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After some time has passed, realizing things.

post #1 of 11
Thread Starter 
Thurston, the cat I foolishly adopted without fully understanding his needs (and then had to give up five days later) was a wonderful cat. But I realized that my problems as well as his were too much. I still miss him, but with time, I've come to realize that I never would have been able to give him everything he needed in this world.

He had a condition with his eyelids and try as I might, I could not get them clean. I realize now that his condition required surgery and I probably would not have had the resources to have him treated. Then there was the matter of his FIV. What in the world was I thinking, a broke college student thinking she could take on the expense of a cat with a serious illness.

I wonder if I really will ever feel ready to adopt another cat. I truly wonder. I screwed it up the first time, I could screw up again. I consider what I did very wrong, even though many say I did the right thing. I don't know when or if I will ever feel ready to welcome another kitty into my life. I feel in a way as though I don't deserve to, because of giving Thurston up. I don't know where he is now, or if he's happy, or whether his disease has progressed. I no longer have the right to know these things. I wish I could turn back time, but I can't. I knew even once I was better, I would not be able to get him back.

Everyone here is so loving with their cats and I hope that spending time here will inspire me to become the kind of person I want to be, so that I am not doomed to repeat my past mistake.
post #2 of 11
You really need a hug.

I'm sorry that I don't fully know your story (must go search for it once I'm done here) but I don't think there's anything wrong with realizing your limitations with what you can and can't do. If you were unable to provide the care your cat needed, it would have been wrong of you to have kept him and given him a life that didn't satisfy his essential needs.

When I adopted my kittens, I adopted them for life. But if it came to the point where I knew that I couldn't provide them the care they needed, I think it's my duty as a responsible pet owner to find a place where they can receive this care. It's not a failure, it's a recognition of your limitations.

I'm sure that you'll be a great cat owner when the time comes for you to get another (and I believe you'll know when the time is right). Maybe in the future you just need to make sure that the one you get is less high-maintenance, and has no obvious problems to stress your finances and time. There's nothing wrong with that.

I hope everything works out for you.
post #3 of 11
Oh sweetheart I just read your past posts.

I hope things are going better for you now. I know how bad things can get when everything starts going wrong, and I really hope things have started going right for you.

Think of it this way: if you had gotten in a terrible car accident the day after you adopted your cat and realized you'd be too ill for a long time to properly care for the cat, would you feel like it was your fault for having to give him away? No, because your "car accident" was not your fault and was completely out of your control. Would you hesitate to get another cat once you were healed from your "car accident"? No, because you'd know that you're healthy enough to care for a new cat.

It's the same thing with being too emotionally ill to properly care for your cat. Only in this case, we THINK it's our fault because it all goes on inside our heads so it seems like something we can control, but it really isn't.

I hope everything is all right in your world.
post #4 of 11
Thread Starter 
I am better now, and have been on meds for nearly two months. I still hold on to a lot of regret.
post #5 of 11
Oh sweetie.... Don't be so hard on yourself. You have a heart of gold to even consider adopting out a cat that really needed a home and tried the best you could to give him a second chance. The fact that you realized you were not able to does not make you a bad person. You did what was best for him and that makes you selfless.
There are not many college students who would even much less consider adopting an animal and even rare to adopt one who is special needs. We are only human. Please do not close this door to adopting out at cat who may need you at a later time. There are so many out there that crave to know what it means to be loved and spoiled. You could change a life for a special kitty. You will know when the time is right for you. If you need someone to talk to...I'm just a PM away.
post #6 of 11
It's not the fact that you feel you 'failed' its that you had the heart enough to try. I'm not sure that I could cope either financially or emotionally with a FIV cat so I'm always happy to hear of other people taking on cats with special needs. It sounds like you learnt from the experiance and to me that is enough.
post #7 of 11
Oh honey, I dont know your story, Ill go and read up, but like everyone else has said, the fact that you realised you could not give Thurston the special care he needed, instead of keeping him, and having you both suffer, means you are a very decent person.
You did not give him up because you couldnt be bothered, or you found something else which was much more fun, you did it for him.
Im sure he is happy and healthy and that is thanks to you
You will get another kitty when the time is right and Im sure you'll provide him with so much love and care.
Please dont blame yourself.
post #8 of 11
I'm sorry that you can't find out how Thurston is doing. Please know that you did the right thing for him. I really believe that you'll be able to adopt another kitty when the time is right. Please don't give up! We are all here to listen whenever you need us.
post #9 of 11
Of course you'll feel ready to adopt another cat someday. This time, though, you'll have enough experience under your belt about cats to check into possible health concerns and will be better able to evaluate what they might mean for you as owner.

You did the kindest thing you could for Thurston, you allowed him another situation which would allow him the health care he needed. There's no need at all to beat yourself up so.

How long has it been since you last saw Thurston? If your situation has changed, it may even now allow you to take on another (healthy) cat. Just check into every aspect of cat ownership you can think of, talk to friends who have good situations for their cats, and see how they manage their cats.

Good luck to you!!
post #10 of 11
Listen, you did the bravest thing by admitting you'd taken on too much. You could have been cruel and pig-headed, and kept him, and you would have ended up sad and with a terribly poorly kitty. Saying 'this is too much for me' took great courage - he would have recognised your kindness in the time you had him

Please don't beat yourself up over this - the timing and situation were wrong for Thurston, but you have a lot of life in front of you, and many years of potential cat-owning - this was not your only chance, you will have the right cat when your circumstances dictate - and having been through this once before, you will know when is the right time in future - wishing you all the very best

Lou x
post #11 of 11
I am sure Thurston has found a wonderful home. Like everyone above me has said, you did the best thing for Thurston AND YOURSELF by realizing his needs exceeded what you were capable of giving. I got Penelope when I was in school, and had she required special needs beyond treating her bronchitis, I would have been forced to give her up due to my circumstances. Sometimes, the timing is not right.

But you sound like you'd make a great parent to a more independent cat. And when you are ready, or when you see the right baby, you will be able to be a great caregiver to a little feline furball. Your spirit shows through your posts. Many hugs and good vibes sending your way from Pennsylvania.
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