TheCatSite.com › Forums › General Forums › The Cat Lounge › Something to seriously make you giggle! The wit of Steven Wright....
New Posts  All Forums:Forum Nav:

Something to seriously make you giggle! The wit of Steven Wright....

post #1 of 13
Thread Starter 
I love Steven Wright and wanted to share some of his one liners with everyone! Hope they make you laugh as much as I did!

If a person with multiple personalities threatens suicide, is it considered a hostage situation?
If olive oil comes from olives, where does baby oil come from….
I went for a walk last night and my kids asked me how long I would be gone. I said, “The whole time.â€
Is it true that cannibals don’t eat clowns because they taste funny?
If it’s tourist season, why can’t we shoot them?
Whose cruel idea was it for the word lisp to have an “s†in it?
Since light travels faster than sound, is that why some people seem bright till you hear them speak….
Why are they called apartments when there all stuck together?
If vegetarians eat vegetables, what do humanitarians eat?
If “con†is the opposite of “pro†then what is the opposite of congress?
Why do we put suits in a garment bag, and garments in a suitcase?
Do roman paramedics refer to IV’s as 4â€s?
Is boneless chicken considered to be an invertebrate?
Why is it a penny for your thoughts but you put your 2 cents in? Someone’s making a penny.
I broke a mirror in my house so I’m suppose to get bad luck for seven years but my lawyer says he can get me five.

-Steven Wright
No other comedian like him!
post #2 of 13
Ha ha, I love Steven Wright! Thanks for posting!
post #3 of 13
I really like the tourist season one!
post #4 of 13
Love them! Thanks for sharing your Steven Wrightisms with us! He's great, isn't he? Haven't seen too much of him lately, here are just a few of my favs:

Small world isn't it? But I wouldn't want to paint it!

I had a map of the United States...it was actual size. It said-one inch = one inch!

I bought some dehydrated water, but I didn't know what to add.

I woke up this morning and someone had stolen everything in my apartment and replaced it with exact replicas.

Why is the alphabet in that order? Is it because of that song?


This is the best one!!!!

Why don't they just make mouse-flavored cat food?

Hilda>^..^<
post #5 of 13
Thread Starter 
Heres a few more......
My friend sent me a post card, itwas a picture of the world. On the back it said 'wish you were here'.
Why do they sterilize needles for lethal injections?
Why do banks charge you a “non sufficient funds fee†on money they already know you don’t have?
Why is a carrot more orange than an orange?

-Steven Wright
post #6 of 13
Quote:
Originally Posted by cheylink View Post
If it’s tourist season, why can’t we shoot them?
I have often thought this

post #7 of 13
I've always loved him. He's great.
post #8 of 13
I have seen him perform live once, and the whole place is in "stitches" listening to him, and he hardly ever cracked a smile...it was soo funny..
post #9 of 13
These are hilarious!
post #10 of 13
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by catsRNmom View Post
I have seen him perform live once, and the whole place is in "stitches" listening to him, and he hardly ever cracked a smile...it was soo funny..
That is o awesome! I would love to see him live! I'm jealous!
post #11 of 13
I like this one:

Do roman paramedics refer to IV’s as 4â€s?
post #12 of 13
Thanks, those were good!
post #13 of 13
Oh my gosh, these were are so funny..I had to get Dh and share them
New Posts  All Forums:Forum Nav:
  Return Home
  Back to Forum: The Cat Lounge
TheCatSite.com › Forums › General Forums › The Cat Lounge › Something to seriously make you giggle! The wit of Steven Wright....