HELP my cat won't "bond"

OK i really need help.. i just got this cat that lived with old people and her owner died.. so we took her in.. and someone said that we should keep her in a isolated room until she gets braver. Thing is, she doesn't have any body contact with me, and the only time she comes around is when i'm sleeping and she's all of a sudden very friendly. Did i mention that this only happens when the lights are out..
i would love if someone could help me with my situation.

How long have you had her? I assume not long. I'd just give her time. Perhaps have the lights out and offer her some yummy treats. Just try not to push to hard. She'll come around in time.

Had exactly the same situation with my first furbaby here in Medford. A torty female, who was a one owner that passed away cat. At first she had separation problems. Then I came to realize she was a one man on cat house. It was almost like she waited for me to go to bed, then she would put her little head on my extended arm and purr for a while then go to sleep. I almost hated to move my arm after that, but, she'd just curl up in a ball in my arm pit after that. She started warming up after a couple weeks. I could always tell when she got round eyed, she wanted to be loved or played. After a while she fit right in with me. I lost Tammy when she passed of both age, and diabetes. It really broke me up for awhile because we got real close and personal. After about 6 months I got Orion and started a new family. Got 3 now a bit crowded for a 1bdrm but it's comedy relief around here. They have a gazillion laugh in's a night. Mike Medford Or

so.. what if there is no change

Originally Posted by firebirdmagic

Had exactly the same situation with my first furbaby here in Medford. A torty female, who was a one owner that passed away cat. At first she had separation problems. Then I came to realize she was a one man on cat house. It was almost like she waited for me to go to bed, then she would put her little head on my extended arm and purr for a while then go to sleep. I almost hated to move my arm after that, but, she'd just curl up in a ball in my arm pit after that. She started warming up after a couple weeks. I could always tell when she got round eyed, she wanted to be loved or played. After a while she fit right in with me. I lost Tammy when she passed of both age, and diabetes. It really broke me up for awhile because we got real close and personal. After about 6 months I got Orion and started a new family. Got 3 now a bit crowded for a 1bdrm but it's comedy relief around here. They have a gazillion laugh in's a night. Mike Medford Or

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One thing I did allot of was talk to her allot..everytime I left I'd pet her goodbye and comfort her, then when I came home I'd say out loud, "WHERE'S MY LITTLE GIRL ?", and she would meow real loud then wait for pets and treats. I did spoil her too. She had a good life both before me, and with me, I could tell she was a loved cat, but, the guys daughter who first got her said she had to be the only cat in the house. It proved true. Mike again

Originally Posted by firebirdmagic

when I came home I'd say out loud, "WHERE'S MY LITTLE GIRL ?"

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That sounds cute!

Give the kitty time, so much has changed for her. Do you have other kitties? If not maybe you can leave the door to her room open so she can start coming out to look around. Maybe letting her learn the enviroment and make it "hers" will help her settle in. She probably feels safer at night because kitties are very nocturnal, it's their natural time to be active or it could be cause she's slept the day away and is now wide awake.

If she will come in the same room as you, or somewhat near you, sit down on the floor and gently talk to her in a very soft pleasant voice, mew back at her even. Try wet food too, maybe first with a little on a saucer a few feet away and slowly over the next few days move it closer. If she's not too timid maybe feed her wet food off of a spoon and slowly draw her closer until she's used to being near you. Whatever you do, don't reach for her and no sudden movements. Eventually since she's not wild she may chose to make the first move or you may be able to gently brush your hand across her side. You have to make sure she knows you won't hurt her.

Much of this has worked for me in the past with completely feral cats.

I would say give it some times for the cat to get more comfortable. I took in two kittens when they were 4 months old. They were found at an abandon house. One started to get on my lap within a week but the other one took about a month. It's the trust issue: some takes longer than others.

It does sound crazy but it did help when I started to talk to my babies. When I come home, I would say my hellos and the two would meow back to greet me and waiting for me to pet, nose kiss, treats them.

Many times if cats have been an only cat for a long time, it takes more then a few weeks to adjust to new people, cats, etc. Give her time, maybe sit on the floor and intice her to play with a feather or rolled up ball of paper. Maybe get a few catnip toys.

I'm sure in time she will be following you aroung the house.

ok so.. she was with her brother before... but since he's a male.. we can't have him the house for spraying purposes.... so is she lonely? i have called her name and she somewhat responds but shes runs away.. further under the bed. i'm afraid if i let her out of the room she'll go into hiding and plus we have two dogs so she'll get really scared.and we have a big house and i heard that we can leave her in a confined area she won't go into hiding.. but.. its hard to tell with her.. she's soo affectionate after dark and when i'm getting ready for bed. but getting ready for school and she's scarce..

I agree very much with strange wings... a friend of mine has a great big half siamese cat. She got him as a kitten, and he had lived in a room with a bunch of german shepherds. He was less than friendly. She ended up puting tuna/wet food on the floor and just ignoring it, and once he would come eat it, she'd move it closer and closer till he would sit on the arm of her chair and eat it, and then he finally started looking for love and attention. Now hes a happy healthy MOUTHY monster.

Teni

Originally Posted by Hotange115

she's soo affectionate after dark and when i'm getting ready for bed.

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I think it's really good that your cat is affectionate with you sometimes, even if it's not as often as you'd like (yet). It shows she's starting to trust you and getting comfortable in her new surroundings. She just needs to do it in her own time, on her own terms.

When I was younger my Mom adopted a cat who spend the first 3 months or so hiding in the basement. She'd come out and sit with you when you'd go to spend time with her, otherwise she'd find her own corner and hide. Now she OWNS the whole house. There's nothing particularly timid about her now (in fact she's just about the most inquisitive, friendly cat ever), she just needed to adjust to the new circumstances. I know it's frustrating and you want the cat to be normal NOW (after all, who wants to adopt a pet just to have them hide from you?) but you just need to be patient and remind yourself that she's probably scared and intimidated. Soon I'm sure you'll be wishing for the odd break from her affection!

How long have you had her?

Jason

So far i've had her for.. almost a week now. i have a bloodhound for a dog and he chases cats. alot. and so if i let her out of my room.. she might find newer and more secret hiding places

Do you know if your new cat has met up with dogs before?

If not that can be an issue if you don't take the time to introduce them very very slowly, and retrain your dog to NOT chase your cat...

I've told this story before, but I'm going to repeat it. I adopted a 5 mo. old feral kitten. My daughter was feeding her mom and was able to trap one at a time her kittens and give them to the local shelter. The last one was my Juno. The shelter asked me if I could foster her. Well, I kept her. For the longest time she would not let me pet her. Then she decided it was ok but only if I was sitting on the throne in the bathroom. I have to stretch to reach her but she trusts me for some reason.She purrs so nicely. She now tolerates me in the house,and comes to greet me when I come home from work. Ocasionally she will even let me pet her then. She'll rub against my legs in the AM for her breakfast. I've had her for 5 months now and she has only come and sat on my lap twice.However she still runs and hides whenever anyone else comes over. I live alone, well I have another kitty, and they get along great. I think that over more time she will be more affectionate. Just be patient, it will happen.

Well she had been in touch with a dog before in her old home.. and they actually played together so i think it will be all good

When I got my cat she was almost 6 months old. You would think it is not much and would be easy to bond with a young kitty. I bought her from a breeder but I suspect something happened to her before because she was scared of everyone and especially men. I was so heart broken, she spent few months just sitting under furniture and looking at the world with eyes full of hatred and fear.
I was so upset that I even wanted to return her to the breeder because I thought she just hates us so much.
Not to mention the horrible peeing problem. She peed on my pillow while I was asleep, as well as on every piece of furniture in the house, on my ned again and again and again.
But I tried to be patient and was nice and encouraging with her, whatever happened. Now two years later, she is a sweetest cat in the world and she thinks I am some sort of god creature which is flattering of course, considering all the effort I put in. I think the fact that I got a second cat also helped. She doesn't feel alone among big tall people.
I have to admit that she is not terribly fond of strangers but still the difference is huge comparing to what we started with. Again, I think patience and persistence are the key.


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A week or two isn't a very long time. It is awesome that you took her in, and I'm sure she will adjust if given ample time. This girl has lost her owner, brother, and home all in one fell swoop. She just needs some time to get her bearings again. She may take several weeks...please give her lots of time.