So..how worried, honestly, do you think I should be about an ex..

Hon, you have a stalker on your hands.

The reason he didn't duck out of the club the night you showed up with a guy at your side is because he was hoping to cause you a bit of trouble with your "new boy friend".

As for him showing up at your house in the middle of the night with a "friend" with him, or sneaking around the outside of your house going "pssst", or walking into your house, that's creepy. Really, really creepy.

I wouldn't chaulk it up to him being "younger". Even 5 year olds know the difference between right and wrong and I'm assuming that this guy is older than 5 years old He knows what he is doing is wrong and he's continuing to do it.

If I were you I'd tell him in no uncertain terms that the relationship is over and that you don't want him to show up at your work or your house anymore. Don't tell him that you can both be civil if you run into each other because that will only encourage him to seek you out to "run into you". Just tell him the relationship is over and you don't want to see him anymore and leave it at that. And don't go alone! Make sure you take a friend with you and talk to him outside and not inside his house. Have your friend wait either in the car so they can see you or a short distance away. But don't go alone!

If he shows up at your house or work again, or does anything else that leads you to believe that he's following you and monitoring your movements and habits (IE: sitting outside your house to notice that the dog has been rehomed), then contact the police and tell them you have a stalker on your hands and get a court order to restrain him from contacting you.

So many women have been murdered by their ex boy friends or spouses because the guy can't accept that it's over. A friend of mine was shot and killed in the parking lot of her apartment building by her ex boy friend who had been stalking her.

Don't let yourself become a statistic. You've recognized abnormal behaviour in him, now take action to get him out of your life, pronto!

I am really glad you got your locks sorted out because his behaviour is anything but normal. No normal person walks into another person's house unless they know that they are expected to, or they are very close family. And even then, I wouldn't just walk into my brother's house without a call first. And to do it in the middle of the night? And he actually lied about it, saying you had called him, so he knows it is wrong. You must take steps to stop him at once. I would at least tell the police, so it is on record. And don't do anything alone. There is a difference between being independent and feisty, and being foolhardy.

Glad to hear you got the locks sorted, any chance the dog might return?

Oh honey, I just took the time to read this whole ordeal. Like everyone has said you need to get you locks changed and let the cops know. You do have a stalker. Normally I would not recomend getting a gun but in this case if I were you I would look into it. I never wanted a gun in the house untill someone tried to break in. It was the most frightening moment of my life. The next morning I looked at my DH(then BF) and said go buy a gun. Cops do not always repond right away. You may have to protect your self. I have a few friends that are cops and they always said its better to be prepaired to fight for yourself then wait for the cops. If you are concerned about children getting there hands on the weapon, like I am there is a brand called a Taurus. It is brazillian. It has a lock on the trigger and you need a special key just to fire it. We keep the key in a safe place away from the gun but it is loaded. Both are easy to get in an emergency. You will need to learn how to fire safely and directly. I have found for some odd reason it feels realy good fireing a weapon. I feel like I have all the power in the world. The other good thing is it is a revolver. Revolver never jam and will fire even if they have been in a lake for 100 years. You hopefully will never need i but it will give you some peace of mind.

The other thing you should do is print out every thing you have said here. This is a type of evidenvce. Take it to the cops to start a file. Get the guys name and all his info in it. DO NOT go talk to him on your own, have the cops do it. You may end up making him mad. If anything were to happen he will be the first suspect. Please go to the cops. Keep us updated we are all here for you.

PM me if youneed any more information about a weapon or training.

Good luck and stay safe please.

You mentioned a deadlock on the front door but what about the back? You should consider adding one if there isn't one already. Maybe even start leaving porch lights on so it's harder for someone to hide around the house.

No matter what time of day it is or who is home the doors are NEVER left unlocked in this house. I may live in a rural area that doesn't have much crime aside from domestic but there has been some scary stuff. Recently two womens bodies were found near a town about 10 minutes from where I live. There were whisperings of it possibly being serial and the FBI were involved. A couple years ago two escaped convicts broke into a rural home a county over and shot two girls, one died.

Lock them behind you when you leave, lock them behind you when you come in.

There has been some very good advice given in this thread, please let us know what is happening, I think this guy is a nut.

I am sending hugs and prayers from Mississippi for you. Please stay safe.

Coudn't read all of this way tooo long, but from what I skimmed I would say you have a peeping Tom, and you should be locking your doors. Who knows what else he is capable of, eventhough you claim to not be afraid. You should be afraid, your shakles should be up, way up!

be careful, if he is entering your house when you're not around, he might not act well with the deadbolt being on now. He may attempt a window.

Or he may jsut walk away.

Once you do get all the locks and keys fixed, definitely take a trip by the police station and report what is going on.

While the guy may be coming from the bar to see you, still, he could be drunk and thats not something you want to deal with.

Make sure and get new locks Now! Who knows about people you can never really be sure what their motives are.
I would be very concerned. Even if he means no harm hes odd. I would get a peace bond put on in you can never tell what might happen. The police station will help you get the order of protection on him and then the next time he shows up if he does after he has been served with the order of protection you call the police.
You hear it all the time on the news this guy is a stalker! Don't give him the benefit of doubt that he means no harm. You don't know and you don't need to be harmed to find out.Your safety comes first. Buy some pepper spray and keep it close..

I don't mean to scare you, but you have a stalker, plain and simple. Is he dangerous...yes. He has walked into your house unannounced and uninvited. He sat outside your house and watched (you caught him when you had your cigarette) No one ever worries about physical harm until it happens.

Go out and get yourself some good deadbolts. They are super simple to put in. I've changed the locks on every apartment/house I've ever lived in. And change them on every door. Also get yourself a good chain. There are simple U-shaped metal "chains" that you can find in any hardware store. They work better than a chain cause a simple chain is easily broken. With this bolt, you don't have to worry about throwing the deadbolt every time you come in. Just swing this bolt and you're safe. By the way, Home Depot has a lock instillation service.

Go to the police and ask for a restraining order. If they hesitate, ask to speak to the judge. Don't take no for an answer. I was told you can't get a restraining order unless you have had a sexual relationship with the stalker. Well, that turned out to be a lie...they thought I was making him up even tho I had proof someone was stalking me. Then have the police go and speak to your ex.

You ask how worried you should be...worry. Some night you are going to wake up with him in your bedroom.

We're going to change the lock on the front door, (mostly because the keys just don't work quite right) and the lower door handle and lock mechanism is goofy.. but at least we got the deadbolt working so it's not as immediate as it was yesterday in getting them changed right away. He doesn't and never has had a key for it, so as long as we're able to actually lock it, it should be okay.

Okay, I'm going to try to answer the questions as I remember them because I'm not quite good enough with html to post multiple quotes in a post..

The dog: No chance of the dog returning, probably very little chance of *anything* canine coming into the house unless it's a puppy, so with this in particular it won't help much. For that long story, there's a post in the Crossing the Bridge forum.

Locks on the backdoors and windows: Both the back door (basement level) and the back deck door are sliding glass. They lock only from the inside and don't have regular key locks. They're brand new this year and supposedly have protections against manipulating the locks. The windows are all locked and will most likely remain locked through the summer because we generally use AC. This, I'm hoping, will be well over and done with by then.

I'm completely willing to fight him on this, however, I would prefer to do it in such a manner that retaliation can be avoided if possible. If not, I will definitely go to court. I have no problems doing that. I just know from experience when you "PO" somebody, even when you know that the stupid, vindictive things that are happening to you are being done by them, the police do nothing about it, and can do nothing about it because they have no proof, and it's not important enough to them to pursue it to the point where they can get the proof. I do think it may be resolved if I talk to him when he's sober and not when he's intoxicated. It may simply be that it's not sinking in due to the alcohol. If it doesn't sink in after he's sober, then I'll resort to other means of stopping him, and call the police in on it. I am not going to play games with him, but given that, until I've delivered the message to a person in a normal state of mind.. I think that calling the police on him might be a little too rash at this point. If he doesn't take it seriously and I even see him lurking or something happens.. I'll definitely involve them.

Our front porch light is on a sensor. It lights up whenever someone comes close and then goes out again a few minutes later. I think that actually tends to alert me more than it than it being on all the time.. although often it is the light from the house across from me (about 20 feet away) that we see flipping on and off.

The nice thing about our complex is that all the houses are close together. There are a few trees, but they're bare until a good portion of the way up the trunk (so no good hiding places, as the branches don't start until about 10 feet up). I will take a good look when I get home this evening to see other potential places I might not have noticed before, but there's not really a lot of cover to hide in around the complex. It's not a huge complex, there aren't a lot of trees, the parking lot isn't congested and the cars are spaced a good distance away from each other.

I'm definitely concerned enough to be more wary than I normally would. I usually don't go out without company.. either a friend or my sister, so I don't think that being alone very often will be an issue.

Does anyone know what kind of lock that was that sounded the alarm?

BTW, I started this post late morning and am just now getting the opportunity to finish it, so I know I'm probably missing more posts between the last one I saw and the last one that was actually posted by the time I submitted this.

I agree with the others - you definitely have a stalker. Call the police, get a restraining order, this type of behaviour is creepy and shouldn't be tolerated.

I think I'd have to ask the police in my area about that. I don't think he's done enough to actually have a restraining order against him yet. I really do want to take a friend with me (to witness what I say to him), and I plan on going to his job and having a conversation with him where I know he's not drinking. It will be very straight forward, as in, this will stop or I will prosecute and he's here in case we end up in court.

I know this sounds silly, but I don't believe it's fair to get one on him until he's been warned. I don't have any proof that he knows there is no dog or that he's been stalking my house. The only three times I've seen him there, he's alerted us to his presence, by knocking two times, and by "psst"ing me the other. I didn't catch him over there... he alerted me that he was there. I just don't know what he was doing along the side of the house (in between the rows). And he did, at that point, say, hey, I have to go park the car. I was like, don't bother because I'm going to bed and we're not visiting.

I do think he'll knock it off if he's told straight up knock it off. I haven't ever exactly said those words to him, although you'd think that he'd have figured it out.. "What were you thinking??" and "Don't come to my house anymore" don't necessarily register as the same thing.

I'm taking a lot more precautions than I would normally (mostly because everything thinks it will be an issue), and overall, I'm pretty safe now that the lock is engaging. I think if I'm still worried about it when my sister goes out of town, I may see if one of my friends can stay at the house with me, if I think it's necessary at that point. I will give the police a call and ask them what they think.

I will give you guys an update on what the police say, and I do want to give them a heads up in case things start to go badly or in case I have to call them. It's always a good thing to have it on file.

I value and appreciate all the advice and opinions on this. I know it seems like I'm disregarding it, and I'm not, honestly. I do want to be as fair as I can, and I don't feel I've done that until I say, in words that can have no other meaning, hey, don't show up at my house again. I believe between always having someone with me, and between having working locks and getting them changed soon so they're not persnickity..and always being two people home, that I can take the risk of attempting to be fair. It may backfire.

I think that it is fair to warn him too, and that is probably what I would to, the only thing is I would have done it by now. But that is just me.

I would talk to him and I would talk to him soon. Tell him what you said, and if he comes near your house again, then you will take it to the next step. Tell him that you will call the police and then you will hafta do it.

I would probably go down to the police station after I talked to the guy anyways, just to have something on the record, just to be safe.

Please stay safe and let us know what happens when you talk to the guy.

I broke up with a guy that I had dated for a few months. He beat me one night, and that was the end of it. Or so I thought. He wouldn't leave me alone. I ended up going to court and getting a personal protection order against him. Even with the PPO, he stalked me for 18 months. When they're crazy...they're just plain crazy, and there's nothing you can do about it. The police never caught him in the act. Finally, he moved back to Texas. This all happened in 2000 and 2001. This past summer he started calling me again, telling me he still loved me and can't get over me (believe me...I'm not that frickin' wonderful.) I had even had the guy next door record my outgoing message on my voicemail just in case, to discourage the nutter. I made a police report and had my phone tapped by the Annoyance Call Bureau...I assume that they persued it, as he hasn't called me since September.

First things first: Change the locks on your doors. Give the receipt to the landlord and tell her that it is coming out of the next month's rent because she hasn't taken care of the problem in a timely manner.

Tell the ex that he is no longer welcome to come to your house. As someone else mentioned, do not go alone. Tell him if he returns, you will call the police and make a complaint. You need to keep it documented. Find out from the police how to go about having either a restraining order or personal protection order taken out against him. You may have difficulty with this if there's no documentation of threat or assault. Keep calling the police and documenting everything.

Good luck....I really feel for you!


Pookie & the girls

By walking into your home uninvited is reason enough for a restraining order.And more then once. Make very sure your doors and windows are locked at all times.

Originally Posted by gardenandcats

By walking into your home uninvited is reason enough for a restraining order.And more then once. Make very sure your doors and windows are locked at all times.

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We only know that he's done it once. We've had other odd occurrences.. but we don't know it was him and in all honesty, it very well could have been someone for the neighbors (which was actually why we talked about changing and fixing the locks to begin with.. if nothing else, then to protect ourselves from a lawsuit originally..when the dog attacked some moron who walked in inadvertently to the wrong house). They're young and people come and go from their house all the time.

Anyway, I'm going to put a call into the police, probably tomorrow from work, if I don't get swamped with this Court of Appeals filing If not, then my attorney is out Thursday and I can put a call in then. Everything else is as in motion as it can be until the weekend. Locks and statement to ex will be made then.

I'll keep you updated.. if anything happens or I get a chance to talk to the police about it, I'll shoot an update out. Until this weekend, everything is locked, and I'll be looking for those door alarms as well.

The landlady won't give us any problems with reimbursing it. She actually would probably send someone out specifically to do them if we got ahold of her. It just comes down to it's probably easier to do it ourselves and send her the deduction receipt than it is to try to get ahold of her,

I would change the locks and keep your doors locked. I would also warn him about coming around where he isn't welcomed.

The current locks that are in need changing mostly because our keys aren't quite "right" for them. So we have to finagle the key to make the lock work..he doesn't have a key to the house, and hasn't ever.. so he can't get through the locks that are on currently, but I do want to install new ones. My friend is looking for murphy locks for me, so that they can't be key bumped, or lock bumped or whatever you call it.

We are keeping everything locked, windows, sliding glass doors, and the front door.

Originally Posted by CatsAreBetter

Locks on the backdoors and windows: Both the back door (basement level) and the back deck door are sliding glass. They lock only from the inside and don't have regular key locks. They're brand new this year and supposedly have protections against manipulating the locks. The windows are all locked and will most likely remain locked through the summer because we generally use AC. This, I'm hoping, will be well over and done with by then.

Click to expand...

I did not read everyone elses post since yours but I need to let you and every one else know, the locks on sliding doors are not safe. I can't even begin to tell you the number of times I have broken into my own home just buy pushing the door up and slidding it back. My DH use to work int he glass buisness and says it is one of the easiest ways to get into a home. You don't have to manipulate the lock or anything. All you have to do is apply a bit of pressure by the lock and push up. The door will pop open. The only way to protect it is to get a bar and put it between the door and the wall, in the slot area, does tha make sence. Go to home depot and ask sor a security bar for slidding door. They prevent the door from sliding open.