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Venting thread

post #1 of 20
Thread Starter 
We all like these don't we? A nice comfy little thread where read about the woes of others or post your own. I find writing what's bother me and seeing it on paper, er computer screen can make sense of it all... Or not but I don't have anyone around to talk with at the moment so I'll spill it here.

I'm not having a good life day today. In fact when I look back upon the last few months I don't think I've been genuinely happy in a very long time. I've been so stressed my stomach always hurts, my body is almost always tense and I simply cannot fully enjoy the things I used to.

My job is awfull I don't know how much more of it I can take. One of the techs is so verbally and physically abusive to the animals and is always breathing down my neck about something. I find myself constantly on the defensive there and by the time I get home I can't function like a normal person.

Brian and I don't have much of a relationship to speak of. Of course as he sees it we have a wonderful relationship and we couldn't be happier. His definition of happiness is playing his @#@$@$#@$ computer game for 6 hours after he comes home from work and letting Jessica cook and clean. I could just stop doing all that but he'd exsist off McDonald's and let the kitchen counters overflow with dishes and beer bottles. It happened once before... It was not pretty.

My grandmother who is still in the hospital is not doing so well. She confided in my mother that one of the nurses was being verbally abusive to her. My mom spoke with the administrator who assured her that the situation would be taken care of. Now the nurse just ignores her and pretends she's not there. She is also extremely depressed and has basically given up on life.

I really don't have any clue on how to get myself out of this rut. I just keep hoping it will go away. Sorry for the rant I'm sure I'll regret typing all this tomarrow but for now....
post #2 of 20
Oh Jessica.....I think what you need right now is a good cry and a great big (((HUG))).

Yes, we definately all have days like these.

But have you noticed that the only thing that is really out of your hands right now is the situation with your grandmother? And even that one, you also have a right to call and complain about your grandmother's treatment. For them to actually allow this nurse to think that the solution is to now ignore her seems pretty petty to me and very immature of them. I think she deserves at least to be reprimmanded for her actions somehow AND your grandmother deserves a heartfelt apology from this so-called nurse. After all, is she not there for them to be taking care of her????

Now, as for your job. Is there not someone overseeing what this tech does? Why is he getting away with being abusive and why is he allowed to continuously breathe down your back? Do you report to him? Is there not someone you can make a formal complaint to? I know it may make it tense for you for a while but from the sound of it, can it get any worse? You'd probably feel better talking to someone or better yet, stand up to him and give him a piece of your mind. No one is allowed to mis-treat an employee, no matter what title/position he/she holds. And if things don't improve and he continues to bother you, then I'd consider this as harrassment and would look into having him investigated. Just an idea..... I deal with alot of harrassment issues at work and trust me, harrassment is harrassment. Period. Whether it's what someone says to you, does to you or treats you. You have the right to work somewhere that you feel comfortable, safe and happy.

As for you and Brian. I don't know the whole situation but, have you both sat down to talk? sometimes just letting him know how serious the situation is getting will give him a wake up call. He may think everything is hunky-dorie and unless you tell him that it is not and that things need to change or else....he'll continue to think his own way.

Jessica, take care of yourself. When it comes to the point where you are physically ill over things that are bothering you, you need to do something in order to make things better. You have to think of yourself right now because if you don't take care of "you", how can you expect to take care of what is going on around you?

Take some time to evaluate what is going on in your life. Write down the problem on a sheet of paper and right next to it, write down the action that you need to do in order to find the proper solution. Example: it really upsets me when *blank* does *whatever* to the animals. Solution: Next time this happens, this is what I will say/do: *write what you have been wanting to say/do*. You don't necessarily have to deal with this tomorrow but write it all down and read your paper over and over again. As often as you need to. You will find the inner strength to deal with whatever when you continuously read it. It's kind of like self-hypnosis. Believe me, it works!

Good luck and keep me posted. I'm a little worried about you now. I feel so much sadness in your writing and I want you to feel better soon.


If you want to talk some more, you can PM me.
post #3 of 20


No, I don't really like them. They're usually painful.

On the other hand, I believe you won't regret having spent the time typing this. You'll be glad. It feels good to reach out, that's why we do it. Sometimes it marks that turning point in our lives. That doesn't mean things won't get worse (how cheery) before they get better. When I hit that point in my life - I was... 28. 29. I had been miserable for... three years.

Actually, I had gone beyond miserable. I wasn't even unhappy any more. I woke up, I went to work, I worked. And I worked. And I went home. I stopped waiting for anyone to help around the house or to care. I just started living my own life.

By the time I finally talked him into marriage counseling, I didn't really care anymore. And the funny thing is, the marriage counselor refused to counsel us as a couple. He felt we needed to see him separately as we had no relationship. He saw us as two people leading completely separate lives living in the same apartment.

And that was the truth.

We're divorced now.

And he wasn't such a bad guy. It was just a bad relationship. And we weren't in love. Not really.

I hated my boss. He actually is a wonderful man, and we're friends now as well as having a professional relationship again. But back then I was his Partner. I started as his secretary. But I was good and I worked hard, and we started a money management business together. But we spent 10 - 12 hours a day together five days a week, and we both worked 4 -5 hours, often both days, each weekend. I hated him then. He was a disorganized hypocrite who seemed so sweet and nice and just made everyone smile. But in reality he remembered everyone's problems and birthdays and everything else because I was there reminding him. He could have cared less. Or so it seemed to me back then.

I was an automaton, and I couldn't remember how long it had been since I was happy.

I hope it isn't that bad for you. Because it was a very sad and lonely place to be.

In the end, I wasn't in love with my ex-husband. And I loved my job, but needed a different partner.

But until I took steps to get to know myself again, nothing changed. I had to "step out of myself" at the time. I started taking Yoga and water aerobics. I stopped working seven days a week. I had to change my daily routine, and I had to change my attitude. I had to make up my mind that I deserved to be happy. That I was a good person. I had to believe good things could happen to me, and that it was possible to be happy again. I had to stop worrying about my husband and my boss and my "friends," and worry about my relationship with me. I had to re-learn what it meant to love.

Not how to love another person, but how to love. To love myself. To believe I was capable of being loved. How could I expect good things to happen to me and around me if I was so cold and dead inside?

I have no idea if you're anywhere near that place. But when people ache, this is always good advice. Take a vacation from it all. And I don't mean to Bermuda. I mean from yourself. From your mindset. Don't mourn what could have been or search for who you used to be, or wonder what could be. Just start, right here, right now. "Hi! I'm Jessica." And get to know yourself again. Spend some time with yourself.

And once you like yourself again, the rest will fall into place.

It sounds trite or cliche, but you'll see. It really is that simple. It isn't that simple to get to a place where you allow that to happen or where you make that happen. It took me about a year - year-and-a-half from when I felt that final stab of desperation. But that was when I focused on fixing "me" instead of fixing my relationships. I had to start by admitting that I made a mistake, and that I wasn't happy in my marriage. And that I wasn't the terrible person the ex kept accusing me of being. I'm not selfish, and I don't expect too much of people.

I am blessed, and I have an almost fairy-tale ending (as far as I'm concerned) to the freedom from my exile, as I look back on it now.

But I am convinced that is because I stopped focusing on the wrong things, and I believed I could be happy. And I'd be working on "getting it right" for over a year.

Positive mental attitude and positive (self-) encouragement and reinforcement are SO IMPORTANT. But you have to start with believing that you deserve to be happy, and that can be a real fight.

I don't know if any of this applies to you. I don't know if I would have thought any of it applied to me if I'd heard it back then.

But whatever happens, reaching out is a start. There are a lot of hands to reach out to here.

post #4 of 20
...and I just read Ghyslaine's post (we must have been writing at the same time). And I agree. On all accounts. Ghyslaine is both beautiful and wise!

post #5 of 20
Oh my gosh.....Laurie, you've got me blushing. Thank you from the bottom of my heart. I was not expecting such a compliment.

I read your post have been through so much. I admire you more and more every time.

Jessica, you have been given some pretty good, sound, advice.

I hope it all helps...even a little.

For what it's worth, you'll always have your own support team right here, at your finger-tips.

I will keep you in my prayers tonight and am sending positive, be strong vibes your way.
post #6 of 20
Jessica, I am sorry you are having such a rough time right now. Writing things down has always helped me, too. It sometimes helps you see the solution when you don't realize you know it.

Laurie is right, you have to concentrate on you. It is not easy for us to do this, it seems selfish and goes against how women often view themselves as the ones who put up with the s#*t no matter what the cost to ourselves.

G is right, the person you work with should not be bothering you all the time. No one has that right. Is there someone at work you can report him (her?) to? Or maybe if you confront him and tell him to stop or you will report him, he may stop on his own.

Relationships are so hard. Dan and I went through a real rough time about 7 years ago. When I look back, I realize it was because we were both unhappy with who we were and our general life situation. You really do need to find out what makes you happy before you can make anyone else happy.

I wish you all the best, just remember that you do deserve to be happy. You deserve the best life has to offer, don't let anyone get in the way of that.
post #7 of 20
Thread Starter 
Thanks I think I needed to read that. When you feel like you couldn't possibly feel any lower you forget that you're not the only one who has ever felt hopeless.

I plan on talking to my boss on the particular tech's day off. She's a nice person and she does love animals but she has an EXTREMELY bad temper and doesn't handle stress very well. I don't think I can sit back and watch another dog get punched in the muzzle and kicked because he won't sit still when he's being groomed or another cat flung into a cage with force because he won't cooperate when having blood taken. I'm not the only one who feels this way and in fact one of the doctors is thinking about leaving because he cannot deal with this tech.

I am going to tell my boss how unhappy I am there and that something is going to have to change soon because I can't handle it anymore. I just hope he's willing to do something.

As far as my grandmother goes I know I cannot do anything for her but my mom is working on getting her out of the place she's in now(I guess she is in a nursing home) and possible get her to move up north with my mom. After all my mom and me is the only family she has left and it may be the best thing for her to be with her family. I am going to be calling her for the first time since her surgery today and maybe talking to her will make me feel better.

I talked with Brian last night but I'm not so sure about if it will change things. We've had this same talk I don't know how many times before but we always start back where we began. My problem is that we never do anything together. We never go out to dinner, or the movies or any other activity that involves leaving the house. All he likes to do is play his computer or paintball and he expects me to participate in those activities which I don't care for. Other than those things he doesn't want to do anything else. I don't think he's being very fair and it makes me feel as though he doesn't want to make an effort.

All I want is one day or night every few weeks where we can break the same ol 9 to 5 routine and enjoy ourselves together. **shrugs** Maybe I'm asking for too much? What do you think?
post #8 of 20
Jessica, where Brian is concerned, you are by no means asking too much. From what I am reading, he has no idea he is in a "relationship" here. If you have had this discussion over and over with him, then the choice is now yours to make. Are you willing to stay in the relationship as it is or is it time to make a change?

I've always strongly believed that couples need to have their individual activites and should not spend 24/7 together. I bowl on thursday nights and hubby watches the boys. He has his firemans meetings every other week adnI'm home alone with the boys. We don't feel the need to be where the other is at all times BUT we spend alot of quality time together also.

Without taking away his computer games and paintball he not even willing to downsize the amount of time he spends doing that? If his answer is no, then you know you are not a priority on his list and you need to decide if that is okay with you because, from the sound of have quite a battle ahead of you and he may never change.

I think it's time for some "Jessica" time here.

Is there anything you like to do? Maybe start going to the gym? Take up a craft? Find something to do at least once a week...without hubby. Let him know this is "your" time. This will be good for you, maybe good for him and it just might make him open his eyes to the fact that Jessica will not just sit on the couch while he continues doing everything he loves to do.

*sigh* It's much easier to try to give advice than to live through something like that.

I hope things work out. Just make sure you are taking care of yourself.
post #9 of 20
G is right again. You are not asking too much. It is not unreasonable to expect at least an evening together. Maybe you could start getting together with some girlfriends if Brian is not willing to do anything.

It does seem like he is content the way things are. If you are not, then something has to change. In order for the relationship to last, people have to be willing to compromise, and you have to like each other as friends. That can be hard if you never spend time together, talking or whatever.

You said you already had this conversation with him. So now it's time to act. Take G's suggestion and get out there and do something for you. I know it is hard, but good luck and take some time for you.
post #10 of 20
Jessica - it appears that none of us believe you are asking too much. It depends upon what you believe you deserve, what you want, what you are willing to settle for, etc.

I thank God every day that I wake up that I decided not to settle for having no relationship with my ex. He was nice enough. After some time, he became very frustrated. He was a foreigner - although "culture shock" didn't really count as his dad was a diplomat, he'd travelled Europe (he was an India-Indian, born in Africa), grew up in France and spoke four languages fluently. But he had trouble finding work - and finally found a job in a wine store. So he made friends there, and unlike me, who expressed my dissatisfaction with working all the time - he ended up becoming an alcoholic. I kept the house, did the dishes, kept him fed, provided the bulk of our income (paid alimony when we got divorced), paid for his college education, his computer, his computer games, his Nintendo, his wine.

If we went out together sometimes I might not have become dissatisfied enough to do anything.

If he didn't do his computer thing all the time, I might not have minded cleaning up after he got so piss drunk he'd pee in the plant instead of the bathroom.

Obviously it isn't this bad for you or you would have mentioned some of it.

But what is and is not acceptable is up to you. What do you want from a relationship? I wanted total commitment. I wanted someone who loved me and enjoyed being with me. I wanted to be married to someone I enjoyed being with.

I moved out.

I moved back in two weeks later. I didn't know what to do with myself. I didn't know how to live alone any more. I missed him.

Several years later, I "forced" us into marriange counseling. As I mentioned before, we had no relationship. There was nothing to save.

In fact, I had no relationship with myself. So that's where I had to start. I had to focus on me. That wasn't selfish. There has to be a self first! If you have no self, there's nothing to love. I had to learn that there is a BIG difference between being self-ish and self-ful. You have to be full of yourself or there is nothing there to have a relationship with. There is no person to love being with. I spend a lot of time being self-ful, and I don't know anyone who would think of me as selfish. I like things, I don't like things, I want things, I don't want things, I am giving and helpful - and that's what I wanted and needed in the person I share my love with. I wanted to be with someone to share things with. I wanted to be with someone who wanted to love WITH me. It wasn't so much about loving each other as loving with each other. Sharing things. Sharing time. Sharing our selves. With each other. With other people together (and I don't mean sexually. I mean helping someone cross the street. Participating in Meals on Wheels. Giving money to a beggar. Working with Save A Wish Foundation. Whatever it is. Sharing our "selves" with other people together).

Anyway - back at the time, he was a non-threatening warm body, so I went to work on having a relationship with myself. I stopped caring about my relationship with him. I tried. I wasn't willing to settle for that. In the end, I didn't love him. And I wasn't willing to settle for that. It took about a year and half before I was ready to move out for good. And I was happy then. Yes, it was lonely at first. But I was ready for it that time.

It is up to you.

Have you ever seen Groundhog Day? I know it sounds silly, but when I saw Groundhog Day (a Bill Murray movie), I really wished it had been out three or four years earlier. It might have helped me save a lot of time being miserable! (And then I'd have been saving cats years earlier!)

In it, Bill Murray is a weatherman for a small Pittsburgh station - of course he's an ass, and dreams of being a big shot at a Network. His assignment is to cover Groundhog Day in a small town in Western PA. He goes with the new producer (Andie McDowell), who, of course, Bill Murray falls in love with. But he wakes up in hell. His hell. Every day is the same day, over and over again. It's groundhog day. And he's stuck in a small town in PA. He had to live that day over and over and over again - until he got it right. Until he let go of the hate and the anger and the contempt. Until he stopped worrying about everyone else and worried about who he was. How he was. Until he cared. Until he enjoyed living and cared about being alive. And then, of course, that last day when he got everything just right, he woke up the next morning and his love is next to him. All is right in his world.

I really think life can be like that. It's just when we get stuck, we have to get desperate enough to do something about it. Looking back on it now, I see it as a blessing that that happened.

I'm now married to someone that I spend almost 24/7 with. For nine years come December 26. I agree with Ghyslaine - it's not healthy. But it just worked out that way. I certainly spend time with myself, staying in touch with me. He spends time on his own, being him. We both insist upon it. It just so happens that we generally do that with him sitting over there in his chair on his computer and me over here in the couch on mine. (We live in an R.V., so we've done this for 8 1/2 years in 210 square feet of space!) But my friends don't live here, so I can't go out with them anyway. We e-mail and use the phone. I have "me" time. He has "he" time.

I mention this part of it not to flaunt my happiness in your face. No. I just can TOTALLY relate to feeling alone in a relationship. If you feel as alone in your relationship as I felt in mine, you are alone and there is no relationship as such. For me, it had been so long I had let myself "die." I was incapable of really having much of a relationship with someone because I didn't have much of relationship with myself. Asking if you're asking too much sounds like a warning bell to me, but I don't know. All I can do is share my experience, thoughts and feelings with you and hope it helps you. I put a lot of work into "me" before leaving my ex. It was convenient being married to someone while I got to know myself again. When I was ready, I moved on.

And I got lucky. Or I am blessed. But I truly feel like "I got it right." The week I moved out, my old high school sweetheart called. We talked for two months, I flew to Seattle, and we got married two days later. It took him eight days to pack his stuff and drive to New York. I gave my notice at work, and six months later we were on the road in our R.V., on our honeymoon and building our own business. It's not like we don't fight. We definitely disagree. A lot. But our love radiates, and I am blessed, every day. And now a man who hated cats helps me rescue them.

You may well be in love with Brian, and able to work things out. How wonderful that would be! But you have to decide to make it happen. For me, it just turns out that at the time I wasn't married to the right person. You may be lucky enough for that not to be the case! It depends upon what you want out of life, and what you're willing to give to it.

But please do not mistake the purpose of my writing. I write not to make you jealous - I write to show you the possibilities. I was alone and unhappy. I couldn't remember when I'd been happy. I took pleasure from nothing. I'd become frigid. I was constantly tired. I had bad or disturbing dreams almost every night. I let that go on for years.

You don't need to stay stuck there. But it is not up to Brian, nor is it up to his behaviour. It is up to you.
post #11 of 20
Laurie....your last post just brought tears to my eyes!!! I know it was meant to help Jessica...but you have also just helped me more than you will ever know!!! I am taking your words to heart, have found many helpful things in your about being "self-ful" and having a relationship with myself before I can expect my relationship with others (like hubby) to improve.

I am not trying to make this thread about me, I just wanted to throw that in, that I have been feeling some of the same things Jessica has, and all of the posts to her have also helped me.

Jessica....I sympathize with you!!! And here is a big HUG from me to you!!!! I hate my job, too!!!! And I feel horrible that you have to put up with some jerk punching and kicking the animals there!!! This should definitely be reported to someone!!! This person should be fired immediately!!!

And I am so sorry to hear about the treatment your grandmother has been given....I know that always worried me when my parents were in the nursing home...especially with mom, because she couldn't even talk, so if someone abused her, she couldn't even tell us...I thinkl the care my parents got was excellent, but unfortunatley that is not always the case in some places. Why is it that there are so many evil people in the world who think it is perfectly acceptable to abuse helpless animals and elderly people....and also children....these kinds of people prey on the weak and defenseless....they are horrible !!!
I hope your grandmother can go to live near or with your mother!!! That would be great!!!

As for Brian...I understand. Why is it that when there is a problem, they tend to think everything is just hubby is the same way....he is so wrapped up in his own little world right now, and his "money" problems, etc etc, that he ignores Amber, never spends any time at all holding her, and barely speaks to me. We got into a huge fight a few days ago over this, and I told him I was not putting up with it anymore, and so then finally he apologized, and said he is just really stressed out, and tired, and his tooth hurts (he has to have a root canal this week) so maybe now that he has realized I am sick of his attitude, maybe he will work on changing it...we shall see.

I hope things get better for you and have gotten such excellent advice here! Way better than I could give! But I just wanted you to know I am here for you, too, if you ever need to talk!!!

post #12 of 20
All such good advice and only goes to show that we all go through difficult times in one way or another. Have you and Brian been together for a long time? Sometimes it is just so easy to fall into a comfy, non-adventure, do-nothing type relationship. Bill and I went through this and co-incidentally, we are going through it again, in reverse. I was working long hours and doing a lot of travel with a high pressure job that I loved and when I was home, I was doing the cooking/cleaning/gardening thang. Bill complained that I had no time for him a couple of times and I just basically told him that I didn't have time to do anything other than what I was already doing and he just had to amuse himself. Aren't I a compassionate person? And the thing is, I thought he was being difficult, sulky and un-cooperative and the fault lay with him. I also felt a bit badly done by because I was doing everything and getting no help. Didn't have much time for girlfriends either. (I actually had my secretary send emails on my behalf, birthday gifts, flowers etc. I would be mortified now if they found that out.) I was just totally in charge and doing everything and frankly, I liked it that way. Life was extremely regimented (it had to be, to fit everything in). I was also doing public speaking, charity work, had the exercise/gym regime happening, looking after my mother, his mother and the kids and taking a few classes. All came to a screeching halt when my dear kitty went blind and I decided to work from home to spend time with him. (Amazing how you can totally reorganise everything when you want to!) And one night, Bill said "how come you didn't want to spend time with me like you do with kitty?" I felt terrible.

Sorry! Getting carried away. What is the point of all this? Just that if you want to do more things with him, make it happen. Book a weekend away for the two of you or book dinner or ask him to go for a walk with you or ask him to read to you. You could also give him a pedicure while he's on the computer or a shoulder massage.

Keep in touch with girlfriends. They are so important and they understand. Go to the movies with them. Or just out for coffee. Start a journal and find out what you really want (a good start is what you really don't want!) Maybe you could get a job at a nicer place (a vet's where you can still help?) Find something that is your passion hobby. I did heaps of courses before I found cross stitching and I just love it.

This is way too long! Sorry! Just that I've been there (as I think most of us have)and I know how it feels. Good luck with everything and never regret having a dummy spit! It's good for the soul!

Diann in Australia
post #13 of 20
Jessica, sorry to hear you are going through the wars lately. There is so much good advice here, I really don't have anything much to add, but please, find out what YOU, Jessica, REALLY wants out of life.
For me personally, there is nothing worse than not knowing where I am going, or what I am doing in life, that feeling of the 9-5 drudgery for no reason, its enough to get anybody down.
Think of something YOU want to do with your life, is there anything you've always wanted to do?? Take a particular subject at school? Visit a particular country?? Find a goal and set it in stone, work to it until you reach it, it will help you to focus and feel good about yourself when you realise you are getting closer, that you're doing well.
As for your actual relationship (or lack of) with Brian, its only you who knows if it can be/should be saved.

All the best to you, and feel free to email/pm me if you want to for any reason.

Take care
post #14 of 20
feel like it was for me!!! The advice you ladies have given Jessica has got me thinking for sure and I just wanted to say THANKS!
post #15 of 20
Thread Starter 
You ladies are so wonderful! Big hugs to you all. **HUGS**

Well yesterday was our first baby step forward. I had been asking Brian if he could help move my furniture from my dad's house and it's sat there for the last 6 months. Why? Well everytime I asked him to do it he'd always be going to the paintball field so he never could. To give him some credit he does ref there so it's not as though he's playing all the time but I just wanted him to take one day just to get the stuff over here because with his old bed you might as well have been sleeping on the floor. I'm sure not getting a decent night's sleep in the last 6 months hasn't helped my stress level either.

Anyway after our talk the other night he said he was scared of losing me so I told him that I wasn't going anywhere because I'm not going to throw away everything we've built together but we both need to make some changes.

Getting back to the moving, we made a compromise that he could go ref at the field on Sunday as long as he got out early enough to move the stuff. Which he did and making a little compromise worked and I was quite proud of the both of us. Plus I sleep like a rock last night too!

And getting him to help around the house is tricky but I think I have it figured out. If I ask him to do macho things like take the garbage out or move furniture he'll do it. He won't feel so silly helping around the house and I save myself the labor. We'll see how this goes...

I am certainly not about to say that everything is fine but I am going to stay optimistic about this. I also need to work on my own problems such as expecting him to read my mind. I always feel like I'm nagging him which is why I don't say as much but at the same time it's not fair for me to get upset at him and him not know why.

He is a great person and I love him to pieces. He has a ton of wonderful qualities about him that make us mesh perfectly together and now I am comming to the understanding that a good relationship doesn't just happen it takes some work from both sides.

On another note, I called my grandmother yesterday afternoon for the first time since her surgery. I couldn't understand her when she spoke, maybe it was the pain meds she's on? It was nice to hear her voice and know she's hanging in there. Hopefully my mom will be able to get her out of that place soon. In my opinion if you cannot be compassionate towards a human being who just lost her leg and doesn't want to move(This is why the nurse is rude to her) then you have no buisness in nursing. Personally I could not work in the nursing field. It takes a special kind of person for that work and I have a lot of respect for those who do that kind of work but if something like that angers you to the point of being verbally abusive to a patient then maybe you don't belong there.

I'm glad I started this thread. I feel a whole lot better getting it out to a third party with an unbiased opinion. Your kind words and advice has helped me a lot just to know there's people who understand and who have gone through or going through similar situations. I cannot thank you enough.
post #16 of 20
Jessica - thats good news!! And as you say, although everything is not "planet perfection" (and where is?!!? haha) you are making progress!! Good for you two

And you know, I always find playing on the "I can't do this cos its too heavy/big" works a treat too!! :laughing:
post #17 of 20
Zander's mom: You're welcome! We're all here to help one another out during tough times and as you can see, the support system here at TCS is beyond wonderful. There are so many wonderful people here willing to lend an ear and give good advice. Feel free to join in and most of all, you can count on us if/when you need a friend to talk to.

Guess I'm being presumptuous here and answering for everyone but, I know that everyone feels the same.

Jessica, I just read your post. You brought happy tears to my eyes. I am sooooo glad that things may be looking up for you. The key word: Compromise! It always works, if you are both willing to try. Plus: Baby steps is a great way to approach any situation because in doing so, you are not making a drastic decision that you may end up regretting. It gives you time to reflect on the progress as it goes along. Remember, you are doing all of this for you. When you are fed up with the way things are going in your life, you are the only person who can do something about it and make things better. The first thing you did was start this thread and you seeked advice. That in itself showed that you were willing to sit back and say "I could use a little guidance/help".

Also...the fact that Brian is afraid of losing you is a good thing. Maybe this is the wake up call he needed in order for him to realise he needs to take care of the important one in his life. I'm not sure if you followed my thread some time back but I almost lost the important one in my life becauseI un-intentionally neglected him. Scary experience for me and I'm happy to say things have never been better for me sooooooo........bright days ahead for you Jessica. Yay to a new beginning and hopefully, Brian will make sure he makes a permanent change and not a temporary one just to make you feel better this week.

((Hugs)) <--this one is a happy one!!!!!
post #18 of 20
Jessica - OMG! The other "pop psychology" movie that I swear by is, funny enough, another Bill Murray movie: What About Bob? BABY STEPS! That's the whole key! (I also love the idea of taking a vacation from yourself - or, in reverse, taking a vacation from others and taking a vacation with yourself to learn to enjoy things again...)

What wonderful news! See - you've got something I didn't the first time around. You love him to pieces. ...and he doesn't want to lose you! I'm not outright bawling here, but I've sure got the sniffles and a lump in my throat.

I'm so sorry to hear about your Grandma. It's so trying on those who love when others are in pain, emotionally and/or physically. I'm keeping all of you in my prayers.

And don't forget - we're here! You've taken a big first baby step here - if you need more help along the way, don't ever feel ashamed or afraid to ask. That was a big stumbling block for me, so I just wanted to make sure you know all of our hands remain outstretched.

(Like Ghsylaine, I just feel free to speak for all of us! :tounge2: )
post #19 of 20
Jessica, I hope that your relationship with Brian continues to improve. Right now it almost seems as if you are an unpaid maid. I know we all feel that way at times, but if it becomes an every day thing, it makes life intolerable. You are able to help yourself through that situation, to decide what's best and take the right action, whatever is best for you.

Your grandmother can't control the abuse she is taking. She's ill. I would call her doctor if I were your mom (or you) and report the nurse. Perhaps she should move around to prevent blood clots, or regain her strength. However, she is not going to improve as long as that woman is on the case. She is making things worse. That woman will probably say she is doing it for your grandmother's good. Bull ! She just has no patience and no rapport with her, and should not be working with her. Let her "walk" a mile with one leg while she's ill, and then criticize!

Also, I believe the tech who is abusing animals should be reported to the humane society. If his immediate superior refuses to do anything, and the owner refuses, I'd do it myself. That takes courage, I know, and it's easy for me to say. But you hate your job mostly because you're a witness to this. If this man was your neighbor, I think you'd report him. This story sounds like the sort of thing Renee and I hear about in the SOS forum, so I had to reply. I know you are an animal lover, and this must pain you terribly. If you lose your job over this, I'd report that to the authorities or even the newspaper! Both of these abuse cases are a discrace! Please let us know what you decide. I'm really upset--for you, and grandmother and the animals. God bless you and guide your decision.
post #20 of 20
Gosh, I missed the whole thing! Jessica, I completely understand what you are going through. It is hard, especially when it seems like it is all hopeless. But it isn't, really. Everyone gave such great advice here, much the same advice they gave me when I was having problems with Earl. Much the same situation as you and Brian, except there is the whole money thing thrown in too because he isn't working. Anyway, when I finally had "the talk" with him and made him realize that he was on the verge of losing me things did start to change. Now, I've had this talk with him many times, and sometimes he goes back to old habits. But we work on it and have made it this far.

I really don't know what to tell you about your job. I was there, too, with my last job. I was so miserable I was making myself sick, as it sounds like you are doing. I half-heartedly looked for another job, until they fired me. It was one of the best days of my life. I thought I had to stay there because of finances and all that, but there are other opportunities out there. If the talk with your boss doesn't go well, start looking and seriously look.

Things can't stay bad forever. ((((HUGS))))
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