Kids calling adults by their first name...

swampwitch

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There is an increasing trend for children to address adults by their first names, instead of a title and surname.

I believe it is a sign of respect for a child to use an adult's title and surname, even if it is only because the person is an adult. I think it reminds the child that this person is not his/her buddy, and should not be treated the same way.

Our daughter has been taught to use titles and surnames, and several of her friends' moms have whispered to me that they really like and appreciate it. I cringe when an 8 year-old calls me by my first name. I don't say anything, because I feel that is the parents' choice.

Some of our daughter's friends have caught on, though, by hearing the way my daughter addresses their parents, and they address me with my title and last name.


A school not far from here is touting the fact that the children call the teachers by their first names... they are using this as a selling point. Why do we want children to feel we are on an equal basis? We aren't. We are the authority figures!

How do you feel about a child you don't really know (you haven't given permission) addressing you by your first name?

Cheers, from
SwampWitch
 

gingersmom

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Well, personally, I would rather have them call me by my first name rather than have them give me a title I don't normally answer to anyway.

When my daughter was little, her friends would call me Mrs. Murphy, and I have never been married. I hate being called Mrs. I hate it when people make that assumption just because I am a mother.

I don't like being called "Miss Murphy" either, because that feels archaic to me. I will answer to Ms. Murphy, but I always have to correct people, as they never START with the Ms. title.

So the easiest way out - and the one that keeps me feeling the youngest - is to just be called by my name. I don't see that as disrespectful at all - it is who I am.

But that's just MY opinion.
 

juliekit

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I did the same thing as a kid. Sometimes i'd feel quite awkward because I didnt KNOW what to call a friends parent.

I had a classmate in the sixth grade who lived with her grandmother. I'd always wait until the woman spoke to me because I didnt know what the heck to address her by!
 

gailc

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When my nieces and nephews were young (the youngest is 18!) they mainly called me by my first name. Other kids that know me call me my that name too.
Unless I am introduced as Mrs. C....... to me my 1st name is ok.
 
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swampwitch

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Originally Posted by GingersMom

Well, personally, I would rather have them call me by my first name rather than have them give me a title I don't normally answer to anyway.... don't like being called "Miss Murphy" either, because that feels archaic to me. I will answer to Ms. Murphy, but I always have to correct people, as they never START with the Ms. title.....
That is a difficult thing for our daughter, too, to figure out if it's Mrs., Miss, or Ms. Also, if the mom doesn't have the same last name as her friend, it is confusing. We always ask the new adult, "May our daughter call you Mr./Ms. Lastname?"

I think first name basis is fine, if you have given permission. I'm curious about all answers, because I wonder if this is because I grew up in the South, or if it's an irrational hang-up I have.
 

jenny82

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I never called adults by their first names when I was young, and I still feel a little funny doing so in some situations because it was so ingrained in my mind. I would call teachers and friends' parents Mr./Mrs. Last Name (ex. Mr. Smith), but I would call family friends Mr./Mrs. First Name (ex. Miss Kathy). I don't think I would want children calling me by just my first name either.
 

rapunzel47

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When I grew up (in the Dark Ages), kids called adults Mr or Mrs or Miss Whatever, as a matter of course. It was a sign of respect, and nobody of any generation would have considered it happening otherwise. I say it was a sign of respect, because that's what I was taught, but it wasn't always so -- the use of that form did not necessarily convey respect -- it was just "what was done".

But times change, interactions are less formal than they used to be, and frankly I don't think the use of a particular form of name either confers or denies respect. Respect is shown, or not, regardless what form of a person's name is used. I have no difficulty whatever with youngsters calling me Fran, even without asking permission first. It's my name, it's the form of my name that I prefer for general use.
 

fwan

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I usually let people tell me what they should call me.

In germany it sounds really weird when someone addresses you as Ms. We dont have the difference between Mrs, Ms, and Miss. But when i first started working it did sound really weird when they called me "Frau Butera"


When i was younger i dont really remember what i called my friends parents, All i remember is that when ever they had granparents i would call them like my own grandparents!
 

white cat lover

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Oh Miss Murphy.....Ms. Murphy was a teacher at my school. She is a 70 year old former nun. Man was she is a nightmare of a teacher! Even the principal didn't tell her how to do things!


For me, it's either Miss or Mr....never Mrs. unless I'm sure they're married. Also, I usually call people by their first names. It's not that it isn't a sign of respect, its that feeling of familiarity...that small town thing I've got going on. I've always preferred to call people by their first names!
 

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Maybe once I have kids it'll be different, but right now I feel old when I'm given a title and surname.

Heck, even with my class I prefer for them to call me by Jenney. Although I don't mind the Prof every so often (even though I'm not one really)
 

arlyn

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I get irritated when I see kids calling their parents by their first names.
As for other adult, you call them by title and surname unless they have given permission for you to do otherwise.

For myself, I've been an Aunt since I was 13, only my oldest niece calls me Auntie, the others (with permission) call me by name.
The oldest has permission as well, but prefers to call me Auntie as I'm her favorite, and I raised her from the time she was 7 years old.
 

hilda>^..^<

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Interesting thread.

Well I'm almost 50 years old and I still prefer to use Mr. or Mrs. or Ma'am or Sir whenever I speak to other adults sometimes!!! You're right though, it might have to do with where we grew up, you & me. I guess maybe it just depends on the people involved. When we moved to our former home, we lived there for 10 years, it seemed we instantly 'inherited' about a dozen kids! Our kids were about 10 & 5 and many of the kids in the neighborhood were somewhere in between those ages more or less. Many of the ones I interacted with always called me 'Miss Hilda'...which I thought was cute...not too formal and not too lax. The Ms. or Miss or Mrs. doesn't really bother me if they happen to get it wrong, its just the 'attempt' that is being made to be respectful that I do prefer...I think its important.

Hilda>^..^<
 

MoochNNoodles

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Growing up and in the church I attend now, its Ms. Leighann or Mr. Joe or whoever. I don't remember calling a lot of adults outside the church Ms or Mr while growing up though. Certain close friends of my parent's were Aunt or Uncle So and So, but that's it. My kids will at least use Ms or Mr when addressing adults though. I've noticed more people in this area adress adults in a more proper fashion than where I grew up too.
 

cococat

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Originally Posted by SwampWitch

How do you feel about a child you don't really know (you haven't given permission) addressing you by your first name?
I don't mind at all
 

jcat

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I don't care one way or the other. One nephew addresses my husband and me by our first names, while the others precede them with "Uncle" or "Aunt". I teach school in Germany, where it's usual to address colleagues, neighbors, acquaintances, adult students, etc., with the formal "Sie" (you) and "Herr/Frau...." (Mr., Ms.). I find it too formal, and use the familiar "du" (you/thou) and first names with students/colleagues, and have no problem whatsoever if a student addresses me with the familiar "du" and my first name. Some of them deal with it in a funny way. They use "du", but also "Ms. B.".
A lot of them have trouble pronouncing "Tricia", though. I find it strange to use the formal address with people I interact with every day. On that note: My German sister-in-law addressed our mutual in-laws as "Sie" for about a decade and a half, while I started to use "du" the day after I met them for the first time. They thought she was deliberately insulting them!
 

Moz

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I only address adults I do not know well as Ms./Mr./Mrs. ____ , because I do not feel comfortable addressing them by their first name. I'm used to it because of school. I call older family friends by their first names.
 

persi & alley

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Originally Posted by SwampWitch

There is an increasing trend for children to address adults by their first names, instead of a title and surname.

I believe it is a sign of respect for a child to use an adult's title and surname, even if it is only because the person is an adult. I think it reminds the child that this person is not his/her buddy, and should not be treated the same way.

Our daughter has been taught to use titles and surnames, and several of her friends' moms have whispered to me that they really like and appreciate it. I cringe when an 8 year-old calls me by my first name. I don't say anything, because I feel that is the parents' choice.

Some of our daughter's friends have caught on, though, by hearing the way my daughter addresses their parents, and they address me with my title and last name.


A school not far from here is touting the fact that the children call the teachers by their first names... they are using this as a selling point. Why do we want children to feel we are on an equal basis? We aren't. We are the authority figures!

How do you feel about a child you don't really know (you haven't given permission) addressing you by your first name?

Cheers, from
SwampWitch
I think you can thank Bart Simpson for this trend...
 

hilda>^..^<

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Originally Posted by jcat

I don't care one way or the other. One nephew addresses my husband and me by our first names, while the others precede them with "Uncle" or "Aunt". I teach school in Germany, where it's usual to address colleagues, neighbors, acquaintances, adult students, etc., with the formal "Sie" (you) and "Herr/Frau...." (Mr., Ms.). I find it too formal, and use the familiar "du" (you/thou) and first names with students/colleagues, and have no problem whatsoever if a student addresses me with the familiar "du" and my first name. Some of them deal with it in a funny way. They use "du", but also "Ms. B.".
A lot of them have trouble pronouncing "Tricia", though. I find it strange to use the formal address with people I interact with every day. On that note: My German sister-in-law addressed our mutual in-laws as "Sie" for about a decade and a half, while I started to use "du" the day after I met them for the first time. They thought she was deliberately insulting them!
My former mother in law set me straight right away. Shortly after we got married, we were at their home having dinner or something and I proceeded to call her by her first name (Carmela) and she stopped me quickly by saying ''you will refer to me as 'mom' or 'Mrs. So&So' but not by my first name''. Well I told her ''I already have a 'mom' and she's not you''...so I called her Mrs. So&So for the rest of our shortlived marriage (3 years)...

Hilda >^..^<
 

lsulover

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I always taught my children to say Miss or Mr. or whatever, my children never called adults by their first name.

And all of our kids at kindergarden address each teacher by Miss whoever. I am of course Miss Belinda. Or at least the babies that I work with try and say that, they say something anyways.
 
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