My mom got engaged, but....

I am having a hard time accepting it. I want her to be happy, but.......I just hardl cant stand the guy shes with. I know my dad would disapprove but I know its her life. Im just having really mixed emotions right now. Can I have some cheer up vibes or something please??

Thanks guys. I know you all can do it......cause your all the greatest!!

aww, thats a hard one and I think its only normal for you to feel that way

As you say its your moms life and you want her to be happy just keep focus on that

Does she know how you feel about her fella ?

Originally Posted by mooficat

aww, thats a hard one and I think its only normal for you to feel that way

As you say its your moms life and you want her to be happy

just keep focus on that

Does she know how you feel about her fella ?

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Yes, she knows that none of us kids cant stand him, but she is a grown woman and she didnt choose our mates(thats what she says)

I dunno....its just something I am going to have to accept-eventually.

Originally Posted by catloverin_ks

I am having a hard time accepting it. I want her to be happy, but.......I just hardl cant stand the guy shes with.

I know my dad would disapprove but I know its her life.

Im just having really mixed emotions right now. Can I have some cheer up vibes or something please??

Thanks guys.

I know you all can do it......cause your all the greatest!!

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Sending hugs from Mississippi for you, I hope you can just be happy for your mom.

Originally Posted by catloverin_ks

Yes, she knows that none of us kids cant stand him, but she is a grown woman and she didnt choose our mates(thats what she says)

I dunno....its just something I am going to have to accept-eventually.

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oh OK, well at least she knows how you all feel and she wont be thinking theres strange things going on........she is right we all choose our own friends and life partners and of course, that doesnt always mean our family will like them too. I hope things settle to some sort of level for you all, these situations arent easy.
My nephew has a girlfriend that his mum (my SIL) & niece hates, but they are really being horrible to him and he is slowly withdrawing and if they are not careful they will loose him altogether.

If you want your mom to be part of your life, then you are right, you will have to accept it, but that doesnt mean you have to totally compromise yourself either ! Your mom must meet you half-way too !

It is hard when someone close to you has apartner you don't like. I am not too happy about my daughter's fiance, but I am trying to be supportive of her as I don't want to lose her as a friend and daughter. She knows I have reservations about him, but we try not to bring hte subject up.

I was married once to a fine woman, her kids hated me and later on it went really bad, try for her sake and yours to get along, if the dude is bad in some way like a bozzer or dope head or hits her that would be different. Put your self in her shoes and say, hmmmm, what would she do if I brought a guy my mom doesn't like, go humm, you would want her to like him no matter what, trust me I have been through this. My exwife teen daughter dated some really screwed up guy's, troubled type, dope, brain dead, you know the type.
Anyway after several years she felt trapped, she left the kids won, after ten years she is still alone.

Kelly

That would be hard for sure. My mom is married to a real wang, and me and my sister just have to live with it

Is your moms fiance actually a bad guy, or you just don't think he measures up to your dad?

Originally Posted by Trouts mom

That would be hard for sure. My mom is married to a real wang, and me and my sister just have to live with it

Is your moms fiance actually a bad guy, or you just don't think he measures up to your dad?

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Well hes not a *bad* guy but hes just VERY rude and loves to speak his mind. And, no.............nobody will EVER measure up to my dad

Good luck with it. I think that's the hardest situation to be in because you're mom is going to be constantly torn between her new fiance and her children.

The thing with families is that not everyone will measure up to who they are. In fact, it seems like anyone thats family by marriage have difficult times adjusting to their new family.

:hug:

I have no advice really except try to except it like everyone else. I know it is probably really hard. I couldn't imagine being in that position. But you can't pick who you(or someone you love) falls in love with.

Well, I can't stand my stepmom, but for my dad's sake, I grin, bear it and do my best to be pleasant around her without going out of my way.
Actually most of us can't stand my stepmom (sadly this includes my half and step siblings that are her own kids).

Oh boy. I have come to truly love my stepdad, but there was a very rocky time years ago, before he married my mom. I felt I had to say something, but I also realized it was her life, they worked it out, I came to see the wonderful qualities that were there..and he's treated her well for the many years of their marriage.

If he hadn't, I would have probably done all I could to get him to behave, I'm very protective.

Bottom line, support your mom, love her, be there for her, don't isolate from her...and if he's hurting her, do what you can to protect her (sorry, it's just my way).

I always feel a pang when I see your signature...your dad was born just two days after me.

Originally Posted by Pat & Alix

Oh boy. I have come to truly love my stepdad, but there was a very rocky time years ago, before he married my mom. I felt I had to say something, but I also realized it was her life, they worked it out, I came to see the wonderful qualities that were there..and he's treated her well for the many years of their marriage.

If he hadn't, I would have probably done all I could to get him to behave, I'm very protective.

Bottom line, support your mom, love her, be there for her, don't isolate from her...and if he's hurting her, do what you can to protect her (sorry, it's just my way).

I always feel a pang when I see your signature...your dad was born just two days after me.

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Well he will never be a "step dad to me".....I dont think I will ever consider him that. I am just going to refer to him as his first name.

I dont think he hurts her, but I have a gut feeling that hes going to be the protective/ controlling type!!

That's a tough situation. I feel for everyone involved...support your mom, but at the same time, remain honest about your feelings. Hang in there.

Originally Posted by wookie130

That's a tough situation. I feel for everyone involved...support your mom, but at the same time, remain honest about your feelings. Hang in there.

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It sure is tough.......thanks for the caring words.

Wish I could say something that hasnt already been said. Be yourself, and see what happens, and hopefully everything works out fine for all. Calling him by his first name is not a bad idea if you are not comfortable with any other term of endearment. Hope things work themselves out though. best of luck.

Thats hard. My DH lost his dad in 2000. His parents were married for over 50 years. We have talked about it many time in th epast. HE says he could never imagine his mom with someone else but now that she is in her 80s and alone he feels like she needs someone. He would still have a hard time with whoever she ended up with but as long as he treated his mom well he says he would deal with it.

Its hard, you always see your parents as being together and when something happens when they arn't its tough.

There are far worse things he could be doing than speaking his mind and being rude. It may be wrong to you but does that make him a bad person? If he is good to your mom and makes her happy, give him a chance. You never know you may see why she loves him and wants to marry him.

My family hates my DH so much so they have stopped talking to me all together. I had to choose between them and him. Well he makes me happy. When I am with him I feel like I can do anything and be who I want to be. Sometimes I fell like maybe I did not make the right choose but while I was around my family I had a drug problem and self esteme issues. Since they have been out of my life I have been clean, I lost 80 pounds and feel great. If they only would have given him a chance and seen what he did for me then maye things would be different but they never could. Now they don't have me and were not here to see the good changes in my life.

Give him a chance. You never know.

Sending you vibes and hugs

I forgot to mention something(s).......she broke it off with this guy a few weeks ago because she felt like they werent going anywhere(she just wanted some sort of "commitment') and he told her that as long as she had his *word* she didnt need a RING!! So hes buying her back IMO. I mean why else would he suddenly just change his mind??

My mom has been married 5 times, and engaged 7. And these are the ones I know about because they've occured after I was born. One of them used to beat her, another beat us. Another yet, was abusive to the boys in our family. And some were so nice, but it didn't work out.

I held a lot of resentment about the situations later as I grew, but one day I had an amazing conversation with my maternal grandmother. I asked her how she could seem to approve of all these relationships no matter how wrong they seemed from the outside. She never knew about the abuses, but she always felt it wasn't right. She said that if she objected, she would only be distanced from my mom (she learned this the hard way), and be unable to help her when it was necessary.

So she took the approach that if you accept the outsider with all their flaws in an effort to stay close to the one she loved, she knew that when the sh*t hit the fan, my mom would always feel good about leaning on her for support.

I realize now how true this is because passion and love tend to blind people to reality. Having someone always in your ear about your SO only makes you resent that person and when you realize that your SO wasn't the right one all along you really don't want to go to that person that "told you so".

I hope this makes some sense. And I hope everything works out for you and your family. Sending hugs your way.