Socializing a feral: The story of Lucky

Sandi,

This is typical behavior for a feral kitty. Two steps forward then 5 steps back. It is frustrating at times, actually more than frustrating. You cannot react on your emotions, you must just maintain the routine that she is used to seeing. Keep it consistently the same whether she comes out from under the bed or not. Cats do not like change, they like to change things on us though. I sometimes look at it as a test. The cat wants to see what type of emotion it will elicit, then the cat will act accordingly.

You have made great strides with her. Do not give up on her now and you will be rewarded. It may not be tomorrow or next week, but you are building a foundation of trust that this kitty needs to have.

Good luck!

It IS hard not to take it personally. Gary does all the time. Who knows why, but every so often Lazlo gets "freaked out" and runs away from us to hide in his crate. Munchie does it all the time. Even right in the middle of play. If she didn't realize my hand was behind her and I accidentally bump her - she's off to HER crate in the bedroom. I don't think you've EVER seen anything fly so fast!

We, of course, are lucky enough to generally have them want to be around us, so it's easy for me to sit here and tell you to just go at her pace. You guys are so wonderful with her - and she is REALLY lucky to have you as her parents!!!

That day will come when she wants pets. She'll eventually have run of the house, and she'll become friends with Kitty. But she'll STILL have those days when she bolts to her safe place, when she hisses because she was startled - and it'll puzzle you to no end.

All you can do is your BEST not to take it personally. They are wonderful, magical creatures - but if it gets really tough for you, just remind yourself that their brains are the size of a Walnut.

OH! Laurie!! That walnut does a whole lot of conniving! I know, because I am a conniv-ee. Yes, I am a victim of these clever, proud, independent, and beautiful creatures. Oh, dear. It's a good thing I'm sitting down! (Don't worry; I covered the screen so that Precious and Blueberry can't read what you wrote.) I'll bet you can't get fed on demand and hear a can opener no matter how far away you are! And do you always get what you want from Gary? Hah! Got you, didn't I? Did anyone clean off an entire shelf in your bathroom so that you could sleep on it? I rest my case! Well, we'll forgive you this one time.

Now you're expecting an LOL, aren't you? Well, you're right. :laughing2

Sandi, Don't be discouraged. You're doing so well. Be proud of yourself. Lucky needs more time to figure out what you strange creatures really are, and if you can be trusted. I'm sure you didn't do anything wrong. On the contrary, bravo to both of you!

Thanks Hissy, Laurie and Jeanie,

You cannot know how much it meant to me to check the site today and find your posts of encouragement and words of wisdom for us with Lucky. It means a great deal. We won't ever give up, but I must admit I was becoming a bit discouraged and wracking my brain as to what I could've done to set her back. Now that I know it is normal and expected behavior from a feral kitty (thanks so much Hissy) I feel a lot better. We will continue with her routine and wait for her approval of us again. She does curl up with hubby at night. I believe she goes up on the bed when he's already asleep and if he happens to move his legs (where she normally sleeps) she may hiss, but doesn't move or bite or scratch. Just letting him know she's there, I guess. I think she's taken over that green blanket. Funny!


Thanks again so much you guys!
Sandi

Sandi I just saw this, but wanted to send HUGS across the miles. They really are like small children, pushing the limits to see what the reaction will be. I would imagine that working with a feral would be like working with an abused child. Just when you think you've gotten through, something in their brain kicks in back to what they learned before and their experiences with adults. With patience and love Lucky will see again that you only mean to love her. She'll come back around. Those old, ingrained habits of not trusting people are hard to get through.

Thanks so much for the Hugs Heidi! You are so right about Lucky. She is so sweet (you can see it in her eyes), but so afraid as well. I only wish she knew we mean her no harm and just want to give her all the love in our hearts! Maybe someday she will realize that, but until then, we'll keep pluggin' along. I can't help but want to cuddle her and tell her she'll be alright now for the rest of her life, but she isn't ready for that (yet). I only hope she someday will be.

One thing I had read - feral cats will ALWAYS be timid of humans. Not a very encouraging thought, but whatever she's willing to tolerate from us, we'll take. I wondered too, does that mean some ferals will NEVER come around at all? In other words, is it possible that Lucky will ALWAYS hiss, hide, etc? I guess I just find that hard to believe and don't want to think it's possible. Patience and Love have to break through that barrier. I only wish I knew what happened to her in those 4 - 5 months before she found us. We should've probably tried to get under that boat and rescued those kittens way before, but then who knows if it would've been too early? We do the best we can, right? That's all we can do - our best.

Hopefully, I'll have better news to report next time.

I love all of you guys (not in a weird way)! You are so kind to help us out - we all appreciate your quick responses - and hopefully, in the future, I will be able to help someone out as you have all helped me! You are all s.

~Sandi

Hi again-

I don't know where you read that about feral cats, but I would clarify the statement to say they will always be leery (not timid) of strangers in their home. There is nothing timid in a feral cat, they hide for self-preservation a matter of survival. They are not leery of their owners, at least not once the trust has been established.

Lucky will come around, it just takes time. The more you push your wants on her, the quicker you will lose the little ground you gained. Just back off, keep her routine the same and let her tell you when she is ready. I know this is tough, I have lived it many times. Sometimes I would doubt there would be any break-throughs at all. But always there was waiting at the end, a beautiful, loyal kitty who learned through patience and love what trust is all about.

Well, it seems whenever I whine and complain to you guys about things going badly, things change right away. Lucky did let us pet her last night while playing with her. She actually seemed to like it. No hissing - she's just look back once in awhile to see who was petting her. We didn't do it too long.

Tonight I didn't pet her at all - I decided to back off and see what she tells me. She did come up and lay her head on my hip (actually right above it) while I was laying on the bed watching TV. She let out this sigh and then after a while, she turned her head and looked at me (for a long time - I didn't look back - just let her really check me out) and after a while longer - she went off the bed to eat her food.

Each of the cats got a Boogie Mat from St. Nick that you put a bit of catnip in - close the zipper - and set it down somewhere for them. Both of them seem to absolutely love the things. I always thought catnip made cats go crazy (it makes our other cat more active - that's for sure), so I had debated about catnip for Lucky for awhile yet, but she almost seems calmer after being subjected to it. Any thoughts or experiences with this - I guess I'm really asking how feral's react to it? Is this possible that it would calm her and make her more relaxed and comfortable with us?

Anyhow...I'm still going to work on building that trust with Lucky and I think she's going to have to crawl on my lap in order for me to feel I should pet her. I kept telling her when she's ready, she'll have to nudge my hand so I'll know for sure and won't miss the signal. My husband on the other hand, doesn't seem to have as much patience as I'm trying to muster and is always trying to pet her. I keep yelling at him telling him he's going to set us back if he keeps it up. I know he means well, but...ugh...sometimes I just don't know.


~Sandi

OMG!!!!!!!!!!!! I have been just waiting for the day that you told us you were able to pet her!!!!! I just knew you would be able to very soon!!!! I am so excited!!! I wish you were here (or I was there) to give you a huge hug right now!!! That is So cool!!!!!!



And I was actually online at the time to read it first!!! Usually I miss all the good stuff until a few days later.

CONGRATULATIONS!!

This is a HUGE step!!!! I am so happy for you!!!!!! I am sure now that she knows how good it feels to be petted, it won't be long till she is wanting it all the time!!!!

The feral I had kept in a big cage when I was pregnant, trying to tame, (he was just a kitten then, and I was going to let him out as soon as I got him used to humans, so he wouldn't run off)and then had to let him out when I went to the hospital to deliver and thought I would never see him again, has been coming back around and is letting me pet him again...I think he missed it! (His name is Shadow, and he is so beautiful!...not very little anymore!)

Sandi that is GREAT!!! I'm so excited for you! It sounds like she is asking for more loves, with putting her head on your hip. That's so cute. I wouldn't wait until she gets on your lap, it may take quite a while before she feels comfortable enough to actually put her whole self on you (an in your trust as she sees it). Even though we got Ophelia as a wee kitten, she didn't get on my lap for at least 6 months. Obviously, though, you know your Lucky much better than I do so you have to do what you think she is ready for. IMO, she will let you know when you've pushed too far, and if you try to pet and she doesn't want it she'll definitely let you know. As long as you back off when she tells you, you won't set her back.

Boy - every time I'm gone from TCS for more than a day, I miss something! What a good thing to miss though -wait a sec - that didn't sound right! I guess I just mean YAY! Your hearts must have leapt for joy.

Shelly only recently started laying on Gary - and not on his lap. Gar stretches out his legs and sets them on the couch. Shelly jumps up on the arm of his chair, walks around the back (Curling his tail around Gary's head as he walks around - it's so cute!), comes down the other arm of the chair - and then steps down onto his lap and starts to walk across his legs. Gary is also one of those impatient males - and one day just pushed Shelly down on his legs and started petting him. He purred up a storm - and didn't run away. Now, on occassion, Shelly does it on his own.

Sometime last week Lazlo started walking across my lap. He does come up and bump my legs for pets. And when he's sleeping next to me on his sheepskin or in his tube, I'll reach over (or in) and pet him. He looks like he smiles - and starts purring. But he's never been on my lap. But - like I said - just last week he started walking across it. And occasionally he'll lie down next to me on the corner of the couch. The most touching thing, for me, was when he was sick. Once he started getting better - but wasn't all better, he wanted pets almost constantly. It made me feel so good that he wanted to be near me.

Oh, Sandi, little by little, right? I'm so happy for you!

And Jeanie - you're so right. Despite their walnut sized brains, they're amazing creatures, so full of soul and personality. And the size of their hearts more than makes up for the size of their brains!!!!!!

Sandi, This is so great! Maybe she's saving the lap sitting for a Christmas surprise! You've made wonderful progress. I'm sure you're overjoyed.

Not last night but the night before (let's see, that would've been Sunday night, right?) Lucky laid right up against me - she also licked my leg (I had pajama's on). I don't know if she was grooming me or what. I wondered what the heck she was up to and she just started licking my pants leg. Then, she looked up at me - stretched out against my hip and side and went to sleep. She actually must've fallen asleep as when she woke up a bit later, she seemed kind of startled. No hissing, but just like a little jerk. Then, I had my arm stretched out and she went over to my hand and sniffed it and laid down there. She didn't actually bump it, so I didn't pet her. I thought Hissy is right, Lucky could be testing me and I want her to trust me completely - so I'm backing off a bit. Just knowing she's going to be a fairly sweet cat someday soon is good enough for me.

Unfortunately with the holidays around the corner, I wasn't able to spend as much time as I'd have liked to with her yesterday, but hubby went in and spent lots of time with her. I still go in for an hour in the daytime and and hour to an hour and a half to play and stuff, but yesterday I only got to go in for about an hour.

Well, I'll be in touch again soon,
Sandi

Sandi!

And you thought it would only happen when pigs fly!



Don't yell at hubby for trying to pet Lucky. Sometimes the men break through the trust barrier before us women do.

Mary Anne - it IS the weirdest thing. Gary doesn't play by ANY of the "rules." His theory is that HE's the alpha cat, and he'll get them all in line. Go figure. We have friendly bumping love starved human friendly feral cats outside, and Munchkin kneading with all four paws her first hour inside. (Gary's theory on this is that they don't perceive him as a human, because he knows he's just an animal. :tounge2: )

SANDI'S A HAPPY GIRL!

Just to let you all know...tonight Lucky wanted to be petted on the head and behind her ears. She absolutely seems to LOVE it. And boy, does she have a purring mechanism in that little body of hers. She does the funniest thing...when she wants us to pet her, first she'll roll around a bit and then get real close to your hand. Then, we just started petting her (one at a time, of course). I don't know who was more thrilled, me or Lucky! Later on, when my hubby was petting her - she turned and LIGHTLY put her teeth on his thumb as if to gently let him know - that's enough now. She always cranes her neck around and looks at me and then does that rolling around thing (maybe to get closer or something???) and then she'll turn her head the other way and that's my cue to start the petting. Yep, I'm pretty darn happy!

She still does hiss from time to time, though. I guess that will go away in time.

That's it for now. I guess the next hurdle will be when to introduce her to our other furry friends. Yikes! I'm sure that will be a while yet. You'll all know as I'm going to be asking for suggestions when that time comes. We're thinking about putting up that latticework type door so they can sniff each other and there will be a barrier so nobody gets hurt.

~Sandi

SANDI!!!!! OMG OMG OMG!!!

I'm so happy for you and Lucky! I knew it was close, I just knew it, but to hear you say that she WANTED pets and PURRED so big....well, it put a big smile on my face. You and hubby have done everything right by this little furry angel, and she will show you her love and appreciation 10 fold for her entire life.

Really, you just made my night. I was just about to sign off for the night when I saw that you posted and after the last post I KNEW it had to something spectacular. And it WAS!!!

Merry Christmas Early Sandi!!!!!!!!!!!!Outstanding!!!




Laurie- I don't know if there are any rules. I just have a routine I follow that I share that works everytime. As with everything, there are also those blessed shortcuts!

Sandi, That is GRRRRRRRRRRRRRREAT! I'm so happy for you. Give her an extra pet from me.

Will do Jeanie! Thanks for the tree, Hissy! I couldn't believe she'd allow us to pet her head, neck and ears already. I must admit, I did flinch occasionally when she'd whip her head around to double check who was touching her, but it was like she'd try to guide me where to pet her. I do believe those nights while in there watching TV when she'd lay right up against me and look up at me - she was getting impatient and wondering why I wasn't petting her. Hindsight is 20/20, right? Also, when she was rolling around toward me on the bed last night - my hubby was telling me to pet her - and I was telling him, when she was ready, she'd let me know. Well, she was almost in my lap and he was so funny because hubby was like,"pretty soon she'll be in your lap, if that's what you're waiting for". Too funny!

Happy Holidays to all of you!

~Sandi

PS - each and every one of you who've posted or pm'd me can pat yourselves on the back and consider yourselves HUGGED! You all had a part in getting us to this point with Lucky! I appreciate each and every one of you! VERY MUCH!