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What Hallmark didn't print

post #1 of 10
Thread Starter 
1. So your daughter's a hooker, and it spoiled your day. Look at the bright side, it's really good pay. Â:censor:
2. My tire was thumping. I thought it was flat. When I looked at the tire. I noticed your cat. Sorry! Â:censor:
3. You had your bladder removed and you're on the mend. Here's a bouquet of flowers and a box of Depends. Â:censor:
4. Happy Vasectomy! Hope you feel zippy! Cause when I had mine I got really snippy.
5. Heard your wife left you. How upset you must be. But don't fret about it. She moved in with me. 6. You totaled your car. And can't remember why. Could it have been That whole case of Bud Dry? Â:censor:

"Looking back over the years that we've been together, I can't help but wonder: What in the world was I thinking?" Â:censor:
"Congratulations on your wedding day! Too bad no one likes your wife." Â:censor: ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"How could two people as beautiful as you have such an ugly baby?" Â:censor: ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"I've always wanted to have someone to hold, someone to love. After having met you, I've changed my mind." Â:censor:
"I must admit, you brought Religion in my life. I never believed in Hell 'til I met you." Â:censor: ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"As the days go by, I think of how lucky I am that Â:censor: you're not here to ruin it for me." Â:censor: ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Thanks for being a part of my life!!! I never knew what evil was before this!" Â:censor: ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Congratulations on your promotion. Before you go, would you like to take this knife out of my back? You'll probably need it again." Â:censor:
"Happy Birthday! You look great for your age... almost lifelike! Â:censor: ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"When we were together, you always said you'd die before me. Now that we've broken up, I think it's time you kept your promise." Â:censor:
"We have been friends for a very long time, lets say we call it quits." Â:censor: ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"I'm so miserable without you. It's almost like you're here." Â:censor: ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Congratulations on your new bundle of joy. Did you ever find out who the father was?" Â:censor: ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"You are such a good friend that if we were on a sinking ship and there was only one life jacket.... I'd miss you heaps and think of you often." Â:censor: ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Your friends and I wanted to do something special for your birthday - so we're having you put to sleep." Â:censor:
And the Number One Card Is:
"Happy Birthday, Uncle Dad!!"
(available only in Kentucky, Alabama, Mississippi, Tennessee and Elkhart, Indiana) Â:censor:
post #2 of 10
LOL! What a great way to start the morning.

"Thanks for being a part of my life!!! I never knew what evil was before this!"
Man, I would have loved to send this to my last boss!
post #3 of 10
I should know not to read posts like these late at night when Pete is already in bed and WAS asleep!!! LOL!
post #4 of 10
Hahahahaha :laughing:

"Congratulations on your wedding day! Too bad no one likes your wife."
I know someone who this card would have been PERFECT for! You don't think he'd be insulted, do you?
post #5 of 10
Someone really needs to actually make those cards! LOL
post #6 of 10
Don't we wish we could be mean enough to send some of these? :laughing: :laughing:
post #7 of 10
Jeanie G. Mate! You mean that card wasn't from you??? :tounge2:
post #8 of 10
SHHHHHhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh !!!!! (I told you not to say that in front of other people!
post #9 of 10
Oooooppppppssssssssss!!! Sorry Mate hehehehe!! Um it was a lovely card...... a nice sweet card..........it didn't say anything nasty......or rude.........or........that you hoped I drowned in a vat of Vegemite Ahem!!!!!
post #10 of 10
That's better!
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