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bday invit etiquette question.

post #1 of 7
Thread Starter 
So my daughter's bday party is coming up and she only wants to invit 4 friends from ballet. Usually that's the only moms I talk to but I feel bad handing out invits around others who won't get any.

How do you handle that?
post #2 of 7
Talk to the ballet teacher. Get the other girls info and mail them the invites. If the girls your daughter wants to invite are the only moms you talk to tell them straight up that they are the only ones invited. I know its sneaky but its the best way to do it. Otherwise you may end up inviting the whole class.
post #3 of 7
I agree with getting the girls' information and just mailing them their invitations. In dd's dance class, mom gave me a heads up that she was having a party for her dtr, then handed me and 2 other moms invites. The other moms weren't even there, and there are a couple of kids in that class who could have cared less about going to her party (they're in 5th grade).

I hate birthday party invites. I ususally wind up mailing them (at least with my 10 yo dd) so there are no hurt feelings. I cannot invite 20 kids to come to my small house for a party. Dd doesn't even like some of the kids in her class, so what's the sense in inviting them? But, her teacher won't let her pass them out in class unless there is one for every single kid. This is a 4th grade class. I can understand it in 1st or 2nd grade- but by the time they're 10, you'd think they'd understand (or at least the parents should) that sometimes you don't get invited to a party.
post #4 of 7
I have to disagree...at 10 yrs, the child is more aware of cliques and being outcast so not being invited to a party is more devestating than it is to a 6 yr old.

However, mothers at the dance class are able to understand small parties. Hand the invitations to the mothers of the girls. Let them know it is a small party with just their girls. If anyone questions it, just tell a white lie...my apartment isn't big enough for the entire class.
post #5 of 7
<<I have to disagree...at 10 yrs, the child is more aware of cliques and being outcast so not being invited to a party is more devestating than it is to a 6 yr old. >>

Hmmmm. I see your point, and the teacher's point. You can't exactly teach a kid when he/she is having a meltdown in front of the whole class b/c they didn't get a birthday party invite. I have an older child who is quite sensitive. She got snubbed for a party when she was in 2nd grade- the idiot mother let her child hand out invites in front of a Brownie troop. The kid had 5 invites, there were 10 kids in the group And my dtr didn't even like the kid that was handing out the invites, and she still got VERY upset.

But then my youngest dd could care less if she didn't get invited to a party for someone she's not even friends with.
One of dd's friends tried to hand out invites a couple of days ago, the teacher wouldn't let her unless she had one for every single kid in the class. The girls mom was a little annoyed that her dtr couldn't hand them out, so I had a discussion with her on this subject before I had to go to choir practice at church Wed.
post #6 of 7
I agree to quietly and discretely give the moms the invitations, and tell them only a few of the girls could be invited and you don't want to hurt feelings.

I'm not sure the teacher would be comfortable giving out addresses... if you want an address, you should ask the person for it. You could also do phone call invitations if you have their numbers.

Happy birthday to your daughter!
post #7 of 7
Thread Starter 
I was worried about school too this morning but she got there early and the teacher put them in the kid's cubies so they picked them up when they left..i bet they didnt' have time to talk or anything cause it's spring break!! YAY

I asked my daughter is anyone was upset (just in case) and she said "nope". So I think we're ok : )
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