Should I have sent this?????

Thanks Ady and Tigger!!!

And Daniela, I forgot to say in my last post, that it was really crappy of your friend to get angry with you because of the fact that you didn't go to her wedding reception, I mean it isn't like you didn't go to the wedding at all! YOu drove over an hour to get there, leaving your children behind with someone they didn't know well, since you just moved there, and I think that was highly commendable!!! She should be ashamed of herslef!

One of my best friends, (the one who sadly has MS now) lives 4-5 hours away from me, but made the drive down anyway, and came to my wedding (was my maid of honor too) and then she only stayed at the reception for a half hour or so, because she wanted to spend sometime with the guy she was seeing, and didn't feel real well anyway, so she left. Did I get mad? NO. I was thrilled she had made the effort to drive so far to come to the wedding and be in it.
Your friend should not have taken offense. It is sad that some people are like that.

As far as Stacy telling her other friends about the e-mail, and twisting it around to make me look bad...well, if that happens, at least I know that her new best friend is a kind decent person (or at least she seems like it) she even talks to me when she gets a chance, although she told me Stacy doesn't want her to even talk to me (isn't that silly) but she does...and I think she may take what Stacy says about it with a grain of salt, she knows I'm a good person.

See, that is silly for her to tell her "new" best friend to not talk to you! That show a lot of maturity right there. How did they happen to become best friends, just out of curiosity?

Well, they started working together in the same area of the factory about a year ago, and I think Stacy was looking for someone to spend her time with, and that is how it happened. It is silly her not wanting her friend to talk to me.

Debby, by her telling her friend not to talk to you, it makes me think she has low self-esteem and is very insecure.

Now, if she handles this email like your friend told you she may (ex: tell everyone you are begging for her friendship), then you will know right then and there that she is trying to feed off of it to make herself look good. If that is the case, then I wouldn't worry about her anymore. Personally, if I was someone she was telling this to. My first question would be to wonder why she would have abandoned you when you needed her the most in the first place. It kind of makes her look like a friend that really is not a friend when you need one the most. So...she may think twice before telling people about this.

But....stay positive. This may end up better than you think. She may surprise you. And if she doesn't, then just file this away into the "never to be opened again file" and move on. You did the right thing for yourself.

Good luck tomorrow!

Thanks! I figure people at work know me well enough to know I wouldn't want her friendship back, not the way it was anyway...at the end of our freindship she was so controling and jealous of any time I spent with other friends, etc. and it stressed me out as well as her. I just wanted to make some peace with her if that was possible.

Debbie

Just to say I congratulate you on your bravery, as well as your wonderful letter.

It takes a brave person to stand up and take the first step, in a matter such as this, and I hope that your erstwhile friend realises your willingness to do this, and the opening you have allowed her to respond and heal this unfortunate rift in your friendship.

No matter what the outcome...you have done all you can. Well done.

I think everyone who posted before me has basically summed up my reaction to your situation. Without rehashing everything, I'll say this.

If one person puts there pride aside, no matter the situation, and does an action that will benefit human kind, then it will never have been done in vain.

There is only one question you should ask yourself now: Did the letter help you to calm an anxious spirit? Yes? Then your task is done.

Debby, never feel like you have done wrong when expressing your true emotions!

Well, Debby, I'm jumping in here pretty late in the game.

I just wanted to remind you of the one thing that is repeated time and time again here by the wonderful people that share this space.

Follow your heart.

Your heart has been aching. You felt compelled to act. That is your heart speaking to you, and you listened.

It is much easier said than done, but it doesn't matter what Stacy says or does. If she is a person worthy of being friends with you, this will help heal things between you. If she is not worthy of your wonderful friendship, she will try to make you look bad.

I agree with Ghyslaine - this just means she is insecure.

Hold your head high. You should be proud that you were able to open your heart and swallow your pride. It would be wonderful if she apologized too, for she "owes" you one too. If not, at least you tried. That is something many of us can learn from, and so for that, we thank you for sharing.

Laurie

I'm late on this too, and I am anxious to hear what happens on Monday at work with you.

Like the others have said, you did the right thing to help you heal and have closure. That truly is what is important. I had to write a letter like that, too, only I had no where to send it (to an ex-boyfriend who bailed on me when I was 16 and pregnant (had a miscarriage), only to come back to let me know he had been cheating on me after we got back in touch, "but she reminded him a lot of me, and she was carrying to term."). Just writing the letter allowed me to get on with my life and added closure where it wasn't there before.

I hope that Stacy doesn't react the way you think she may. She may surprise you. But if she doesn't, then she isn't worth the energy to try to salvage what was lost. You are a wonderful person Debby, and no matter what she tells people they will see you (and her) for what you really are.

Debbie - sorry for the late reply - dodgy email connection again.

Whether this email has any effect or not, you know you have said what you needed to say. It is a brave and important thing for you to do, and I personally applaud it.

Whether this makes any difference to your relationship with Stacey, and whether she runs and tell her new friends about it - I wouldn't let that concern you.

Basically, you have acted in a mature, adult and above all, Christian manner by sending this email.

I just wish you hadn't apologized so much. The death of a parent is a truly life-changing thing - the death of 2 parents in short succession is almost too much to bear. If she couldnt be there for you to help you through your hell - then she really is no friend.

You have come through the experience stronger and wiser. And whereas I would never wish any bereavement on anybody - she will at some point in her life realize what agonies you were suffering.

You are the winner, you are in the right. You have a wonderful husband, daugther and step-kids.

You've also got world-wide friends at the Cat Site.

I don't now you very well, but I know you well enough to know you are a wonderful person with a good and kind heart.

Grief is a funny thing. It affects us all very differently and it is up to the friend or supporter to gauge how to handle the situation. I do not think that telling you to move on, was necessarily the wisest thing, but I also think that maybe in her own way she was trying to help. But then it does take two to Tango, as they say, and one hurtful thing said, can cause another, and so it goes on.

I don't know that things will improve between you and Stacy, only Stacy herself can know that. But whatever the outcome, you have made a major leap forward in healing the rift. And now it is firmly in Stacy's court. You are the better person here.

I, for one, am in deep admiration for you. Your email bought tears to my eyes, and I would have just hugged you if you would have been nearer. It was beautfully written and clearly from the heart. How
someone could even think of turning something like this into workplace gossip is beyond me, however should it come to that, be proud and strong, and know you are a better person. You got off the anti-depressants and you pulled your life back on it's feet, and look at you now...you are also one of the most popular members on this forum. You are a wonderful person and an inspiration to us all. Remember that when times are tough, you will never ever be alone. We are always here to laugh, and cry, with you, and give you support. If the tradition of bowing in your honour were still happening, I'd be bowing right now.

Keep your chin up, I have a feeling things are going to be ok with this one.

Peace, Love, and Happiness, Always
Sonia

Debby...sorry to be so late in reading and responding to your post, but I haven't been on much lately.

Anyhoo...I think what you did was perfect. You felt the need to get things off of your chest and you did that, and in a respectful way.
If it made you feel better just to send the email...then it can't be wrong.

I know how you feel abut losing someone who was a dear friend for so many years. I am sure you remember my post of a few months ago!

I certainly hope that Stacy is mature enough to take your letter for what it was and how it was meant...and not try to make it sound like you are "begging" her for anything...but, if she does, realize that SHE is the one with the problem, not you. Sounds like she was the one with the problem all along.

I do hope that it turns out however it is that you would like. Do remember though...that we all here are your friends. You are not alone!!!

Thank you all!!! Unfortunately I haven't had the chance to see how Stacy would react to this, because Amber has been very sick with a cold, and I have not been back to work yet. I have stayed home with her yesterday and again today. I am hoping she is better tomorrow, because I have to go back to work then. So as for Stacy....that will have to wait till tomorrow. I doubt she acts any different towards me, which is just fine, but I hope she hasn't told everyone in the factory that I sent her an e-mail and make me look bad for it...but if she does, she does. I am coming to realize there are way more important things in my life to worry about than things like that...Amber for one. So, even if she does try to use this against me, I will just shrug it off and go on. Thanks for all your support guys! You have all made me feel alot better about sending it! Thanks!

Debby - I haven't had a chance yet to see how little Amber is doing, but that's where I'm going next. I was just wondering if anything has happened, or if you were back at work yesterday.

????

Hoping for the best, and sending LOTS of hugs,

Laurie

Well, just as I thought....Stacy has not acknowledged my e-mail whatsoever, and I am quite sure she got it, because if her e-mail was different now, it would have been returned to me. But that is okay....I know I did the right thing apologizing, and I will just leave it at that.

Aw, Debby, (((hug))). It took courage to send the letter. It takes courage to deal with waiting. It takes courage to deal with what must be disappointment. I'm sad with you! I sure hope you don't take this as a (or another) rejection. In fact, I hope your heart is lighter now.

You're too wonderful a person. If Stacy chooses to leave it at this, then she doesn't deserve you.

Well said Laurie. I couldn't have worded it better.

All I will add is a (((hug))) from me too.

Thank you! That is really sweet of you guys!

Debby,
Sorr about the email. Well, if Stacy did get your email & she is still acting the same way, then it is her loss for not forgiving. I was just gonna say this, but it is too late. There is an option on your email program (if you use Outlook, it does), which will send you an acknowledgement showing that the receiving party has gotten your email. I have this on mine. It shows when it was displayed on their puter. Or you can look at it this way: maybe she did receive it & doesn't know what to say?
A BIG {{{hug}}} from me, too

Thanks Tigger!