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My husband threatened me with the "D" word - Page 3

post #61 of 78
Yup - I was giving him the benefit of the doubt, but the comment about hurting the cats - BIG no-no!
post #62 of 78
Quote:
Originally Posted by Rockcat View Post
Yup - I was giving him the benefit of the doubt, but the comment about hurting the cats - BIG no-no!

Yep, that's one thing we can all agree on for sure. This isn't cool in my book either!

Hilda>^..^<
post #63 of 78
Glad to hear you made the first move to patch things up...that shows how adult, mature and caring you are. Im surprised his reaction wasnt a little bit more warm though.

It sounds that he has some issues which perhaps he hasn't talked to you about. He sounds angry and bitter about something and is using the housework, the cats and your rights to a social life as an excuse to vent his frustrations/anger.
post #64 of 78
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by minxie View Post
Glad to hear you made the first move to patch things up...that shows how adult, mature and caring you are. Im surprised his reaction was a little bit more warm though.

It sounds that he has some issues which perhaps he hasn't talked to you about. He sounds angry and bitter about something and is using the housework, the cats and your rights to a social life as an excuse to vent his frustrations/anger.
Exactly!! I feel like hes taking his anger out on everything. I cant seem to get to the bottom of what his problem is though...

UGGHH~MEN!
post #65 of 78
Quote:
Originally Posted by catloverin_ks View Post
but hes mouthed something like "I should shoot all them SOB"
If Gil so much as mumbled anything like that to me he'd be out the door and we'd be so over!
post #66 of 78
I am so sorry this is happening sweetie. I hope you two can work things out. You will be in my thoughts and prayers. and him threatening to hurt the cats is NOT cool!!
post #67 of 78
I was glad to hear that you tried to patch things up. I was not happy about the threats he made to the animals, thats just not right.

Have you two considered counceling? It sounds like there may be some unresolved issues between you guys and maybe an outside party could help you figure it out. One other thing you could do is go pick up Marrage for Dumies. I know it sounds funny but its a great book. My aunt gave it to me, they have been married for like 30 years and they both said they learned things from it. I recomend it for anyone no matter how long you have been married.

I hope things get better. We are all hear for you.
post #68 of 78
I wish this wouldn't have happened to you.

I think it is down right ignorant for any person in a long-term relationship to threaten divorce for such petty things.

If this was my DH threating me, without having a discussion about what was pissing him off, then I'd say to him, "if you're going to threaten me with divorce for stupid things like this, then we shouldn't be married and you should hire a lawyer."

As for threatening to hurt the cats, shame on him!!!! (Even if he said it in anger, that's just not right. And, if he can't see that it is not right, then perhaps he's really not the right guy for you.
post #69 of 78
Okay I just realized my original post was incorrect, I meant that my husband was going out WITHOUT me. And I didn't agree with it - every once in a while to maybe poker night is one thing, staying out til 2am drinking is another.

Anyway, I'm sorry that he threatened you - I personally wouldn't stand for that. I mean, do you really want to live with the thought that the next time he doesn't agree with you, he might threaten to leave you? I have to agree that it doesn't sound like a healthy relationship but I don't judge and whatever works for you - just so long as YOU'RE HAPPY, ya know?
post #70 of 78
I read this thread a few days ago, but i really didnt know what to say. I just hope everything gets better and you guys can get back to normal.
post #71 of 78
You say you know he didn't really mean what he said about shooting the cats... but the comment alone puts him in the category of Men I Would Not Want In My Life.

Of course, it's your life we're talking about, and you know him... I don't. But it chills me that he can even say such a thing, whether he would actually do it or not.

They say the clearest sign of impending divorce is when one or both partners stops talking. I hope you and he can get a constructive conversation going again. All good wishes...
post #72 of 78
Quote:
Originally Posted by catloverin_ks View Post
Ok, well we have sorta made up.... I bought him a sweet little lovey dovey card last night and well, he didnt say a whole lot about it. Mumbled something like I should of said it in person, or some bs. He did tell me yesterday that my house cleaning has pretty much gone to s***!!! I guess now I am a lazy a** wife too!! And also he started in on my cats All because Lilly peed down our vents(which I admit is nasty) but hes mouthed something like "I should shoot all them SOB" So needless to say that didnt fly over with me!! I know for a fact he never would hurt them, hes just saying it to get to me(which it did)
That's emotional and mental abuse.
post #73 of 78
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ping View Post
I am sorry but this just does not sound like a healthy relationship. Me and the hubby has been together for 8 yrs and though we have had fights he has never said anything about housecleaning or threaten to hurt our pets. Thats just crazy. I hope things work out for you.


That sounds like the kind of thing my ex-husband would do. Treat me in a really awful, unkind, unfair way and then I would be the one to buy him a card or something as if I'd actually done something wrong. In other words, give him all the power and a free license to treat me however he wanted. And to criticise your cleaning? Um, does he do any?

Hon, it sounds like you have a very unhealthy and borderline abusive relationship there (especially threatening your cats - textbook sign) but I'm not going to tell you what to do. Nobody can get a true picture over the internet and it may not be as bad as it sounds.

Perhaps you two could get some counselling, or better still, you could get some on your own to learn some good coping strategies and how not to let him tread on you like this.

We're all here for you anyway, any day, any time, whenever you need us.

post #74 of 78
Quote:
Originally Posted by catloverin_ks View Post
Ok, well we have sorta made up.... I bought him a sweet little lovey dovey card last night and well, he didnt say a whole lot about it. Mumbled something like I should of said it in person, or some bs. He did tell me yesterday that my house cleaning has pretty much gone to s***!!! I guess now I am a lazy a** wife too!!
It's nice that you've taken the first step to making up. But, IT SHOULD HAVE BEEN HIM doing that! As for saying that about your housekeeping - you should tell him that if you doesn't like it, then perhaps he should do it himself. And, if he's not prepared to do it himself, then he should just shut up about it. Either pitch in, or stop mouthing off about it.
post #75 of 78
Here's a question...could there be something going on a work with him? Stress can make people lash out and be really verbally cruel. I know when I was planning our wedding my now husband and I would get into fights and I would say "maybe we should call the wedding off". Sometimes I would stay mad for days for no real reason. And it was just the stress of the wedding. The comment about your housekeeping...normally, when my husband starts going off about that, it has something to do with work. But, that may just be him.

It could be something that doesn't even have anything to do with you. Just something to look in to.

If you think he's serious with his threat to your cats, I would be worried. But, I can't even count how many times I've said I want to wring their necks when I find that one peed outside the litter box or knocked something over and broke it. But, I'm not serious. Maybe it was just venting. You know your husband....could he be serious?
post #76 of 78
I'm glad that you seem to have patched things up. But I wouldn't stand still for any comments like that about the kitties from my DH - he'd be airborn!
post #77 of 78
Quote:
Originally Posted by kittylover4ever View Post
I give you credit for making up with him..............after saying some of those things that he said, he'd have to scrape himself up off the floor........
I'm with you on that one Susie!
NO ONE messes with my kitties!
post #78 of 78
Sweetie - I am so sorry this is happening to you in your life right now.

It does seem like something is very wrong. I would sit down and have a good think. It seems like you two could REALLY benefit from counseling. Sometimes you need a third party to mediate - good counselors don't take sides - they help you communicate problems, concerns, and issues to each other in a non-threatening way.

You deserve to be happy and you deserve to be treated with respect. It doesn't seem like your marriage is providing you with these things right now. But it also seems like you're acting like you don't deserve to be happy or treated with respect - and that's where you have to start. Unless you believe what you did is wrong, you don't owe him an apology. Perhaps for the way you reacted (I have no idea! I'm just supposing...) - but my point is, if you've established a pattern in your relationship where he gets mad at something, and you apologize for it - even though you don't feel what you did is wrong - you're hiding your light under a bushel, honey, and you deserve to shine.

It is up to you to feel you deserve these things - to demand these things - and to create avenues of communication that will facilitate that happening. If you let things continue with just an apology, there's nothing to stop this pattern from continuing.

I don't recommend staying or going - I just think you really need to search your heart, and it sounds very much like marriage counseling would be a good place to start.



Laurie
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