I felt scared of DH last night!! (RANT)sorry if it gets long

OMG! He really scared the crap outta me!! We went to dinner with the kids and everything was cool. I was invited to go out with some friends and literally BEGGED him to go with me(NO JOKE!!) and he absolutely refused! There was no way in h*** he was going with a bunch of girls...ok? Well so he went with my brother. Uh huh~until he decided that he needed to come see what I was doing(which of course I wasnt doing anything) but my damn cell phone was dead so he insisted that I was up to no good! And of course he was pretty drunk!! (go figure) Anyhoo-we were outside and he comes charging at me and smacked me into a wall! I told him he better get going if he knew what was good for him!! I rode home with a friend, hoping that I could come home and get some sleep...yeah, RIGHT! He kept me up for over 2 hours arguing and bickering with me!

So this morning when he thought he could sleep it didnt happen! I made sure he got up!!

I seriously was scared last night. I know it was alot of alcohol and thats the reason he acted the way he did, but good grief! I refuse to apologize this time....I really really do!!

I am sorry that you are in that situation. I know its easy to say that you should leave and get out of that relationship, but I also know, having been there, that it is not so easy when you are on the inside.

I pray you can find the strength to do what is best for YOU.

Why should you apologize?? Sounds to me like you did nothing wrong and he's very insecure. Have you talked about it today? Even if he says he doesn't remember because he was too drunk, that is no excuse. Is this the first time he's gotten physically abusive with you?

Oh. My.

1) You have NOTHING to apologize for.
2) His behavior is absolutely inexcusable. It is not okay for him to do this no matter how drunk he was.

I have been in your situation, in fact it was one of the reasons I moved last fall. I know how you feel, and you are right to have been scared.

From your post I get the idea that this has happened before. Hopefully this will be the last time you're willing to put up with it. For my ex, he always had something in his mind that it was okay that he never actually punched me. Threw me, tried to rip my hair out, threw 25-lb machines at my head, pinned me against things, etc etc etc. Bruises and bleeding apparently aren't evidence of abuse if he didn't use a closed fist... whatever. This is pathological thinking. He did very very wrong. Had you called the cops, he would have been charged with assault.

I am telling you this because you are probably thinking like I did, that it isn't that bad, he didn't mean it, that you should forgive him, or even worse that you deserved it. You don't. Nobody deserves to be treated like that. Ever. Please get out. You will realize how screwed up he is very quickly once you realize how normal people act and how he didn't act that way.

I'm not trying to sound harsh... in talking about this after I left one night, I discovered a lot of women who have been in the same situation and have managed to extricate themselves. You have to hear these things a couple hundred times before they sink in.

Honey, my heart is aching for you. There have been so many upset posts by you about your hubby and your relationship with him. I'm worried for you.

Your brother, as I recall, has interfered in the past. I really don't know what to say - but the jealousy of your time, of your freedom, and the lack of respect your hubby has for you makes me so sad for you.

Like Paula said - it's easy to say "you should get out of that relationship." But it isn't that easy.

That having been said - I know you have a son. Think about what you want him to learn that love is. Think about what you want him to learn what a relationship is. Think about what you want him to learn about how women should be treated.

Do you truly love your hubby? If so, it seems it's time for some type of intervention. You two really need someone to help you communicate with each other. Marriage counseling helps you say what needs to be said without the anger.

And if hubby refuses counseling?

Given what just happened, I would think long and hard about what is important to you. There is a progression of anger happening towards you by hubby in your posts - and I'm scared for you too.



Laurie

Originally Posted by catloverin_ks

I seriously was scared last night. I know it was alot of alcohol and thats the reason he acted the way he did, but good grief! I refuse to apologize this time....I really really do!!

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Stop justifying his abusive behaviour!

You are scared and you have a right to be. My advice is to pack up the kids and get out now before he beats you or worse...kills you.

You don't deserve to be treated like that, drunken state or not. No one does.

Please grab your kids and your kitties and get out of that situation. Laurie is right about the progression of anger: Each time a little more violent and more abusive. Remember just because a man shows jealousy to the degree of abusing you over it, doesn't mean he LOVES you all the more, it means only ONE thing and that is CONTROL issues. He wants to CONTROL you. From your posts, he sounds like the classic spousal abuser. Sometimes these men do seek help, but most of the time, they're too stubborn and too proud to do it, and they don't respect you enough to even believe they're doing something wrong. They feel you deserve this abuse, because you didn't do what they wanted you to do, whether or not they told your directly what to do or not. You're supposed to KNOW. He's already made it clear to you that he doesn't want you to go out with your friends, and he feels he shouldn't have to TELL you again.

Personally, I could never a trust a man who even starts the pattern of abuse. NEVER!! I don't care how much you love him. You need to love yourself and your babies more. Not only is he going to end up seriously hurting you one of these days, he's teaching your children that abuse is OK, and they'll repeat his actions and your actions when they grow up and have their own families.

Honey, Listen to the advice. It's all good and sound.
I know because I was there a long time ago with my first hubby. I put him in jail within the first year we were married because he hit me so hard my head slammed into a mailbox and was cut opened, but the next day I stupidly bailed him out thinking he was just upset and not himself. Well he told me later that he wouldn't have done it except he knew we had money in the bank and that I'd bail him out after he did. And it never got better from there. His friends knew what was happening and one day after 6 years one came up to me and told me if I didn't get out, I'd be dead so I paid someone to take my husband away for the weekend and I left. My only regret, I left 6 beautiful dogs there because I had on one to take them and he was horrible to them and gave them to anyone who wanted a dog, and took one to be a junk yard dog at his drunkard dads junk yard, (now mind you these were indoor spoiled dogs and this one was left outside 24/7 in a little dog house) I am still heart broken over the decision to get out and leave them. But I had no choice at the time. I wish I would've taken them to the shelter at least they'd have had a fighting chance. But still I got out with my life and horrible memories that will never go away.

Monica, I can imagine how scared you were.I'm sorry that he pulled that crap on you.YES alcohol is PART of the reason for meanness, but not all of it.Maybe it was his way of dealing with the finacial problems and all.
NO< I am NOT excusing his behavior, as I will NEVER uphold ANY kind of abuse.

Originally Posted by HopeHacker

Please grab your kids and your kitties and get out of that situation. Laurie is right about the progression of anger: Each time a little more violent and more abusive. Remember just because a man shows jealousy to the degree of abusing you over it, doesn't mean he LOVES you all the more, it means only ONE thing and that is CONTROL issues. He wants to CONTROL you. From your posts, he sounds like the classic spousal abuser. Sometimes these men do seek help, but most of the time, they're too stubborn and too proud to do it, and they don't respect you enough to even believe they're doing something wrong. They feel you deserve this abuse, because you didn't do what they wanted you to do, whether or not they told your directly what to do or not. You're supposed to KNOW. He's already made it clear to you that he doesn't want you to go out with your friends, and he feels he shouldn't have to TELL you again.

Personally, I could never a trust a man who even starts the pattern of abuse. NEVER!! I don't care how much you love him. You need to love yourself and your babies more. Not only is he going to end up seriously hurting you one of these days, he's teaching your children that abuse is OK, and they'll repeat his actions and your actions when they grow up and have their own families.

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She took the words right out of my mouth...couldn't have been said any better. PLEASE listen.......

Winter Hawk

Monica, please please do what is best for all of you.PM me if ya need to talk!!

Monica,

I've PM'd you and I really hope that you are ok. How are your kids doing?

I acted that way when I was an active alcoholic. Now that I'be been sober for 24 years I can say that your DH needs an intervention to make himself aware of what/how he's acting because of his disease.

I also recommend you take your kids and kitties to a abused women shelter.

DO NOT PASS GO! GO DIRECTLY TO THE SHELTER. DO NOT TELL HIM WHERE YOU ARE!

Your life and your kids/kitties lives are in danger. GET OUT NOW

Good advice from everyone. Abusers don't change, no matter how much they tell you they will. I know - my ex was one and the smartest thing I ever did was get out of that situation. He beat me when I was pregnant, tried to burn the house down, did all sorts of awful things. I threw him out (my house - told him he either left or I was pressing charges against him). He eventually remarried - and continued the pattern with his new wife. Was it alcohol-linked? You bet it was!

Monica - I responded to your PM, but that was before I saw this thread. So in addition to what I said there, I honestly feel like even though it's going to be a hard thing to do, you honestly need to get out. Alcohol or any other excuse is NO excuse for hitting anybody, I don't care if you're the husband or the wife. As I said in the PM you have to do what's best for you and your child, and being in a situation with someone who can do something like that, REGARDLESS of what their excuse is, is not the best thing.

That along with other threads I've read where he is the main subject, it doesn't sound like you're in the best of situations for him. You both need to have some sort of counseling, because all the problems may be something that can be fixed first, but for the time being you need to get yourself out of harms way.

As always I'm sending vibes your way, and you'll be in my thoughts and prayers.

Hun you need to get out of this relationship fast. I noticed there have been more threads about him lately. I don't like the pattern going on. Please find a place to go with the kids & kitties!

Originally Posted by Crazyforinfo

Hun you need to get out of this relationship fast. I noticed there have been more threads about him lately. I don't like the pattern going on. Please find a place to go with the kids & kitties!

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I know~it does seem like I have been posting about him alot lately.....

He has appologized for what he did. And ask me if I forgave him?? I didnt say a whole lot. I think he has alot going through his mind, and NO I am not justifying his behavior, trust me!

Hmmmm, this situation is no good for either of you. I would seriously rethink this.

Although you don't see it - you really are justifying his behaviour. Your thoughts and actions are very typical of an abusive situation whether you want to admit it or not.

It also seems that your brother is a big instigator in your relationship. What is his problem? Maybe you need to get away from both of them. It just seems to me that whenever your hubby is around your brother he is getting some serious bad information about you.

I realize it's not easy to just up and leave without any plans, but by staying and allowing him to treat you this way (and letting your brother also treat you this way) is not helping any of you. But, until you are ready - be that very seriously hurt or dying, nobody can help you but yourself. I don't mean that to sound harsh - unfortunately it's just usual behaviour in situations like this. May God keep you and the children safe until you find the strength to do what needs to be done.

Originally Posted by Natalie_ca

Stop justifying his abusive behaviour!

You are scared and you have a right to be. My advice is to pack up the kids and get out now before he beats you or worse...kills you.

You don't deserve to be treated like that, drunken state or not. No one does.

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Agreed. Don't sit around and take his abuse. He was being controlling and was way out of line. Drunk or not he shouldn't be acting like that.