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Saying Goodbye Due to Behaviour?

post #1 of 21
Thread Starter 
I'm starting to feel like a bad mum, but I think I may have found a solution for Foofy's problem(s)...

My boyfriend's friend, a girl I've met before, has a farm. They do have other cats, but they have a barn for shelter and plenty of space to avoid each other. It sounds sort of mean kicking a cat from indoors to a farm, but Foofy actually came from a home where she was used to going outside a lot and doing her thing and coming back when she pleased (which she can't do here in town, especially since we're on the third floor and there are vehicles around down below).

I'm thinking it may be best to let her go back to a semi-wild environment where she doesn't have to deal with being closely living with other cats.

I am getting teary-eyed thinking about it, but I'm trying to do what Foofy would prefer and think of everyone in this household.

Anybody have any words of encouragement?
post #2 of 21
Personally, I wouldn't be giving up this cat so quickly.

It seems really sad to me that just because you decided to get two new cats, Foofy gets kicked out. Her problems only exist because you haven't found a solution for her...

I think there are minor modifications you can make in your life to make your cats and yourselves happy. You just have to be willing to do that...

Try getting the books by Pam Johnson-Bennett called 'Psycho Kitty?' and 'Twisted Whiskers', they will give you some great ideas.
post #3 of 21
I hate to say this, but the outdoor barn shelter with other cats sounds like torture. She will be going into a very dominant territory with no choice........At least try to find a home for her as a single cat before such a drastic conclusion. She is obviously already very confused and frustrated, you can't expect overnight changes.
post #4 of 21
You also said in another forum that Foofy is front declawed, which would make a farm situation suicidal for her...

You've already started 3 other threads about this, and in my opinion, you've received some fantastic advice... here, here, and here.

What have you tried so far to make things better? If you keep us updated, we can try to help you out...
post #5 of 21
Whats been her problem anyway?.

I would be seriously thinking twice about this to be honest, because i couldn't put an indoor cat in amongst some barn cats
post #6 of 21
Please don't feel like we are putting you down or don't understand that sometimes situations become frustrating. I went over your other threads and truly feel that you do not want to give her up much less put her in a worse situation. I think that you understand she is unhappy but don't know what to do and it sounds like she is really being singled out by the rest of the house. If I'm not wrong, it sounds like your boyfriend is not helping, if anything just doesn't want to deal. Never give up your cat for your boyfriend! Foofy really needs someone right now, she is reacting to all of he negativity and general frustrations happening around her, when really she just wants to be left alone with you! Kittens chasing her, no one gives her attention any more, especially if she doesn't pretend everything is fine and she is not upset with all the changes that are going on! Don't give up on her yet and tell your boyfriend and those kittens to back off!
post #7 of 21
Thread Starter 
She's not an indoor cat, first of all. She was originally partially outdoor, more outdoor than indoor. We inheritted her and she took a liking to me, so we kept her. She's always been pretty unhappy indoors, though, and likes to hiss at and bite my boyfriend and the other cats.

Yes, she is front declawed.

There's not a whole lot that we can do to give her space inside our small apartment. We tried giving her some time to herself in one room, but she constantly wanted out and whined about being in there.

I've had Foofy just shy of a year, so I'm not giving up so quickly, it's just becoming more than we can handle.

I already feel bad and I sort of feel like a few people are pouring some salt...
post #8 of 21
I just finished reading all your threads about Foofy.

Have you had her to the vet for a checkup since she started pooping out of the box?

I've read the rule of thumb for number of cat boxes is one per cat plus one, which would equal five in your house. You mentioned Foofy having a safe room and a "makeshift" litter box. It may help for her to have two regular litter boxes in that room to end the messes on the floor.

When putting her in a room by herself, do you go spend time with her so she doesn't feel deserted?

I hope you can get this worked out, or at the very least, if you are going to re-home her, please find her a home where she will be safely inside since she is declawed.
post #9 of 21
If you can not find a solution which some times you just can't. Then rehoming her would be best for you and her. But the farm cat rehoming is not a better solution. Being front declawed she would not do well at all.
I realize you did not have her declawed. But she is, and declawed cats have no business being outside. I'm sure shes not happy about being kept inside but its for her own safety.
post #10 of 21
I didn't see any update where she'd been to a vet for a check-up yet. ?? I agree - I think she needs to see a vet before you make a decision. Pooping can be from fear - but you also mentioned that her behavior changed

Quote:
Originally Posted by MsKtty89
Lately, Foofy has been acting very scared. When she comes out and I go to pet her or touch her at all, she cowers down. Even when she gets on my lap and I pet her, she seems a bit different. When she settles into being petted, she seems a bit more loving and sprawls out on me quicker than she used to. She seems to drift into a doze, too, which she normally doesn't fall asleep on me.
Changes in behavior are the only way kitties have to tell us there's a medical problem. The pooping combined with the change in behavior says to me there's a good chance the problem may actually be medical.

If that's already been ruled out, did you ever try the Feliway and Flower Essences? They can both be purchased here: http://www.catfaeries.com. If you can afford it, you may want to consider the Feliway room diffusers as opposed to the spray bottles.

Have you also tried rubbing 1337 all over with a wash cloth, and putting treats on it for Foofy? Do the same thing with Foofy for 1337. You can also give Foofy a catnip toy to play with. When she's done, let it dry - it'll have her smell all over it. Crinkle it up to "activate" the nip again, and give it to 1337 to play with. (Don't leave the toy out - cats become "immune" to catnip if you leave it out all the time). Both of these things will help the kitties come to associate good things with each others' smell. ...of course, this is something that helps over time, not right away.

But if a medical problem hasn't been ruled out yet, please do that before you do anything else!

Laurie
post #11 of 21
We really aren't trying to make you feel bad... but to save you from having to give up your cat who very likely has a treatable problem!

I agree that a vet visit is in order, and that there are some very specific things you can do (scent-trading on a towel, Feliway diffuser, safe area, extra litter boxes), that will make things so much better for your cat.

I'm just hoping that you will take some of the advice you've received and give it a try before rehoming her...
post #12 of 21
She really sounds like there is some physical discomfort going on.....

"Sometimes when my boyfriend is near her she gets angry and tonight he was petting her (she willing got in his lap) and suddenly without warning she bit him, but then continued to lay on him.

She will come and lay in your lap if she's in the mood, but after a while will give an angered "meow" and get down (or, as of lately, stay there and growl if you touch her as if you're her property).

Also, at times when she is really mad (or scared?) she will leave us a "gift" where she stands." quoted from another post of yours....
As well if her behaviour is steadily getting worse, and defecating spiratically around the house, there very well could be something wrong besides misery. She may not be able to help it. I agree that a vet visit is needed.
post #13 of 21
It is my purr-sonal opinion that anytime a cat is acting differently, the first thing an owner should do is take the cat to the vet. The only other thing I have to contribute to this thread is that a declawed cat cannot live outside. I can post many, many horror stories about declawed cats who got outside or were put outside. Some strays, some owner surrenders at the local shelter where I volunteer. A declawed cat should never be let outside, because oh so many suffer ugly deaths. Without their claws, they do not have their first natural defense. I would hate to see Floofy become one of those horror stories.

If you keep trying, we're more than willing to keep helping! Even after a year I still have not given up hope, I hope you will be the same.
post #14 of 21
I don't know all of the background to this, but all I can say is PLEASE don't let her outside. If you aren't able to bring her to a vet, at least look for a home with people who are willing and able to do so. You do sound like you really care about this cat, so please listen when we say that putting a declawed cat outside is basically a death sentence. I had a neighbor with a declawed cat who escaped outside one night. This poor cat was later found, and all I will say is that she had been attacked to death by some loose dogs in the area. I have had nightmares thinking about what that girl must have gone through . I don't want to sound harsh because it does seem that you have good intentions, but situations like this would be tough enough for cats with all of their claws to survive, nevermind a cat with her front claws removed.
post #15 of 21
It sounds as if your problem with Foofy is very similar to my problem with Sassy. Please read my post, "What the 'alternative vet' had to say about Sassy's anxiety-related piddling..." and see if you can relate.

If you really haven't taken this kitty to a vet for this, please... that's the only right thing to do. And whatever happens, you must not let this cat go into any home where she will be allowed outdoors. If she's frightened now, imagine how she would feel in that situation!

Someone committed a heinous act of cruelty in declawing this poor kitty, leaving her terribly vulnerable. No wonder she's scared and combative! Please don't let yet another wrong be perpetrated on her. Take her to the vet, give her a chance to get over her fears with whatever help the vet can offer... and if you still feel you have to let her go, find her a strictly indoor home with people who will be patient with her.

As others have said, we do understand your frustration... we're just trying to encourage you to give this kitty the chance she deserves. Good luck!
post #16 of 21
It is now past time for a vet visit for a thorough physical exam including blood and urine lab analysis and fecal exam. Rule out any and all possible health issues FIRST.

If I had to venture a guess here, I would say that Foofy has been through a LOT in her lifetime, most of it negative and most of it at the hands of humans. It doesn't sound like interaction with people was a pleasurable experience for Foofy and I think that you are probably placing some really unreasonable expectations upon her to behave a certain way - and when she doesn't, it frustrates you. Understandable, BUT - Foofy is as she is and you aren't going to change that. You have to accept her on her terms or neither of you will ever be happy living together. You've taken on the responsibility of her care and that was for her lifetime - you can't just give up. It isn't an option at this time. There have been some harsh comments in some of the responses here, but honestly - they are right. When you chose to take this kitty into your home, there wasn't a "do-over" clause. You don't get to quit caring for her simply because she is no longer the cat you thought you wanted. I'm sorry if things are less than positive in your home right now, but you made this choice and you have to see it through.

So, you've got to make some changes to accomodate her ...

She doesn't want the boyfriend to touch her ... ok, that's easy enough ... Boyfriend, don't try to touch her anymore. Just stay away from her. Voila - Problem solved. If she comes to him, fine, so long as she is acting nicely - but he still can't touch her - just let her sit on him if she chooses to, but make a rule that he cannot use his hands to touch her while she is.

She is not using her box ... ok, then you need to retrain her by placing her in a small room with her litter box, food and water dishes, toys to amuse her, a warm, snuggly place to nap and then leave her there until she is consistantly using the box properly. Make 100% absolutely certain you keep that box clean AT ALL TIMES while retraining. You can leave a small amount of poop in there, but scoop, refill and clean the box often. And you can't be concerned with "We tried giving her some time to herself in one room, but she constantly wanted out and whined about being in there." - Let her whine to the blue heavens about it, but you have to be consistant. It is imperative that you establish a ~firm~ routine with her and stick to it in order for it to work. While you have her confined, go in to visit her, bring her fresh food and water, sit quietly just ignoring her, maybe reading out loud softly - but don't try to engage her in any way. Let her come to you. When she does, pet her, play with her, speak softly and gently to her, praising her. If she has pooped outside the box, pick it up with a papertowel and place it back in the box. Do not scold her, yell at her, hit her, or in any other way try to show your disappointment with her. She is a cat, not a human - she doesn't understand why you are unhappy with her - she just knows that you are. Be tolerant and loving - understand her and accept her as she is and hopefully, with a little time and a lot of patience, she will be a happier cat.
post #17 of 21
Quote:
Originally Posted by gardenandcats View Post
If you can not find a solution which some times you just can't. Then rehoming her would be best for you and her. But the farm cat rehoming is not a better solution. Being front declawed she would not do well at all.
I realize you did not have her declawed. But she is, and declawed cats have no business being outside. I'm sure shes not happy about being kept inside but its for her own safety.
I absolutely agree with this. I lived in a farm community and know of 2 people that put their declawed cats outside. Both cats disappeared in less than a month. If the country, this means death, not that they've found themselves a better home. Farms have all kinds of dangers that people don't see in a city. The biggest being roaming dogs, but add to that wild animals (coyotes, foxes, snakes), not to mention resident cats who are territorial and will drive a new cat out. Without claws, she doesn't have a chance. I don't want to sound harsh, its something you will want to seriously consider.

If it comes to rehoming her, please try to find her a safe indoor home.
post #18 of 21
Quote:
Originally Posted by MsKtty89 View Post
She's not an indoor cat, first of all. She was originally partially outdoor, more outdoor than indoor. We inheritted her and she took a liking to me, so we kept her. She's always been pretty unhappy indoors, though, and likes to hiss at and bite my boyfriend and the other cats.

Yes, she is front declawed.

There's not a whole lot that we can do to give her space inside our small apartment. We tried giving her some time to herself in one room, but she constantly wanted out and whined about being in there.

I've had Foofy just shy of a year, so I'm not giving up so quickly, it's just becoming more than we can handle.

I already feel bad and I sort of feel like a few people are pouring some salt...

Please don't feel that people are trying to make you feel worse, they are just trying to help you.

I think that you just have to keep trying with her. She is probably just trying to get used to everything too.

I am sending prayers and hugs from Mississippi for you and for Foofy.



And she might just feel bad too cause she can sense that you are trying to give up on her. So she just might feel that no matter what she does, it ain't gonna work. I am not trying to make you feel worse either, I am just trying to help you.

Please keep us updated on how she is doing.
post #19 of 21
Quote:
Originally Posted by Larke View Post
If she's declawed, you might as well shoot her now as take her to the farm, because if the other cats don't torture her to death, some other animal will and she'll likely run off into the woods the first day she's there - seen it happen a lot (& those cats weren't declawed). You need to put an ad in the paper making her sound desirable without lying, and if it costs a few bucks, so what - at least you'll be able to live with yourself afterward once she's in a decent new place.
This is a bit harsh, don't you think? I believe the purpose of this site is to encourage and help people through difficult situations, not lash out on and intimidate from responding.
post #20 of 21
Quote:
Originally Posted by gayef View Post
It is now past time for a vet visit for a thorough physical exam including blood and urine lab analysis and fecal exam. Rule out any and all possible health issues FIRST.

If I had to venture a guess here, I would say that Foofy has been through a LOT in her lifetime, most of it negative and most of it at the hands of humans. It doesn't sound like interaction with people was a pleasurable experience for Foofy and I think that you are probably placing some really unreasonable expectations upon her to behave a certain way - and when she doesn't, it frustrates you. Understandable, BUT - Foofy is as she is and you aren't going to change that. You have to accept her on her terms or neither of you will ever be happy living together. You've taken on the responsibility of her care and that was for her lifetime - you can't just give up. It isn't an option at this time. There have been some harsh comments in some of the responses here, but honestly - they are right. When you chose to take this kitty into your home, there wasn't a "do-over" clause. You don't get to quit caring for her simply because she is no longer the cat you thought you wanted. I'm sorry if things are less than positive in your home right now, but you made this choice and you have to see it through.

So, you've got to make some changes to accomodate her ...

She doesn't want the boyfriend to touch her ... ok, that's easy enough ... Boyfriend, don't try to touch her anymore. Just stay away from her. Voila - Problem solved. If she comes to him, fine, so long as she is acting nicely - but he still can't touch her - just let her sit on him if she chooses to, but make a rule that he cannot use his hands to touch her while she is.

She is not using her box ... ok, then you need to retrain her by placing her in a small room with her litter box, food and water dishes, toys to amuse her, a warm, snuggly place to nap and then leave her there until she is consistantly using the box properly. Make 100% absolutely certain you keep that box clean AT ALL TIMES while retraining. You can leave a small amount of poop in there, but scoop, refill and clean the box often. And you can't be concerned with "We tried giving her some time to herself in one room, but she constantly wanted out and whined about being in there." - Let her whine to the blue heavens about it, but you have to be consistant. It is imperative that you establish a ~firm~ routine with her and stick to it in order for it to work. While you have her confined, go in to visit her, bring her fresh food and water, sit quietly just ignoring her, maybe reading out loud softly - but don't try to engage her in any way. Let her come to you. When she does, pet her, play with her, speak softly and gently to her, praising her. If she has pooped outside the box, pick it up with a papertowel and place it back in the box. Do not scold her, yell at her, hit her, or in any other way try to show your disappointment with her. She is a cat, not a human - she doesn't understand why you are unhappy with her - she just knows that you are. Be tolerant and loving - understand her and accept her as she is and hopefully, with a little time and a lot of patience, she will be a happier cat.

This was a great post, and I couldn't agree with you more.
post #21 of 21
Amen, sister. Gaye is right on target, as usual!
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