ok kind of a personal question

april31

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Ok hard to ask but been having some trouble lately. For those of you that have suffered abuse as a child and delt with it have you ever had a time where it seems to come back and smack you in the face again? I dont know if its cause ive just felt really down lately and stressed or what.
Just looking to see if anyone else has had this prob.
 

neetanddave

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I distance myself from the people that cause me pain, so not so often does it come back to me. I guess the further away from things you get, the less they hurt.

Hang in there, life does get better. There are always ups and downs.
 

catsrnmom

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I feel that any type of abuse has the ability to "re-surface" itself at any time in our lives. How we choose to deal with it when it does is very individual. Take care of yourself, seek counseling if you need to get past this...Enjoy what you have now, and try not to worry about then..I also really try to not let the people who has hurt me in the past into my present. Many hugs to you during this difficult time.
 

minxie

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Someone close to me experienced it and it does haunt them from time to time. I so admire that person when that person is able to turn things around and say 'i'm not going to let that evil ********* win and ruin my life today'. But I can see how its been a trauma in their life, and without counselling/therapy/learning ways to cope with trauma, I fear it may continue to haunt them inside from time to time.

Wishing you strength at the times past events may re surface and hurt you
and finding the ways of coping and living a happy life.
 

carolpetunia

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It can really, really help to just talk about these things, privately and freely, with a counselor or psychologist. It's not so much that a counselor might have remedies to suggest -- it's just the simple act of saying things out loud, feeling free to get angry about them... it can release a lot of the pressure.

Meanwhile...
 

kittiesx2

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When my daughter was young I had alot of "personal space" issues with her. I never wanted her to go through what I had and so I was very controlled in the way that I held her, hugged her, ect.
I think that I was unsure of myself as a parent. I finally had to let go of that part of my life because I realized that I was depriving her of so much! I've learned that snuggling while watching a movie or a big bearhug is a great thing.
So yeah, it comes back to bite me occasionally but I'm learning to overcome that.
 

pookie-poo

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Counseling does help. I've sought help through counseling more than once, for different issues....that have all been indirectly related to the original abuse. Sometimes I've thought that the issues have been resolved and then found that I needed to resume the counseling for a while. I have never regretted the decision to seek counseling, or needing antidepressant medications to help me deal with my issues. I've found that it is something that seems to wax and wane, often with my moods or state of mind.

My heart goes out to you. I hope you will find the strength to deal with this. I pray that you will rise above it!

Pookie
 
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april31

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Im wondering if part of it is because my oldest daughter is at the age it started with me. I thought i was over it. And now all the memories are comming back.
 

starryeyedtiger

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I've had a few times when past experiences seem to crawl out of the woodwork and haunt me. Usually it's from a show i've seen ( One episode of Law and Order SVU had a story line that was a little similar to something i went through - and out of the blue i just freaked out and got really upset from that) Sometimes things like that will remind me or a song that comes on the radio about abuse - the new "Runaway Love" song really hit me the first time i heard it. Some stuff like that reminds me of the past- but that being said i also have to take a step back and breath and remember how far i've come- how strong i am, and how i've learned from those horrible things that happened to me and have reolved myself to be a better person and make something positive out of it. That helps too. Sometimes you know- it's ok just to take a moment to yourself and cry- i do. I always feel a bit better afterwards...sometimes it's good just to let it all out. And you know hon- sometimes it's good to share those things with a trusted friend. I tell my best friend Renae everything when i start to have a flash back- it helps to know that my secrets are safe with her and that i have her support. Another thing that has helped me too is volunteering. Sounds weird- but helping others can really help you deal with things. There are great programs for abuse both locally and nationally- many of which let you remain anonymous and just talk over the phone about your issues and seek help. One is RAINN (rape abuse incest national network) http://www.rainn.org/ check out their site- there is something for everyone who has had something happen in their past as far as abuse goes.
And also one more thing- Bravo to you for being able to talk a bit about it and ask for help! You are sooo strong to do that!!!
 

cairo

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Yes, it does happen. I don't have any good advice for you except just to face it head on every time it comes up.
 

natalie_ca

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Originally Posted by april31

Ok hard to ask but been having some trouble lately. For those of you that have suffered abuse as a child and delt with it have you ever had a time where it seems to come back and smack you in the face again? I dont know if its cause ive just felt really down lately and stressed or what.
Just looking to see if anyone else has had this prob.
Yes.

However, it helps when you think of yourself as a survivor instead of as a victim. When you see yourself as a victim you tend to wallow in the past. As a survivor you push forward and move beyond it.

If you haven't already done so, I would suggest that you seek counseling to deal with the abuse. It's not something that you can usually get beyond on your own.

In my case I didn't remember the sexual abuse until I was in my 30's and was taking a class in preparation to go to nursing school. I don't know what triggered memory flashes, but something did. I was a basketcase though. None of what was "flashing" in my head made sense because I didn't remember any of it and I didn't see faces, just situations.

I wasn't in a position to pay for psychological counseling but I called the University Psychology Department and asked if they had any type of program. They did. I went to see a graduate student on a twice weekly basis for several months. The sessions were taped so that they could be reviewed with the student and instructor to not only help them get better in their field, but also to help me so that they could focus more on certain aspects etc.

I found it to be a huge benefit.

Seeing a psychologist doesn't mean you are crazy. I'm sure you would benefit a great deal from talking to someone who is trained in the field and can help you get beyond the past so that it doesn't affect your present or future.
 

chromodactyl

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April 31
You have not been specific and of course you dont need to being a forum and so on.I had a form of exper-more to do with a relationship a few yrs ago.Although it was so hard i got myself out of that situation.Anyway,a few yrs later this situation manifested in huge amounts of stress and anxiety attacks and i have had to learn to relax change my life-was delib over busy to escape feelings and adress the situation.It could be a really great idea to check out a councellor just for a chat-It really will make you feel better eleasing yr thoughts to a trained person who does not know you but will listen.or some hypnotherapists are cool.mantime drop dome lavender oil on yr pillow and cuddle yr kitties.hope you feel better.dont know whats wrong but pls dont feel alone or anyth else
 

emrldsky

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Nuh uh...might give me away!
I've only talked about it with my DH, and only after I was pretty sure that the "dreams" I thought I dreamt were memories.

I'm not haunted by what happened so much, but rather haunted by whether or not I'm remembering things right.

There are some aspects of my life that are affected by it, and I probably should seek counseling, but I'm trying to deal with things myself and so far, so good. When I get to a point that I know I can't deal with things, then I'll seek professional help.

*hug* I hope things get better and you are able to get help from yourself, or others.
 
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april31

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Well I was in counseling for many years when I was younger also but didnt find it to be too helpfull.
 

chromodactyl

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Originally Posted by april31

Well I was in counseling for many years when I was younger also but didnt find it to be too helpfull.
have you tried reading some books and actually just chatting to a group of people with similar experiences?May help to share
 

strange_wings

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Originally Posted by april31

Well I was in counseling for many years when I was younger also but didnt find it to be too helpfull.
Maybe it will be different now that you're older? Or maybe you just need to find the right person to talk to. You need to tell yourself that you're strong enough to get through this and no one is going to stop you. YOU are in charge and will never be a victim again.


Growing up I mainly went through a lot of verbal abuse, name calling and such. It really hurts a kid and sticks with a person for years. As a result I have a lot of problems trusting people but I am mostly over the self confidence/esteem issues. Being able to tell off my parents and call them on their behavior felt so good.

However too this day if someone starts yelling I look for cover, it completely unnerves me and can send me into a panic attack.
 

chromodactyl

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one other thing you have to keep trying as with all things that are succesful in life they they have not all happened over night you may require a different formula and a new councillor may have different insight and angles.Als o you will not lose anyth by giving it another chance
 

swampwitch

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My childhood abuse resurfaces, often in unexpected ways. And I know it has affected me in ways I don't even realize.

The first time the extent of the abuse hit me was when I had a child. I couldn't imagine EVER, EVER doing to my little one what was done to me.

My daughter went through a hitting stage when she was three; that is one way she took out her toddler frustrations - completely normal. But, it tore me up. I felt I was being beaten again by someone who was supposed to love me. Even now, if she yells at me (she's nine so of course it happens sometimes), I have to fight the feeling that she doesn't love me. She's just dealing with her life in a child's way.

I have very little contact with my parents now. I treat them with kindness and respect, which is what I believe every living thing deserves. That's all I owe them.

As others have said, it's important to learn that the past is gone, and we are no longer victims. Where we take our lives is our choice, starting right now today.

My parents taught me how NOT to treat a child, and how NOT to marry. They taught me I should NOT have the same priorities they have (looks, money, power).

My heart goes out to you. Please feel free to pm me. It's true the abuse of the past never goes away, but eventually it doesn't slap you in the face quite as often. When it does, you look at it for what it is, and you know it doesn't make you who you are.
 

cheylink

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Originally Posted by april31

Im wondering if part of it is because my oldest daughter is at the age it started with me. I thought i was over it. And now all the memories are comming back.
I think that this has a lot to do with it. Sometimes it takes a simple common factor of a traumatic period of your life to throw you right back to the memories. But also, this is your daughter, and from the sound of it, you have been sure to assure this, and nothing like it, would ever happen to her. Probably wondering have you done enough, because it is more then just the abuse you experienced, but also is she happy, feel loved, and have you done everything you can. Of course you have! If you need to know, ask her, I am sure she will tell you. You are open to talk about something so deep with us, that makes me think you have a very open relationship with her. This was a horrible punishment you received from someone who was unhappy with themselves.
Some people never allow themselves to heal, grow, learn after this, some only grow into the same behavioral pattern, some grow stronger and want to give/love what they felt they didn't to a family of their own.
As far as therapist/psychiatrists, this is a whole other story! I kinda look at it as a pot luck challenge! I am sure you haven't found the right therapist for you. It took me 20 years, 6 therapists, for me, and I would have never expected where and who and what to be the help I needed! I to get overwhelmed with the past and emotionally weak. The same way these things beat us down(pun not intended), haunt us subconsciously or creep back up unexpectedly, they are only reminders of an experience we have overcome, survived, conquered. Sometimes our moon, emotions, takes over our sun, true self, and we just need to take a deep breath and remind our selves we won!
 

zissou'smom

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IMO... it resurfaces, in addition to things already mentioned, when you are ready to deal with some aspect or piece of the puzzle. It can be upsetting but you may finally be ready for one of those many epiphanies that come in the process. At least, that is how I feel about it.

Every time I get very upset about it it comes at a time after I have grown as a person and I go back to ideas I held or feelings I had and realize something else about me, life, dealing with it, etc.

And sometimes things just suck for some reason, like after I watched Mulholland Drive for some reason I sort of flipped out and was hysterical for hours. Still don't know what about that movie set me off...

I talk to Zissou sometimes. I know she can't ever tell anyone and so it's better than a diary.
 
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