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Cat lover or not, this is funny

post #1 of 11
Thread Starter 
Hope this is ok to post, if not, please accept my apologies. I found this totally amusing, cause I can see this happening to me too.

We've all had trouble with our animals, but I don't think anyone can top this one:

Calling in sick to work makes me uncomfortable. No matter how legitimate my excuse, I always get the feeling that my boss thinks I'm lying.

On one recent occasion, I had a valid reason but lied anyway, because the truth was just too darned humiliating. I simply mentioned that I had sustained a head injury, and I hoped I would feel up to coming in the next day. By then, I reasoned, I could think up a doozy to explain the bandage on the top of my head.

The accident occurred mainly because I had given in to my wife's wishes to adopt a cute little kitty.

Initially, the new acquisition was no problem. Then one morning, I was taking my shower after breakfast when I heard my wife, Deb, call out to me from kitchen.

"Honey! The garbage disposal is dead again. Please come reset it."

"You know where the button is." I protested through the shower pitter-patter and steam. "Reset it yourself!"

"But I'm scared!" she persisted. "What if it starts going and sucks me in?"

There was a meaningful pause then, "C'mom, it'll only take you a second."

So out I came, dripping wet and butt naked, hoping that my silent outraged nudity would make a statement about how I perceived her behavior as extremely cowardly.

Sighing loudly, I squatted down and stuck my head under the sink to find the button. It is the last action I remember performing.

It struck without warning, and without any respect to my circumstances. No, it wasn't the hexed disposal, drawing me into its gnashing metal teeth. It was our new kitty, who discovered the fascinating dangling objects she spied hanging between my legs. She had been poised around the corner and stalked me as I reached under the sink. And, at the precise moment when I was most vulnerable, she leapt at the toys I unwittingly offered and snagged them with her needle-like claws. I lost all rational thought to control orderly bodily movements, blindly rising at a violent rate of speed, with the full weight of the kitten hanging from my masculine region.

Wild animals are sometimes faced with a "fight or flight" syndrome. Men, in this predicament, choose only the "flight" option. I know this from experience. I was fleeing straight up into the air when the sink and cabinet bluntly and forcefully impeded my ascent.

The impact knocked me out cold. When I awoke, my wife, and the paramedics stood over me. Now there are not many things in this life worse than finding oneself lying on the kitchen floor butt naked in front of a group of "been-there, done-that" paramedics.

Even worse, having been fully briefed by my wife, the paramedics were all snorting loudly as they tried to conduct their work, all the while trying to suppress their hysterical laughter.....and not succeeding.

Somehow I lived through it all. A few days later I finally made it back in to the office, where colleagues tried to coax an explanation out of me about my head injury. I kept silent, claiming it was to painful to talk about, which it was. "What's the matter?" They all asked, "Cat got your tongue?"

If they only knew!

Why is it that only the women laugh at this?
Hope your week is better than his!
post #2 of 11

All I can say is OUCH!!
post #3 of 11
Thread Starter 
Originally Posted by catsRNmom View Post

All I can say is OUCH!!
I had sympathy pains on that one after I finished laughing. Prolly not the most delightful experience to be had.
post #4 of 11

I've heard this one many a times and still laugh!!!
post #5 of 11
Hey, I'm a guy and I'm killing myself with laughter over here!

Did she atleast cover you up before the paramedics showed up?

I hope she made it up to you, and hopefully now you know, that unless the house is on fire, put on a towel
post #6 of 11
\tMalicious pleasure is the only honest form of joy, as we say here.
post #7 of 11
But was the kitty hurt?!?!?
post #8 of 11
OMG that poor guy!

post #9 of 11
Thread Starter 
I am a guy and thought it was funny. It was in my email this morning and thought I would share it. Serves him right, sheesh. The kitty found new play things,
post #10 of 11
Haha! Such a funny story. Poor guy.

Something similar happened to us after Richard's last birthday. We came home and of course Richard had been drinking a lot. I didn't realize how drunk he was even though he was stumbling and slurring. He asked me to make him some iced tea.

While I was downstairs he stripped down and sprawled out on the bed DaVinci style, completely passed out. As I came back upstairs and turned the corner I saw it. It was almost too late, but Paris was at the foot of the bed doing a pre-pounce but-wiggle. It was like slow motion, I screamed "nooo!" and lunged around the corner spilling the iced tea. It was too late. Claws, teeth, everything were dug into him. And now you men might find this hard to believe, but Richard didn't even flinch. He was completely out!

He didn't believe it himself until the next day when he saw the claw marks!
post #11 of 11
Thread Starter 
Wow, a true drunken stupper there. Sheesh, he had to have been out to not feel that. Bet he was in a bit of pain the next day.
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