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Zoe: the best friend I ever had

post #1 of 24
Thread Starter 
I'm writing this one day after the loss of my beloved cat, Zoe. She was a beautiful almost 12 year old seal point balinese. Zoe had the most wonderful personality. She was always there to greet me when I walked in the door, doing her little talking, chirping conversation telling me about her day. Zoe loved to play, loved to be brushed, and just generally loved being around me and my boyfriend of 10 years. Every night she woudl come to bed with me and lie on my chest while I read in bed, until she had read enough and would go bang on the bedroom door until my boyfriend would let her out to watch tv and have "daddy time". A lot of people don't understand this, but since I have no human children, Zoe was my child. She loved to climb up on the couch and into my arms and be held like a baby. She would look at me with so much trust and unconditional love with her huge blue eyes that it made me feel so loved. Whenever I was sad she always crawled up right next to me to make me feel better. She was the most wonderful kitty.

Last year Zoe was diagnosed with IBD, and after having a bad reaction to the medication, ended up getting better on her own. At the time, we had her tested for everything, and she was perfectly healthy. Then this fall, she began vomiting again. We assumed it was a flare up of the IBD. The vet concurred. When she stopped vomiting, but lost her appitite and was losing weight, the vert told us that we should just keep feeding her foods she liked. Finally last Wednesday we went back to the vet for the third time since Dec, determined to get some help. They did an ultrsound and found my worst fear. She had lymphoma in her stomach and it was such that it was not operable. On the vets recommendation, I decded against radiation or chemo, but put her on a steroid that had a chance of shrinking the tumor and giving her more time feeling fine. Keep in mind that at this point, although she was skinny, she was still herself, clowning around, cuddling, talking, sitting with us, etc. Not hiding or seeming sick. After 3 days on the steroid, I noticed that she seemed wobbly. I stopped the steroid, and verified with the vet this was the right thing to do. Then Zoe got worse and worse. She couldn't walk anymore, as if she had lost all of her muscle control. Her eyes were dilated and would roll back in her little head. I had to carry her to the litter box and hold her there so that she could go to the bathroom. After three days of trying to feed her and give her water through a syringe, we finally had to admit that she was dying and was in pain. Boyfriend and I took her in yesterday morning to release her from her pain. It was one week after her cancer diagnosis.

One week from being skinny but healthy and playful to passing on. I am so filled with grief and loneliness. I haven't slept much in the last 5 or 6 days. I know that this unbearable period of grief will pass eventually and I will be left with the good memories and those are so many. I just am so sad to lose my little baby girl. She was truly the light of my life. She was still so young. I thought we would have many more years together. I found this site and it seems like other people have gone through the same thing. Reading your stories tells me that I am not alone. Thanks for listening.
post #2 of 24
Zoe sounds like such a sweet girl. Please let those good memories heal your heart as you think of her. I'm so sorry, and I have you both in my thoughts.
post #3 of 24
What a wonderful friend to have such beautiful memories of. You did the right thing by helping her pass. I hope all of your precious moments together help you through this time. *hugs*
post #4 of 24
I am so sorry for your loss

It sounds as if she was a wonderful friend and companion to you and had a good life full of love. I know that is not much consolation to you right now, your heart must be breaking.

Rest in peace Zoe
post #5 of 24
I am so sorry to hear about Zoe. It is like losing your child when they pass on. It is heartbreaking. You did the right thing for Zoe, and she is free from the body that made her so sick. The physical body is a shell, the spirit lives on. Zoe will always be with you in spirit, watching over you.

My cats are my children too. Everytime I got maternal I got a kitten.

My thoughts and prayers are with you and your BF,

post #6 of 24
I am so sorry for your loss.
What sweet memories to have of Zoe.
Rest in peace Zoe, play happy at the bridge.
post #7 of 24
I am so sorry for your loss, just know that your beautiful Zoe is now over at the Bridge, and she is healthy once again.

post #8 of 24

I am so sorry! This is the only downside there is to being a cat-parent: seeing them suffering, and having to say "good-bye". It is so hard!!

I have been in your shoes, and I grieve with you for your sweet Zoe. Yes, you're right, the pain will ease and some day you will be able to think about all the wonderful times you enjoyed with her, you will be able to think of her and smile--but right now you are grieving, and grief is totally natural. If crying makes you feel any better, go ahead and cry. Talk about her all you want! When I lost my beloved Malkin (he too had cancer ), I sat down and wrote him a letter, just as if I were talking to him. It may sound kind of silly, but it truly helped me. I felt as if he heard what I was saying, that he knew how very much I loved and will always love him, and that comforted me. And knowing that he--and my other beloved furchildren I have lost--is waiting for me at the Rainbow Bridge is a great comfort also!

And I totally understand when you say Zoe was your child! I am now blessed with a beautiful 10-year-old orange-and-cream girl named Amber, who is the light of my life, and she is most definitely my child!!! I cannot imagine life without my furbabies, and you and I are definitely not alone in that!

I see that this is your first post. Please stick around, there are lots of terrific people here, and best of all, everyone here shares your love of kitties!! And you will find too that people here are so understanding and so sympathetic to your loss--I expect we have all been thru that and know how painful it is.

Please know that you and your lovely, funny, beautiful Zoe are in my thoughts and prayers.

RIP, sweet Zoe. Play happily with your new friends over the Rainbow Bridge until that joyful day when you are reunited with your mommy.

Warm hugs,
post #9 of 24
I am so sorry you lost your Zoe Have peace in knowing she is healthy, happy, and playing at Rainbow Bridge.
post #10 of 24
I am so very sorry for your loss, it is so hard to lose them so soon after diagnosis, mine always seem to go 2 weeks after the vet says it is up to me to decide. At least it gives us time to say goodbye and to shower them with as much love as we can, but as Queen of Egypt says, it is the downside to being a cat parent - I live on my own, so mine are like my babies too. RIP little one, and big hugs to you
post #11 of 24
What a precious little cherub Zoe sounds to be You did a really difficult thing by letting Zoe go, but at the same time you made sure she had a quality of life by putting her first

Play happily at the bridge Zoe, and know you were loved so much by your mum and dad

post #12 of 24
I'm so sorry you had to say goodbye to your darling Zoe. I know how hard it is to let them go, when we love them so so much.

She is happy now and free from pain and there are a lot of wonderful kitties over the bridge to help her settle in, including my Alley girl.

You will see her again someday.

post #13 of 24
So So sorry to hear about Zoe, RIP little girl

Almost the same thing happened with my previous cat Lucy, she was diagnosed with lymphomas, she had a course of steriods and she did receive chemotherapy, but after a very short time (about a week) we had to have her put down, the day after my birthday , this was just over two years ago.....the pain does get easier, at the time I never thought I would ever get over it, but I have and I only now think about the good times we had together...

(((hugs))) to you...xx
post #14 of 24
Oh my I am so sorry and my thoughts & hugs are with you what a special girl Zoe was and you obviously have some wonderful memories, hopefully those memories will bring a smile to your face time

RIP Precious Zoe, you are in a special place with some special kittes

look down now and then, your moma & papa misses & loves you so
post #15 of 24
Originally Posted by Kellyyfaber View Post
What a wonderful friend to have such beautiful memories of. You did the right thing by helping her pass. I hope all of your precious moments together help you through this time. *hugs*
it's hard for us, but the right thing for them. to you during this time of grief...
post #16 of 24
I'm so sorry that your lost your dear girl Zoe! It's so difficult when we lose a loved one, but the day will come when you can look back upon memories with smiles instead of tears! It just takes a long time. Just know that she loved you dearly, and you were her beloved Mom. She's playing happily over the rainbow bridge, healthy again, just waiting for the day in the far off future when you will see each other again! Until that day comes, think of her with love! Rest peacefully Zoe!
post #17 of 24
I am so sorry for your loss of Zoe. She sounds like she was a wonderful furry daughter May she rest in peace.
post #18 of 24
I'm sorry for your loss. Zoe sounded like a wonderful furbaby. RIP sweetheart.
post #19 of 24
Oh, I'm so sorry that you're going through this. I know how hard it is. The suggestion made about writing a letter is a great one... I did the same with my little poodle puppy, Radar, whom I lost unexpectedly this past Saturday. It helped to clear my head... and say goodbye.

Try to remember the good times and all of the little tricks that Zoe used to make you smile... thinking of them often will help to mute the pain and keep her memory crisp and clear.

I'm not a religious person, but I do believe that the soul of an animal on a mission is a powerful thing... and I suspect that she will be near you until you're ready to let her go. Remember that she loved you and knows very well how much you loved her.
post #20 of 24
What a wonderful tribute you wrote about Zoe.. I am so sorry for you loss..Hugs and prayers are coming your way from us..RIP sweet Zoe.
post #21 of 24
Thread Starter 
Thank you all for your wonderful words to comfort me about losing my precious girl. I've really been struggling, and feeling so sad and missing her so much. I am trying to think of all the good times, and I know that in time, those are the ones that I will remember. She was such a part of me, and I miss her so much. I have always thought that when the time came I would not be the kind of parent who let her kitty suffer, and I am glad that I dind't let it go on for too long. However, my heart is broken and I have moments when I wish that she was still here with me, even though she was sick. I know that is selfish, but I just wish I could see her little face and look into her eyes once again. So thanks you for your wonderful words. I had her individually cremated and will get the ashes back in a couple of weeks. The ground is frozen here in Minnesota, but once it thaws we'll have a special time when we can say goodbye and bury her ashes at my parents place by the lake, which will be a beautiful spot for her. Thank you for your comfort. It is good to hear from people who really understand.
post #22 of 24
Thread Starter 
I thought you might like to see a picture of my wonderful girl. Here it is. You'll see what I mean by her beautiful blue eyes.
post #23 of 24
I am so sorry to hear of your loss of Zoe. I totally understand that she was your daughter. I call all my kits my children. I firmly believe that our beloved kits go to the Rainbow Bridge with all the love we had for them on earth. There they share the love with others at the Bridge that may not have know such love on earth. Right now Zoe is sharing so much love that you had for her. My all your good memories of her sustain you in this difficult time.

post #24 of 24
I am so sorry about Zoe, I hope soon you can find comfort in your memories of this special Angel
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