Kids....am I over reacting??

calico2222

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We had my brother-in-law and his family out to our house yesterday for the Daytona 500. He has 2 kids, 4 yr old boy and 11 yr old girl. The boy is pretty well behaved but the girl (his stepdaughter) constantly "tests" him and his wife. I'm sorry, but when I was growing up I was taught to ASK for things, not get into someone's refrigerator and see what I could find. I DIDN'T open a closed bedroom door "looking for the cats", I didn't run around the dining room table trying to get the dogs to play, and I didn't play hide and seek in someone's closets. Her mom got up one time during hide and seek, and I thought she was going to put an end to it, but she's the one that came up with the idea of hiding in the closet!

Now, I don't have kids and have no real experience with them but for the love of God, she's 11 yrs old!! I don't feel comfortable correcting them when their parents are here (and, really the boy was fine...he was just being a 4 yr old). I'm just very private when it comes to my house. My husband was even getting annoyed but he does think I'm over reacting. What do you think?
 

catloverin_ks

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No-your not over reacting!! Its YOUR home, and your THINGS!! I think I would of probly asked her nicely to stop acting the way she was, and maybe found something for her to do(game,tv,) ya know, something to keep her "occupied"
I have had kids come to my house before that act probly a tad worse than she did, and believe me-when it was time for them to go, I was helping them out the door


Maybe the girl was a attention seeker? Is she possibly a mommy girl, and mommy wasnt payung attention to her, so this was a way to get attention?
 

gingersmom

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I personally would have corrected them: MY house, MY rules.

I have zero tolerance for children of wishy-washy parents that let their children run wild. Especially if it were in MY home.

As an aunt, you absolutely deserve to be respected by the parents as well as the children.
 

pushylady

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Sounds kind of unruly and childish for 11. I agree her parents should've done more to teach her some manners. I'm surprised she didn't just want to watch a video or something.
 
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calico2222

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Well, they probably would have both been fine if we had the play station hooked but, but we just moved and haven't had time to do that. Plus, the only other TV is in our bedroom and that was the only room I didn't clean. I agree, I should have said something but in my opinion an 11 yr old should be able to sit quietly and read or draw or something. And yes, she is a "momma's girl" and needs to be the center of attention. But, it should be up to the parents to correct them. See why I have cats instead of kids???
 

catloverin_ks

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Originally Posted by calico2222

Well, they probably would have both been fine if we had the play station hooked but, but we just moved and haven't had time to do that. Plus, the only other TV is in our bedroom and that was the only room I didn't clean. I agree, I should have said something but in my opinion an 11 yr old should be able to sit quietly and read or draw or something. And yes, she is a "momma's girl" and needs to be the center of attention. But, it should be up to the parents to correct them. See why I have cats instead of kids???
LOL-you sound like my sister.
She doesnt have kids(2 step sons that are living with her and her DH) she used to say "see thats why I just have my pets"


But yes, an 11 y/o girl should have been waaaaaay more mature than that. I used to have a BIG problem with my step daughter acting like that, she was very very imature for her age.
 

alleygirl

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Originally Posted by GingersMom

I personally would have corrected them: MY house, MY rules.

I have zero tolerance for children of wishy-washy parents that let their children run wild. Especially if it were in MY home.

As an aunt, you absolutely deserve to be respected by the parents as well as the children.
I have to agree with GingersMom on this one. Children should be taught to respect other people's property and privacy and eleven is definitely old enough to know better.
I can just imagine what my mom would have done had we went poking in someone's fridge and closets while visiting
 

lunasmom

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Yup...I remember babysitting and being told I could have whatever out of the fridge...I bulked!!! I never dreamt of going into someone else's food supply.

I think that's why so many kids now are bratty to the parents. There isn't a lot of discipline that draws the line between other peoples homes and their own home. If there was, then this girl would've been taught to

1)ask where the cats were and if she could see them
2) ask if there were anything available to eat
 
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calico2222

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Originally Posted by lunasmom

Yup...I remember babysitting and being told I could have whatever out of the fridge...I bulked!!! I never dreamt of going into someone else's food supply.

I think that's why so many kids now are bratty to the parents. There isn't a lot of discipline that draws the line between other peoples homes and their own home. If there was, then this girl would've been taught to

1)ask where the cats were and if she could see them
2) ask if there were anything available to eat
What gets me is, we made pizza and wings! There were chips, dip, salsa, anything a kid could want! Ok, rant done. At least I'm not the only one that finds that kind of behavior unexceptable!
 

kittylover4ever

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Oh Hope, I have the same problem with our nephew when he comes over...I can totally sympathize........when your not used to children, they can be a handful!
 

swampwitch

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The eleven year-old was behaving like kids her age do sometimes, it's very trying. The problem was the parents - they should not have let her act like that. And you (or any other adult present) had every right to lay down the law and tell her exactly how she's expected to act (and not act) in your home.

The parents probably didn't want to cause a scene with her, I've seen that happen A LOT. The daughter knew her parents were doing this, so she figured she had free rein (and she did).

Next time (if there is one), lay down the rules at the first sign of her acting like this. Tell her it is your home, and she will go by your rules. This will earn her respect. You have to be prepared that the parents might get mad if you do this, but I don't let that sway me.
Kids need boundaries. Somebody's gotta do it.

Cheers, from
SwampWitch
 

trouts mom

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Originally Posted by GingersMom

I personally would have corrected them: MY house, MY rules.

I have zero tolerance for children of wishy-washy parents that let their children run wild. Especially if it were in MY home.

As an aunt, you absolutely deserve to be respected by the parents as well as the children.
You can say it in a way that sounds nice though..."would you mind not doing that hun?" or something like that.

Kids are annoying
 

crittergirl

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If kids are acting up when visiting me, if the parents don't correct them I will. I have no kids and my house is not child proof and I have a low tolerance for brats. Any parent should at least try to set some rules with their kids on how to act.
That is one of the reasons why I do not have children either, give me a cat any day!
 

valanhb

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I 100% agree with Betsy. The kid may not be yours, but she is a guest in your home. As such, she should have the courtesy and respect to abide by your rules and wishes, regardless of what her parents expect.

I've seen little hellions behave like angels when they are expected to do so (not asked, expected). Kids do know when they are being jerks, but if they can get away with it and know it, they will.
 

furry4fury

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Originally Posted by GingersMom

I personally would have corrected them: MY house, MY rules.

I have zero tolerance for children of wishy-washy parents that let their children run wild. Especially if it were in MY home.

As an aunt, you absolutely deserve to be respected by the parents as well as the children.
I completely agree....I have 2 kids (18 & 15) and DH has 2 kids (15 & 10). I put up with NONE of that wild behaviour in the house....go outside and run around and play. DH and my kids are respectful of other people's homes and belongings.
My nephews on the other hand....come to my house and touch everything and have broken things....and my darling (sarcasm) brother-in-law doesn't say or do anything....I put my foot down (on their necks - j/k). But seriously I don't put up with anything. It's our house and our stuff...if the parents don't care to discipline their kids I will. I'm just that type of person.
I bet you if you lay out the rules when those kids are there and stick to them, they will know the next time they are in your house they will follow them.
 

catsarebetter

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Hehe, well, my best friend is going through a divorce. They have a daughter together, so he's got half custody or.. shared even custody. Now, he spends quite a bit of time here when his daughter isn't here, but not so much when she is. She harasses my cats. Of course, I've told her, look, they're not used to that, and I'm going to tell you that if you harass them, and you're doing something they don't like (and you *know* they don't like it because they're trying to get down), and you get scratched.. I do not want to hear about it.

Of course, my friend knows she's doing things.. he does make an attempt, but often I'll sit down with her and talk about it, and then be like, hey, you remember that conversation we had? Good! Let's stick to that, huh? Thank you... or I'll say, when she tries to manipulate her father... look, kiddo, I'm onto that.. knock it off, and she'll say, okay, gotcha.

Now, my friend, fortunately, is very laid back, and I always address it in a manner that is hopefully constructive and not berating to her. She's 12. But I do wait until I just can't take it anymore to address it. She's extremely hyper. I do think, though, that if they're in your home, you have a right to say something. I also think your best bet is talking to the child. If you say something to a parent that already has problems getting their child to listen to them, it's not going to help much. They also tend to listen to strangers better, it seems.
 

kittiesx2

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I have three kids. An eleven year old stepson, eight year old daughter and a "terrible two" son as well. My kids are very well behaved (in other people's homes
) because I let them know exactly what I expect from them BEFORE we go anywhere. They know the rules and follow them or else we don't stay. It seems kind of harsh to some people but I feel that kids should not "run amok" doing whatever whenever they like. When our friends come over with their kids I will let ALL of the children know what they can/can't do and we very rarely have a problem. I really think that more parent's should take responsibility for their kids(they were the ones that decided to have children) but if they don't then I don't feel bad protecting my home/family.
 

kiki_585

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I don't think you are over-reacting. Just the thought of someone doing that in my house gets me all twitchy. You have a right to your privacy.

It does sound like she wanted attention. When I am at my sister's house (a little bit of a different situation) and her kids are becoming more aggressive while playing, saying something they shouldn't, or doing something I know they shouldn't I usually speak up. Especially if it is towards me. For instance my nephew can get quite violent sometimes, so I just stop him and look him in the eye and tell him that he's not allowed to hit Auntie like that. If it's something I know he shouldn't be doing... like jumping on the couch then I usually say something along the lines of "Ethan, your mommy doesn't like it when you jump on the couch like that... come sit with Auntie." My sister doesn't usually seem to mind (as she is usually in a different room).

So if I do that in her house then you can definitely speak up in your own home. Next time either ask her not to go into rooms with closed doors or your closets... or you can tell the parents that you don't appreciate what their daughter is doing. Whatever you feel most comfortable with.
 

ilovesiamese

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I don't think it would be fair to say you are over-reacting because it is your home and your feelings.

I guess I am a very laid back person. When kids are at my house, the only room off limits is my room, but I also have a small home and I make sure we have ground rules at the beginning (teacher skills come in handy). I don't mind that kids go into my fridge or whatever, especially if it is a relative or close friends child(ren). It just doesn't bother me and I don't find it disrespectful at all.

My son (4 years old) typically well behaved at other people's houses. He can get in to things but I can give my son time outs anywhere we go and I have no problem doing it either. Normally a "I'm couting to 3, one - two " is enough to get his attention. If it isn't, off we go for some "reflection" time. His father on the other hand has much more difficulty with him. I definately think that consistancy and following through is the key....oh and no fear LOL. Opps gotta get off the soap box



The main thing is to do what makes you feel comfortable, but if you don't say anything, then perhaps your relatives think you're ok with it.
 
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