I don't consider watching porn or looking for it on the Internet to be cheating. I think it's ridiculous to expect that my face and my body alone are the only things J's ever going to imagine ever again, or that he will be all I need (in the fantasy department; I have no intention of straying outside my imagination). Fantasies are healthy and normal; it's when you move beyond those fantasies and start seeing other people that it becomes cheating. I also feel that if porn
is what prompts him to cheat, our relationship couldn't possibly have been that secure to begin with.
My only problem with J looking for porn on the Internet (and it's a problem he has with it, too), is the sheer volume of spyware, adware and viruses out there, many of which are tied into porn sites (and other equally dubious sites). It's his computer, so he can do what he wants with it, but if he goes to a porn site and accidentally gets a virus on his computer, I'm the one who has to take care of it -- or we have to get a professional to do it. IMO, it's just not worth the aggravation, not when you can find plenty of other places to get cheap thrills. He can do it if he wants to, he just doesn't want to.
I do draw the line at Internet chat (cyber-sex) sites, which I feel is
a form of cheating: you're "talking" with another person for the express purpose of having sex (regardless of whether or not that person is in the same room as you).
Finally, with regards to pornography: I have no problem with it. I don't believe it degrades women. (Men are in porn too, and not always in the "dominant" position. There is also very good pornography for women.) It can
degrade women, but it can also degrade men -- if that's what you're looking for. Pornography, prostitution, stripping: my basic opinion (in a nutshell) is that it's my
body, I can do whatever the
I want with it. (I could really start my own thread on the topic ...)