Be there or not?

lizch6699

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After months of medication and fluids, it's time to put Otis to sleep. I've decided to do so this Saturday. I can't bare the thought of being there while it happens but I don't want to regret it either. He's not doing well at all, but he's got enough spunk where he'll probably fight and I'm afraid that if I see him fight, I'll regret putting him down. My Dad said he would take him for me if need be. For those who were there for the last moments did you regret being there? And for those who chose not to be there, did you regret not being there?
 

kluchetta

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Does he generally hate the vet? When I had Smudge the first put down, it was very peaceful. It was actually a nice experience because he had been suffering and although it was hard for US, we could tell it was the right thing for him. If he is going to fight and struggle, are you sure it's time?

If he just hates the vet, maybe a vet could come to your house.
 
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lizch6699

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No he doesn't hate the vet at all. He just doesn't like needles. I'm pretty confident in saying that it's his time to go. He's skin and bones, about 5 lbs, and he's been sleeping and looks very unhappy. He doesn't have much energy, but I can't stand to see him crying or meowing for those last moments.
 

white cat lover

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Can you live with yourself if you aren't there for him? I know it's so difficult for a person to watch, but IMO, the cat knows you're there, you love them, & they understand. I would be there, but that's just me.
 

theimp98

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I cant do it, just cause i get the feeling i need to stop it. Then i get mad at myself later for not taking the animal back home. So, for me no.
 
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lizch6699

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Originally Posted by theimp98

I cant do it, just cause i get the feeling i need to stop it. Then i get mad at myself later for not taking the animal back home. So, for me no.
That's what I'm worried about. Things would be so much easier if it weren't such a slow acting disease (kidney failure) because the decision would be so much easier as to when the time is right.
 

4badcats

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Personally I would wnt to be there for those last few peacuful moments. The vets are usually so gentle and careful about it that the chances are he won't even realise what has hapened, and will just fall asleep.

When I had my first old cat PTS aged 18 (later stage kidney failure) I stayed there til it was over - I couldn't bear to leaver her all alone at the end


At the ed of the day though it is your choice, and whatever you do will be the best for you
 

essayons89

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CRF is a horrible condition, I hate it. I had to let my Midnight go last June after fighting CRF with her for two plus years. The vet came to the house to do the procedure. As difficult as it was, and still is, I couldn't bear the thought of not being with her and holding her and talking to her and telling her that I love her. I felt that I owed it to her to be with her as she crossed over the bridge for all of the love, affection and companionship that she gave me. I wanted her to pass peacefully in the comfort of her own home. I'm having a difficult time writing this...

I guess what I'm trying to say is that the deciding factor for me was seeing her quality of life diminish rapidly after her kidneys failed her. There will be feelings of guilt as you wonder if you could have tried this or done that but in the end you have to remember that despite our best efforts the condition is terminal. Midnight lived a good, active life for two years with the subq fluids and special diet and for that I'm very thankful. I miss her dearly and still feel the pain of losing her and still grieve for her. Human or beloved pet, it doesn't matter, that is the price that we pay for sharing unconditional love.

You have to decide for yourself what you want to do, no one can make such a personal decision for you.

Your decision to allow Otis to pass on peacefully is one done out love and it will allow him to keep his diginity. I'm so sorry that you had to make this decision.
 

alleygirl

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I'm so sorry that it has come time to make this decision for your dear Otis. Only you can answer the question to be there or not. If it would be too hard on you and you think you would be too uspet and possibly cause more stress for Otis maybe you shouldn't. I can only say that I wasn't able to be there when my beloved Alley was put to sleep. I was 1100 miles away at the time and it had to be done right away to prevent her suffering. Not being able to be there with her, to hold her and pet her, comfort her, and be able to tell her how much I love her, for her to be able to go like that, is something that will haunt me for the rest of my life. I would gone to her if there had been time. It would have been hard to see her like that after but she was my babygirl and I would give anything to be able to go back and be there for her.

Whatever you decide, know that my thoughts are with you and Otis.
 

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When my sweet tuxedo boy Willy had to PTS (he was in kidney failure) I made the decision to stay with him and know it was absolutely the right thing to do. His passing was very peaceful and I like to think my being there calmed him. I promised him I'd be with him until the end and am grateful I was able to be there. It was incredibly difficult for me, but made easier by knowing I was doing what was best for him.

I know it's a very hard, personal decison. Whatever you decide, my thought and prayers are with you and Otis.
 

mooficat

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I´ve only had my dog PTS and I just couldnt be there, I was such a mess
BUT I didnt know I was going to feel like that until the day came. I thought I was going to be ok.
The vet came to our house (we were here in Spain) so I said my goodbye and left, the vet PTS then took him away. I still dont know how I feel about it today, I´m not angry or wish I did it different, because I did have my time with him . I suppose if it was at the vets office, I´d probably done the same and just walked out after saying goodbye.

So maybe nearer the day you will now, just follow your heart and we will all be right behind you whatever you decide
 

rang_27

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Smokey passed away at home in my arms. I will never regret being there. I was her everything and it would have been much harder on me had I not been there. It was hard, but she gave me 17 years of love & affection I felt I owed her those last few moments. Everyone is differnt and what they can & can't handle is differnt, but the important thing is that Otis is not alone.
 

lsulover

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Originally Posted by white cat lover

Can you live with yourself if you aren't there for him? I know it's so difficult for a person to watch, but IMO, the cat knows you're there, you love them, & they understand. I would be there, but that's just me.
I agree, I was with Houdini, (our cat) when we had to put him to sleep. I don't regret it at all. I wanted Houdini to know that he was loved and not alone.

When we had to put our beloved Sambo to sleep, (our dog) my husband was with him, I didn't know if I could do it or not. Sambo was like my child. But I didn't want Sambo to be by himself either.
 

felicia's mom

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I think it depends on the person. I want to be there; it helps me to get over it faster.
This happend with Inky and Shadow. (I was with them.)
I wasn't there when Cleo was pts however. It took much longer to get over him.

Please do what feels best for you.
 

booktigger

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I am sorry that things have come to this for you and Otis, but at least he has someone who loves him so much they can put his feelings first. This is a very personal decision and not one that we can make for you - but personally, I prefer to be there for them, I am known at my vets for being there right till the end. There are 3 that I haven't been able to be there for, and they are the ones that have hit me hardest, as all were unexpected, so I didn't get that chance to say goodbye - and it is one of the reasons I will always choose euthanasia with terminal illnesses, so I can make sure that I am there holding them when they go. I have had two that the vet knew would have fought the needle, so she gave them a sedation first, and waited till they were sleepy before giving the final injection, it made it a lot more peaceful, and for some reason, they didn't fight that as much as they may have done the final injection.
 

cinder

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You can speak to your vet ahead of time about your options. If you are worried that Otis may struggle, ask for a sedative you can give orally before you bring him in. Or request that he receive a sedative at the clinic before he receives the final shot. These can be given under the skin or in the muscle. Under the skin takes longer to take affect, but is less painful. If it's in the muscle, Otis could be on you lap and the shot would be given in his hind leg. One issue with this is, the sedative can also make them vomit before they fall asleep.

I was not with the first several cats I had put to sleep, and I guess I do actually regret it, simply because I never knew about their final moments. With those that I've been with, they fell asleep on my lap and they did not feel the final shot. Sometimes I feel like the sedative is more for my benefit than theirs.

I guess it makes a difference whether you feel you can be there to calm him, or whether you would be so upset that your presence would add to his stress. If you just can't do it, perhaps ask for a tech that has been really good with him to assist. We became very attached to animals we saw often and treated them as our own when the time came.

Sorry.
 

catsallover

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With the first pet (a cat) I had to have PTS, my mom wouldn't let me stay. I always felt bad for not being there, but I was a teenager. When we had our 14 year old dog PTS, I was going to go back with him, but my DH just couldn't do it, so I went home with him. The vet techs and vets had known my pets for many years, however, and I knew they would be very kind and loving to him in his last moments (we were crying, they were crying...), so I was okay with leaving him with them.(They even sent us a card that everyone had signed.)

I'm so sorry you're having to go through this
. You may make a decision now, and change your mind when you get there. What you decide either way is fine-everyone is different, so do what you think is best for you, what you can handle- it's terribly sad and difficult either way.
 

wookie130

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Hon, just do what is in your heart.

We had to put our dear old dog, Ginger (17 years old) on Dec. 4th of last year, and it was the first time I've witnessed a pet being euthanized...I don't regret it. I think it brought her comfort (and me too) in her final moments, and I really knew then it was the right thing to do. Sometimes letting an animal cross the Bridge is the most loving and kindest things we can do for our loved ones...we can relieve their suffering, and send them to a better place.
 

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I have a vivid imagination and I knew actually being there would be painful, but thinking about what it might have been like if I stayed away would have been worse. I would replay it in my mind over and over, imagining what it was like. I chose to stay and be there holding and comforting. Afterward, they left us alone for as long as we needed to say good bye.
It's not easy and it's not an easy choice. I am so sorry you have to do this and are torn on what to do. You are in my thoughts.
~Rhonda
 
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lizch6699

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Thank you everyone for the replies. I'm still torn about what to do. Either way, someone will be there I just don't know if I can handle it. I'm really afraid of regretting putting him down even though I know it's the right thing to do. I've gone to every medical extent possible with him and still feel like I should do more even though that would only make him more miserable. I wish I could just listen to my heart... but it's not telling me anything and I'm afraid I'll come down to the day and still won't know what to do. I made the appointment today and it feels terrible. CRF sucks big time! I come home and he's happy to see me and curling around my feet, and then after he's spent his energy doing that, he's curled back up in a ball looking miserable.
 
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