Rules Of The South...Y'all

hilda>^..^<

TCS Member
Thread starter
Top Cat
Joined
Jan 4, 2007
Messages
1,755
Purraise
2
Location
Magnolia, Texas
Hehe...just got this in my inbox...thought I'd pass it on...

1. Pull your saggy pants up. You look like an idiot.

2. Turn your cap around right, your head ain't crooked.

3. Let's get this straight; it's called a "dirt road." I drive a pickup truck because I want to. No matter how slow you
drive, you're going to get dust on your Lexus. Drive it or get out of the way.

4. They are called cows & hogs. That's why they smell to you.
They smell like money to us. Get over it. Don't like it? I-75 goes north, I-10 goes west. Pick one.

5. So you have a $60,000 car. We're impressed. We have $250,000 cotton pickers that are driven only 4 weeks a year.

6. So every person in the south waves. It's called being friendly. Try to understand the concept.

7. If that cell phone rings while a bunch of doves are coming in, we WILL shoot it out of your hand. You better hope you
don't have it up to your ear at the time.

8. Yeah, we eat catfish & crawfish. You really want sushi & caviar? It's available at the corner bait shop.

9. The "Opener" refers to the first day of deer season. It's a religious holiday held the closest Saturday to the first of
November.

10. We open doors for women. That is applied to all women, regardless of age.

11. No, there's no "vegetarian special" on the menu.
Order steak. Or you can order the Chef's Salad and pick off the 2 pounds of ham & turkey.

12. When we fill out a table, there are three main dishes: meats,
vegetables, and breads. We use three spices: salt, pepper, and ketchup!
Oh, yeah.... We don't care what you folks in Cincinnati call that stuff you eat... IT AIN'T REAL CHILI!! Real chili never met a
tomato!

13. You bring "coke" into my house, it better be brown, wet and served over ice. You bring "Mary Jane" into my house, she
better be cute, know how to shoot, drive a truck, and have long hair.

14. College and High School Football is as important here as the Lakers and the Knicks, and a dang site more fun to watch.

15. Yeah, we have golf courses. But don't hit the water hazards -- it spooks the fish.

16. Colleges? We have them all over. We have State Universities, Universities, and Vo-techs. They come outta there
with an education plus a love for God and country, and they still wave at everybody when they come for the holidays.

17. We have more folks in the Army, Navy, Air Force, and Marines. So don't mess with us. If you do, you will get whipped by the best.

18. We say ya'll,get used to it.

19. The south is the greatest!! If you are from the south you are part of the best people in the USA!!


Hilda>^..^<
 

zissou'smom

TCS Member
Top Cat
Joined
Jan 11, 2006
Messages
6,482
Purraise
8


I beg to differ about that chili though. What y'all call chili is just sloppy joe filling without ketchup
 
  • Thread Starter Thread Starter
  • #6

hilda>^..^<

TCS Member
Thread starter
Top Cat
Joined
Jan 4, 2007
Messages
1,755
Purraise
2
Location
Magnolia, Texas
Originally Posted by Zissou'sMom



I beg to differ about that chili though. What y'all call chili is just sloppy joe filling without ketchup


...''y'all''...


Hilda>^..^<
 

maddensmom

TCS Member
Top Cat
Joined
Oct 15, 2005
Messages
2,145
Purraise
1
Location
NE Arkansas
Hilda, thanks for sharing!! That was awesome!





Originally Posted by Zissou'sMom



I beg to differ about that chili though. What y'all call chili is just sloppy joe filling without ketchup
 

gemlady

TCS Member
Top Cat
Joined
Dec 5, 2004
Messages
18,820
Purraise
31
Location
SW Indiana
I've seen this in other variations including this...

20 THINGS TO KEEP IN MIND WHEN YOU VISIT THE MIDWEST

This is for those of you from the Midwest, those that can spell Midwest, and those that think they know where Midwest is…

Because of misunderstandings that frequently develop when Easterners and Californians cross the 12 Midwestern states (Illinois, Indiana, Iowa, Kansas, Michigan, Minnesota, Missouri, Nebraska, North Dakota, Ohio, South Dakota, and Wisconsin) the Tourism Councils in those states have adopted a new policy. In an effort to help outsiders understand the rural Midwesterner’s mind, the following list will be handed to each person as they enter any Midwestern State.

1. That slope-shouldered farm boy did more work before breakfast than you do all week at the gym.

2. It’s called a “gravel road”. No matter how slow you drive, you’re going to get dust on your BMW x-what the hell. I have a four-wheel drive because I need it. Either drive yours or get it out of the way.

3. Any references to ‘corn fed’ when talking about our women will get you whipped – by our women – and you won’t enjoy it.

4. Go ahead and bring your $600 Orvis Fly Rod. Don’t come crying to us if a flathead breaks it off at the handle. We have a name for those little 13-inch trout you fish for – “bait”.

5. Pull your pants up. You look like an idiot.

6. If that cell phone rings while a bunch of mallards are making their final approach, we will shoot it. You might hope you don’t have it up to your ear at the time.

7. There’s no vegetarian special on the menu. Order steak. Order it rare. Or you can order the Chef’s Salad and pick off the two pounds of ham, turkey, and cheese. Yeah, we have sweet tea. It comes in a tall glass with two packets of sugar and a long spoon.

8. No, we don’t eat too much here: we just know how to eat. Our men don’t get big and strong here by chewing on organic celery sticks while drinking a chai tea latte. They grow up big and strong by eating their mama’s home-made meat loaf, real mashed potatoes with gravy, corn on the cob from their garden, home-made biscuits, followed by a few pieces of apple pie made with apples from the orchard and a big healthy glass of whole milk from our award winning dairy cows. As to how we work off what we eat, see #1above.

9. If you bring Coke into my house it had better be brown, wet, and served over ice.

10. So you have a sixty thousand dollar car. We’re really impressed. We have quarter of a million dollar combines that we use two weeks a year.

11. Let’s get this straight. We have one stop light in town. We stop when it’s red. We may even stop when it’s yellow.

12. Our women fish, hunt, and drive trucks – because they want to. So you’re a feminist. Isn’t that cute.

13. Yeah, we eat catfish and turtle. You really want sushi and caviar? It’s available at the bait shop.

14. They are pigs. That’s what they smell like. Get over it. Don’t like it? Interstate 40 goes two ways – Interstate 35 goes the other two. Pick one and use it accordingly.

15. So every person in every pickup waves. It’s called being friendly. Understand the concept?

16. Yeah, we have golf courses. Don’t hit your ball in the water hazards. It spooks the fish.

17. That State Trooper that just pulled you over for driving like an idiot? His name is “Sir” - no matter how old he is.

18. You may think we’re boring people because most of us are farmers, but you’d better stop to think where most of your food comes from first. Didn’t your mama ever tell you it’s not polite to talk with your mouth full? We work hard to provide our country with the food and dairy it need to feed its people. In other words, we’re too busy working to listen to you whine and complain. By the way, we’re not boring – just come into one of our local taverns on a Friday night and we’ll show you our idea of a good time. Oh, better not plan anything for Saturday or Sunday. You’ll need that long to recuperate from Friday night if you’re going to keep up with the locals.

19. No, that is not Bambi standing in that cornfield. It is a deer, and yes, we shoot them and eat them here. You want low-fat meat? There’s nothing better than a lean venison steak. Don’t like the fact that we shoot them? Try to remember that the next time one runs out of nowhere and it does $15,000 damage to your $60,000 Beemer.

20. Cheese is it’s own food group, and yes, it goes with everything - even apple pie.

Have a Nice Midwest Day.
 
  • Thread Starter Thread Starter
  • #9

hilda>^..^<

TCS Member
Thread starter
Top Cat
Joined
Jan 4, 2007
Messages
1,755
Purraise
2
Location
Magnolia, Texas
#s 3, 8 & 12! I love 'em!

Thanks for postin' that!

Anyone else have somethin' from their neck 'o the woods to share?


Hilda>^..^<
 

reesespbc

TCS Member
Top Cat
Joined
Nov 13, 2006
Messages
2,411
Purraise
1
Location
Baldwinville, MA
Mind if I throw in a New England one?

----

If your local Dairy Queen is closed from September through May.

If someone at Home Depot offers you assistance, and they don't work there.

If you've worn shorts and a parka at the same time.

If you've had a lengthy telephone conversation with someone who dialed a wrong number.

If you measure distance in hours.

If you know several people who have hit a deer more than once.

If you have switched from "heat" to "A/C" in the same day, and back again.

If you can drive 65 mph through 2 feet of snow during a raging blizzard without flinching.

If you install security lights on your house and garage but leave both unlocked.

If you design your kid's Halloween costume to fit over a snowsuit.

If you think driving is better in the winter because the potholes are filled with snow.

If you know all 4 seasons: almost winter, winter, still winter, and road construction.
 

strange_wings

TCS Member
Top Cat
Joined
Dec 20, 2006
Messages
13,498
Purraise
39
Not much to add but there's a definite blend the south and Midwest "rules" here. Though they should have added something about calling other people Ma'am and Sir on both of those lists.
 

babyharley

TCS Member
Top Cat
Joined
Aug 17, 2005
Messages
25,708
Purraise
2
Location
Minnesota
Originally Posted by gemlady

I've seen this in other variations including this...

20 THINGS TO KEEP IN MIND WHEN YOU VISIT THE MIDWEST

This is for those of you from the Midwest, those that can spell Midwest, and those that think they know where Midwest is…

Because of misunderstandings that frequently develop when Easterners and Californians cross the 12 Midwestern states (Illinois, Indiana, Iowa, Kansas, Michigan, Minnesota, Missouri, Nebraska, North Dakota, Ohio, South Dakota, and Wisconsin) the Tourism Councils in those states have adopted a new policy. In an effort to help outsiders understand the rural Midwesternerâ€[emoji]8482[/emoji]s mind, the following list will be handed to each person as they enter any Midwestern State.

1. That slope-shouldered farm boy did more work before breakfast than you do all week at the gym.

2. Itâ€[emoji]8482[/emoji]s called a “gravel roadâ€. No matter how slow you drive, youâ€[emoji]8482[/emoji]re going to get dust on your BMW x-what the hell. I have a four-wheel drive because I need it. Either drive yours or get it out of the way.

3. Any references to ‘corn fedâ€[emoji]8482[/emoji] when talking about our women will get you whipped – by our women – and you wonâ€[emoji]8482[/emoji]t enjoy it.

4. Go ahead and bring your $600 Orvis Fly Rod. Donâ€[emoji]8482[/emoji]t come crying to us if a flathead breaks it off at the handle. We have a name for those little 13-inch trout you fish for – “baitâ€.

5. Pull your pants up. You look like an idiot.

6. If that cell phone rings while a bunch of mallards are making their final approach, we will shoot it. You might hope you donâ€[emoji]8482[/emoji]t have it up to your ear at the time.

7. Thereâ€[emoji]8482[/emoji]s no vegetarian special on the menu. Order steak. Order it rare. Or you can order the Chefâ€[emoji]8482[/emoji]s Salad and pick off the two pounds of ham, turkey, and cheese. Yeah, we have sweet tea. It comes in a tall glass with two packets of sugar and a long spoon.

8. No, we donâ€[emoji]8482[/emoji]t eat too much here: we just know how to eat. Our men donâ€[emoji]8482[/emoji]t get big and strong here by chewing on organic celery sticks while drinking a chai tea latte. They grow up big and strong by eating their mamaâ€[emoji]8482[/emoji]s home-made meat loaf, real mashed potatoes with gravy, corn on the cob from their garden, home-made biscuits, followed by a few pieces of apple pie made with apples from the orchard and a big healthy glass of whole milk from our award winning dairy cows. As to how we work off what we eat, see #1above.

9. If you bring Coke into my house it had better be brown, wet, and served over ice.

10. So you have a sixty thousand dollar car. Weâ€[emoji]8482[/emoji]re really impressed. We have quarter of a million dollar combines that we use two weeks a year.

11. Letâ€[emoji]8482[/emoji]s get this straight. We have one stop light in town. We stop when itâ€[emoji]8482[/emoji]s red. We may even stop when itâ€[emoji]8482[/emoji]s yellow.

12. Our women fish, hunt, and drive trucks – because they want to. So youâ€[emoji]8482[/emoji]re a feminist. Isnâ€[emoji]8482[/emoji]t that cute.

13. Yeah, we eat catfish and turtle. You really want sushi and caviar? Itâ€[emoji]8482[/emoji]s available at the bait shop.

14. They are pigs. Thatâ€[emoji]8482[/emoji]s what they smell like. Get over it. Donâ€[emoji]8482[/emoji]t like it? Interstate 40 goes two ways – Interstate 35 goes the other two. Pick one and use it accordingly.

15. So every person in every pickup waves. Itâ€[emoji]8482[/emoji]s called being friendly. Understand the concept?

16. Yeah, we have golf courses. Donâ€[emoji]8482[/emoji]t hit your ball in the water hazards. It spooks the fish.

17. That State Trooper that just pulled you over for driving like an idiot? His name is “Sir†- no matter how old he is.

18. You may think weâ€[emoji]8482[/emoji]re boring people because most of us are farmers, but youâ€[emoji]8482[/emoji]d better stop to think where most of your food comes from first. Didnâ€[emoji]8482[/emoji]t your mama ever tell you itâ€[emoji]8482[/emoji]s not polite to talk with your mouth full? We work hard to provide our country with the food and dairy it need to feed its people. In other words, weâ€[emoji]8482[/emoji]re too busy working to listen to you whine and complain. By the way, weâ€[emoji]8482[/emoji]re not boring – just come into one of our local taverns on a Friday night and weâ€[emoji]8482[/emoji]ll show you our idea of a good time. Oh, better not plan anything for Saturday or Sunday. Youâ€[emoji]8482[/emoji]ll need that long to recuperate from Friday night if youâ€[emoji]8482[/emoji]re going to keep up with the locals.

19. No, that is not Bambi standing in that cornfield. It is a deer, and yes, we shoot them and eat them here. You want low-fat meat? Thereâ€[emoji]8482[/emoji]s nothing better than a lean venison steak. Donâ€[emoji]8482[/emoji]t like the fact that we shoot them? Try to remember that the next time one runs out of nowhere and it does $15,000 damage to your $60,000 Beemer.

20. Cheese is itâ€[emoji]8482[/emoji]s own food group, and yes, it goes with everything - even apple pie.

Have a Nice Midwest Day.
Those are so true! I love that!
 
  • Thread Starter Thread Starter
  • #13

hilda>^..^<

TCS Member
Thread starter
Top Cat
Joined
Jan 4, 2007
Messages
1,755
Purraise
2
Location
Magnolia, Texas
Originally Posted by gemlady

17. That State Trooper that just pulled you over for driving like an idiot? His name is “Sir†- no matter how old he is.
Originally Posted by strange_wings

Not much to add but there's a definite blend the south and Midwest "rules" here. Though they should have added something about calling other people Ma'am and Sir on both of those lists.
Um, yeah, I agree...does that one count?

Hilda>^..^<
 

strange_wings

TCS Member
Top Cat
Joined
Dec 20, 2006
Messages
13,498
Purraise
39
Originally Posted by Hilda>^..^<

Um, yeah, I agree...does that one count?
Not entirely
It should be - anyone older than you, in a position of respect, or used to be polite, and if you don't use it... well lets just say maybe more children need to be taught this.



When I lived in Michigan for a year it was quite shocking to me, very few people said ma'am, sir, or held doors for each other!
 
  • Thread Starter Thread Starter
  • #15

hilda>^..^<

TCS Member
Thread starter
Top Cat
Joined
Jan 4, 2007
Messages
1,755
Purraise
2
Location
Magnolia, Texas
Oh I definitely agree with you on that! Too much disrespect going on these days....

Hilda>^..^<
 

gailc

TCS Member
Top Cat
Joined
May 18, 2004
Messages
11,567
Purraise
13
Location
Wisconsin
The prices of the farm eqipment might be incorrect!! I think they cost a little bit more than that now-and when they are on the road-they are doing their job you either follow them or hope they can pull over (except combines usually take up most of two lanes!!)
 

momof3rugratz

TCS Member
Top Cat
Joined
Mar 23, 2006
Messages
8,908
Purraise
1
Location
Clinton, Utah
Originally Posted by Zissou'sMom



I beg to differ about that chili though. What y'all call chili is just sloppy joe filling without ketchup
LOL This is what we call it Ya'll LOL

my friends get mad at me cause I warsh the laundry not wash LOL. I am so redneck
 

lionessrampant

TCS Member
Top Cat
Joined
Jun 14, 2005
Messages
4,161
Purraise
6
Location
Windy City Kitty :)
Chicago is in the midwest but we're not very "midwestern"...although we've still got the friendiness going for us!
Without further ado....

Welcome to Chicago!

First, you must learn to pronounce the city name. It is Chi-caahhhw-go, or Cha-ca-ga, depending on if you live North or South of Roosevelt Rd.

Next, if your road map is more than a few weeks old, throw it out and buy a new one.
If you are in Naperville and your map is one day old, then it is already obsolete.

Forget the traffic rules you learned elsewhere.
Chicago has its own version of traffic rules... "Hold on and pray."

There is no such thing as a dangerous high-speed chase in Chicago.
We all drive like that.

All directions start with, "I-94"... which has no beginning and no end.

The morning rush hour is from 6 to 10.
The evening rush hour is from 3 to 7.
Friday's rush hour starts Thursday morning.

If you actually stop at a yellow light, you will be rear ended, cussed out and, if you happen to be on the south side, possibly shot.

When you are the first one on the starting line, count to five when the light turns green before going to avoid crashing with all the drivers running the red light in cross-traffic but be prepared to hear the horns from all the cars behind you because you didn't immediately start moving.

Construction on Northwest Tollway is a way of life and a permanent form of entertainment.


All unexplained sights are explained by the phrase, "Oh, we're in Cicero!"

If someone actually has their turn signal on, it is probably a factory defect.

Car horns are actually "Road Rage" indicators.

All old ladies with blue hair in Mercedes have the right of way. Period!

First Ave, LaGrange Rd, Pulaski, NW Highway...all mysteriously change names as you cross intersections.

If you are asking directions in Cicero you must have knowledge of Spanish.
In Bridgeport, Mandarin Chinese will be your best bet.
If you stop to ask directions on the West or South side, you'd better be armed.

A trip across town (east to west) will take a minimum of four hours, although many north/south freeways have unposted minimum speeds of 75.
The minimum acceptable speed on the Dan Ryan is 85. Anything less is considered downright sissy.

The wrought iron on windows near Englewood and Austin is NOT ornamental.

The Eisenhower Expressway is our daily version of NASCAR.
The Dan Ryan is called "The Death Trap" for two reasons: "death" and "trap."

If it's 100 degrees, it's Taste of Chicago time.
If it's 10 degrees and sleeting/snowing, it's opening day at Sox Park.
If it has rained 6 inches in the last hour, the Western open Golf Classic is in the second round.
If you go to Wrigley Field, pay the $25 to park in the "Cubs Lot". Parking elsewhere could cost up to $2500 for damages, towing fees, parking tickets, etc. If some guy with a flag tries to get you to park in his yard', run over him.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------

You say "Wanna go with?" when you mean "Do you want to come with me?"

You know what Kennedy, Dan Ryan, Eisenhower, Edens, and Bishop Ford, have in common and curse one of them daily.

You know what "the Hillside strangler is."

You can name three or four extra taxes nobody else pays.

You know the difference between Richard J Daley and Richard M Daley.

You can use two or three Daleyisms in context.

You can imitate the Mayor's whine.

You say Chicawgo and not Chicaago.

You think going to a Bears game in single digit temperatures with a wind off the lake (and freezing rain) is fun.

Da is a proper definite article.

You expect corruption in local politics.

You go to the Dells in the summer to get away from the other 20 thousand that followed you.

You've been caught speeding in Wisconsin because you had Illinois plates.

You guard your shoveled parking space with an old chair and unusable broom.

You know why they call it "the Windy City."

You know dead people who voted.

You understand the Democratic machine and don't fight against it.

You've never ever considered the idea of hiring non-union laborers.

You've never been to Springfield.

You know a good gyros joint.

You know what Giordanos, Lou Malnati's, and Gino's have in common.

You know when the last time the Cubs won a pennant.

You know exactly how many cars are "legally" allowed to turn left after the light turns red.

You don't know which ethnic "fest" to choose on any given Summer weekend.

Your idea of relaxing and getting away from it all is Ravinia (with 10,000 others who have the same idea).

You can recite many of "The Blues Brothers" lines and know where they filmed certain scenes.

You consider paying someone to watch your car at a sporting event as just another "city tax."

The "Living Room" is called the "front room"

You don't pronounce the "s" at the end of Illinois. You become irate at people who do

You measure distance in minutes (especially "from the city"). And you swear everything is pretty much 15 minutes away

You refer to anything South of I-80 as "Southern Illinois"

You refer to Lake Michigan as "The Lake"

You refer to Chicago as "The City"

"The Super Bowl" refers to one specific game in a series of 35 played in January of 1986

You have two favorite football teams: The Bears, and anyone who beats the Packers!

You buy "The Trib"

You think 35 degrees is great weather to wash your car!

You know what goes on a Chicago Style Hot Dog

You know what Chicago Style Pizza REALLY is

You understand what "lake-effect" means

You know the difference between Amtrak and Metra, and know which station they end up at. You have ridden the "L"

You can distinguish between the following area codes: 847,630,773,708, 312, & 815

You respond to the question "Where are you from" with a side" example:"WEST SIDE", "SOUTH SIDE" or "NORTHSIDE."

You know what the phone number is to Empire Carpet!

You wear gym shoes, not sneakers.

Your favorite melody to hum is "Bang,Bang,Bang-Skeet,Skeet,Skeet!!!!"

You faithfully attended Lil Louis parties at The Bismarck.

You GOT to have spaghetti at your barbecue.

You are STILL a Bulls fan........

You think kicking it outside of White Castles parking lot, (79th and Stony Island) is the "Freak Nik"

You go to Harold`s and order 4 pc wing, mild sauce, salt and pepper.

You have a picture of Harold Washington in your kitchen, living room, family room or basement.

You have ever waited in line at Home of the Hoagy on 111th for 30-45 minutes for a steak samich wit cheese

You have ever been to the Tiki Room lounge in Hyde Park

You have Y made a special trip downtown because you had a craving for Garrett's caramel and cheese popcorn.

What!!! We don`t get a Fifty? Oh yeah....

You drink at bars called "Bud on Tap" or "Milwaukee's Best" -- no names, just beer signs out front.

It's January and you see someone's kitchen chair in the street, and you know that if you're a responsible citizen and bring it back to the sidewalk you will be shot on sight

You live two miles from work and it takes you two hours to drive there
 

starryeyedtiger

TCS Member
Top Cat
Joined
Apr 5, 2005
Messages
22,317
Purraise
20
Location
USA
That is hilarious!!! LOVE IT! I grew up a country girl on a farm right outside of Memphis -those were great
You've NEVER lived until you've tried to teach a northerner how to milk a heifer
 
Top