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post #31 of 41
Thread Starter 
We're going to change the lock on the front door, (mostly because the keys just don't work quite right) and the lower door handle and lock mechanism is goofy.. but at least we got the deadbolt working so it's not as immediate as it was yesterday in getting them changed right away. He doesn't and never has had a key for it, so as long as we're able to actually lock it, it should be okay.

Okay, I'm going to try to answer the questions as I remember them because I'm not quite good enough with html to post multiple quotes in a post..

The dog: No chance of the dog returning, probably very little chance of *anything* canine coming into the house unless it's a puppy, so with this in particular it won't help much. For that long story, there's a post in the Crossing the Bridge forum.

Locks on the backdoors and windows: Both the back door (basement level) and the back deck door are sliding glass. They lock only from the inside and don't have regular key locks. They're brand new this year and supposedly have protections against manipulating the locks. The windows are all locked and will most likely remain locked through the summer because we generally use AC. This, I'm hoping, will be well over and done with by then.

I'm completely willing to fight him on this, however, I would prefer to do it in such a manner that retaliation can be avoided if possible. If not, I will definitely go to court. I have no problems doing that. I just know from experience when you "PO" somebody, even when you know that the stupid, vindictive things that are happening to you are being done by them, the police do nothing about it, and can do nothing about it because they have no proof, and it's not important enough to them to pursue it to the point where they can get the proof. I do think it may be resolved if I talk to him when he's sober and not when he's intoxicated. It may simply be that it's not sinking in due to the alcohol. If it doesn't sink in after he's sober, then I'll resort to other means of stopping him, and call the police in on it. I am not going to play games with him, but given that, until I've delivered the message to a person in a normal state of mind.. I think that calling the police on him might be a little too rash at this point. If he doesn't take it seriously and I even see him lurking or something happens.. I'll definitely involve them.

Our front porch light is on a sensor. It lights up whenever someone comes close and then goes out again a few minutes later. I think that actually tends to alert me more than it than it being on all the time.. although often it is the light from the house across from me (about 20 feet away) that we see flipping on and off.

The nice thing about our complex is that all the houses are close together. There are a few trees, but they're bare until a good portion of the way up the trunk (so no good hiding places, as the branches don't start until about 10 feet up). I will take a good look when I get home this evening to see other potential places I might not have noticed before, but there's not really a lot of cover to hide in around the complex. It's not a huge complex, there aren't a lot of trees, the parking lot isn't congested and the cars are spaced a good distance away from each other.

I'm definitely concerned enough to be more wary than I normally would. I usually don't go out without company.. either a friend or my sister, so I don't think that being alone very often will be an issue.

Does anyone know what kind of lock that was that sounded the alarm?

BTW, I started this post late morning and am just now getting the opportunity to finish it, so I know I'm probably missing more posts between the last one I saw and the last one that was actually posted by the time I submitted this.
post #32 of 41
I agree with the others - you definitely have a stalker. Call the police, get a restraining order, this type of behaviour is creepy and shouldn't be tolerated.
post #33 of 41
Thread Starter 
I think I'd have to ask the police in my area about that. I don't think he's done enough to actually have a restraining order against him yet. I really do want to take a friend with me (to witness what I say to him), and I plan on going to his job and having a conversation with him where I know he's not drinking. It will be very straight forward, as in, this will stop or I will prosecute and he's here in case we end up in court.

I know this sounds silly, but I don't believe it's fair to get one on him until he's been warned. I don't have any proof that he knows there is no dog or that he's been stalking my house. The only three times I've seen him there, he's alerted us to his presence, by knocking two times, and by "psst"ing me the other. I didn't catch him over there... he alerted me that he was there. I just don't know what he was doing along the side of the house (in between the rows). And he did, at that point, say, hey, I have to go park the car. I was like, don't bother because I'm going to bed and we're not visiting.

I do think he'll knock it off if he's told straight up knock it off. I haven't ever exactly said those words to him, although you'd think that he'd have figured it out.. "What were you thinking??" and "Don't come to my house anymore" don't necessarily register as the same thing.

I'm taking a lot more precautions than I would normally (mostly because everything thinks it will be an issue), and overall, I'm pretty safe now that the lock is engaging. I think if I'm still worried about it when my sister goes out of town, I may see if one of my friends can stay at the house with me, if I think it's necessary at that point. I will give the police a call and ask them what they think.

I will give you guys an update on what the police say, and I do want to give them a heads up in case things start to go badly or in case I have to call them. It's always a good thing to have it on file.

I value and appreciate all the advice and opinions on this. I know it seems like I'm disregarding it, and I'm not, honestly. I do want to be as fair as I can, and I don't feel I've done that until I say, in words that can have no other meaning, hey, don't show up at my house again. I believe between always having someone with me, and between having working locks and getting them changed soon so they're not persnickity..and always being two people home, that I can take the risk of attempting to be fair. It may backfire.
post #34 of 41
I think that it is fair to warn him too, and that is probably what I would to, the only thing is I would have done it by now. But that is just me.

I would talk to him and I would talk to him soon. Tell him what you said, and if he comes near your house again, then you will take it to the next step. Tell him that you will call the police and then you will hafta do it.

I would probably go down to the police station after I talked to the guy anyways, just to have something on the record, just to be safe.

Please stay safe and let us know what happens when you talk to the guy.
post #35 of 41
I broke up with a guy that I had dated for a few months. He beat me one night, and that was the end of it. Or so I thought. He wouldn't leave me alone. I ended up going to court and getting a personal protection order against him. Even with the PPO, he stalked me for 18 months. When they're crazy...they're just plain crazy, and there's nothing you can do about it. The police never caught him in the act. Finally, he moved back to Texas. This all happened in 2000 and 2001. This past summer he started calling me again, telling me he still loved me and can't get over me (believe me...I'm not that frickin' wonderful.) I had even had the guy next door record my outgoing message on my voicemail just in case, to discourage the nutter. I made a police report and had my phone tapped by the Annoyance Call Bureau...I assume that they persued it, as he hasn't called me since September.

First things first: Change the locks on your doors. Give the receipt to the landlord and tell her that it is coming out of the next month's rent because she hasn't taken care of the problem in a timely manner.

Tell the ex that he is no longer welcome to come to your house. As someone else mentioned, do not go alone. Tell him if he returns, you will call the police and make a complaint. You need to keep it documented. Find out from the police how to go about having either a restraining order or personal protection order taken out against him. You may have difficulty with this if there's no documentation of threat or assault. Keep calling the police and documenting everything.

Good luck....I really feel for you!


Pookie & the girls
post #36 of 41
By walking into your home uninvited is reason enough for a restraining order.And more then once. Make very sure your doors and windows are locked at all times.
post #37 of 41
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by gardenandcats View Post
By walking into your home uninvited is reason enough for a restraining order.And more then once. Make very sure your doors and windows are locked at all times.
We only know that he's done it once. We've had other odd occurrences.. but we don't know it was him and in all honesty, it very well could have been someone for the neighbors (which was actually why we talked about changing and fixing the locks to begin with.. if nothing else, then to protect ourselves from a lawsuit originally..when the dog attacked some moron who walked in inadvertently to the wrong house). They're young and people come and go from their house all the time.

Anyway, I'm going to put a call into the police, probably tomorrow from work, if I don't get swamped with this Court of Appeals filing If not, then my attorney is out Thursday and I can put a call in then. Everything else is as in motion as it can be until the weekend. Locks and statement to ex will be made then.

I'll keep you updated.. if anything happens or I get a chance to talk to the police about it, I'll shoot an update out. Until this weekend, everything is locked, and I'll be looking for those door alarms as well.

The landlady won't give us any problems with reimbursing it. She actually would probably send someone out specifically to do them if we got ahold of her. It just comes down to it's probably easier to do it ourselves and send her the deduction receipt than it is to try to get ahold of her,
post #38 of 41
I would change the locks and keep your doors locked. I would also warn him about coming around where he isn't welcomed.
post #39 of 41
Thread Starter 
The current locks that are in need changing mostly because our keys aren't quite "right" for them. So we have to finagle the key to make the lock work..he doesn't have a key to the house, and hasn't ever.. so he can't get through the locks that are on currently, but I do want to install new ones. My friend is looking for murphy locks for me, so that they can't be key bumped, or lock bumped or whatever you call it.

We are keeping everything locked, windows, sliding glass doors, and the front door.
post #40 of 41
Quote:
Originally Posted by CatsAreBetter View Post
Locks on the backdoors and windows: Both the back door (basement level) and the back deck door are sliding glass. They lock only from the inside and don't have regular key locks. They're brand new this year and supposedly have protections against manipulating the locks. The windows are all locked and will most likely remain locked through the summer because we generally use AC. This, I'm hoping, will be well over and done with by then.
I did not read everyone elses post since yours but I need to let you and every one else know, the locks on sliding doors are not safe. I can't even begin to tell you the number of times I have broken into my own home just buy pushing the door up and slidding it back. My DH use to work int he glass buisness and says it is one of the easiest ways to get into a home. You don't have to manipulate the lock or anything. All you have to do is apply a bit of pressure by the lock and push up. The door will pop open. The only way to protect it is to get a bar and put it between the door and the wall, in the slot area, does tha make sence. Go to home depot and ask sor a security bar for slidding door. They prevent the door from sliding open.
post #41 of 41
Since you don't know this guy well you have no idea what kind of creepy phyco he may be. I would politely go to his place of work, pull him aside, and tell him that going to your house is unappropriate. Let him know that if he chooses to do it again, you'll call the police. That way he's forwarned. If he's a normal guy he'll stay away. If he's the creepy freak he seems to be he'll show up again and hopefully the police will take care of him. If I were you just to be on the safe side I'd be careful to always lock the doors and windows, especially at night. It's better to be safe than sorry.
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