My husband threatened me with the "D" word

catloverin_ks

TCS Member
Thread starter
Top Cat
Joined
Mar 13, 2006
Messages
10,177
Purraise
1
Location
Podunk, Kansas
Yup, thats right!!! He was mad at me because I went out last night and when he came in this morning(from work) he was being mad and told me he was filing for Divorce Friday........What the heck??
I dunno if hes serious or not, but I sure hope not. I would be devistated.....


I tried to wake him and talk to him about it awhile ago, and well, he wont say much, except for the fact that hes mad I went out last night.
 

arcadian girl

TCS Member
Super Cat
Joined
May 29, 2006
Messages
994
Purraise
3
Location
san francisco
sorry to hear about that <3 Threats of any kind in a relationship are not good. I'd try to ask him WHY he's mad about you going out last night. Does he often get mad when you go out on your own?
 

babyharley

TCS Member
Top Cat
Joined
Aug 17, 2005
Messages
25,708
Purraise
2
Location
Minnesota
Thats not good
There has to be a deeper meaning to it than just you going out one night... best of luck to you
 
  • Thread Starter Thread Starter
  • #4

catloverin_ks

TCS Member
Thread starter
Top Cat
Joined
Mar 13, 2006
Messages
10,177
Purraise
1
Location
Podunk, Kansas
Originally Posted by arcadian girl

sorry to hear about that <3 Threats of any kind in a relationship are not good. I'd try to ask him WHY he's mad about you going out last night. Does he often get mad when you go out on your own?
YESSS! Unfortunately he doesnt like it. I dont do it all the time and well, he was working last night and I dont do anything all :censor::censor::censor::censor::censor::censor::censor: week except the normal house wife duties, I think I deserve one night on my OWN! He never has fully understood that though. And when hes off we usually pick a night to go out alone.
 

hilda>^..^<

TCS Member
Top Cat
Joined
Jan 4, 2007
Messages
1,755
Purraise
2
Location
Magnolia, Texas
Very strange...sounds like there's more to it than just that. I hope you get to talk to him soon and clear things up.

Good luck and lots of Hilda-hugs goin' your way...

>^..^<
 

reesespbc

TCS Member
Top Cat
Joined
Nov 13, 2006
Messages
2,411
Purraise
1
Location
Baldwinville, MA
I hope he was just kidding..even if he was, it's not a very funny joke.

You do deserve a night out on your own. Can HE go out? If so then so should you.

If you don't mind me asking, and you can PM the answer if you feel better, but have you two had problems before? Basically is this a total shock, or "eh, not really"?

Best of luck, I'll be thinking of you. *hugs & vibes*
 

kiwideus

TCS Member
Veteran
Joined
Jul 4, 2002
Messages
13,901
Purraise
12
Location
Aotearoa
I am sorry that this is going on. I remember you posting a wee while ago that your brother told your hubby that you were having an affair. Could it have come from there? It sounds like you two need some counselling, if you can.
 

ilovesiamese

TCS Member
Top Cat
Joined
Mar 4, 2006
Messages
2,402
Purraise
1
Wow, that is a pretty serious threat to throw around.

I hope that he will sit down and talk with you because just throwing that out there and then not talking about it is unfair IMO.

and sending make up vibes your way!
 

lunasmom

TCS Member
Top Cat
Joined
Sep 7, 2005
Messages
8,801
Purraise
12
Location
Jersey Shore
Do you ever get to go out without him? Or does he need to be present for everything?

Sounds like he has a deeper issue that may or may not concern you. Perhaps he has been cheated on in the past and this is his "way" of making sure that it doesn't happen again.

I agree with you though. All housework and no play will make you sad and depressed.
 

hilda>^..^<

TCS Member
Top Cat
Joined
Jan 4, 2007
Messages
1,755
Purraise
2
Location
Magnolia, Texas
Hmmm, well my feelings are that you didn't become a couple to go out with other people. I know its important to have fun...but why can't y'all have fun together? I think its very strange when married couples go out without each other. I don't mean shopping or stuff like that...I mean partying and stuff like that. You didn't become a couple to be apart.

I hope you're not offended, you're already having a rough day to begin with sweetie so I'm sorry if this does offend you, its just my opinion...but I'm old and very old fashioned in my thinking, ways & ideas about things.

Much love y Hilda-hugs...
>^..^<
 

lokismum

TCS Member
Top Cat
Joined
Aug 10, 2006
Messages
7,020
Purraise
10
Location
The North Pole!
That's a pretty extreme reaction to have to something like that! It sounds like there's more to it than you just going out in his mind! That's horrible! I hope he calms down and is open with you about what is really bothering him!
 

pinkdaisy226

TCS Member
Top Cat
Joined
Dec 5, 2004
Messages
6,808
Purraise
13
Location
Oregon
Originally Posted by Hilda>^..^<

Hmmm, well my feelings are that you didn't become a couple to go out with other people. I know its important to have fun...but why can't y'all have fun together? I think its very strange when married couples go out without each other. I don't mean shopping or stuff like that...I mean partying and stuff like that. You didn't become a couple to be apart.
I agree with ya Hilda... my marriage went downhill because my husband would go out with me all the time... it led to a lot of resentment on my part. I mean, obviously there was more to it than that, but that was a big part... I can see going out with a girl friend to a movie or coffee but other than that...
 

ilovesiamese

TCS Member
Top Cat
Joined
Mar 4, 2006
Messages
2,402
Purraise
1
I think it is unhealthy to not have any time alone time outside of a relationship, but I do think that having designated time together is important too.

I think it is rather unfair for you to not get to go out once in a while on your own.
 

sanctie

TCS Member
Top Cat
Joined
Dec 27, 2004
Messages
1,383
Purraise
1
Location
USA
Wow, I really hope that all turns out well and you guys are able to work this out. I think that all couples are different and I personally believe that if you are both secure and you spend plenty of quality time together then it is healthy for each of you to enjoy a little time apart, a girl's night out, or a guy's night out. (As long as your motives aren't sinister) It can even spice up your relationship I think and make you appreciate eachother more.
 

katiemae1277

TCS Member
Veteran
Joined
Nov 28, 2005
Messages
20,445
Purraise
17
Location
NE OH
I'm also of the crowd who thinks it is necessary to have outside friends and interests separate of your spouse, when you get married you don't fuse into one person, you're still an individual. When one half of the couple is doing all the going out and there is no quality time spent together that can be a problem, but for you to go out and kick it with your girls every once in awhile should not be grounds for you husband to threaten divorce, that says to me he is very controlling and insecure.
 

trouts mom

TCS Member
Top Cat
Joined
Mar 4, 2006
Messages
23,949
Purraise
16
Location
Snowy Santa Land
Um, obviously its not a serious enough situation to file for divorce. IMO its immature of him to even say that in ONE instance where he is mad at you.

Divorce is something people talk about for a while before they decide its the right thing to do...not something you threaten your spouse with.

I would be
if I was you.
 

lsulover

TCS Member
Top Cat
Joined
Dec 20, 2006
Messages
5,057
Purraise
1
Location
Columbia, Ms.
Originally Posted by Hilda>^..^<

Hmmm, well my feelings are that you didn't become a couple to go out with other people. I know its important to have fun...but why can't y'all have fun together? I think its very strange when married couples go out without each other. I don't mean shopping or stuff like that...I mean partying and stuff like that. You didn't become a couple to be apart.

I hope you're not offended, you're already having a rough day to begin with sweetie so I'm sorry if this does offend you, its just my opinion...but I'm old and very old fashioned in my thinking, ways & ideas about things.

Much love y Hilda-hugs...
>^..^<
I am old and old fashioned too, I very seldom do anything when Jimmy is offshore, I might go to the neighbors house and watch the race or something like that. But I usually just stay here. I also wouldn't like it a whole lot if he was wanting to go out without me.
 

crittermom

TCS Member
Top Cat
Joined
Oct 26, 2005
Messages
6,437
Purraise
2
Originally Posted by IloveSiamese

I think it is unhealthy to not have any time alone time outside of a relationship, but I do think that having designated time together is important too.

I think it is rather unfair for you to not get to go out once in a while on your own.
I am one of those that think, THAT is wrong.
To me, when you get married, you forgo all your single ways.When you want to go out, then you go as a couple or NOT at all.
Shawn and I go every where together.....well except for shopping.When we want to see a movie, it's together.Lunch is the same.
To me, going out on your own is only asking for trouble.To many what ifs and could bes to me.
Monica, I hope your hubby was only joking though
 

ilovesiamese

TCS Member
Top Cat
Joined
Mar 4, 2006
Messages
2,402
Purraise
1
I think it is only wrong if it is one sided. Ie. Only I would get to go out or vise versa.

My husband goes to his friend Nigels house and when my bestfriend is in town, we normally go out for coffee.

My husband is welcome to come along and when he goes I'm welcome to, but we both have learned that it is important in our relationship to have one night every once in a while to ourselves for our own sanity


It's not about being single, but being an individual person.
 
Top