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7 Year Itch & mid life crisis-- are they real?

post #1 of 25
Thread Starter 
Mostly for the women but the men are more than welcome to comment.

Do you think the "7 yr Itch" in marriage/relationships is real or just something someone made up to excuse his/her indiscretions?

Is this the same as a mid life crisis? If not, how is it different? and is a mid life crisis real?



Thanks for your input everyone-- Im sure I will post more later this week!
post #2 of 25
Well I think it depends. In July DH and I will be married for five years, so I can tell you we've slipped into patterns and routines in our relationship. IMO the best thing to do is acknowledge that your spouse may be feeling a bit antsy and see if you can help him or her through it.
post #3 of 25
At the age of 54, after almost 8 years of marriage and a total of 12 years together, my ex-husband began an online relationship with a woman that he was chatting with. I came home from work one day, to find that he had packed up and gone to her.

Yeah, it happens.
post #4 of 25
yep, they are real.

seen middle age men dump there wives, buy sport cars, motorcycle(when they had non before), start dating women half there age. etc.

my sisters husband and her husband have broken up. how he has gone out started dating his highschool girlfriend, picked up the same type of car he had in high school. and in gerneral just from what i have seen. is acting like 21 year old.
post #5 of 25
I definitely think men have a rough time around the 50's. They realize they are getting older and I really think they have more trouble accepting it than we women. I'm 7 years older than my hubby and I can honestly say I've never had an issue with aging. I have embraced each age with a very positive attitude but I have to tell you, when our daughter turned 25, my hubby was having a hard time dealing with it. He felt old. I see him checking out his face for wrinkles in the mirror and it's all I can do not to laugh.
post #6 of 25
Absolutely they both exist. I've seen both happen....won't get into detail. But, trust me, they most certainly exist.
post #7 of 25
Oh yes they exist. I think its just harder for the males because, as females, we have to go through so many things during our lifetime...periods, cramps, sore breasts, morning sickness, 9 mo. of pregnancy, labour, delivery, breastfeeding, recovering from all that too, menopause...just a whole slew of things that are sent our ways because we are 'females'. Men...on the other hand...well, they just don't seem to have a lot of stuff 'like this' to deal with in their lifetimes...so when it hits them, it hits them really hard...they just don't know how to deal with it....midlife that is. Its really hard for them.

I had a good friend (an older friend, he's in his early 70s) tell my hubby about two years ago something like...

''there'll be times when you think you're going crazy...you'll also feel like you're a woman''

I have no idea what he meant by feeling like you're a woman.... But I know its hard for them........

Hilda>^..^<
post #8 of 25
People often look at their lives and their accomplisments to date. Often, they feel they could ahve done more, should have chosen a different path, realize it is not too late, life is short, and go for the gusto, for career change, spouse change, education, child bearing, whatever. Not sure if it is factual/scientific or not, but somewhere, someone said these things happen in 7 year intervals.

A midlife crisis is just natural. Same reevaluation of your life, as you age and face the inevitable. Trying to correct past mistakes, or timidity, or carlessness. I would think someone would be abnormal, if they never looked at their life and considered possible lifestyle changes, whatever they are.
No one is that perfect.
post #9 of 25
I believe in mid-life crisis, or atleast a life crisis. My buddy's wife went through a period right before she turned 30 where she didn't know if she wanted to be with him any more. They had only been married a year (actually about a month shy of the anniversary) and she just all of a sudden started having doubts. We know now that she was just having some sort of crisis about turning 30. Within about 2 or 3 weeks time, she had started hanging out with a totally different group of people, not talking to him, and went from barely speaking to him, to moving out, and even almost filing for divorce. They got papers, but thankfully never went through with it. They were able to go to counseling and she was able to figure out what the problem was. They've been happier than they've ever been since then, and are expecting a baby any week now. So it does work out.

I think something like a "7 Year Itch" is just a myth. Ruts can happen at any time. Honestly, my wife and I have only been married for a year and a half and we seem to fall into them every once in a while already. Not that we don't love each other and want out, but just things seem to die down for a bit. But those can just be attributed to us not communicating enough sometimes, or stresses in each other's lives that carry over. The important thing is that you know how to talk to your spouse in order to get through it.
post #10 of 25
For mid life crisis - absolutely for women. You can have major hormone changes leading up to menopause, some of them lasting up to 12-15 years. They typically hit anywhere from late 30's to late 40's which puts you around mid life. But it's not acceptable for a woman to talk about this, as it's an admission that they are getting old. So they suck it up, stress out, and try to ride it out until their hormones start to normalize again. I've been doing research and there are over 34 major symptoms of changes in women during this time in their lives. Don't tell me it doesn't affect you. If you are curious - here's a link to them:

http://www.power-surge.com/educate/34symptoms.htm

Honestly - has anyone's mothers really talked to them about this time in their lives? All you ever get out of them was that their periods got messed up for a while.
post #11 of 25
I think the seven-year-itch is really more like four years; that's when the majority of divorces happen.
post #12 of 25
Yes both exsits.

My DH and I haave been together for 11 years during our 7th year all heck broke loose. We broke up I moved to Cali and 2 weeks later I called him said I missed him and wanted him back. He drove out from Colorado in one day picked me up and eloped to Vegas. That is just one of the things that happened in our 7th year. I think if a couple can make it past 7 years then they are stand a pretty good chance at forever. The 7th year was the hardest and longest year of our realtionship.

As for the mid life crisis........
I am 29 turning 30 in April. Since I was with my DH all through out my twenties I felt like I was missing something. Granted I did not go out and get in trouble. I did it with my DH. I have partied harder than I ever have. I can tell you which vodka is which by smell. We have pulled 3 day binges, parties that start at 1 am just because thats when I got off work. I stretched the holes in my ears to 6 gauge, about the diameter if an eyeliner pencil. I lost 50pounds, started coloring my hair balck and electric blue. I am also learning how to ride a skateboard. So in a few words I am suffering a mid life crissis. I don't want to turn 30 and feel lke I missed out.

My DH is also suffering. He is 39 turning 40 in less than a year. He to is partying more, growing his hair out, wants to buy a surfboard and has gotton into skateboarding after a 15 year break. He has also decided that building boards sounds like a great idea. He has turned our livingroom and bathroom into a wood shop. He also likes to spend hours playing video games drinking beer and eating everything he can that is bad for him. It could be worse, he could be out picking up beach bunnies.

There are times when we both feel like things have gotton out of control. We will talk for hours about why we are doing the things we are doing. I never in a million years thought I would ever learn how to skate. I should also say that before last year we never drank. When we did it was a glass of wine here or a beer there. We would go a year plus between drinks. We made it almost 10 years and had never seen eachother drunk. Now its everynight at the levels of a college frat boy. We have notice its starting to slow down, the hangovers are worse and we need to take days off, but when we start its party time. It really does not help that most of our friends are in their early 20s. They may have more stamina then we do, trust me they do but we have more style. I am glad I am doing now and not when I was 21. I know alot more about life, I know my limits and when to stop. I am also in a loving relationship with someone who has been there and done that so he is able to help me through it. We are smart enough to drink at home, we don't drink if we go out or to a party at someones house. If we drink we stay home, its cheaper and more fun.

SO yeah 7 year itch and midlife crisses do exsit. I have lived through one and am living in the other.
post #13 of 25
I think they're both real. I know the 7-year itch is. About 7 years into our relationship, when we were living together but before we were married, Pat went through a "I don't know if I want to be in a relationship" phase. He didn't cheat or want to see anyone else, but he just didn't know if he wanted to be tied down to one person. So I moved out for two weeks (during which he figured out how much he DID want to be in a relationship). Things have been mostly great ever since, but that 7-year itch thing definitely happened.
post #14 of 25
I've heard the four-year figure SwampWitch mentioned, too, and it sounds about right to me.

As for mid-life -- well, when I turned 50, I suddenly felt a need for brightly patterned underwear...
post #15 of 25
Quote:
Originally Posted by Momofmany View Post
Honestly - has anyone's mothers really talked to them about this time in their lives? All you ever get out of them was that their periods got messed up for a while.
Ya know it's funny you say that. My Mother just turned 50 the other day. She and I are pretty open so I've been trying to pay specific attention to what she says about that stuff. The other day she called my Grandmother and straight out asked her questions and things. I think she wishes she'd done it a long time ago. While she's not doing anything 'crazy' or 'drastic' she sure seems to me like she's feeling in some sort of 'crisis' period.

Quote:
Originally Posted by CarolPetunia View Post
As for mid-life -- well, when I turned 50, I suddenly felt a need for brightly patterned underwear...
Wish you'd posted that a week ago....I'd have bought some for Mom for her BD!
post #16 of 25
Well I belive the mid-life crisis thing for men is the equivalent to Menopause for women.
My mother swears that my father suffers from monthly mood swings (I did some research and there it is a fact - male menopause or andropause as in this article http://consumerhealthdigest.com/male...OVMTC=standard ) ....he's now 76 and well things are ok...she still curses about him (under her breath to me ) but she doesn't complain that its a monthly thing ....now its all the time....lol...
As to the seven year itch...not sure...how real it is...my second marriage lasted 10 yrs (ended 2 days before our anniversary) and my third marriage just went into the 7th yr. I don't see either of us being ansy or wanting out...but then well stranger things have happened...the second husband decided one day he had a problem with "me" - so I guess its possible for one to not see it coming.
post #17 of 25
I feel there is a lot more behind these "phases" or I refer to them as life progressions. It is a womans nature to nurture, give, except (one way or another). Men, for the most part, find this difficult to understand, respect, and/or are indifferent to.
post #18 of 25
I will have to disagree, I do not believe 7 year itch exist in men. It is an excuse that women made up for their inability to treat their men well. An excuse for their inabilities to look inward at what they have done that might have contributed to this so called "7 year itch" in their men. Men are simple animals, you treat them well, they will always come back to you. Give them plenty of food and sex and they will have a purring competition with our cats. Who wants to come home to a cold, sexless, b*$&@y (excuse the language), mean and nagging wife? No one. Thus, in my opinion, it does not exist. It is more of a causal and effect situation. I know many people will disagree or with the my opinions, but it is just my 2 cents.
post #19 of 25
Quote:
Originally Posted by MoochNNoodles View Post
Ya know it's funny you say that. My Mother just turned 50 the other day. She and I are pretty open so I've been trying to pay specific attention to what she says about that stuff. The other day she called my Grandmother and straight out asked her questions and things. I think she wishes she'd done it a long time ago. While she's not doing anything 'crazy' or 'drastic' she sure seems to me like she's feeling in some sort of 'crisis' period.
Well, I think many of us moms who are turning 50, or there abouts, are much more open about things with their daughters...as well as their sons. Getting slightly away from the subject: when I first got my period, I had just turned 11. In those days, we hadn't watched ''the film'' in 5th grade so I had no idea what was happening to me! I was sooo scared...I thought I was dying! I hid my underwear for as long as I could. When my mom found them, she asked me 'what's this?'. I told her I didn't know...started crying. All she said was: 'you're getting your period now, you need to wear these' as she handed me a Kotex pad. Some of the things she didn't tell me was that I'd be getting this every month...for many years to come! The next month...when it came...I was sitting in english class and knew I needed to get to the girls' restroom...but how? I couldn't go up to the front to the teacher's desk to ask permission...I knew I had stained my skirt and I'd be sooo embarrassed! I sweated it out for a few minutes...and then just rushed out the door...without permission! As I hurried down the ramp...I could feel and see blood running down my legs!...it was awful...just awful y'all! When Naomi was born, I made up my mind that she & I would talk abut such things so she'd never, EVER have to be uninformed and go through what I did.

I've already gone through menopause, several years ago, and of course it takes around 10 years or so for the whole cycle. I'll tell ya that I'd like to share this with my mom (she does know about it now though) and be able to learn things from her, thing is, there wasn't nearly as much information available to my mom when she went through it, and she didn't learn much from her mom cuz she had even less info about it. So....what I've learned, I've learned on my own or from other women my age...many of them, online friends.


Hilda>^..^<
post #20 of 25
Quote:
Originally Posted by watchcaddy View Post
I will have to disagree, I do not believe 7 year itch exist in men. It is an excuse that women made up for their inability to treat their men well. An excuse for their inabilities to look inward at what they have done that might have contributed to this so called "7 year itch" in their men. Men are simple animals, you treat them well, they will always come back to you. Give them plenty of food and sex and they will have a purring competition with our cats. Who wants to come home to a cold, sexless, b*$&@y (excuse the language), mean and nagging wife? No one. Thus, in my opinion, it does not exist. It is more of a causal and effect situation. I know many people will disagree or with the my opinions, but it is just my 2 cents.
I think that your objection is valid but the relation is the low percentage of mid life crisis divorces. It is the age of equality, women no longer serve, honor, and obey only man. We to have a voice, a right, a contribution, a responsibility toward our needs as well.
post #21 of 25
I can't remeber fo r the life of me were I heard this but it made me think and is relevant.

50 is now the new 40
40 is now the new 30
30 is now th enew 20

I think with humans constantly triing to relive something or ssct ou at any age this theory makes sence. It would also explain why some people are experiencing mid life crisis' at younger ages. I believe it to be more of a mental and emotional thing then a physical.
post #22 of 25
Quote:
Originally Posted by watchcaddy View Post
I will have to disagree, I do not believe 7 year itch exist in men. It is an excuse that women made up for their inability to treat their men well. An excuse for their inabilities to look inward at what they have done that might have contributed to this so called "7 year itch" in their men. Men are simple animals, you treat them well, they will always come back to you. Give them plenty of food and sex and they will have a purring competition with our cats. Who wants to come home to a cold, sexless, b*$&@y (excuse the language), mean and nagging wife? No one. Thus, in my opinion, it does not exist. It is more of a causal and effect situation. I know many people will disagree or with the my opinions, but it is just my 2 cents.
You could be right. If we wait on our husbands and cater to their every whim, they are so happy and easy to live with. I'm a great cook so hubby is very happy. But I have to say that after working all day, getting home an hour later than hubby and finding him watching TV or having a nap in front of the TV waiting for me to get home to make dinner because he's hungry, I absolutely do get b*$&ay. Then after I make the dinner, serve it, clean up the dishes and kitchen, empty the litter trays, clean up the bathroom (he or our daughter has had a shower and left everything in a mess so it needs to be done nightly), put the dirty dishes in the dishwasher (this I have to do every hour during the evening pretty much since both hubby and daughter snack and put the dirty dishes in the sink beside the dishwasher - I've offered to give lessons on how to get that dang thing open but so far nobody is taking me up on it), and the other chores, I'm just not feeling very "sexy" - go figure! Now, if he pitched in and helped or heaven forbid just picked up after himself so I wouldn't have to, then who knows how "agreeable" I might be feeling. I saw a cute joke recently about a guy who comes home, the kids aren't dressed, his wife is in bed reading in her pajamas, the house is a total mess - he asks her what is wrong. She says nothing, how was your day? He asks again if something is wrong - she says, "you know how you ask me every day what I do all day? Well, today I didn't do it!".
post #23 of 25
Quote:
Originally Posted by watchcaddy View Post
I will have to disagree, I do not believe 7 year itch exist in men. It is an excuse that women made up for their inability to treat their men well. An excuse for their inabilities to look inward at what they have done that might have contributed to this so called "7 year itch" in their men. Men are simple animals, you treat them well, they will always come back to you. Give them plenty of food and sex and they will have a purring competition with our cats. Who wants to come home to a cold, sexless, b*$&@y (excuse the language), mean and nagging wife? No one. Thus, in my opinion, it does not exist. It is more of a causal and effect situation. I know many people will disagree or with the my opinions, but it is just my 2 cents.
How about the MAN treating his wife well? During the 12 years that we were together, my ex and I traveled, performed in shows, bought each other silly gifts and cards and had what I thought was a great sex life. I nursed him through his first heart attack and subsequent angioplasty. I even learned how to drive the antique fire trucks, that he bought. When HE failed to pay the mortgage and lost our house, I STILL stuck by him.

I wasn't the one, who was trolling the Internet for kinky sex - I was working a full-time job and actively contributing to maintain our household. Since I got home, at around 1:30 in the afternoon, we had plenty of time to spend together. Instead of pitching in, around the house, my RETIRED husband was surfing the Net, looking for someone to act out his violent fantasies with.

Treating one's man well doesn't ALWAYS work.
post #24 of 25
Quote:
Originally Posted by cheylink View Post
I think that your objection is valid but the relation is the low percentage of mid life crisis divorces. It is the age of equality, women no longer serve, honor, and obey only man. We to have a voice, a right, a contribution, a responsibility toward our needs as well.
IMO, men and women are not and probably will never be equal. The age of equality does not exist. Men and women are different biologically, and are not equal politically. Thus, the age of equality does not exist. If both sexes are truly equal, we will see closer percentage of workers in construction, closer percentage of secretarial jobs, closer percentage of engineers...etc.

I agree with you that women does not have to serve men. However, a wife/husband should honor their marriage vows which includes honor, protection, encouragement, care...etc. It is the responsibility toward each other. I believe it is spouses' job everyday to think how one can make the other spouse's day easier, and better. Rather than, " Ok, it is not my responsibility to do this today. Or, can you see I am busy with the kids, don't bother me." One will get much more in return than he/she can imagining. Little things count. Does one really need to keep scores in a marriage? That defeats the purpose of the marriage and your vows.

I would like to clarify something from my previous post. I have left out that it only applies to reasonable men. Drunks, jerks, psychos...etc do not apply as they are already messed up any sensible things ANYONE does for them is meaningless.

This is for discussion only, do not take it personal. Just expressing my opinions here on the wonderful TCS. I am not trying to start a war or trying to win a argument but rather a healthy, constructive discussion.
post #25 of 25
In May, it will be 10 years that Shawn and I have been married.We have been together for 12.
I do think that both are possible.But, I also think it has to do with the strength of commitment that you BOTH have to the relationship that determines if there IS a 7 year itch.
During our 7 year of marriage, he had lost his Dad.I think that going through that together only strengthened our relationship.Then I lost mine in 2005, so it got even stronger.
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