Socializing a feral: The story of Lucky

Thanks so much Mary Ann. I had just sent you a PM to ask about a few things and checked back here and you posted. We will leave the stuff under the bed the way it is. I do understand that - maybe she feels rushed. I think because she has been making such quick progress - we felt the need to help it along. We need to slow down a bit. It makes sense to me. Duly noted. Thank you!


If any of you have any suggestions on more info on ferals (books, articles, etc.) let me know. I'm currently reading the Stray Cat Handbook and it is very interesting. Some stuff I already knew (about cats in general), but our stray was definitely much different than our feral. You can tell that Kitty was handled by humans at a young age because she was very friendly when she wandered into our lives. That's why Lucky has thrown us for a bit of a loop. It's so very different than any of the other felines that have lived with us before.

Also, I finally got a chance to read the story of Samoa (aka/Osama) and was so touched by the whole thing. The tears were streaming down my face...just unbelievable. You ladies are anything but loony. If having such a large, caring heart is loony - I'm ready to join the group!!! It also gave me more determination when it comes to feral cats. Lucky doesn't know it yet, but she truly deserves that name. I don't know how to express how thankful I am to have found such wonderful and knowledgable people. I thank Debby for directing me to this site - you are a lifesaver. It is truly helping us with Lucky! Knowledge is the key! And I'm trying to learn as much as I can about ferals. You are all giving us advice you've used through your experiences with ferals and that's exactly what we need to know.

Thanks,
Sandi

Sandi,


You asked if I remembered my first feral. I do, and it was many years and over 500 ferals ago. There were actually two of them, just kittens. I spotted them one night outside my kitchen window out in a field across the way a bit. They were just tiny specks in the distance, hard to distinguish exactly what they were. When I finally saw they were kittens I went outside with some food and as I approached, they scattered. I lugged a rock out from behind a tree, and used that as a plate for their food. I began to feed them every day three times a day at scheduled times. Sundance was an orange male and Cassidy was a female. The big movie box office hit at the time was Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid, so that is how they got their names. I left water and food for them as they looked like they had just left mom not to recently. Never did see another cat around them, so chances were good that mom was dead.

When the rains started, I piled a bunch of rocks together and made them a makeshift cave to sleep in and get out of the wet. Over time, and I know you want to know how long- but honestly, I cannot remember, it was months though. I gradually moved their food rock closer and closer to my kitchen window. When I got them so close I could reach my arm out the window to touch them. I removed the screen from the window and started leaving it open so they could come inside. I put dishes of tasty food on the counter at night, and when I woke up in the mornings the food was always gone.

One day I came home to find both of them exploring the house. I closed the window trapping them inside and thinking "Ah ha now I have two wonderful kitties!" LOL I couldn't of been more wrong! The minute they saw their escape hatch was gone, Cassidy scrambled up the wall and vanished into the rafters and Sundancer slid under the stereo table. We lived uneasily like that for weeks. They would only come out late at night, and not being litterbox trained, they left their piles everywhere. It was a real learning experience for all of us.

Eventually, they came to trust me, though Cass lived up in those rafters so long I was afraid she was going to grow wings and fly off. But with patience and love, they learned they were in a good place and I finally just learned to ignore them, but to see to their creature comforts. It was hard to do, because I wanted lap kitties, but once I started to pretend they were not around- and by that I mean stopped actively looking for them, or trying to coax them out, they relaxed and finally came to me. They were the best kitties after that and they lived a long time in great comfort and helped me with the others that came after them. A real baptism of fire that time was. I made a lot of mistakes and learned from them. They were great teachers.

Hissy,

Thank you for that wonderful experience (of your first ferals). You can't know how much that helped me. I've decided I'm going to do just what you mentioned - ignore Lucky and not go looking under the bed anymore and wait for her to eventually learn to trust me. I knew she might never become a lap kitty and I already have one of those anyhow. I truly believe that having Lucky now has brought me closer to our older cat - I can't explain why. She was always partial to my husband (just like Lucky seems to be), but lately Kitty has been my little shadow and wants me to brush her and pet her and just plain love her all the time. It's wonderful!!! We've always gotten along, don't get me wrong, but it seems now I'm more appealing to her than my husband (who kind of rough-houses with the animals - which they love when they're young). I think maybe my older girl (17 now) needs the quieter one on one attention that I give her. I also respect her heirarchy (sp?) and always feed her before the dog, pet her first in the morning, etc. because she was here first and deserves that respect even though she's older now.

I am hoping that Lucky eventually at least starts to accept me a bit more (as I'm sure she will), but it seems like the husband has won this feral cat's heart over already. That's okay - he's a great guy, especially with cats! But sometimes I do get a little bit envious of the bond he seems to be able to create with the cats.

Ah, well, stories of past cats belong in a different section of this site, so I'll close this out now, before I start rambling about my very first cat.

No new accomplishments with Miss Lucky, but we're going to back off a bit and let her come to us - we somehow got a bit antsy and have to calm down for her sake. I'll definitely keep all of you wonderful cat lovers posted, though.

~Sandi

Have you seen this site yet?

Amby's Feral Cat Page

Thanks Mary Ann,

Looks like I won't be going to bed early tonight - I'll be reading all the info on that site. :tounge2: Don't know why I never thought to use the search engine for "feral cats". I guess it would've been too easy to do that

Thank you so much,
Sandi

Tonight I put the cat grass at the end of the bed on the floor and then sat a few feet away doing this and that. Then, when it looked like it was a bust (after a couple hours), I was going to pick up the cat grass and leave the room for a bit. When I attempted to pick up the container, I heard a hiss from under the bed. I didn't realize Lucky had been so close (as I DO NOT look under the bed anymore). So, I left it there and turned off the overhead light and turned on a dimmer light - went back and sat down. A few minutes (if even) later, here comes Lucky to check out the grass. She ate some and then s-l-o-w-l-y sniffed around at her food dish and some of her toys. Then, she looked at me (while my heart was ready to pound right out of my chest) and proceeds to use her litterbox and afterwards jump up on the bed to get to the window perch. I decided to sing to the radio since I couldn't seem to calm myself down (and Heidi said to think happy thoughts). I figured my off-key singing couldn't make matters worse - and it did manage to get my heart rate back to normal. About 15 minutes later, Lucky jumped off her perch to the bed, to the floor and she sauntered back to munch a little more grass and then it was back to the underworld of the bed.

Later on, when my hubby went in to go to bed, I went in to rub his back and Miss Lucky sat on the very corner of the bed watching. Now, I never heard her jump up and was astonished she'd come up. I didn't panic or anything, just went back to what I was doing. The reason this is a breakthrough is...she's usually okay when we're laying down, but here I was, sitting on top of hubby's butt and rubbing his back. She was so close, I could've touched her (which I did not). Then, when she jumped off the bed at her own accord, she walked over to the other corner of the bed (on the floor). She just sat there watching us. I am stunned. Maybe she's a bit more comfortable??? I'm doing the ignoring thing as much as possible. Someday - be it months from now or whatever, she'll be ready to come right up to us. I've told my hubby under no uncertain terms is he to touch her until she's ready. So, now that we've both got the rules straight...we'll see what happens. I still don't like that I'm the only one she's hissed at, but I do understand it was because I got too close (twice knowing better, and this last time having no idea how close she was to the end of the bed).

Just thought you'd all like to hear the good stuff (as well as the bad) that's progressing with our little feral. She does look like she's growing a little bit as well.

~Sandi

Sandi-

You are doing good. Ignoring is good and it is working. Hissing is her defence mechansim and who knows, perhaps you have a scent about you she doesn't like for some reason? You have to understand that cats, just like people have a private space around them and if you venture to close, they react.

You saw the pictures of the kittens I just posted in the Lounge. If I had a dime for everytime they both had hissed at us when they were babies, I would be able to buy a car! And we had them from their birth- but mom was and is feral and she taught them well. They don't hiss anymore either unless they are truly scared.

Sandi...I so enjoy checking this thread to see how things are going with little Lucky!!!!!!

Don't thank me for steering you here...I have done nothing to help you...I don't have much experience in this area, or any real good advice... I just knew if you came here, you would get some great advice from Hissy and others who have been through this....but thanks for thanking me anyway!

I am so thrilled to hear Lucky sat on the edge of the bed while you were giving hubby his backrub! That has got to show she is getting more used to you!!!!! I just can't wait for the day I come here and see that she has let you touch her...even if only briefly!!!!

Keep doing what you are doing....the advice Hissy is giving you is the best you can ever get!!!! She has so much experience with ferals!!!!! Everyone should have a heart as golden as hers!

Did you read the story of her Dunkin? It is one I will never forget.

Sandi - you are making a LOT of progress!

Ignoring her is working! As you know, I'm new to cats - it's just that what experience I've had with cats is all feral cats. But I've noticed that our indoor kitties always come bump up against me - they do to Gary some times, but he always wants to love on them, so he's always trying to pick them up, give them kisses (I know, what a terrible cat-hater ). They find it annoying. I only pet them when they come to me - and as a result, I get most of the attention.

I remember someone posting somewhere that they'd given up on their cat becoming a lap kitty, but they just wanted it to even play with them or something. The advice given was to ignore that cat for two or three days. Come in from work, go about your business. Don't even look for the cat. Just put its food down as usual and otherwise completely ignore it. It worked like a charm. By day three, kitty wanted not just to play, but wanted love!

It appears to be working for you, too! And I agree, don't worry about the hissing. Our outdoor kitties hiss at us a lot if we reach out to them, but they also come up for pets pretty frequently. It's just that we can't reach out for them, they have to come up for it. It's like Hissy said - it works best when you do it on their terms.

So the hissing shouldn't be interpreted as dislike. Think of it as being at an ATM machine, and the person behind you steps up too close - and you pause to turn your head. That's what Lucky's doing. She's not saying "I don't like you!" - she's saying, "hey, I need that space!"

But she clearly isn't as frightened as she was! She's starting to come out of her shell, and it seems like while she still wants her space, she's beginning to believe you're not out to hurt her!

Another breakthrough...I can't even believe it myself. I almost cried (from joy this time) after leaving that room for the night.

Okay, so I got a magazine in the mail yesterday that I really enjoy. I took that along with some sketch pads in the room, put her grass at the end of the bed on the floor and sat down and began to read my magazine (at my assigned post by the door). I happened to push some of my hair behind my ear and as I did happened to glance to the left and here is Miss Lucky laying under the tv tray next to the bed just watching me. Then, I started to read out loud to her. I also told her that I wasn't the enemy, I was the one who wanted her and explained how she'll be so much safer in the house with us - especially this winter when the snow and freezing cold weather arrives. I snuck a glance a bit later and she was stretched out still watching and listening to me. (This isn't even the best part). I remembered last night to have the treat jar by me. Well, I keep them in little glass jelly-type jars. I took the outer ring off so I'd just have to lift the middle section off and dip my fingers in and get out a treat. Miss Lucky came to the end of the bed a bit later to munch on her kitty grass - gradually coming all the way out (checking to make sure I wasn't advancing on her from time to time). Next...omg...she comes within a hands length of me to sniff at the treat jar. I told her I'd be more than happy to give her a treat if she'd allow me to get one out. In slow motion, I moved my hand to get a treat out - of course, she backed up, but just slightly. I ended up giving her 4 treats after 4 advances toward me. She is so darn beautiful. I wanted SO BADLY to touch her, but I DID NOT. Then, after she knew she wouldn't be getting anymore treats (I told her even 4 was too many and she might end up feeling sick), she went over and started playing with her tennis ball - looking back at me. The feather toy wasn't in my reach or I would've tried engaging her in interactive play. Tonight - I must remember the treat jar AND the toy. Anyhow...she was actually laying on the floor on her side playing with the ball with all 4 paws. Then, after getting tired of that - went to get a drink of water, then used the litterbox, then, it was onto the bed to get to the window perch. You guys....she was out practically the whole time I was in there. (Don't laugh, but I do believe she likes my out of tune singing!:tounge2: ). Now when we go to open the door, she's always a few feet away watching the door. (I think this might be to try to escape, but she always runs to the side of the bed as we enter). Also, she actually came out today after I turned the overhead light on (which was also on all last night while I was in there). I do believe this is a very good sign. And, you know what? That is enough for me for the time being - just knowing at least she'll be in a room with us without hiding constantly is great!!! And if she does eventually decide to be more friendly, fine - if not...that's fine as well. I'm just happy she's come this far - and rather quickly according to a lot of you. My heart didn't beat out of my chest last night either - got a tiny bit apprehensive, but got over it VERY quickly - as my heart was bursting with happiness that she came so close to me and just sat there watching and listening to me.

I'm sorry it's so long and I'm rambling, but I am ecstatic with this! She's getting more comfy with us and that means the world to me. I wonder if now she remembers that I'm the one who used to read to her for hours those first days we had her. On Thursday it will be a month since we trapped her and she joined our household. Can you believe it?

~Sandi

Has it been a month already!!! Wow. that went fast! Seems like only yesterday you trapped her and brought her in!

I am thrilled to hear she stayed out with you the whole time instead of hiding today!!! You are making much progress and I think it is great that you gave her the treats and she didn't bolt or anything when you reached into the treat jar! She will now also associate you with the one who gives her treats, which is a good thing! Good job!!!

Has it been that long already? I really can't believe it!

Wow Sandi - my heart's jumping for joy! See - we told you her hiss didn't mean "I don't like you!"

You must be beaming. And I'm sure you know in your heart she'll be your pal. This just confirms it - and lets that ray of sunshine through what must feel like has been a lot of cloudy days. And you don't live in Portland! (Sorry - don't mean to offend anyone! )

YIIPPPEEEEEEE!!!!!

And you tell the moments so great! Keep writing!

Laurie

:tounge2: :tounge2: :tounge2: :tounge2: :tounge2: :tounge2: :tounge2: :tounge2: :tounge2: :tounge2: :tounge2: :tounge2: :tounge2: :tounge2: :tounge2:

Well - the same stuff happened tonight - only I was drawing and the darn little squirt came up and thought my pencil was a toy. I didn't mind at all. She even smelled my knee tonight, but looked at my hands and wasn't quite brave enough to take that leap yet. I'm also thrilled to report - although she doesn't quite understand the interacting with me with her toys - she did "attack" her feather toy while I was making it fly around. As soon as I made it land, she'd huddle down, and like a flash she'd pounce onto it. However, she didn't do anything when I'd wiggle the other end. So, I'd put the hard wand end down and she'd pounce on that and all the while she'd check on my reaction (at least that's what it looked like she was doing). I think I've got her conditioned to go smell the jelly jar (right next to me) and then she looks up at me, steps back a half a foot, and sits down waiting. Too funny - and did I mention adorable!!! When the hubby came in, she stayed out from under the bed! Big, no huge, accomplishment. She's really getting brave. She does hiss if you're a little too close for her comfort level. It seems whenever I say, "It's okay, Lucky" she continues on with whatever she's doing. Must be the tone of voice I use or something. She even stretched out and I thought she was going to go to sleep as she watched me draw. (Of course - I was drawing...a cat scratching post - ha, ha!) Even asked her what she thought of it. She actually - much later, came up and smelled it, along with the pencils, erasers, and drafting brush. I love it when she lays there all stretched out just taking in whatever it is I'm doing. I think I'll attempt to take my digital camera in there tomorrow or the next day and (without the flash) take a picture or two to share with you. I don't want to freak her out, even though it didn't when I took the one's outside.

Well, that's todays report! I'm still flying high on happiness! I don't get afraid anymore, either (now I feel silly that I ever did).

More later...
~Sandi

Sandi - all these 'little' steps are so very important to your little Lucky! She is smelling the pencils and such taking in your scent! She is waiting for her treats like a good little girl!
When you open the door she is not trying to escape in by opinion, but waiting to see which one of you is coming in to visit with her!
My feral momma Goldie has been inside since February of last year and has had free roam of the house since I got her spayed in June. I am THRILLED to pieces when I go into the bedroom and she is up on my dresser on my clothes! (I know - I should put them IN the drawers) and if she does not hop down and go under the bed, I am actually jumping inside!! I had to learn that any attempts I made to befriend her were seen as a threat. Now I ingnore her as much as possible and she will share a corner of the bed with me, and LOVES to come and wtch me in the bathroom! Go figure!! Goldie interacts with her two youngsters that we have here and spends time out here in the livingroom and waiting for the grub like the rest. It does take time and I KONW it is frustrating, but you are doing great with her, and she is indeed lucky to have you in her life!
God bless you and Lucky!

Sandi, I'm am beaming too just reading all about Lucky! You guys have done EVERYTHING right with this little girl. It won't be long before she gets brave enough for the hand, I just have a feeling.

I just want to share what happened when Ophelia first let me touch her. I had been playing with her and Trent on the bed every night for quite a while, but when the hand came toward her she would back off. She had also been watching with great interest when we loved on Trent, who was (and is) a very lovey kitty. Finally, I was petting Trent and she knew I was going to attempt to pet her too. (I didn't even know what a feral kitty was, let alone that she was one!) She sat down with her back to me, and I could see her brace herself for what was to come. I reached out and gently ran my hand down her back a couple times, and she relaxed a bit. It only lasted a few seconds before she jumped down off the bed, but I was ecstacic. From then on, she accepted pets and loves, once she realized it wasn't a bad thing.

You have made a HUGE jump in socializing Lucky. Oh, I also wanted to clarify something, about looking at her. The thing you want to avoid is looking her directly in the eye. Try to look just over her ears, and she won't feel threatened. Ophelia still reminds me that looking her in the eye is rude in her kitty-world.

Thanks for the reminder about looking Lucky in the eye, Heidi. I do try to remember that when we're playing and stuff, but sometimes I probably do forget. I loved the story about the first time you got to pet Ophelia. I can imagine how that must've felt.

Debra, I so enjoyed your story about how Goldie sits on your clothes and doesn't run under the bed. It is so great to hear the same emotion in your stories as what I'm feeling every time we make a breakthrough. I actually read both your and Heidi's posts with a big smile and a full heart!

Heck, just having these new things happen is so rewarding! I have found myself in the best mood lately. I read a post in a different section about a pair of cats the owner thinks hate her. Boy, I'd better respond to her immediately as I just went through that feeling.

I do have a concern, however. Okay, Lucky is going to be needing to go back to the vet for her 2nd part of the Feline Leuk. shot as well as to be spayed. I am a bit worried that if she goes through that ordeal, we'll be back to square one. Also, I'm not sure how long we can possibly wait - we'd like to have her spayed before she goes into heat. I'm not really sure how we're going to get her to the vet either - or should I say - get her in the crate to get her there. Do we use the livetrap again (I'd hate to have to do that again). Any suggestions or advice would be greatly appreciated, as always. I plan to call the vets office tomorrow to see if they have any suggestions or pointers.

Well, I'll be going to spend time with my little Lucky. I just started reading the book, "Think Like a Cat" and it seems informative and interesting. Maybe we'll both learn something together. I have noticed that my other cat has gotten MUCH friendlier towards me - as well as my labrador turning into a lap dog. I guess they wonder why I'm going in that room that smells of another so much. I do believe they're jealous. Believe me - they're all spoiled rotten - with attention and treats.

~Sandi

Sandi - you read me right! With every little step of progress with my Goldie girl, I just puff all up and smile inside my heart! You are dong the same. When we both win over these feral friends we will have to get something else to occupy our time!
I do not have any great suggestion for you about the Vet trip. I can tell you that Goldie forgave us after a few days. I actually think she was glad to see me when I went to pick her up!

I'm not sure what the best way would be to get her in the carrier either. It took us 1/2 hour to try to get Ophelia in the carrier when we moved a couple months ago (in an almost empty bedroom), and she's been with us three years. I'm not sure you will want to try this, but what finally worked for us was putting a towel over her so she couldn't see and then picking her up and putting her in. It was still pretty traumatic for her, but I think that was more because we chased her around the room for 1/2 hour before I could convince hubby that he couldn't just pick her up without her turning into a ball of claws, and moving to a new place that I think had other cat smells in it.

The first time we moved, and this was well before she would let either of us pick her up for any reason, we lured her into the carrier with treats. That went surprisingly well.

I don't think you would be back to square one, but it may take a few days to get back to the status quo with her. Just do the same things, being there with her, giving her treats and she will come out again. Who knows, like Debra with Goldie she may see you as her savior from that other place.

I forgot to say one thing. Explain what is going to happen, and that it is so she will be heathy. Do it in a real calm voice and start telling her this a couple days before you are set to go. I know it sounds a bit odd, but I truly believe that they understand a lot more of what we say than most people think. As much as you guys are both talking to her, she should be able to understand a lot of it.