Turn those :-( upside down :-)

lady hawk

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Growing Old
When I'm old , I'll live with each kid,
and bring so much happiness, just as they did.
I want to pay back all the joy they've provided.
Returning each deed! Oh, they'll be so excited!
I'll write on the wall with reds, whites and blues,
and I'll bounce on the furniture wearing my shoes.
I'll drink from the carton and then leave it out.
I'll stuff all the toilets and oh, how they'll shout!
When they're on the phone and just out of reach,
I'll get into things like sugar and bleach.

Oh, they'll snap their fingers and then shake their head,
and when that is done, I'll hide under the bed!
When they cook dinner and call me to eat,
I'll not eat my green beans or salad or meat,
I'll gag on my okra, spill milk on the table,
And when they get angry. I'll run, if I'm able!
I'll sit close to the TV, through the channels I'll click,
I'll cross both eyes just to see if they stick.

I'll take off my socks and throw one away,
and play in the mud till the end of the day!
And later in bed, I'll lay back and sigh,
I'll thank God in prayer and then close my eyes.

My kids will look down with a smile slowly creeping,
and say with a groan, "She's so sweet when she's sleeping!"

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UNDERSTANDING MEN

Men like to barbecue. Men will cook if danger is involved.
If you buy your husband or boyfriend a video camera, for the first few
weeks he has it, lock the door when you go to the bathroom. Most of my husband's early films ended with a scream and a flush.
Men are very confident people. My husband is so confident that when he
watches sports on television, he thinks that if he concentrates he can
help his team. If the team is in trouble, he coaches the players from our
living room, and if they're really in trouble, I have to get off the phone in
case they call him.
Men love to be the first to read the newspaper in the morning. Not being the
first is upsetting to their psyches.
All men look nerdy in black socks and sandals.
Don't try to teach men how
to do anything in public. They can learn in private; in public they have to know.
All men are afraid of eyelash curlers. I sleep with one under my pillow,
instead of a gun.
A good place to meet a man is at the dry cleaner. These
men usually have jobs and bathe.
Men love watches with multiple functions. My husband has one that is a
combination address book, telescope and piano.
Men are sensitive in strange ways. If a man has built a fire and the last
log does not burn, he will take it personally.
Men are brave enough to go to war, but they are not brave enough to get a
bikini wax.
Men don't get cellulite. God might just be a man.
Men have an easier time buying bathing suits. Women have two types:depressing and more depressing. Men have two types: nerdy and not nerdy.
Men have higher body temperatures than women. If your heating goes out in
winter, I recommend sleeping next to a man. Men are like portable heaters
that snore.
Most men hate to shop. That's why the men's department is usually on the
first floor of a department store, two inches from the door.
If a man prepares dinner for you & the salad contains three or more types
of lettuce, he's serious.
Men own basketball teams. Every year cheerleaders' outfits get tighter and
briefer, and players' shorts get baggier and longer.
When four or more men get together, they talk about sports. When four or
more women get together, they talk about men.
Not one man in a beer commercial has a beer belly.
Men are less sentimental than women. No man has ever seen the movie 'The
Way We Were' twice, voluntarily.
Most women are introspective: "Am I in love? Am I emotionally and
creatively fulfilled?" Most men are outrospective: "Did my team win? How's my car?"
Men hate to lose. I once beat my husband at tennis. I asked him, "Are we
going to have sex again?" He said, "Yes, but not with each other."
Getting rid of a man without hurting his masculinity is a problem. "Get
out" and "I never want to see you again" might sound like a challenge. If you
want to get rid of a man, I suggest saying, "I love you... I want to marry
you... I want to have your children." Sometimes they leave skid marks.
Men who listen to classical music tend not to spit.
Only men who have worn a ski suit understand how complicated it is for a
woman to go to the bathroom when she's wearing a jumpsuit.
When a woman tries on clothing from her closet that feels tight, she will
assume she has gained weight. When a man tries something from his closet
that feels tight, he will assume the clothing has shrunk.
Male menopause is a lot more fun than female menopause. With female
menopause you gain weight and get hot flashes. Male menopause - you get to date
young girls and drive motorcycles.
Men forget everything; women remember everything. That's why men need
instant replays in sports. They've already forgotten what happened.
Men would like monogamy better if it sounded less like monotony.

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Hope these funnies made you whiskers twitch.
Tish +
 

valanhb

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Men love watches with multiple functions. My husband has one that is a combination address book, telescope and piano.
That sounds like my hubby's watch! Oh, and his is a "Blue Angels" watch. That was worth at least an extra $50 just to have the insignia on the inside of the watch. LOL
 
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lady hawk

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Oooh Yeah
LOL they are such strange creatures.
As the old saying goes Val,The more I know men the more I love my cat LOL.
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jeanie g.

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I loved them both! But I want that watch with the piano and telescope. I love gadgets!
 

debby

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Lady Hawk....both of those were good, but I think the first one was the best!!! I really got a smile out of that one! Made me really appreciate my mother!!! (the tables were turned for me 15 years ago, and mom was the one who was childlike...)
 

lorie d.

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I really liked them both too! I sometimes tell my son that when I get really old I will be moving in him and he can take care of me.

But then...
My son tells me that when I get really old he's going to have me admitted to the same nursing home I work at now.
And I tell him...
No...not THAT place!!! Ewwwwwwwww!!!!!
 

bundylee

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LOL that was good!

Most men hate to shop. That's why the men's department is usually on the
I must ad the following if I may hehehe!!!!

Most men hate to shop. That's why the men's department is usually on the first floor of a department store, two inches from the door. and as small and unconfusing as possible. Women do most of the shopping so, they target women so that they can spend more money trying to achieve the unachievable look that most men want!!
 
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lady hawk

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Trying to achieve the unachievable look that most men want!!
*Sigh* God I cant wait to be reincarnated as a cat LOL, they always achieve the purrfect look.
Just look at Roxane, she has never had a bad hair day LOL.
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