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obnoxious relative

post #1 of 11
Thread Starter 
right now i have a big problem. i have this aunt from XXX who nobody in my family likes except for my mother, who feels sorry for her more than anything.

she comes over every few months and brings her dogs. it upsets the cats, plus the house is in disarray. it's not fair that i have to rearrange certain things in the house to accomodate for the dogs. i don't bring my cats to XXX. some of my relatives have pets and don't bring them. why is she the exception?

so i told mom to tell her not to bring her dogs anymore. why don't i do it myself? i'm not the one who invites her over. if it were up to me, she wouldn't be welcome in the house at all. mom should be the one to tell her. it's my aunt's responsibility to leave the dogs at a kennel or find a housesitter. it's not our family's responsibility to maintain order when she brings her dogs.

mom and dad are going to XXX tomorrow, and my aunt is driving them. mom told me this on monday. so i tell her to tell my aunt not to bring her dogs. every day i ask if she talked to her and she says no. what are you waiting for? this morning she says she tried to call her yesterday but the phone was off. you waited until yesterday? :censor::censor::censor: is that? and every time i bring it up she plays dumb and i have to repeat myself. it's such BS.

if i come home and those dogs are there i'm gonna be really aggravated. i feel like this is the last straw (mom has a history of disregarding my opinion). i don't know what my options are at this point.
post #2 of 11
I'm in an "outside the box" mood today. Thats what I am recommending to everyone.

Have you ever sat down and talked with the aunt? Have you ever tried to get to know her? I have 2 such aunts. One accused my family of stealing things from her house even tho we've never been invited to her house. The other brings her cat with her to the house whenever she visits. It throws the household into a frenzy for days. I sat and talked with her... she is all alone in her 80's, this is her sole companion. If anything should ever happen to Buddy, it would kill her. So she doesn't trust any one coming into the apartment to feed him. By bringing him with her, she can watch him at all times.

Do you have a backyard? If so, bring the dogs out back "since its just such a nice day!"
post #3 of 11
Thread Starter 
I haven't spoken to her in 7-8 years. Over the course of my life she's never had anything good to say to or about me so I got fed up and haven't spoken to her. And it's not just me; she's alienated everyone in the family. I don't have anything against the dogs. I know it's not their fault, but my aunt should be more considerate than that. My aunt may feel lonely, but that's a situation she created for herself.

The backyard is pretty small, it's more like a patio than anything. Could they stay out there? Maybe. But to be honest, they shouldn't be there in the first place.
post #4 of 11
I would flip out if someone tried to bring a dog in to my house! They would have to stay outside. I don't care whose dogs they were.
The only possible exception would be my daughter's Chihuahua. She is a pretty good little dog, litterbox trained, and is content to stay in her crate most of the time. She loves cats, too.
post #5 of 11
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by krazy kat2 View Post
I would flip out if someone tried to bring a dog in to my house! They would have to stay outside. I don't care whose dogs they were.
The only possible exception would be my daughter's Chihuahua. She is a pretty good little dog, litterbox trained, and is content to stay in her crate most of the time. She loves cats, too.
Yeah, my cats freak out when the dogs are over. A couple of hours for a barbecue is understandable, but when it's over a few days it's unacceptable. My mom and aunt laugh and think it's a grand ol' time but it's really not. And mom wonders why the cats don't like her but cling to me.
post #6 of 11
I'm trying to get this right in my head

whose house do you & the cats live in ?

if it is your house, then why are you letting an unwelcome guest come to your house, let alone the dogs

if it is your mum & dads, then I am sorry they can invite whoever they wish to their own house - yes it may seem inconsiderate, but if it is their house, I think its a bit difficult for you to lay down rules - see what I mean ?

if the situation is different - pls can you expand
post #7 of 11
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by mooficat View Post
I'm trying to get this right in my head

whose house do you & the cats live in ?

if it is your house, then why are you letting an unwelcome guest come to your house, let alone the dogs

if it is your mum & dads, then I am sorry they can invite whoever they wish to their own house - yes it may seem inconsiderate, but if it is their house, I think its a bit difficult for you to lay down rules - see what I mean ?

if the situation is different - pls can you expand
It's technically my house. It used to be my parents', but they became ill and couldn't take care of it anymore so they signed it over to me and I take care of them, though they're still self-sufficient to a point. There's no mortgage anymore, so I pay the property taxes, water bill, cable, home insurance, etc.

I can say I don't want her in the house, but it won't stop her from coming, nor will it stop my mom from letting her in while I'm at work.
post #8 of 11
Quote:
Originally Posted by morpheus47 View Post
It's technically my house. It used to be my parents', but they became ill and couldn't take care of it anymore so they signed it over to me and I take care of them, though they're still self-sufficient to a point. There's no mortgage anymore, so I pay the property taxes, water bill, cable, home insurance, etc.

I can say I don't want her in the house, but it won't stop her from coming, nor will it stop my mom from letting her in while I'm at work.
oh right - I see..........very difficult

Do you think you might approach your aunt about it - I know you said you havent spoken for years, but I really think that this has to be dealt with directly. Put the past & what she might have said about you behind you.

You say you have tried with your mom, but this isnt helping, so maybe if you did just explain to your aunt, you never know, she might just surprise you and concur with your wishes

Other than speaking with her and letting her know your concerns and wishes, then I think the tension will continue, not only with your aunt but also with your mom.

Have a go - you can only try !
post #9 of 11
Quote:
Originally Posted by morpheus47 View Post
It's technically my house. It used to be my parents', but they became ill and couldn't take care of it anymore so they signed it over to me and I take care of them, though they're still self-sufficient to a point. There's no mortgage anymore, so I pay the property taxes, water bill, cable, home insurance, etc.

I can say I don't want her in the house, but it won't stop her from coming, nor will it stop my mom from letting her in while I'm at work.
looks to me then like it is YOUR house and you should have a say in who and what is allowed in. I think you should call your aunt yourself and explain the situation about the dogs and ask her if there is another solution like petsitter, etc. Don't be rude about it (unless she is!) but just try to talk calmly and let her know that you have a problem with the dogs being there and don't want her to bring them. In MHO it IS rude for someone to visit and bring pets of any kind without asking first if it is ok.
post #10 of 11
I appears as though this aunt still considers this to be your parents' house so she needs to be set straight. You should be the one to call and explain that the house is now yours and you prefer that if she visit she leave her dogs at home. It's not really fair to your mom to insist she do the dirty deed especially as she seems to be the only one who gets along with this aunt.
post #11 of 11
A friend once brought his boxer to my home without asking first. It was extremely upsetting to see his dog drooling/slobbering all over my house that I just spent hours cleaning (not to mention the fact that DH is allergic to dogs). I could forego the fact that the dog wasn't trained (it’s not the dog’s fault), but I couldn’t stay silent when he let the dog sit at the dining room table and put his nose in the food. YUCK, YUCK, YUCK - THAT'S JUST SO WRONG (IMO) When I politely told him to remove his dog, he became offended and irrate. So, I simply told him it's tit-for-tat... you offended me by assuming I was OK with your dog coming over and you further offended me by assuming I'd allow your animal to sit at my dining table. When I told him this showed a severe lack of respect towards me and my family, he stormed out of the house. He has not been back since.

Bottom Line: if it's your house, then it's your rules. You've given your Mom ample opportunity to tell her not to bring the dog and she didn’t. Now, take matters into your own hands and tell her yourself that the dog can come over if it stays outside only. If your Mom has a problem with that, then perhaps you could suggest they meet some elsewhere. But, in doing so, just be prepared for the fallout you’ll receive from your Mom.
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