Thurston, the cat I foolishly adopted without fully understanding his needs (and then had to give up five days later) was a wonderful cat. But I realized that my problems as well as his were too much. I still miss him, but with time, I've come to realize that I never would have been able to give him everything he needed in this world.
He had a condition with his eyelids and try as I might, I could not get them clean. I realize now that his condition required surgery and I probably would not have had the resources to have him treated. Then there was the matter of his FIV. What in the world was I thinking, a broke college student thinking she could take on the expense of a cat with a serious illness.
I wonder if I really will ever feel ready to adopt another cat. I truly wonder. I screwed it up the first time, I could screw up again. I consider what I did very wrong, even though many say I did the right thing. I don't know when or if I will ever feel ready to welcome another kitty into my life. I feel in a way as though I don't deserve to, because of giving Thurston up. I don't know where he is now, or if he's happy, or whether his disease has progressed. I no longer have the right to know these things. I wish I could turn back time, but I can't. I knew even once I was better, I would not be able to get him back.
Everyone here is so loving with their cats and I hope that spending time here will inspire me to become the kind of person I want to be, so that I am not doomed to repeat my past mistake.
He had a condition with his eyelids and try as I might, I could not get them clean. I realize now that his condition required surgery and I probably would not have had the resources to have him treated. Then there was the matter of his FIV. What in the world was I thinking, a broke college student thinking she could take on the expense of a cat with a serious illness.
I wonder if I really will ever feel ready to adopt another cat. I truly wonder. I screwed it up the first time, I could screw up again. I consider what I did very wrong, even though many say I did the right thing. I don't know when or if I will ever feel ready to welcome another kitty into my life. I feel in a way as though I don't deserve to, because of giving Thurston up. I don't know where he is now, or if he's happy, or whether his disease has progressed. I no longer have the right to know these things. I wish I could turn back time, but I can't. I knew even once I was better, I would not be able to get him back.
Everyone here is so loving with their cats and I hope that spending time here will inspire me to become the kind of person I want to be, so that I am not doomed to repeat my past mistake.