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Time to get a new cat? Or time to heal?

post #1 of 13
Thread Starter 
So as most of you know we had to put our angel Lilly to sleep on Wed. I was curious to see as to how this would affect our other cat Ebony as her and Lilly never got along. I can't figure out if Eb lonely or if she is enjoying her new freedom.

She's all of a sudden become very attached to my hubby and I. She's always been a 'people cat' but now when we get home she meows like crazy (more than normal) and when you pick her up she starts to purr the largest purr ever - like she's worried we would never come back.

She's started sleeping in the bed at night again which she hasn't done since she was an only cat 2 years ago. She never would get in the bed when Lilly was around because that was always Lilly's spot.

I am thinking about getting another kitten or cat here in the near future (next week is my Spring Break as I am a teacher) and would like time to acclimate a new baby then. However, I don't know how to interpret Eb's behavior. How long is a good amount to wait before introducing another friend? Does it sound like she's lonely - or living up her new freedom?

Thoughts?
post #2 of 13
I'm so sorry about Lilly, I had no idea

I would suggest a very young male. Some female cats tend to get along better with males, in my opinion. And a kitten would be much easier for Ebony to get used to as she wouldnt feel as threatened say if you were to get an adult cat.
post #3 of 13
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sicycat View Post
I'm so sorry about Lilly, I had no idea

I would suggest a very young male. Some female cats tend to get along better with males, in my opinion. And a kitten would be much easier for Ebony to get used to as she wouldnt feel as threatened say if you were to get an adult cat.
We thought a kitten would be better this time around. And I have heard that males are better with females. Lil and Eb didn't have issues with each other once acclimated - but maybe Eb did feel alot more territorial with Lilly around.
post #4 of 13
You know - animals can be strange. They can appear to hate one another or avoid each other, but become used to each other's presence nonetheless.

Cats are very driven by adherence to a routine and things that are familiar to them. Even though they didn't get along, Ebony is feeling the change in her routine and her environment that have been caused by Lilly's absence.

She is seeking solace and comfort because things have changed. She will get used to the difference in her world.

It is up to you whether you get another cat or not, when you are ready, go ahead if that is what you want! But be prepared for Lilly to go through another set of behavioural changes as her world will change again.

I do think it's a good thing for them to have some feline company, especially so if you are out at work any time, but if you decide to go ahead be prepared for a long period of adjustment - and maybe consider a male cat which Lilly may find would be less of a threat to her territory - I have no experience in this personally, but I have heard many times that it is more difficult to introduce a new female into another female's established territory.

I am sorry for your loss, it affects your whole family whether human or feline, and everyone reacts in different ways
post #5 of 13
I'm sorry to hear of your loss

We lost our Davidson 2 weeks ago... almost 3 weeks now. Him and Harley were EXTREMELY close- and Harley was definately depressed when Davidson wasn't around anymore. 5 days later, we went to our local shelter and adopted Bayley. We chose a male that was around the same as age Davidson, with the same personality for Harley.

They are now friends and tolerate eachother, they were found sleeping together this afternoon, which is a first Harley needed the companionship, and so did we.

We are gone a lot, so we wanted another kitty to keep Harley occupied when we weren't here with him, I didn't want him to be lonely and depressed w/ the loss of Davidson

I would suggest to maybe get a younger cat, under a year or so, maybe with a personality that would match Ebony's. Thats what we did with Harley- we had to match his personality so I knew that they would get along. I didn't want a dominating male, becuase Harley is the dominator in our house, he's the top cat.

Best of luck with your decision, I think its best to have 2, but please allow yourselves to heal and greive the loss of Lilly

Please let me know if you need anything, or to talk, I'm just a PM away
post #6 of 13
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by babyharley View Post
I'm sorry to hear of your loss

We lost our Davidson 2 weeks ago... almost 3 weeks now. Him and Harley were EXTREMELY close- and Harley was definately depressed when Davidson wasn't around anymore. 5 days later, we went to our local shelter and adopted Bayley. We chose a male that was around the same as age Davidson, with the same personality for Harley.

They are now friends and tolerate eachother, they were found sleeping together this afternoon, which is a first Harley needed the companionship, and so did we.

We are gone a lot, so we wanted another kitty to keep Harley occupied when we weren't here with him, I didn't want him to be lonely and depressed w/ the loss of Davidson

I would suggest to maybe get a younger cat, under a year or so, maybe with a personality that would match Ebony's. Thats what we did with Harley- we had to match his personality so I knew that they would get along. I didn't want a dominating male, becuase Harley is the dominator in our house, he's the top cat.

Best of luck with your decision, I think its best to have 2, but please allow yourselves to heal and greive the loss of Lilly

Please let me know if you need anything, or to talk, I'm just a PM away
Thanks for your thoughts. I did read your thread about Davidson and I imagine this has been a hard time for you as well. But I am also glad to hear that you feel much like I do. I don't want Eb to be home and lonely all day without another presence in the house. I think we did a poor job of matching Eb's personality last time. The two cats were pretty opposite and didn't spend much time together. I think we're really going to think a lot more about Eb and what she needs this time around. I feel like we can grieve and also invite a new cat into our home at the same time. I may PM you with other questions soon especially if we do adopt.

If I can get my hubby interested we may go to the local shelter tomorrow and begin our search. I'll keep everyone posted.
post #7 of 13
Quote:
Originally Posted by berylayn View Post
Thanks for your thoughts. I did read your thread about Davidson and I imagine this has been a hard time for you as well. But I am also glad to hear that you feel much like I do. I don't want Eb to be home and lonely all day without another presence in the house. I think we did a poor job of matching Eb's personality last time. The two cats were pretty opposite and didn't spend much time together. I think we're really going to think a lot more about Eb and what she needs this time around. I feel like we can grieve and also invite a new cat into our home at the same time. I may PM you with other questions soon especially if we do adopt.

If I can get my hubby interested we may go to the local shelter tomorrow and begin our search. I'll keep everyone posted.
Not a problem- we didn't really 'choose' Bayley- he chose us, he had the right personality we were looking for, and I knew he would be a good compliment to Harley as well. We wanted a playful kitten because Harley doesn't play much on his own. We wanted to be sure he would have a playtime buddy.

Please feel free to PM me anytime!
post #8 of 13
I think it's wonderful that you're open to bringing a new kitty into your home now... there are so many who need loving families. Lilly would approve, I'm sure. And no matter how many cats you may come to love, I know Lilly will always be in your hearts.

post #9 of 13
Thread Starter 
Thanks! We went to look today - but the shelter was almost out of kitties!!! There were maybe 4 there for adoption. Which is great that there are less kitties in the shelter! We found a love bug at Petsmart that I would love to take home. I have an email into the rescue to see if he is available. Keep ya'll posted. If not kitten season is soon so we're gonna continue our search. The right kitty will come into our hearts soon. I know Lilly would want us to keep giving our love out to cats that need it.
post #10 of 13
I just wanted to add my 2 cents!

I volunteer at the local HS & am basically in charge of helping people select the right cat. A few things, sex does NOT matter. Focus on purr-sonality. I can think of one female who dislikes other cats & one male who dislikes them. Our friendliest cats are femals & they do well with all other cats at the shelter(except the cat aggressive ones). A kitten's purr-sonlity can change. When you get a kitten, there is no way to know what it will be like when it grows up. If you get an adult(1 year +), then their purr-sonlity is formed, That is the cat you are getting. You will "just know" when your entire family is ready for a new addition. it will just feel right when you see "the cat for you".

You might already know those things, but I like to re-iterate. I didn't mean to make anyone sound like they don't know anything, I just hope you will use those tips to find the right kitty for you & Ebony!
post #11 of 13
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by white cat lover View Post
I just wanted to add my 2 cents!

I volunteer at the local HS & am basically in charge of helping people select the right cat. A few things, sex does NOT matter. Focus on purr-sonality. I can think of one female who dislikes other cats & one male who dislikes them. Our friendliest cats are femals & they do well with all other cats at the shelter(except the cat aggressive ones). A kitten's purr-sonlity can change. When you get a kitten, there is no way to know what it will be like when it grows up. If you get an adult(1 year +), then their purr-sonlity is formed, That is the cat you are getting. You will "just know" when your entire family is ready for a new addition. it will just feel right when you see "the cat for you".

You might already know those things, but I like to re-iterate. I didn't mean to make anyone sound like they don't know anything, I just hope you will use those tips to find the right kitty for you & Ebony!
No, thank you for the advice!!! I am like a sponge right now - I have heard all of this when we got Lilly but its always good to hear it again. Its been awhile. Eb and Lilly were fine together so I think the sex will not be a big deal.

We'll know when the right kitty comes around - kitten or not. We're not opposed to a young adult - and yes we will search until we find the right cat for us and Eb!
post #12 of 13
Definitely get another cat. Going to the shelter to rescue one is always a good idea. Plus, even if cats seem like they enjoy their solitude, they also need companionship from other cats. It's always best to have at least two cats.
post #13 of 13
Even in a multicat household like mine, friendships and antipathies form. When I lost Napoleon in October I hoped that his brother Wellington would be comforted by the others and form new relationships with them (he and his brother were very close) but it didn't happen and he was very lonely for a few months. I was thinking of finding a new companion for him but was worried that it might not work out like that. Then in January Biscotte turned up in my barn, I took her into the house, and she and Wellington have become bosom buddies! So I do not think that gender matters too much - it is all a matter of personality. I was lucky in the way it sorted itself out, you have the luxury of being able to select a new friend for Ebony. Good luck, I am sure it is the right thing to do.
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