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Bratty "Tween"

post #1 of 12
Thread Starter 
Anyone else here struggling with a 12 year old girl teen wannabe?
She is driving us crazy!!! Everything we ask her to do she argues and yells at us and compares her chores with her siblings chores. EVERYTHING is a fight anymore. She is so stubborn.........when does it get better?
post #2 of 12
Quote:
Originally Posted by Barblynnp View Post
Anyone else here struggling with a 12 year old girl teen wannabe?
She is driving us crazy!!! Everything we ask her to do she argues and yells at us and compares her chores with her siblings chores. EVERYTHING is a fight anymore. She is so stubborn.........when does it get better?
I am afraid not for a while, at least it didn't with my daughter, it is not their fault though, all their little hormones are just going nuts. And my daughter was a good girl too, when she did that I just told her to go away some wheres and quit aggravating me.
post #3 of 12
It's not going away for a while...so gird your loins & prepare yourself! Don't give in...she needs to know you're in charge and she isn't. If she figures out that she can get away with stuff because you give in, you'll find yourself doing that more & more...don't do it! Stand firm...but be loving...

Good luck...my the force be with you!

Hilda>^..^<
post #4 of 12
Not having been a parent before you can read through this and just toss the advice if you don't think its practical...

But I would suggest having very set consequences for her not doing particular tasks, then immediately follow through if she defies you. For instance, if one of her chores is to wash the dishes, then you let her know ahead of time that if she chooses not to do the dishes, then that's okay, but she'll lose her TV priveleges for the next day or two. Or if she fights with a sibling, then she can't do X thing that she likes to do for some set period of time.

Like others have said, its a crazy time, and I think one of the best thing you could do is structure like crazy. So don't argue with her - just give her a task to do and a consequence if she doesn't do it. She can have her say, but if she does it in a nasty way, then she gets X consequence. And if she argues with that, then its another consequence. Then you follow through consistently, no exceptions. She's probably doing at least a little testing to see how far she can get, since she feels like she is growing up and wants to do more and more "older girl" things.

Anyhow, that's just my thought on it. Any way you look at it, its a tough time, so I wish you the best of luck!
post #5 of 12
My daughter is now 18 and I am still waiting...maybe 20-21 she will return back to be my friend..As was previosly stated, don't give in..she still needs you to be in charge. Good luck.
post #6 of 12
I don't have a daughter, but I do have a 13 year-old stepson that lives with us, and for the most part is a very good kid. I taught middle school (junior high), for 3 years, however, and this age tends to bring out the hormonal demons in the girls in much uglier ways than the boys overall, so get ready to grow a thick skin!

You will have to learn to pick your battles. Do NOT allow her to speak to you in a disrespectful tone, but also recognize the things in her behavior that are best to be ignored...it will do neither of you any good to nit-pick over every irritating thing she does. Give her privacy and respect, and hold her to high expectations...after all, if you want to act like a big girl or a grown-up, that comes with certain responsibilities, as you well know. Approach certain things with humor, and DO NOT allow her to argue with you about chores, and responsibilities. If it looks like she's about to let loose, lay down the law, before she gets warmed up...tell her "I expect you to speak in a respectful voice. I've asked you to__________, and I won't hear anything more about it." And be CONSISTENT. If she utters yet one more syllable after this statement, time for the consequences!!! After about 2 or 3 of these situations, she may give up, and realize that it's best to just hop to it, rather than argue.

Good luck, and stay strong! It takes a special person to raise a pre-teen girl!
post #7 of 12
All I can really add is good luck! I'm the oldest of 5 kids, 3 being girls. We were all different, but then my step-sisters lived through most of that stage with their mother in another state. Currently we have the youngest pregnant at 18 and she's reminding me of a 12 year old.... I love her but gosh!
post #8 of 12
Sounds like she wants to grow up real bad! Tell her it's actually not that great being a teenager.
post #9 of 12
I don't think it ever gets better. My lil sis turned 16 yesterday. Been lipping off ot mom all day, got flowers for her birthday from a boy who is a dirtbag.... I honestly never was one of those kids!
post #10 of 12
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sandtigress View Post
Not having been a parent before you can read through this and just toss the advice if you don't think its practical...

But I would suggest having very set consequences for her not doing particular tasks, then immediately follow through if she defies you. For instance, if one of her chores is to wash the dishes, then you let her know ahead of time that if she chooses not to do the dishes, then that's okay, but she'll lose her TV priveleges for the next day or two. Or if she fights with a sibling, then she can't do X thing that she likes to do for some set period of time.

Like others have said, its a crazy time, and I think one of the best thing you could do is structure like crazy. So don't argue with her - just give her a task to do and a consequence if she doesn't do it. She can have her say, but if she does it in a nasty way, then she gets X consequence. And if she argues with that, then its another consequence. Then you follow through consistently, no exceptions. She's probably doing at least a little testing to see how far she can get, since she feels like she is growing up and wants to do more and more "older girl" things.

Anyhow, that's just my thought on it. Any way you look at it, its a tough time, so I wish you the best of luck!
That is some preety good advice, and I agree with you. When my daughter was growing up there were rules and if you didn't follow the rules then you were gonna suffer the consequences. They always do what was gonna happen ahead of time. And I never gave in. That is the hard part. You are the parent and they are the child.

That is why we have so much trouble with the older kids at the day care. Parents are not in charge any more, the kids are calling all the shots.
post #11 of 12
Aaaaah, I can't help you there..I'm sure I WAS a bratty tween. I am okay now though...13 years later. I would say you have at least 7 more years to go of that attitude Good luck!
post #12 of 12
You asked when it gets better..........I have a 16 year old and it HASN"T gotten any better.I just love the fact that they *think* they know it all and they know better.They have such a hard life..........LOL!!!
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