Was I wrong to call? (kind of long)

swampwitch

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Yesterday, we took Daughter and two friends to the Vancouver Aquarium to celebrate her birthday. It's a 13-hour day with driving, ferries, and waits. We paid for everything, of course, no problem.

One of the little girls stayed over last night. Pretty weird, considering today is Easter Sunday. Her dad said he pays for someone to keep her on Saturday nights, since that's his date night, and his arrangement fell through and could the little girl stay over Saturday night? Since we were getting in late, and he said it would be a huge favor, we said O.K. I scrambled to make an Easter basket for his daughter, using stuff that was meant for our daughter. No problem.

Problem: We are EXHAUSTED today, and the girl's father was almost three hours late picking her up! I had to call him to to remind him to come get her! I was so glad when he finally showed up, I didn't check her Easter basket. She ended up with lots of Daughter's things! She has at least 3 Cadbury cream eggs, 4 Cadbury carmel eggs, and 4 Victoria Creams ($3 each!) that were not hers. This is in addition to the basket I made for her. Daughter has one Cadbury cream egg in her basket!

So, I called and left him a message that there had been a mix-up, and could she please bring these things to school on Tuesday. I know this will probably make things weird now.

We spent easily $80 on each child yesterday, with a $15 party favor in the gift shop, made this little girl's Easter basket, let her sleep over, shared our holiday with her, and now she has my daughter's candy, too? She ended up with more of my daughter's stuff than my daughter did!

ARGH! Did I do the right thing by calling? I was very diplomatic, saying it was a mistake!
 

duchess15

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I honestly don't know if it was the right thing to do or not. Either way it looks like a tough situation. I can understand your thoughts and feelings. Is this girl a really close friend to your daughter or just a casual friend? It could be touch and go depending on how they react to the phone call. Keep us posted. I wish I could help you out more.
 

gailc

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I don't think it was wrong-hopefully the candy isn't eaten yet.
He doesn't should like a very considerate type of person-showing up so late.
Did he thank you at all for having his daughter stay over and for the small gifts??
 

natalie_ca

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I'd chalk it up as a mistake and leave it alone.

Chances are the kid probably has the basket anyway, and to ask for it back wouldn't be very nice.

By the sounds of it her father is quite insensitive to his kid's needs and she probably wouldn't have gotten an easter basket from him at all. So consider you mistake a good deed for the little girl.

Besides, it isn't like your daughter was left with nothing. If you don't make a big deal of it, chances are she won't even know.
 

ilovesiamese

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I would have ripped that guy a new one. You are very kind!


Since when does date night pre-empt a child's holiday with family? That is absolutely disgusting in my opinion and very inconsiderate of that "father". Did he not even care?!?!?!?!


I would be very upset at this "father" on behalf of this child. Someone needs to talk to this guy!
 

zissou'smom

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Maybe she did take your daughter's candy on purpose. Without all the back story about her family situation, I probably would have no doubts that it was right to call and ask for it back, but this girls' story is soooo sad.

Is your daughter upset about it? I mean... it's just candy, right?
 
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swampwitch

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Thank you for all the responses so far. I am so tired I am not thinking straight.

Originally Posted by Duchess15

...Is this girl a really close friend to your daughter or just a casual friend?..
She's a good friend; Daughter picked her two best friends to celebrate her birthday with her.

Originally Posted by GailC

...Did he thank you at all for having his daughter stay over and for the small gifts??
Yeah, he's very nice. I'm not sure why this little girl took Daughter's things... she had her own basket with half of Daughter's stuff already!

Originally Posted by Natalie_ca

... Besides, it isn't like your daughter was left with nothing. If you don't make a big deal of it, chances are she won't even know.
My daughter noticed! She had only one Cadbury cream egg in her basket! When we were cleaning up, we were shocked, where did all the candy go?

I don't buy a lot of candy, and Christmas and Easter are pretty much the only times I get it for our daughter. I feel taken advantage of.
 
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swampwitch

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Originally Posted by IloveSiamese

...Since when does date night pre-empt a child's holiday with family? That is absolutely disgusting in my opinion and very inconsiderate of that "father". Did he not even care?!?!?!?!...
She's a really sweet kid, and I felt bad, too, about her dad, so that's why I agreed to share Easter with her. He told me they are going to celebrate it Monday.


Originally Posted by Zissou'sMom

...Is your daughter upset about it? I mean... it's just candy, right?
Daughter is confused. She gets candy at home only on Easter and Christmas. Now, she has one Cadbury Cream egg, zero Victoria Creams (her favorite). Her friend has almost all of it. Easter candy has to last until Halloween. I don't feel like I should drop another $20+ to replace it.

Oh, I forgot to add that this little girl's birthday gift to our daughter was a Barbie fairy, that our daughter already bought for herself with Christmas money from her grandmother (duplicate). So, our daughter gave it to her! I figured that's O.K., and I like for her to be generous. But enough is enough.
 

duchess15

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I don't blame you. You did spend quite a bit of money on her and from what the others have posted, I agree with them, on that the father is insensitive.
I would take it with a grain of salt as a lesson learned and try to make up for the loss to your daughter in another way, if possible. It could be the friend might have done it to get attention? Maybe her father isn't spending as much time with her as she would like? I don't know, but it could be a number of things going on.
 

hilda>^..^<

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Very uncomfortable situation for sure, wish I knew what to say or what advice to give ya amiga, but I'm at a loss here.

The only 'good' thing might be that now all the Easter candy may go on sale and you can buy your daughter some to replace what was taken at a more reasonable price. Actually, everything Easter should be on sale by tonight I'm guessing and maybe you can make up a second basket for her...an Easter/Birthday one of some sort...

Hope it all works out somehow Sweets...
Hilda>^..^<
 

natalie_ca

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Originally Posted by SwampWitch

My daughter noticed! She had only one Cadbury cream egg in her basket! When we were cleaning up, we were shocked, where did all the candy go?
Ahhh! So they were given their baskets and saw what was inside, and when the girl left, she took not only what was given to her, but some of the chocolate from in your daughter's basket?

In that case, I'm at a loss of what you should do. Perhaps talk to the Dad and tell him that you divided up your daughter's easter candy into 2 baskets so that his daughter could have one. And that when the baskets were given to each of the girls today that they had exactly the same kind and amount of candy in each one. Then try to be tactful and explain that after he picked up his daughter you noticed that your daughter's basket was nearly empty and ask if his daughter may have taken it home by mistake?

It seems to me that this little girl is deprived and probably doesn't get easter baskets and nice things like your daughter does, so she "squirreled" it away herself.

Other than that I wouldn't go making a huge issue of it because it could come between your daughter and her friend, especially if the father doesn't take kindly to having his kid implied to be a thief.
 
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swampwitch

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Originally Posted by Natalie_ca

Ahhh! So they were given their baskets and saw what was inside, and when the girl left, she took not only what was given to her, but some of the chocolate from in your daughter's basket?...
Exactly! But most, not some.
 
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swampwitch

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Originally Posted by Hilda>^..^<

Very uncomfortable situation for sure, wish I knew what to say or what advice to give ya amiga, but I'm at a loss here....
Hilda>^..^<
You and me both. But I already called and left a message...

Hey, are you on your son's computer? Where did the nice large letters go?
 

hilda>^..^<

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Originally Posted by SwampWitch

You and me both. But I already called and left a message...

Hey, are you on your son's computer? Where did the nice large letters go?
LOL! Nope, our old computer is still here...we haven't shipped it off yet! Probably do that tomorrow. Reason being that Alex Jr brought it to my attention that if HP does fix our computer and returns it, that's cool...but...if they can't repair it and end up replacing the whole thing, that means they're going to keep ours & with it all our stuff...pics and stuff. So we'll have to purchase some blank ones & copy all our files onto them...just in case.

Ah, you like the big font??!! Well here ya go!

Hilda>^..^<
 
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swampwitch

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You know, the little girl kept snuggling up to me on the sofa this morning, and kept holding my hand and showing me stuff at the aquarium. She visits her mom (in a different province) twice a year, and her dad seems to pawn her off on everyone, so my heart goes out to her.

She told me she is going to seven week-long day camps this summer and summer's eight weeks long.

But where is the line drawn, between trying to keep what is yours (or your child's) and letting someone else take it?

I'm not used to this feeling that somebody's taken advantage of me and my family... and I don't like this feeling!
 

duchess15

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Originally Posted by SwampWitch

You know, the little girl kept snuggling up to me on the sofa this morning, and kept holding my hand and showing me stuff at the aquarium. She visits her mom (in a different province) twice a year, and her dad seems to pawn her off on everyone, so my heart goes out to her.

She told me she is going to seven week-long day camps this summer and summer's eight weeks long.

But where is the line drawn, between trying to keep what is yours (or your child's) and letting someone else take it?

I'm not used to this feeling that somebody's taken advantage of me and my family... and I don't like this feeling!
You shouldn't have to feel that way, but it's happened. Now that you know, you can prevent it in the future. I feel bad for the girl because she is getting pawned off, but she should have better manners and know not to take what is not hers.
 

ilovesiamese

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Maybe this little girl did it to get some attention????


My heart goes out to her. I would definately talk to the father, not accusingly, but just from a concerned mother's point of view.

I don't really like the sound of this guy.
 

carolpetunia

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My feeling is that this poor kid is desperately trying to find somebody to give her some love... and in a kid's mind, chocolates can equal love. I don't think she's a thief -- I think she just saw in your home a level of care and attention that she clearly isn't getting in hers, and she wanted more of it.

Her father is reprehensible and does need some talking to -- not about how he took advantage of you (which is only a symptom, not the problem), but about what he's doing to his daughter by ignoring her need for a loving parent who is more interested in her than in "date night." If you can find a way to give him some guidance without turning it into a confrontation, that would be a very good thing.

You were very kind to do what you did for that little girl... and your daughter, too, has been wonderful to her. I hope you'll continue to let her see, and sometimes be part of, a caring household. Poor kid.
 

gailuvscats

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You know, you already called and left the message so there is no sense in beating yourself about it. I would drop it there though. Maybe you could have a talk with the girl the next time she is over? I mean what is this dad like. He is so worried about his date night? Will he be nasty to her. Sounds like a tough situation. I would drop it, and be very careful what she has in her possession the next time she leaves your house so you can address the situation with her, should she have something not hers.
 
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