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my first loss, why so hard?

post #1 of 26
Thread Starter 
Good evening. We (husband, 12-year old daughter) have just experienced our first loss of our first pet. Our 3.5 year-old "kitty".

When we came home last Thursday we could tell right away something was wrong. He could barely walk up the stairs and kept meowing like he was in pain and crying out for help. We brought him to the vet right away and they said he is close to dying! We could put him to sleep or try and save him. We spent the $700 we thought would save him. Only to learn 24-hours later that he had kidney failure and there was no hope. We put him to sleep on Friday after work.

Why is this so hard? Our house seems so empty and I can't stop crying. Fortunately it's spring break here so we sent our daughter to my folks, she cried for 3 solid days. I feel so stupid to be grieving so much for a cat but I can't help it. I miss him so much and I keep thinking of the years ahead that he won't be around and should have been.

I just needed to get this off my chest; my friends don't understand and where else can I go to do this but here!
post #2 of 26
Even though you say he is just a "cat", he was still an integral part of your family and it is very normal to grieve. I went through the process with my wonderul cat, Suling, who I rased from a kitten of 8 week until she was 17 years old. It happened right around Halloween, and I can tell you that the rest of the year and into the next year, I did not care about any of the other holidays, it felt as though I was just dragging myself through the days until I could escape by going to bed and sleeping. It is a process, and unfortunately, each person must deal with it in their own way. If you try to minimize it and push it down, it will come out in other ways. So be easy on yourself, give yourself time to grieve for your "family member". My prayers are with you.

Furmommy of two fiesty boys and their big sister.
post #3 of 26
I am so sorry for your loss, and everyone here understands how you feel too.

Please know that your "kitty" is now over at the Bridge.

RIP Kitty
post #4 of 26
I'm so sorry for your family's loss

I know how it feels, 2 weeks ago I experienced my first loss as well, our 10 month old kitten. Its a hard thing to deal with, and I still cry everyday for him. Its okay to cry, its a way of healing and dealing

I feel that it helps to pray to Davidson, talk to him, and talk about him. The pain will pass, but that void in your heart will always be there, mine still is, but its okay, his pawprints are on your heart forever and ever

Please feel free to PM me if you need to talk, I'm in the same position you are right now and understand completely I also see that your from MN, I am as well, we have more in common that we both thought!

Hugs to you and your family
post #5 of 26
I'm so sorry for your loss. You developed a very special relationship with him and it hurts when you lose something that special.
post #6 of 26
I am so sorry for your loss. I know exactly how you feel and you are so right, some people just don't understand how much we miss and love our beloved kids.
post #7 of 26
Condolences to your family on your sad loss of your kitty I am sorry that your friends do not realize that your cat was your heart's treasure. Please tell your daughter that the entire TCS community mourns the loss of her cat; you are absolutely right - everyone here understands. For those who don't, they have my pity because they are missing out on a basic joy of life - the love of a beloved pet. I hope that your family finds healing and comfort soon; maybe your daughter would benefit from adopting another cat from the shelter, as a memorial gesture for her first cat. Sometimes it's the best way to fill that "cat-sized" hole in the heart.
Godspeed over Rainbow Bridge, little kitty. You know how much you are loved and missed.
post #8 of 26
You and your family are in my thoughts - I have lost my 18 month old boy about 2 months ago and the pain does ease, but you never actually forget - however the sad thoughts are replaced by happy memories.

Your kitty was part of your family, so the loss is bound to be felt - don't feel that you shouldn't grieve for 'just a cat' - he was part of your life.

All our best wishes to you - maybe in a little while you will all feel strong enough to take another little furry friend into your hearts, but this first one will still be there watching over you!
post #9 of 26
The simple answer to why is it so hard? Because kitty was a family member - You loved him just as you would any member of your family, so of course his loss will be very hard.

I'm so very sorry for your loss - Kitty is now over the Rainbow Bridge, playing with all his kitty mates

RIP Kitty
post #10 of 26
i am sorry it is so hard for you, as the others have said, it is because it is they were such a loved member of your family, and partly because he was so young and it was so sudden - it is a lot harder to deal with when it is sudden and unexpected. Things will get easier in time though, and we are all here if you need to talk, the majority of us sadly know what you are going through. RIP little one.
post #11 of 26
I also recently had my first loss. My 10 year old cat Simba died on March 9. I never imagined I would be so torn over it. I think yesterday was the first day I did not cry. We love our cats and that makes it so hard. Sorry for your loss.
post #12 of 26

so sorry to hear of your loss. You are not being stupid for feeling how you feel, we would all feel the same. Its the worst feeling in the world because they are part of the family. I hope you can find some comfort here from all of us.

Take care


post #13 of 26
We also had our first loss yesterday, our 6 year old kitty, Lilly. So I know exactly what you're going through. It was a quick loss to and something we were not expecting. Just like Babyharley said, if you need to talk I am only a PM away and am here to help with the pain. I feel talking through it leeting the tears flow if needed have helped me the most.

Sending healing vibes your family's way.
post #14 of 26

There is no such thing as just a cat. They are our beloved family members and losing them, to me, is just as hard as losing a "human" loved one. Sometimes more so, because kitty was a daily part of your life. It has been more than three months since I lost Alley and there isn't a day that goes by that I don't still miss her and cry.

I'm so very very sorry for your loss. Your boy is happy and healthy now across the rainbow bridge and someday you will be together again.
post #15 of 26
That cat was part of your family! Losing a pet is never easy.

I am so sorry you have to go thru this. I have to question though, you said kidney failure? Was it anything due to that pet food recall?? Sorry, that was the first thought that popped into my mind when I heard kidney failure.

I am only a PM away if you ever need to talk.

RIP sweet kitty. Sending many healing vibes to you and your family.
post #16 of 26
People who are insensitive enough to say he was "just" a cat have never had the joy of experiencing the bond between a human and their kitty, so don't pay any attention them. The important thing is the love you and your cat shared. You need to grieve and have the support of peoplel who understand. TCS folks are great about that. Having been through the loss of a kitty, although it's been many years since, I can honestly say it will get easier with time. You won't forget your kitty but, in time, the pain will fade and you'll be able to think about the happy times and the love you shared. My thoughts and prayers are with you. May your beloved kitty RIP.
post #17 of 26
I'm so sorry for your lost.I have also been there. My Sassy was only a year old. We had to put her down back in November. My husband and I cried for a few days. I still cry and we have a memory box with her pictures and her collar she had on. But it will get easier. For me, We got two kittens a month later and it has been such a joy. We still talk about Sassy and remember all the funny things she did when she was with us.
post #18 of 26
Really sorry to hear about the passing of you kitty. I recently lost my cat of 14 years to Kidney Failure as well. You are greiving the loss of a treasured family member and it makes no difference that it was a family member with four legs and fur. It takes a bit of time but soon you will find yourself smiling at the memories you have of your precious pet.
post #19 of 26
Our pets are part of our family and we bond with them very quickly, as you've found out! Please don't feel stupid for having those feelings.

RIP little kitty.
post #20 of 26
I'm so very sorry I dread the day i have to be in your position, so i can only imagine how awful this must be for you all

Like everyone has said this was your fur baby and he was a big part of your family Know that you will see your little boy again when the time is right, but until then he's having a wonderful time over at Rainbow Bridge

post #21 of 26
Welcome to the world where Cats are not just cats but our soul mates and real family members.
Cats are so very unique. To each one of us they mean so many different things.

Cats are solitary and independant. Yet so social and loving. They are strong and silent yet so very fragile.
I cannot look at a Kitty without seeing just how precious life is. Holding your fur child and having it nuzzle your chin is a warm wonderful feeling for anyone. it melts your heart and pierces the soul.

I cannot offer you a reason "why" it is so hard to deal with your loss.
But i would wager to say that you and your family are a very open and loving type that feels empathy with the world that surrounds you.
The little kitty that took up so much of your lives is now gone. That is devistating.
I can only offer you the hope, that one day maybe soon, maybe not...
your sorrow at this loss will be replaced by joy of the treasured memories shared. Your feelings of sadness at an empty bowl will be replaced by happiness at the memories of times shared.

Do not feel guilty or silly for your grief. We understand you. It is a testimony of how much you loved and were loved by this cat.
He was more than a cat. he was your family.

my heartfelt sympathy for your loss.

Play happily over the bridge little one, you were VERY loved.
post #22 of 26
I know what you are going through and I am sorry.

Just remember, that he is no longer in any pain.
post #23 of 26

I am so sorry to hear of your loss. I wish I could say something magical and make all the pain and sadness disappear but unfortunately I can't. All I can offer are my thoughts and prayers for your family and lots of hugs.

RIP little one
post #24 of 26
This was your sweet precious baby, and we all understand how your feel! The grief that you feel is very real - you have lost a child! We are all here for you to help you through this, and try to take some comfort in the knowledge that your baby is now over the bridge, safe and healthy and waiting for the far-distant day when you are all reunited! My RB kitty, Whiskers, will help all of the other RB kitties to keep an eye on him and keep him safe until that day!
post #25 of 26
I am so sorry to hear about your loss. Our cats are part of our families and we grieve when they go. I have love and mourned all my furbabies. I am thinking of you at this difficult time and know your sweet kitty is running free and healthy at the Rainbow Bridge until she sees you again.

post #26 of 26
It is never 'just a cat'. Every cat has its own personality, and becomes part of your family in its own unique way. And it never gets any easier when you lose one, whether it is at a good old age or unexpectedly when it is still far too soon to go. I have been in both situations, as have many of us here. I am so sorry for you and your family, and I hope you find strength to help each other through this awful time.
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