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Need advice please...and some good vibes!

post #1 of 12
Thread Starter 
I am at my witt's end about how my coworkers behave. There is one in particular that I don't know what to do with. I work in a hospital laboratory. We have many departments. Our department only consists of 6 people. All females.
Anyway, each morning we process specimens from the night before. Well, 99% of the time I will do that when I first get there unless I see there are already a few doing so. I try to get our tasklist pulled up for all the benches so those are ready to go which is also something is usually done if time allows. Well, my morning started off with me pulling tasklists and I overhear from across the room something about a need for stuff to be processed and that making a list is a waste of time. I'm not 100% sure, but I'm sure it was directed at me. We have one woman that comes in right at 8 and hardly ever helps process! She is our newest person, and she is more friendly with her than me. So I know it is directed at me and frankly, I'm tired of it. I mean why am I the one who always seems to get the brunt of it all? I'm not a bad person!
This woman is 25 years older than I am and is SUPPOSE to be more mature than I am, but she's not. I don't know what the hell I did to her for her not to like me. I have been there a year and a half and to this day, I feel like I'm a nuisance to her without being one! I started to notice it over time. She will freely talk to everyone else except me. The whole day could go by without her saying anything to me. We have three benches up front, and when I'm in the middle bench, she could be on the first one, talking all the way across the room to t he other tech, ignoring me in the process. I mean, it's like she goes out of her way to do this. A situation came up where I asked someone if I had done something to her because I felt like each time I would ask her a question or even just ask how she was doing, it's like I would get the cold shoulder treatment and I had no idea why!! She told me she didn't dislike me! I mean who uses that word?? She may not dislike me, but that says she doesn't like me either.
I also found out that she would go and complain to other techs if I was doing something wrong. Well, let's think...I was new so if you have a problem, tell me! Don't tell others and then expect me to be nice about if you don't even have the guts to tell me. She made me out to be the bad person. When you are first trained...you only know what you are told anyway! I mean give me some slack. It seems like I can never do anything good enough, or finds fault in everything I do, even when I am doing my job! I don't keep track of her or anyone else!!!! GEEEZZ. Then if she tries to be nice to me, which isn't often, it always seems like it's forced.
Then at times she will go to the supervisor (senior tech) they are good friends and she will whisper something to her! I mean I'm paranoid to begin with, but I don't think it is very professional to be going around and whispering where everyone can see you.
I have only been friendly to her, asking how she is, etc, trying to get to know her, but it is hardly ever reciprocated. Also if I try go make a suggestion, she totally blows it off. Or if she needs help, she will always act like she doesn't need it, but she she does she will ask someone else. I mean how am I suppose to feel about this? I'm pretty perceptive and all these signals and just telling me that I'm not worth being respected according to her. I have never yelled at her, or talked bad about her, etc. I try not to judge people because I have been judged all my life and you know what? I just so damn tired of it all. I mean what right does she have to treat me that way?
If that's not bad enough, I just found out last week from another coworker that she and the supervisor tech talk bad about other in our lab break room! That makes them look so bad! My coworker was told this from another tech in another department that she was good friends with. She said they are just tired of it and wish they would shut up. They are also making an of themselves.
I am a hard worker and very reliable. I have never called in sick the whole year and a half, although a few times I had to leave same day to go to the doctor because I was that sick. If I do leave, I always feel guilty. I always try to put work first and do all my personal stuff as much as possible on my day off. I always help others out or at least offer when I am done with mine. I just don't know what I did to deserve such cold treatment and so little respect from this person. I have never said anything bad about any of them since I would not want it to come back to me either. I've learned a few years ago that it doesn't matter what someone does or doesn't do, or what their life is like. The only person you should be concerned about is yourself, etc. This is not high school! A supervisor tech should NOT be talking bad about others. This was someone I thought I could trust and respect, but some of it is lost now because of what I found out. These people are so judgemental! There are more important things than worrying about what someone is or isn't doing, etc. Grow up!
After this mornings episode I think they finally broke my threshold and I no longer cared. I will not longer initiate "friendly conversation" with her. Nor will I go out of my way to help her. I will still be professional and answer any questions work wise or if asked in general. A lot of the time, I feel let out because no one will talk to me first! I'm tired of being the initiator. I'm not married, have no children, etc. So I don't have as much in common. I have no siblings, so that's another factor.
I can't talk to the supervisor since she's friends with her. Our chief tech won't do anything about it. A lot of things don't get done because of her. Our pathologist treats supervisor pretty well, but the one I have problems with, not so well. She often gets treated like dirt. But you know, I don't treat her like dirt when I'm in a bad mood. Our pathologist depend on those two for flow cytometry and I know he won't do anything about it.
If anyone can relate, have any advice, or just some good vibes it would be appreciated. I"m sorry this is so long, but I had to vent somewhere and you guys are so wonderful! You have made my life a little bit brighter just letting me be myself. Thanks for listening.
post #2 of 12
Awww... what a terrible situation to be in. It can be really tough to be conscientious, reliable, and basically a work-a-holic. People can be SO petty, and others WILL take advantage. You'd think it isn't SUPPOSED to be high school, right?

I'm sorry I don't have any advice. Given the interpersonal dynamics, it seems like there isn't a lot you can do.

But venting helps! And I'm sending huge "hope things get a lot better" vibes, and lots of hugs!



Laurie
post #3 of 12
Oh honey, purrrrrr and meowwww and headbuts and kittykisses and soft fur and hugs. Been there, done that. Not worth making yourself sick or hurt over it.

Go hug your babies and tell them how you feel, they will help you feel better.
post #4 of 12
I have nothing constructive to say, but I will send you a big hug to make up for it.

I wish I had some good advice to make it all better, but I don't. I just hope you maintain the attitude that this is THEIR problem, not yours and there is absolutely nothing wrong with you. You're doing your best at your job, and that's all anyone can ask of you. And as for feeling left out, well who would want to be friends with people that nasty anyway?! You'd never know when they'll turn around and use your "friendship" against you anyway.

Just remember you are much too good of a person to get involved in their petty garbage. It's a rough situation, but try not to let it upset you. I hope things get better soon.

post #5 of 12
Thread Starter 
Thanks for your support so far. You guys are great...I keep trying to ignore it, but it makes me so mad because they don't think I can't pick up on it. I always wonder why it's me?
post #6 of 12
Quote:
Originally Posted by Pekoe & Nigel View Post
I have nothing constructive to say, but I will send you a big hug to make up for it.

I wish I had some good advice to make it all better, but I don't. I just hope you maintain the attitude that this is THEIR problem, not yours and there is absolutely nothing wrong with you. You're doing your best at your job, and that's all anyone can ask of you. And as for feeling left out, well who would want to be friends with people that nasty anyway?! You'd never know when they'll turn around and use your "friendship" against you anyway.

Just remember you are much too good of a person to get involved in their petty garbage. It's a rough situation, but try not to let it upset you. I hope things get better soon.

Yeah, I agree, some of my workers at the day care now are all big buddies, they hang around each other and call each other up all the time.

I don't care what they do, I love some of them dearly but I don't wanna hang out with them all the time.

I wouldn't worry about them if I were you, I would just do my job and I say to not fool with them, with friends like that, you don't need no enemies.
post #7 of 12
Just remember that you are better than that, and just go about your business as usual. Hopefully things will get better, just don't let it show that it is affecting you..Many hugs to you .
post #8 of 12
Quote:
Originally Posted by Duchess15 View Post
Thanks for your support so far. You guys are great...I keep trying to ignore it, but it makes me so mad because they don't think I can't pick up on it. I always wonder why it's me?

Because they know they get under your skin, show them that it don't bother you, don't be nice to them, don't be nothing. Just do your job. It will get old to them after a while, it sounds like they have no life, so they wanna mess yours up as well.
post #9 of 12
Quote:
Originally Posted by Duchess15 View Post
I always wonder why it's me?
I know, if I were in your situation I would totally be convinced that there's something terribly wrong with me and that they were being mean to me because I deserved it or something. But you really shouldn't take it personally because these people don't even know you. They haven't taken the time to get to see what kind of person you are, they just automatically decided to shut you out for no real reason. So it's their loss really, it's just a shame that you have to deal with it.
post #10 of 12
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Pekoe & Nigel View Post
I know, if I were in your situation I would totally be convinced that there's something terribly wrong with me and that they were being mean to me because I deserved it or something. But you really shouldn't take it personally because these people don't even know you. They haven't taken the time to get to see what kind of person you are, they just automatically decided to shut you out for no real reason. So it's their loss really, it's just a shame that you have to deal with it.
I think you just hit the hammer on the nail. There is only one in there that has even a clue as to who I am and vice versa. I've gotten picked on all my life, but never knew why. They all worry about all the petty stuff when none of that really matters to me. I have my parents to worry about so that takes precedence.
post #11 of 12
I have too many people like this woman in my life! My new motto is: Say "hello" and keep walking. Like you said, no more chit-chat.

As Satai, on this board pointed out to me, with these kinds of people, what you do/say does not have an effect on how they treat you. That's a very good thing to realize!

Don't be nice to her, don't be rude. She really not worth the effort either way. Don't pay attention to what she does or who she talks to. Be kind to your other coworkers and make her as invisible as possible. Good luck!
post #12 of 12
Thread Starter 
Thanks...you guys are great. Why can't I work with people like you? I hate people who have to pick over every stupid little thing. I'm not there to please her anyway.
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