will post pictures, of the new addition when my brother gives me a hand, but for now, I thank you again for all your help, support, and guidence. It is wonderful to be able to speak to people who really understand the need for cats. Thank you.

Peace, Love, and Happiness, Always

Sorry these post are sooooo long, but I just had to share it with you all !!! I'm so happy !!!
post #25 of 40
Sonia, that's such wonderful news and I'm soooo happy for you!!!!!
post #26 of 40
Sonia, I am so happy for you. And I'm overjoyed that a loving, purr factory has a loving home. As for the Bengal, I would try to find out just how dominant he is. Is he a fighter? If not, and you decide to take him, introduce them slowly, making sure you transfer the scent from one to the other by rubbing both with the same towel. There are many other tricks. I would post that question in the Behaviour column. You'll find that the moderators there will have concrete ideas for you. Yea, Sonia!
post #27 of 40
Congrats Sonia! that is wonderful news.

As far as introducing them, if you email or PM hissy she will be able to help you. She has extensive knowledge and has been through the process, many, many times. She'll let you know what to do.

good luck!
post #28 of 40
Oh Sonia!!! I am so very very happy for you!!! I was a bit worried about you when you first posted, you seemed so sad!!!

I am thrilled you will have not one, but two beautiful cats in your home to love! And you definitely have enough love for both of them!

I have a black/white tuxedo cat named Sylvester. Hey there's a name idea for you!

Keep us posted on how everything goes when you bring the other cat home, and I can't wait to see pictures of both of them!!!
post #29 of 40
I hide my feelings well but for the first time in years I just burst into tears. I'm so happy for you, and you deserve those two cats. Just goes to show there's always hope
post #30 of 40
I am so glad that you have been blessed with 2 kitties! It broke my heart to read your posts at the beginning of this thread, and I know we were all praying for a good outcome for you. I guess you got it! I know nothing can make up for your loss, but these little ones will fill that empty space. Best of luck with your new little family.
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