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What is WRONG with me.........???

post #1 of 15
Thread Starter 
As most of you already know, my Mother passed away on January 28th.

I was somewhat close to her, I loved her deeply.
I did have some problems with her off and on about not being there in my young childhood years.
She had a nervous breakdown when I was almost 5 yrs. old when her Dad died of lung cancer.
Then she began a 10+ year affair with a man she worked with that I only found out in about 1989 after a bad breakup of my own.

My major problem that I don't understand is,.....
I haven't had a good cry yet at all!!
I went to the cemetary today and have a lot of people to be there for me if I do crack.
I loved her and still do, she was a very passionate person about everything in life and I usually am too.
I take Wellbutrin XL300 & Lexapro 10mg everyday and am wondering if this is preventing me from reacting???
I always thought when Mom went I would lose it!
Am I in for a serious breakdown or am I just numb to it all??

I am just worried that I haven't seemed to react yet.
I though I would when I saw her at the funeral home in the casket, but I am just so relieved that she is out of pain. Although I never imagined life without her.

Is this normal???
Patty
post #2 of 15
If you're like me, you know she's no longer in pain and isn't suffering so it's a relief...
post #3 of 15
Do not feed bad about it.
Just because you haven't cried does not mean there is something wrong with you.

My sister was my best friend in the whole world and I grieved (and still grieve) for her loss but never shed a tear.
We all mourn in our own ways.

I am sorry you are going through this
post #4 of 15
I agree, we all grieve in our own ways, and just because you grieved for one person one way, doesn't mean it will be the same for the next. That doesn't mean that you love them any less.

When my step-father died in a car accident, I didn't have a "good cry" until about five years later. I was visiting the cemetery and finally let it out. I had grieved for him all along, I just never really cried about it until that day. I think that this is completely normal, and might possibly be our minds way of showing us that we really are ok and that life must move forward.

I am deeply sorry for the loss of your Mom. I can't imagine what that must be like. You'll cry when you're ready, or then again, you may never cry...either way is perfectly normal.
post #5 of 15
I am so sorry for the loss of ur mom everyone is right I agree with everyone, after my pap died, and that was the only one of my dads side that really understood me and I was really close with and he was also the only grandfather i knew (the other one tool of when my one brother chris was born whos 21 now, idk if my other one even knows I am alive) but when he died I knew it was coming and I was like you and I didnt cry that much, but there were my alone moments in which I cried but everyone grieves in their own way!!! I am sorry u are going through this, and u know that ur mother isnt suffering any more and is at rest and thats how I felt about my pap too he was diagnoised with cancer in february 06 and died march 31 06, the only thing i am glad about is that he didnt suffer for a long time because the cancer was spread all through his bodie and they did surgery which made it spread further and thats how they caught the cancer but u will grieve in ur own way
post #6 of 15
Patty, I was always Daddy's Little Girl, and I fully expected to be a complete basket case when he died. I wasn't. It was months before I had a real cry. I was numb and at the same time on overdrive, there was so much to think about and take care of. There's nothing wrong with that, and there'd be nothing wrong with being a basket case, either. We all grieve differently, and we grieve differently for different people, and the right way is the way it happens.

It will come. Who knows how long it will take, or what the catalyst will be, but it will come. In its own time. Meanwhile, be gentle with yourself.
post #7 of 15
You have to remember everyone reacts differently. I'm still mourning my grandfathers death after 3.5 years and the last time i saw him alive was some 7 years before the funeral. (family rift, complicated story). When my godfather passed away a couple of years ago i felt sad but didn't cry or anything. I was interstate for my bday when it happened as well so i didnt get to go to the funeral. Before he got sick with cancer i was always called jokingly his p.a (personal assistant) as i was the fave godchild (and his first) and always helped him out with stuff at church and easter etc. The day i found out i was in his will (some 3 months later) i was bawling my eyes out. Not because i was happy or grateful, but because i was so shocked that he thought i was that important and i didnt think i deserved it. I felt guilty for not visiting him more when he was sick and everything. I was surprised at the way i reacted.


So yeah, everyone is different with their feelings, give it time. Dont think you are weird or horrible for not curling up into a ball. Just let everything come naturally.
post #8 of 15
Sometimes when we see and live through someones pain, we cant cry because they are gone. I guess you would feel relieved to see her passing.

I think i would be in pieces and go into severe depression when my parents pass away. I just hope it wont be so soon
post #9 of 15
There is nothing wrong with you at all, what you describe is a very NORMAL reaction to losing someone close to you. Don't be concerned that you're not grieving right, because there is no right way. The period straight after a bereavement can bring numbness rather than pain and tears, although that will follow at some point. So do not worry that this is not a normal reaction. I am very sorry for your loss.
post #10 of 15
Grief is such a personal thing there is no right or wrong. So don't beat yourself up, and who knows it might be your meds. And I am so sorry about your mom, she is at peace now.
post #11 of 15
Quote:
Originally Posted by Epona View Post
There is nothing wrong with you at all, what you describe is a very NORMAL reaction to losing someone close to you. Don't be concerned that you're not grieving right, because there is no right way. The period straight after a bereavement can bring numbness rather than pain and tears, although that will follow at some point. So do not worry that this is not a normal reaction. I am very sorry for your loss.
I couldn't have said this better if I tried. Grief is a funny emotion. My father is a doctor and deals with families that have lost love ones all of the time. He's had people crack up laughing when told that their mother or father has passed.

If you need to talk please feel free to PM me. You are in my thoughts and prayers.
post #12 of 15
It took my mother 3 years before she was able to cry about losing her mother. She woke up in tears in the middle of the night one night, then cried for hours.

We all process our feelings of grief differently, and just because you haven't cried yet does NOT mean there is anything wrong with you.

post #13 of 15
I completely agree with everyone 100%.

Everyone does this differently, and there are no right or wrong's...there simply isn't any textbook behavior for grieving the loss of a loved one.

We are praying for you, and sending our thoughts and deepest sympathies.
post #14 of 15
There is absolutely nothing wrong with you. We all grieve in our own ways.

One piece of advice I was given last year, by the funeral director who helped me with the death of my husband, was that HOWEVER I felt in the next few days and months was right for me and not to worry about what other people said I "should" feel.

Just be kind to yourself and grieve in your own way. You have my condolences for your loss.
post #15 of 15
There is nothing wrong with you at all! I was the exact opposite with my mom when she passed.. We didn't get along at all while I was growing up. We had only started to get along when I moved out after graduation. 4 months later she passed away just 30 minutes after I talked to her on the phone. She was 44. I totally lost it and I didn't think I would. It took me a long time to be ok with it. We all deal with things differently and that's what makes us all unique and loveable!
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