Should I tell her?

catloverin_ks

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I have a question. I have a friend named "Anne"......she went away for the weekend, right? Well her hubby decided to text me and call me yesterday~inviting me over and stuff. I was appalled to say the least. I told him "umm no "anne" is my friend and would never do that to her!! He then proceeds to text me a few more times.........asking if I was mad at him.


I feel bad because I love "Anne" to pieces.......I dont wanna ruin our friendship because she might not believe me, but yet-I just talked to her on the phone and I felt bad for not saying anything.

 

ilovesiamese

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I would tell her even if it meant her getting angry with you.

She will be hurt and want to lash out at someone and you'd be an easy target. If you kept the texts then you could show her them.

It would be better for you to tell yourself then have her find out down the road that he was like that and you knew all along IMO.

I'm sending some vibes your way to help with yourtough decision ahead. {{{{
}}}}
 

maddensmom

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For me, it would depend on the context of the conversations and the text messages. If it was pretty bad, I'd tell her, if you could pass it off as really bad flirting, I don't know if I would. If you think he was really serious, I would definitely tell her. I know that I would want to know if it were my husband. Maybe you could talk to him and tell him that if he doesn't want to come clean, then you will. Its a tough situation.
 

babyharley

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Originally Posted by crazyforinfo

Heck I would want to know! How bad were the texts?
I would want to know as well. If he's sending you those kind of messages, who knows who else he's sending them to as well? I'd want to know if my BF is unfaithful, or has the mind to be unfaithful... its not fair to "Anne".

If she's a true friend, she'll believe you (did you keep the texts?), show them to her and tell her you only wanted her to know because her friendship means so much to you.
 

lunasmom

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Personally I would rather hear from a friend then a stranger.

Whatever his messages were, I would calmly bring it up like "Oh so while you were a way, your husband was text messaging me..."
 

kittyprincess

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If I were you I would tell her. If I "Anne" I would want to know if my husband was texing someone else. I like what maddensmom said, tell him to come clean or you will say something. Well... I think it would be better for you because you guys are freinds and I think if he came clean she would wonder why you didnt say something first ya know? Its deff. tough, good luck!
 

lsulover

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That is a pretty tough situation to be in. I don't understand why he is texting you if he knows you are married.
 

swampwitch

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He has put you in a bad place. If you tell her, be prepared to lose her as a friend.


I would pull him aside, next time you see him, and tell him quietly and firmly to NEVER proposition you again, or you will tell Anne. Tell him if you even hear that he's doing it to another woman, you will tell Anne.

Personally, I think it is best if she doesn't hear it from you.

Good luck.
 

duchess15

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This is a tough situation to be in, but like others have already responded above me, I would tell her. Better to hear it from you than to have him deny it, etc, or worse say that you were the one that initiated it! I would also keep the text if you could to show her. Who knows who else he might be sending these to, especially if they are inappropriate or graphic.
I know this must be tough, but friends will always be there for you if they are truly your friends. You do have her best interest at heart and you don't want her to get hurt in the future.
I would want to know if it happened to me. Good Luck!
 

trouts mom

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Originally Posted by Duchess15

This is a tough situation to be in, but like others have already responded above me, I would tell her. Better to hear it from you than to have him deny it, etc, or worse say that you were the one that initiated it! I would also keep the text if you could to show her. Who knows who else he might be sending these to, especially if they are inappropriate or graphic.
I know this must be tough, but friends will always be there for you if they are truly your friends. You do have her best interest at heart and you don't want her to get hurt in the future.
I would want to know if it happened to me. Good Luck!
Good luck!
 

alexa

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I had something similar happen to me once. The boyfriend of a good friend of mine texted telling me he wanted me to come over. I was horrified and told me friend. Clearly she didn't want to hear something like that and started to defend the guy
- then I showed her the text messages.... that was enough for her to understand what he was really like, so no regrets telling her.

Good luck
 

lsulover

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Originally Posted by SwampWitch

He has put you in a bad place. If you tell her, be prepared to lose her as a friend.


I would pull him aside, next time you see him, and tell him quietly and firmly to NEVER proposition you again, or you will tell Anne. Tell him if you even hear that he's doing it to another woman, you will tell Anne.

Personally, I think it is best if she doesn't hear it from you.

Good luck.
Yeah I think I would confront him first too.
 

rosey

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If she is a good friend of yours, you need to tell her. I would feel betrayed if one of my close friends had been propositioned by my husband and said nothing to me.
If you say nothing, it's going to be real awkward seeing her from now on.

If the text messages were bad to the point of he was implying you come over and something was going to happen, I would totally tell her.
 

gingersmom

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Others have given my response: TELL her. If the tables were turned, wouldn't you rather know the truth, even if it hurt? I sure as heck would.
 

maddensmom

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This has been on my mind since I read this thread. My thoughts keep coming back to this:

Tell her. YOU have nothing to hide, and if it somehow comes out later, it will look like you were trying to hide it for one reason or another. You have no reason to protect him. Protect HER, as your friend, even if that means having to hurt her to do so.
 

lsulover

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Originally Posted by maddensmom

This has been on my mind since I read this thread. My thoughts keep coming back to this:

Tell her. YOU have nothing to hide, and if it somehow comes out later, it will look like you were trying to hide it for one reason or another. You have no reason to protect him. Protect HER, as your friend, even if that means having to hurt her to do so.
Yeah, I guess I would probably wanna know too
 

reesespbc

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I would tell her. Even if it's just something like "Your husband was asking me to come over..." If you're not friends with him, it is inappropriate I think..heck even if you were, it might still be weird. Jen and I have a mutual couple that we're friends with and if the husband invited her over when his wife and I were not around, it would still be strange.
 

natalie_ca

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Originally Posted by catloverin_ks

I have a friend named "Anne"......she went away for the weekend, right? Well her hubby decided to text me and call me yesterday~inviting me over and stuff.
Are you sure he invited you over in a context other than as friends? It's entirely possible that he missed his wife and simply wanted some platonic company.
 

lsulover

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Originally Posted by Natalie_ca

Are you sure he invited you over in a context other than as friends? It's entirely possible that he missed his wife and simply wanted some platonic company.
Even if that was the case, it doesn't look good.

I don't like it when my friends come over to my house if I am not here, and I am just talking about my female friends.
 
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