cats and senile parents!!!

MY parents are not really remembering the basic needs of their two cats. I don't want to call animal control on them and I have offered to take the cats myself but they fight me tooth and nail and ask me why do I want to break their hearts? They won't even let me take them to the vet for fear I am not going to return the cats. So it is a predicament. I realize I could remind them to feed the cats but my parents are seventy and they are not getting sharper about things and if I move I will not be able to check on the cats and make sure things are okay you know? So I think it is in the cat's best interest for me to find them a better home(s). My question is... How can I get the cats away from them. My parents are always home! Not to mention now they are aware that I want to take them away...???????

You can't just take the cats away. You need to sit down & talk with them. Are they really forgetting things? If so, try ot get a doctor involved. See if he can get them to understand...

If at all possible, I'd let the cats stay in the home. Take your parents with you when you take the cats to the vet. The cats are so good for your parents & it would break their hearts to loose them.

Is there a friend of theirs that they may be more inclined to listen to that you could get into cahoots with?

What happens if you need to place mom & dad into nursing homes when they can no longer care for their OWN needs?

Sounds to me like you love them AND their pets, and are absolutely looking out for their best interests, but you are going to need outside intervention for sure.

I wish you the best of luck - this is a difficult situation for sure.

I know it is scary to have to put them in a nursing home but my father is a little bit more conscious of things than my mother but still he is just not as concerned with them as the cats are my mom's pets. I realize I will need intervention somehow but I am afraid that my parents will dis-own me and never forgive me for taking their cats. I have to do something though! I have tried calling rescues and no one wants to get too involved or intervene, they say it is my mom and it is up to me basically. My conscience is there and it should be you know? I hate to have to take them away but this senility and lack of care is not going to get better with age- agree? I just don't know... In about 2 or 3 years I may be forced to put them in a nursing home- Gosh I hope not, that would kill me! Thank you for your support and advice...

Would an automatic feeder help? I'd hate for anyone to take my cats away for whatever reason

You know, a lot of larger municipalities have resources for seniors with pets.
They do a lot of differnt things, but mainly, their goal is to do everyting they can to keep seniors and their pets togther.
Animal control should be able to help you find such an org., just explain the situation.

Originally Posted by L. Bit

I know it is scary to have to put them in a nursing home but my father is a little bit more conscious of things than my mother but still he is just not as concerned with them as the cats are my mom's pets. I realize I will need intervention somehow but I am afraid that my parents will dis-own me and never forgive me for taking their cats. I have to do something though! I have tried calling rescues and no one wants to get too involved or intervene, they say it is my mom and it is up to me basically. My conscience is there and it should be you know? I hate to have to take them away but this senility and lack of care is not going to get better with age- agree? I just don't know... In about 2 or 3 years I may be forced to put them in a nursing home- Gosh I hope not, that would kill me! Thank you for your support and advice...

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Your parents used to punish you when you did something wrong, right? Did that make you disown them? No, you still loved them, even if on the surface you were angry enough to "hate" them. It's sort of the same thing, I think.

It becomes REALLY tough when the child has to become the parent, but please understand that even if they get angry with you, you are looking out for everyone's best interests, and you have to do what is best. And deep down, they will NEVER stop loving you.

I wish I could be of better help to you, but I totally support your position. Your heart is absolutely in the right place.

I think that might help but I am worried that if we move in the next year or so(military) that this situation with the cats AND my parents is going to get worse. I don't want to break her heart though. I will check and remind them to feed and give fresh water every day but in the long run, the situation is going to become my problem and it has already. I live about 45 minutes away and can't make it over there all the time to check on them so I guess the feeder would be good. I've even thought of hiring a pet sitter to check on the cats every day but that is just ridiculously expensive for me. I understand you guys can't solve my problem but thanks for trying and if you think of something to try, let me know...

Thank you and I will look into the municipal programs around town and find out if they have such a program for our little family. That is an excellent idea if they have something like that.

And yes it is hard to become the parent as I am fairly young to have parents as old as they are so I feel like a kid myself sometimes but facts are facts and something has to be done for everyone's sake.

I wish I could be more help. Do they have a neighbor who's willing to stop in to check on them & the kitties? What about in-home care services...then they could check on your parents & the cats?

I would get automatic feed and water dispensers and a self cleaning litter box as a start. If your parents are only 70, are you sure they are really forgetting things as much as you fear? It would be unusual for both of them to be really senile so young, as to forget to feed animals that are dependnet on them. As for taking them to the vet, make it into an outing and take your parents too. I did that with my father, and he is 93 and worries about their cat all the time!

I think my mother is VERY forgetful and sort of unaware of things but with my father it is more a matter of less interest in the cats and so he is not quite concerned with what is going on with them. He is somewhat senile but not like my mom can be. I will find something to do for them if I have to call twice a day and remind them to do these things and come over a couple times a week. I hate to move either if we do cause whether they have the cats or not they will most likely need care themselves and not even realize it... Thank you and I will try to look into more resources with the city and/or elderly services of some kind.

Originally Posted by jennyranson

I would get automatic feed and water dispensers and a self cleaning litter box as a start. If your parents are only 70, are you sure they are really forgetting things as much as you fear? It would be unusual for both of them to be really senile so young, as to forget to feed animals that are dependnet on them. As for taking them to the vet, make it into an outing and take your parents too. I did that with my father, and he is 93 and worries about their cat all the time!

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Well, if you're thinking "senile" at only 70, then technically it would be Alzheimer's or a variant--definitely a good reason to coax your folks into a doctor's office. It would be a bad coincidence for both of them to end up with it at the same time, though.

I second the suggestion of automatic dispensers--that way you can just come in weekly, refill the dispensers, and check to be sure the cats (and your parents) are OK. That shouldn't sit too badly with your parents--it gives you a chance to visit, after all; and if you are willing to refill dispensers which (if they're prone to arthritis) they may not easily be able to fill themselves... well, that's an added bonus. Basically, it's a "Mom and Dad, if you'll let me feed your cats, I'll come over every week and see you" bribe.

You really should have them go to the doctor. There are illnesses that appear as Alzheimers, but are actually treatable. Something like 50% of the "Alzheimers" patients actually have another disease, there's a dozen other ones. If it's a treatable one, you're in luck. One of them is even curable. Worst case, you find out it's not one of the others, or is but is also not treatable.

My grandmother has Alzheimers and a cat right now, so we can understand. Really, you need to get someone to come by every day. I think it's good to let them stay in the home with their pets; it will help reduce stress for them and improve their quality of life. But if they're forgetting to feed the cats, they might be forgetting other things as well. What about medicines, and using the stove?

Start early with an in-home nurse who just comes by every day. Eventually, you may need someone to stay permanently, so you want your parents to be used to that person when the time comes.

I agree with the automatic feeders. Who is buying the cat food for the cats?? If they are-just make sure they are getting the right food (ie current pet food recall). Who is keeping the litterboxes clean?? If your phone book has a goverment section I would try calling the local Commission on Aging in their city or the county they live in should have some sort of Aging/Senior Resource Center. Or if all else fail the Human Service Dept could point you in the right direction.

Actually, I myself am seeing a neurologist who specializes in alzheimer's but I am seeing him for the possiblity of epilepsy. I should recommend that my mom especially gets to a family doctor who can refer her to my neurologist. He is great with all things of that nature but especially alzheimers and memory loss of any kind. I worry about not just her forgetting about the cats but also cooking and driving... By the way, I got some revolution to put on the cats and some good cat food for urinary tract problems which is so common in cats.