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High Maintenance People - how do you cope?

post #1 of 21
Thread Starter 
We all have them in our lives - the people who are annoying and difficult to be around or talk to, and you feel exhausted afterwards.

The best thing is to distance yourself from them, but sometimes we have no choice. Do you talk to them, only say hello, ignore them completely, or something else?

How do you deal with these people?

Cheers, from
SwampWitch
post #2 of 21
Quote:
Originally Posted by SwampWitch View Post
We all have them in our lives - the people who are annoying and difficult to be around or talk to, and you feel exhausted afterwards.

The best thing is to distance yourself from them, but sometimes we have no choice. Do you talk to them, only say hello, ignore them completely, or something else?

How do you deal with these people?

Cheers, from
SwampWitch

I usually just ignore people like that, they are not worth my time or energy.
post #3 of 21
Minimize the time spent with them.
Listen, dont try to advise or help, it just sucks you n deeper.
Remember how needy they are and be thankful you are not them.
Remember their pain is theirs. you dont have to make it yours.
Never agree to anything right away. always buy more time to think about it.
post #4 of 21
It depends. If they speak then i'll speak back because i'm not ignorant that way, but if their difficult to be around then i won't force myself on them.
post #5 of 21
Quote:
Originally Posted by Rosiemac View Post
It depends. If they speak then i'll speak back because i'm not ignorant that way, but if their difficult to be around then i won't force myself on them.
yep same here, but if you are in a situation that you are just thrown together, work for example, well I would say I´d just have to keep my focus on work and try and get through the day as best as possible.
post #6 of 21
I have a friend who goes through periods where she can be very high maintenance. Sometimes I distance myself, sometimes I just put up with it because she is there for me when I need her when no one else is. There have been a time or two where I have litterally had to stop her and basically tell her that we've talked enough about her problems, it's my turn! That usually works for us. We've been friends a long time and know how to handle eachother pretty much.

I've had a lot of students who were high maintenance. I basically will pull them aside with another instructor present and just politely let them know that this is like a work environment, and thoes kinds of things should be left outside of work, etc. I also try to direct them to an appropriate outlet like their counselors, friends, a church, whatever they have available to them in their lives, or direct them to someone who can help them get someone appropriate in their lives to help them. I actually had to do that this week.
post #7 of 21
I may make a little extra effort to accomodate them, especially if they are family, but then I have a line that I won't go past- running my life or my family's life to accomodate their "wishes", making myself (or my family) miserable so they are "happy" (which, btw, they usually never are). I'll try to be understanding that this is the way they are, but after that, they're on their own as to whether they are happy or not.
post #8 of 21
Booze.

Just kidding.
Honestly, if someone is particularly difficult I just tend to avoid them, unless, of course, I can't. Then, I just try to minimize interaction with them if I don't think I have the energy to tolerate them!!
post #9 of 21
I seem to be a magnet for these types of people.

Usually if they don't get the idea right away that I'm not interested in being sucked into their little world, I'll either walk away or yell at them.

I've only did the yelling part once. The woman couldn't understand the concept that I didn't want to hang out with her.
post #10 of 21
i cant stand high maitence people that being said i have two semi-high matience friends. but they are down to earth enough to realize when they are doing it sometimes.
post #11 of 21
My sister is extremley high maintenance and I honestly try to have as little to do with her as possible
post #12 of 21
I moved. Ok, that's not really why I moved, but it was a bonus!!

I have a tendency to get used up by those type of people. It's my fault. I'm more careful now.
post #13 of 21
When I was younger I used to try to put up with people like this but always resented them. I guess that's one of the nice things about getting older, you can distance yourself and not feel too guilty. Life is too short, why should we have to surround ourselves with people whose priorities are askew?
post #14 of 21
OMG I hate them! LoL
My DH's best friend's wife is so annoying. We were stuck on vacation in the Keys with them & one rental. They broke down the 2nd day to get their own. She actually called her friends at 11pm to complain about the low quality make-up in the stores. Who doesn't bring their own make-up? Why worry about make-up when your sun-bathing and drinking all day? She took 2 hours to get ready for dinner that night. I was soooooo mad. The guys actually got into a huge fight about this.

She can be fun but we really have nothing in common.
post #15 of 21
Thread Starter 
I usually chit-chat with them, but I think I'm going to stop; it's true you do get dragged into their dramas.

I'll say hi and keep walking from now on.
post #16 of 21
dont deal with them at all.
post #17 of 21
Well,I honestly don't know what you mean by 'high maintenance'.
But if you mean the type of people who make a mountain out of a mole hill,Like
' Oh I went shopping today and I stupidly dropped a fishy and it nearly died'.
Or 'Oh god,look at my garden,The ' workmen have left such a mess'.Then no,I don't
give them the time of day.They brought it on themselves.Thats their problem.

But if you mean people who have Genuine problems in their life,then yes I will be there for that person through their bad times and good times.

I think some people are too false and pretentious and what people need to remember
is everybody is only one pay check from living on the streets.As much as people don't
want to hear other peoples problems,One day they will find themselves in a position where they will need help and I've found the best people are like MoochNNoodles said
the 'High maintainance friend' is always there when nobody else is.

So I'll stick with high maintainance friends from now on and not pretentious ones
post #18 of 21
Thread Starter 
Thanks for the responses!

I agree high maintenance friends are O.K., since we've decided that the friendship is worth the energy we put into the relationship.

But I wonder what to do with the difficult people who only take and don't give back. People that you HAVE to deal with at work, family, or school, but don't want to be friends with. These people invent dramas, try to make you feel bad, try to blame you, etc. and it's just exhausting defending yourself and trying to get the truth known. The worst part is there is no cause and effect - how you treat them doesn't change how they treat you, good or bad.

Is it rude to ignore completely? Where is the line drawn? I'm so tired of having these people around me lately. And I have to see them almost every day.
post #19 of 21
Well if it was at work, I would politely try to tell them that you don't find the conversation appropriate for work, maybe offer to spend a 15 min break listening and no more.
post #20 of 21
High Maintenance people are my biggest pet peeve. Why is someone so important that they make everyone around them have to walk on eggshells?

I used to have a good friend that is soooooo high maintenance. It was weird. I would literally feel weird if I wasn't all done up when I was with her..I couldn't just lounge around all grubby like with normal friends. And she must give her opinion on everything and most of the time her opinion will hurt someones feelings because she doesn't hold back. She has about 100 pairs of shoes that are all over $50 per pair, most are over $100 per pair, and is all about fashion and looks and bla bla bla.

Geez, it is exhausting.
post #21 of 21
I am cordial to people like that if I have to be around them, but I don't really let them into my life. I am a very private person, and the people here at TCS know way more about me than most people that know me personally. That is not to say if someone I care about goes through something in their lives that makes them needy and high maintenence for awhile that I won't be right there, but not just an acquaintence or coworker.
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