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Have you made enemies? - Page 2

post #31 of 56
You mean there's other forums besides TCS?
post #32 of 56
Heck yes, on sites like Livejournal and other forum-ish places I've made 'internet-enemies'. I'm more opinionated on LJ instead of here, and people have got mad at me for it. For the most part, we've come to terms with it but there are sites I've stopped going to because of these people.
post #33 of 56
Quote:
Originally Posted by StarryEyedTiGeR View Post
I have to add - one thing i love about TCS is- no matter what you argue/discuss -if it gets a little upsetting- all you have to do is post a picture of a cute kitty to cool everyone down
thats true!
post #34 of 56
Quote:
Originally Posted by Zissou'sMom View Post
I don't tend to take anything online as seriously as real life though.
I think that's where the term "It's just the internets!" comes to use.
post #35 of 56
I'm lucky to say that so far I haven't had that experience. I try to be considerate of other's opinions and remember that we are all here mainly to share our precious furbabies. Everyone here on TCS has been really wonderful!
I'm not perfect and neither is everyone else. I can understanding venting, I know, because I do it, but I also think everyone else has a right also. But, I can not tolerate or approve of just vicious attacks out of no where. If someone apologizes they should accept it and move on. Not be childish and try to lower their standards or make others look bad. I know that half the people will either like me or not. Just because they may say bad things about me, does not mean I need to do it also. Even though I may get hurt at times, at least I know that I have not lowered myself to their standards.
All I can say is that you've reported this person, put them on your ignore list, and done all you possibly could. Since you have a lot of support and you feel comfortable enough to go back, I would. If not, email the friends you've made on that other forum. But do not subject yourself to someone who isn't worth your time and energy. Most likely they do not have anything good to say about themselves so they are lashing out at others. Good luck and I hope I have been able to help you some.
post #36 of 56
Back in the early days of the internet, I went looking for places to chat and fell into a live-chat room where any subject was fair game, anybody could join in, and there was no way to tell who anybody was. I liked it because some of the regulars were very intelligent people who challenged me intellectually, and because the nature of the place was such that I didn't have to worry about upsetting or offending anyone... everybody there was bigger and louder than I could ever be! I found that comforting.

But there were also bullies such as others here have described, and they preyed on new people, baiting and humiliating them. I began to step in and try to rescue the victims of these attacks -- usually by inviting them to join in whatever conversation I was part of, and encouraging them to just ignore the bullies.

In this way, I became well-liked in the room, and served as a hostess of sorts, I guess. When I was around, the tone of the room was more civil. But this didn't sit well with the bullies, and I was often baited and insulted myself -- which hurt, but I never let them see that, of course.

Finally, after several months, an all-out attack was mounted against me. Suddenly there were impostors in the room pretending to be me, but saying monstrous things I would never say. In those days, people were naive about what's technically possible on the internet, so a lot of them believed the impostors really were me, and many people became unwilling to talk to anyone using my name.

When the attacks escalated to threats on me and my family, a friend of mine tried to use his computer skills to identify the attackers. He got far enough to learn that it was most likely just one person running seven computers at once, and he or she seemed to be in western Canada.

This made sense, because the attacks and impersonations were always interspersed with destructive comments from seemingly uninvolved parties who appeared out of nowhere. The person orchestrating all this was clearly brilliant, technically savvy, extremely inventive -- and perverted beyond words. (I don't even want to describe to you the vileness of the things that were said.)

This person was stealing my identity and destroying my reputation. I took it very deeply to heart. I stayed in that room night after night, trying to keep people from thinking this evil doppelganger was really me. Finally, the very best friend I'd met in the room sat me down (virtually) in private chat and said, "Let's get out of this place." He said it wasn't worth the pain it was causing me, and we should just go find someplace else to chat, and invite a few of our friends from the room to join us if we wanted. "It's time," he said, "to shake the dust of this room from our heels."

It was a hard decision for me, but as soon as we were out of that treacherous place, I felt so much better. That friend is still my friend today, and I'm eternally grateful to him for helping me learn the valuable lesson of Knowing When To Quit.

There are better controls in chat rooms and forums now, thank goodness, and it would be harder for someone to so thoroughly torment a person these days... but the internet is still full of shadows and ghosts and boogeymen. The only real safety out here lies in a willingness to disengage, disappear, and never look back.
post #37 of 56
Years ago, when they had the ROSIEO'DONNELL TV WEBSITE, there were a couple of men who for some reason took a dislike to me, no, I hadn't done anything to him, but they were always snipping at everything I said no matter what.
post #38 of 56
To the best of my knowledge, I haven't made any enemies on any forums I've visited. On the one hand, I'm a little surprised by this, because I'm opinionated and loud-mouthed and ... well, arrogant. On the other hand, though, I try to be respectful in my posting and hope that when I comment on someone else's post, I'm commenting only on what they've said, and not on them as a person. I like challenging other people's thoughts and opinions, but I prefer to do it in a way that will make them think, not walk off in a huff because I've insulted them on a deeply personal level.

Of course, someone out there could have a major hate-on for me and I'm just too oblivious to notice it.

There was one person ... on this site ... who I kinda sorta maybe considered an enemy. She no longer posts here -- she took off after other people called her on some of what she was saying -- but when she did post things, she was just so outlandish that I had to challenge what she was saying. She was also blatantly, unabashedly, unapologetically racist, and I just couldn't tolerate that. She actually kinda scared me. But now she's gone, so *shrug* whatever.

I do argue with people on TCS. And I like discussing controversial subjects and playing devil's advocate. But I have always found that the people with whom I've disagreed have always been really quick to intelligently defend their own arguments and are very slow to take personal offense at anything I've said. In a few cases, I've had PMs from people (and sent a few of my own) where potentially hurt feelings were dealt with before any problems could start.

(Oh, and as an aside, Zissou'sMom get bonus points for using the words "prescriptivist grammar mavens" in a sentence. I'm envious of that linguistic marvel.)
post #39 of 56
I make and break enemies wherever I go.

C'mon, put 'em up, PUT 'EM UP!!!!

I'm also extremely arrogant - I used to have a Tshirt that read: I'm not arrogant, I'm just smarter than you are.

Seriously, flamers and trolls are all over the place, on just about every forum I've been to (TCS is a wonderfully rare exception, along with another site that I moderate on) and they are generally people with low self esteem who can "hide" behind their words, and are truly not worth the time spent debating with them.

I admit that I have fallen victim to a troll baiting me in the past, but the more I post on forums the less often that happens as I am now able to recognize them and simply refuse to reply to any of their posts. Some forums have an "ignore" function which I love, you can actually set it so that you don't see their posts, and therefore don't get into any issues with them. After a while they get frustrated and go elsewhere to find people to upset.

Trolls really do seem to thrive on making people upset - I guess it's a sort of cyber bullying, like the mean kid stalking you on the way home from school.
post #40 of 56
Recently on a baseball forum I was called a really bad name. On these baseball forums you always talk about your favorite team and this guy came over from another team to bash us. Others told him to get off the board and I reported him to the moderator, I have not seen or heard from him since lol. The best way to control this is to report that person, that would be the right thing to do.
post #41 of 56
My baseball forum has an 'ignore' too and that is a very good ideal.
post #42 of 56
TCS is the only forum I've ever belonged to, and I'm sure there is a person or two that somehow I offended and didn't know it, but I think for the most part I dont' have any enemies............TCS is the best!
post #43 of 56
I have noticed that people who do not like you do not like themselves.

They see something in you that reminds them of themselves whether it be good or bad.

Just my two cents worth!
post #44 of 56
Not really as a member of any boards. I've had my share of disagreements and debates but I've never really made any enemies... that is, until I became a Mod. People who break the rules don't like being called on it and on that board the rules are strict compared to some other boards. However, they are clearly stated in out agreement prior to registration.

The reason I like it there... and here it because flaming and general meaness isn't tolerated. Makes fur a much nicer place.
post #45 of 56
Quote:
Originally Posted by GingersMom View Post
I'm also extremely arrogant - I used to have a Tshirt that read: I'm not arrogant, I'm just smarter than you are.
I think I need this T-shirt ...

Quote:
Originally Posted by ddcats View Post
I have noticed that people who do not like you do not like themselves.

They see something in you that reminds them of themselves whether it be good or bad.
A very good point, although I also think we're geared towards disliking people who are too much unlike ourselves. (Or possibly it's that those differences make it harder to understand them, and therefore we dislike them because we don't understand them.) But, definitely, a lot of times I find myself disliking someone because they're too arrogant or obnoxious, and then remembering that I'm arrogant and obnoxious.
post #46 of 56
Been on the reverse side of it. Actually a bunch of us chased off a user.
It was on a computer support forum. The guy changed his story and well, basically tried to pass off that he was holier than everyone else on the board. He'd critisize, but there were so many flaws in his story that you just sat there pointing things out.

I know a person that is notoriuos for bible thumpers too. He attends an online university so his classes involve a discussion boards. At least one person in every basic class of his is all about "God this" and "God that" that he just starts flaming the guy. The sad thing is the teacher lets it happen.
post #47 of 56
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mirinae View Post
But, definitely, a lot of times I find myself disliking someone because they're too arrogant or obnoxious, and then remembering that I'm arrogant and obnoxious.
I learned a long, long time ago that this is called "projection." The more vocal a person is about disliking something, the higher the chances are that this trait or characteristic is something inherent in the complainer's makeup. Fear and denial play a big part in projectionism.
post #48 of 56
I wouldn't say I've made enemies, but I've definately come across people who I had issues with. Not so much here, but on another forum I'm on. Those people tend to have their own problems and use the forum as an outlet for how they'd like to act in real life.
post #49 of 56
Yeah I've left other message boards under uncomfortable circumstances not of my making. I find sometimes flouncing is a lot easier on the old mental health
I've no enemies on tcs but I'm working on it
post #50 of 56
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by GingersMom View Post
I learned a long, long time ago that this is called "projection." The more vocal a person is about disliking something, the higher the chances are that this trait or characteristic is something inherent in the complainer's makeup. Fear and denial play a big part in projectionism.
It's very true, and it's human nature. A simple example is if I think I have a big nose, I notice others with big noses... when I was pregnant, I noticed all pregnant women (something I never pay attention to otherwise).

I'm pretty sure I know why this one woman keeps following me around on the forum and attacking me... it is because I am hitting on something too close to her. I'll bet that she believes in her heart that I am right but cannot face the truth of what I am saying.
post #51 of 56
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mirinae View Post
...Zissou'sMom get bonus points for using the words "prescriptivist grammar mavens" in a sentence. I'm envious of that linguistic marvel.)[/size]
Me too! Full marks, ZM!
post #52 of 56
I don't participate in any other forum than TCS. I would DREAD to think that I have formed enemies from my posts and certainly don't consider anyone here as an enemy. There may have been a 'disgreement' of words once in the IMO forum that I have experienced or I may have read things I disagree with, but I certainly don't think that kind of thing gives rise to 'enemies'.
post #53 of 56
I don't think I post often enough to make enemies I lurk and read alot more than I post.
When I first joined there was a misunderstanding and I got annoyed at someone, but I calmed down (plus I couldn't PM to explain) and forgot about it and now I really respect them. The only member who I *ahem* found a bit too much to take has stopped posting, so all's fine and dandy in my world
Of course, the cats help
post #54 of 56
I had issues in a chatroom with a fan-based forum. There was this person who had a lot to say about the show and well they posted A LOT! They would bash this person in chat. At first I agreed with them from what little I saw. Then I decided to read all the posts this person wrote. I didn't find the post annoying or arguementative like those in the chatroom did. Finally one day I asked them what their issue really was with this person. I never got a real answer. They started to follow this person on the board and poke fun at them & post inside jokes about them. Only those in chat understood the meaning of the posts. A few were mods & knew how not to cross the line. I finally had enough and PMed the member on the board and warned them about what was happening. They told me they were on warning b/c ppl were complaining to the owner. I finally emailed the board owner and voiced my opinion. Word got out to the chat people and they banned me from chat. They had someone impersonate me in the chatroom to create a fight that would get me banned. I emailed the people wondering what was going on and they said I was harassing them. One told me they keep they saved the chats and showed everyone (but me) what was said.

I ended up bonding with this outcast on the board & a few other people who stuck by this person.
post #55 of 56
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mirinae View Post
(Oh, and as an aside, Zissou'sMom get bonus points for using the words "prescriptivist grammar mavens" in a sentence. I'm envious of that linguistic marvel.)
Quote:
Originally Posted by CarolPetunia View Post
Me too! Full marks, ZM!
Ha! Thank you In research seminar today we had quite the little discussion about the mavens of the world. The prof said a stopped watch is right twice a day.
post #56 of 56
You guys want to try the teenage horse forums - They get really nasty sometimes. Most of the time, it's seperated into the horse owners and the riders (but not majorly) however all you need is the wrong topic to get a few people and WW3 breaks out.

The one I'm a mod on though is really lovely, we have very little trouble and what we do is cleared up pretty quick.
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