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My cat loves my fiance but isn't in to me yet

post #1 of 16
Thread Starter 
We just got a 1 1/2 year old black cat who is adorable. He was declawed by his first owner (yuck!) and they didn't know if he was abandoned or if he ran away. He was then attacked by something and is in the process of growing fir back now.

He took right to my fiance - who is a first time cat owner - but is still a little nervous of me. I've tried giving him some treats and he'll come up on to the bed with us so long as it's both of us in the room. But when it's just me and him, he runs away and hides. We're wondering if his first owner was maybe an abusive male, and that's why he is still frightened of me.

Anyone have any advice on how to handle this little feline lover?
post #2 of 16
Hi and welcome to TCS!
It's possible that his previous owner was abusive, but some animals are just more cautious of males for some reason.
I would just keep doing what you are doing (treats, slow movements, calm voices), it may time some time for him to trust you. Even being in the same room will help. Good luck!
post #3 of 16
Yes it's possible that his first owner was abusive to him, poor baby, but bless both your hearts for giving him a loving home

As Jenny said it may take some time to gain your trust, but please don't give up on him because he will come around eventually.

It's been mentioned many times here that if you sit in a room on the floor with the cat, and read out something softly from a newspaper or magazine just so they can get to know your voice better. If he comes near you just gently reach out your hand so he can sniff it and if he backs off just let him be, but once he knows your not going to hurt him he'll come closer to you in time

Good luck and keep us updated
post #4 of 16
Quote:
Originally Posted by Rosiemac View Post
It's been mentioned many times here that if you sit in a room on the floor with the cat, and read out something softly from a newspaper or magazine just so they can get to know your voice better. If he comes near you just gently reach out your hand so he can sniff it and if he backs off just let him be, but once he knows your not going to hurt him he'll come closer to you in time
Good advice
post #5 of 16
Thread Starter 
Oh, we certainly won't give up on him...you can tell he's going to be a lover with a little more time. It's actually kind of hilarious that he's taken to my fiance before me, since she's never had cats and I grew up with them!

Thanks for the advice everyone...
post #6 of 16
Bless you for taking this little kitty in and giving him a loving home! Just be patient with him and try to avoid loud noises and sudden movements. He will get used to you in time, and you never know when someday you will wake up with him sleeping on your face!

Would love to see a picture of the little darling!
post #7 of 16
Never underestimate the power of food. If you can, be the one to put the food out, make sure he sees that it comes from you. Be quiet, gentle and even maybe ignore him a bit. There's something to be said for the fact that most cats hate to be ignored (plus, if you're staring at him, that's rude and aggressive in cat-talk).
post #8 of 16
Quote:
Originally Posted by JellyBella View Post
Never underestimate the power of food. If you can, be the one to put the food out, make sure he sees that it comes from you. Be quiet, gentle and even maybe ignore him a bit. There's something to be said for the fact that most cats hate to be ignored (plus, if you're staring at him, that's rude and aggressive in cat-talk).
Top advice- if the cat sees you as food provider you are half way there
Best of luck, I'm sure given time he will come round, though I have to wonder if it is your deoderant as Radar sometimes acts funny if I change mine
post #9 of 16
I think you should go get another kitty for yourself. It would also be a nice playmate for this kitty.
post #10 of 16
Quote:
Originally Posted by PaulaS View Post
Bless you for taking this little kitty in and giving him a loving home! Just be patient with him and try to avoid loud noises and sudden movements. He will get used to you in time, and you never know when someday you will wake up with him sleeping on your face!

Would love to see a picture of the little darling!

I think patience is the key here too, and use a soft voice and don't tell him stuff that you don't mean, I think that animals can pick up on your voice and how you say things.

Good luck with the new cat, please keep us updated on how he is doing.
post #11 of 16
Yea for taking in the little one

Karma was the same way with us. We did find out that her previous ownes were not great owners. The woman trated her okay but the man was abusive to her. It took Karma about 6 months before she got use to my DH. She would not like to be alone with him or even around him when I was there. She did love me and would cuddle and give me kisses and everything, but she was out to kill him. every time he would try to get close she attacked him, hard. He has the scars to proove it.
While all this was going one I told him not to get mad at her when she did it, just ignore her. It was hard cause our first reaction to an attack is to punish. She had to learn that no matter what he lover her and was not going to hurt her. She figured it out and now he can hold her, she sleeps with him at night and not me. It took time and patience on both there parts but we all made it through.

He would just keep picking her up and holding her even while she was attacking, the whole time telling her he loved her and she was safe.

I do all the feeding but he is the only one who gives her treats. We made it something that only daddy does. She now sees him as the fun guy who gives her the kitty junkfood.

Give it time. Don't give up, be patient and loving no matter how bad it gets. Your kitty will test you often just to see if you are like the previous owner. Right before Karma came around it was horrable. It got to the point where all he had to do was look at her and she attacked. She startd doing everything she could as a final test. I quess he passed because now they are the best of freinds.
post #12 of 16
2 of my 3 bottle fed orphans bonded with my hubby over me. Go figure - we both fed them equally they just picked their favorite person and it just wasn't me. But the rest of the cats are all mine. Scarlett has come around over time, but it took her about 4 years to figure out I give love and food as good as DH.

It could be that he was abused by a man in his previous home, or that you are louder than your fiancee and he's responding to that, or he just picked your fiancee as his "person". Give him time and bribe him with food, scritches and play.
post #13 of 16
Thread Starter 
He's doing a little better...I can go pet him ssometimes without him leaping up and running away full speed...though he still does that plenty too . We had a friend over for dinner the other night - a female - and he took right to her too, so I'm thinking this might be some male thing. I'm curious to see how he treats my brother in law, who is going to be there tonight .

He's a great cat! I'm sure he'll come around...getting a little better. He sleeps with my fiance every night now, it's very funny.
post #14 of 16
Awwwww he's getting there with you Ride the storm because he will come around
post #15 of 16
I found that a lot of cat issues are resolved with time. Many people worry because things are wrong early on. Remember it could cat a cat years to get over tramutic events, and some never do, just like humans. My male cat who is 1 year old will still not approach any males, but he is all over females who visit our house. Our female Cleo has been with us 5 years now (prevously abandoned) and she still exibits behaviour related to her past life. Worry not, if you provide a loving home and are good to the animal it will love you.

Note** Some cats are one person animals no matter what you do Its nothing personal they just choose a favorite and get close to that person and will not show the same type of closeness around others.

Cheers
post #16 of 16
Thread Starter 
well my brother-in-law was over last night, and TJ wouldn't go near him...i think what we have here is an anti-male, pro-female cat...b/c he's all over everyone woman who is at our house
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