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Husband won't let me keep...

post #1 of 7
Thread Starter 
one cat I had fostered. I had fostered her and her three kittens. We currently have two outdoor cats and one dog and he won't let me keep the mother "ragdoll" that I'd wanted so much, gosh I love her. The scary part is I'm actually considering leaving him over this. Then again this is more or less the "last straw" on a lot of issues between us.

He doesn't share my love of cats nor does he support me fostering and I am not sure I can stay w/ someone like THAT. We have other issues--a lot of which are quite personal and NOT cat oriented so I probably shouldn't share them but the worst part is I am currently having a miscarriage, you'd think he could at least humor me...

One part of me knows if I brought her here he'd only be resentful towards her--not good for HER and I can't be selfish...but gosh I'm tired of this crud. I am so sad...and this only adds to it.

post #2 of 7
I wish I could offer advice, but all I have is sympathy. It's hard when that last straw finally comes. I am so sorry you are going through this hard time. Please let us know how it goes for you.You are in my thoughts and prayers.
post #3 of 7
Your post makes me so sad. I know how close to your heart caring for homeless cats is. But, a failing marriage is such a tragedy, and it's important, I believe, for both of you to seek whatever help is necessary. My problem is that, as traditional as I am about the sanctity of marriage, I despise the phrase, "he won't let me." If he really decides what you are and are not allowed to do, you must be very unhappy. I always discuss things with my husband; it's the right thing to do, but if he forbade me? I'm sorry; that's way off the subject.

Obviously, you would be very upset if you had to part with the ragdoll mother you love so much. I would tell him you respect his opinion, but believe he should respect your feelings. How many hours is he home a day to be "bothered" by the cats? Do they use the litter box? Do you do all of the work connected to them? If so, perhaps he will reconsider. Of course, if he's a chauvinist, it won't matter what you think or feel because they consider women inferior. I hope that you can get counseling.
post #4 of 7
Thread Starter 
I probably should've explained the WHOLE situation. My husband has very little "control" over this household, trust me--anyone that knows ME knows I will not be controlled, that's why I am divorced once already! I married a guy who really thought women are/were inferior and we had a constant battle of wills SO I had to kick his arse to the curb.

Actually what happened was I didn't discuss it w/ him first and I should've this is his home to. Of course I only didn't because I knew he wouldn't approve. His concern is our home BUT he doesn't want to accept that it's HIM and the children (who are old enough by the way) who need to pick up after themselves and help out around here. I don't mind cleaning, after all that's my "job" right now as a stay at home parent BUT they're extra pigs and it's getting pathetic. My husband does most of it though. After he cooks something in the kitchen my kitchen looks like a disaster area and I've about had it.

Our animals are litter/potty trained--he just likes to blame THEM rather than admit he's a pig himself.

What happened was the gal called and I said (out loud) "Yah I get to keep Stormy..." and he blew a gasket saying, "No way, no more animals! Our house gets messy as it is..." and all that other kind of stuff.

At this point I'm trying to decide IF I do bring her here he would resent her so would it be fair to her? I'm also trying to decide MONEY wise if we can afford it. I know most of HIS arguements are quite STUPID because ALL of it is the fault of humans, not the creatures of the home. When the dog has had an "accident" in the garage it's because nobody took her out to go potty when she needed to in the first place (USUALLY that happens because MAMA gets busy cleaning up after the PIGS!)...my husband is just so stupid, he doesn't like to take responsibility for anything. I realize most of that part is MY fault though since I adopted the dog, was working f/t nights at the time so was unable to train her...blah, blah, blah...but I'm trying to make the best of my situation. I'm getting ready to get her into training, it's no big deal.

At any rate I'm thinking maybe I should focus on getting these PIGS into gear first and be fair and unselfish about Stormy.

Believe me if he thinks he can CONTROL me he's got another thing coming, I'll leave his a** to just like I did the last guy that tried this crud. Of course in all the 6 yrs we've been together this is the FIRST time he's copped this attitude.

post #5 of 7
Thread Starter 
that for the most part our home stays picked up and clean. But only because *I* keep at it. Of course going through a m/c is painful so I haven't been able to do a lot of what I normally do around here and I guess what bothers me MORE is he isn't helping out...and he KNOWS how much pain I'm in. He's really insensitive at times...which is so sad because there's a side to him that really isn't. He's told me that his mom's mom (his grandma) was really "cold" toward him...and I said, "you know I guess that runs in the blood because there are moments when I think the exact same thing of you..." but it's like he fights it because he DOES show our kids affection, etc.

Ok--so if I can't keep my little girl cat fine...but there's going to be some changes around here or I am gone girls....and guys if we have any that post here which I'm sure we do.

post #6 of 7
Thread Starter 
Is more or less, "he's fighting me on this..." My husband doesn't tell me what I can and can't do. Sure we're considerate of one another as PEOPLE but I am quite independant and if I really thought it'd be ok I'd get her DESPITE what that neanderthal said. Sorry to keep naggin' but I told the lady I'd pick her up yesterday OR today. So I have to call her today to let her know OTHERWISE I need to be there to pick her up.

post #7 of 7
Sometimes it's just good to get it off your chest, isn't it? We all need to vent. I hate to tell you this, Elyse, but I think most men would live like pigs if mother or wife wasn't there! I got so sick of asking my other half to stop throwing his clothes on the floor. I'm so grateful he's always been an animal lover!
You're going through such a rough time now. It's hard for a man to know the heartache you are suffering because the baby was not yet viable.(I assume) Besides that, the hormone changes are unpleasant. It might help to have a quiet talk with him. I hope he understands and agrees that the ragdoll can stay. Perhaps you should tell him it was probably unwise to make the decision without him, but it would, nevertheless, make you happy to keep her. I hope it works out! Please let us know. If you're like me, you can hate the situation, but love the people involved. God bless and guide you.
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