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An absolutely awful/bizarre situation...

post #1 of 22
Thread Starter 
Okay. Some of you know that I'm a special education teacher, and I work with two paraeducators/teacher associates in my classroom. One of my paraeducators called in to work on Monday, as her son (18 years old) reportedly had been in a horrible car accident. Well, as the day unfolded, more news kept filtering into my room from personal friends of my associate, that her son had stolen a car locally, was driving in it (whether or not he was drunk is impossible to determine right now), had crossed the center line, hit another car head-on, killed the female passenger instantly, and left her husband with minor injuries...he fled the scene on foot. He then proceeded to steal another car from a farmhouse, drove off, and hit a utility pole, ejecting him from the vehicle...he was badly hurt, but then again attempted to flee from the scene, where he collapsed...It was bitterly cold this weekend with wind chills at nearly 20 below, and no one found him for nearly 2 hours. He was airlifted to a hospital in Des Moines, and was nearly frozen to death. He also had sustained serious head trauma, with a blood clot in the brain, and severe brain swelling...

I spoke with my associate Monday night to confirm everything, and to offer my prayers and some words of comfort, and she informed me that it is not looking good for her son.

I received word yesterday that the brain swelling had gone down a bit on it's own, however, last night it went back up, and surpassed the original swelling...a cat-scan was performed this morning, and showed that the back half of his brain is complete "mush" (as her friend described it), and if he does survive, will most likely be in a vegetative state for the long-term. They were planning to take him off life support temporarily this morning, to see if his brain has the ability to allow his organs to function somewhat without it...and from there, I have not heard anything else. I do know that if he's unable to be without the life support, she is planning to have the plug pulled, and allow her son to let go...she is planning on having his organs donated if he indeed does not survive.

To make matters even more awful and complicated, my other associate has learned that the woman he killed in the head-on collision was an old family friend of she and her husband for the past 30 years...it is the most bizarre (and horrific) coincidence. My principal pulled me into his office this morning, and asked me if I felt this would become a conflict once my associate came back to work, and at this point, I don't know. I highly doubt she knows that this was my other associate's friend, and I believe that this is a situation that my associate cannot personally hold against her.

I'm also praying for my associate, as she may possibly have to live with so many unanswered questions...why was he stealing cars? Where was he going??? He did have many prior driving offenses, starting from age 14...last year, he plead guilty to driving under the influence, and crashing. His license was suspended. He then took his mother's car out a couple of months ago, and totalled it, of course not having a license. He also put his arm through a wall a month ago, and broke his hand, in a fit of anger. It's been one heartache after another. She'll probably never know what was fully going on with him, and will wonder what she could have done to help...and if by some miracle he does survive, and has some quality of life, it will be spent in prison, for probably no less than 25 years. It's just dreadful.

So I'm basically just venting the situation on here...it's been so hard wondering what will happen next, and I'm sincerely concerned about both of my associates. I'm afraid it will turn into more than just a personal crisis...it will turn into a horrible tangled-web at work between my associates. Ugh. It's really unbearable...please pray for my associate, for the woman who lost her life, and for the teenage son who is hanging on to his life.
post #2 of 22
Aw. I'm SO sorry. Prayers and vibes coming from here. It's been a terrible week, hasn't it? One of my son's good friends was killed on Friday night - he was 15, and crossing the highway & got hit. It's just so hard to take in.
post #3 of 22
Aww sweetie I'm so sorry! Things like this can be so delicate. I will be keeping you all in my thoughts and prayers!
post #4 of 22
wow that is alot to deal with in a short time. i hope that he will recover,and that everything goes will once everyone is back to work.
post #5 of 22
That is one of the strangest coincidences Ive heard in awhile...
Good luck being there for the both of them, heres hoping your 2 colleagues can keep this from being a rift at work.
post #6 of 22
Oh my goodness....that is such a heartbreaking situation. My heart goes out to all of you in this tragic time. I will keep everyone in my prayers.((((vibes))))
post #7 of 22
That is so tragic for everyone involved.

I am sending prayers and hugs for each and every family that is involved in this sad situation.

post #8 of 22
My prayers go out to all involved.
post #9 of 22
wow how sad for both sides.
Des Moines caught my eye we both live in iowa.
post #10 of 22
This is just so tragic all the way around, I will pray for strength for them all to somehow deal wth this horrible situation.
post #11 of 22
Wow, I'm very sorry. If the son does came back I hope he has learned his lesson about stealing cars and driving in general.

Also, I hope that your associate does not harbor any bitter feelings towards your paraeducator.
post #12 of 22
What a terrible situation. A truely bizarre coincidence. I hope they can still work together after all this.
post #13 of 22
what a horrible situation, I hope everything works out for the best
post #14 of 22
Thread Starter 
Unfortunately, I discovered this morning that my associate's son died at 1:30 yesterday afternoon...he is still connected to life support, however, as his organs are being donated. Once they can get that worked out, then funeral arrangements are tentatively being made for Tuesday or Wednesday of next week.

My other associate is attending her friend's (the lady that was killed in the hit-and-run accident) visitation tonight. She told me today that NO ONE has bothered to call the late woman's husband to apologize for what has happened...which as difficult as this time is for my associate with her son just dying, I still cannot understand. Perhaps when things are easier, she can offer her condolences and words of regret to the husband...it just may be too much right now, understandably.

Here is the link to a local newspaper article:


My other associate told me today that she does not harbor any ill feelings toward the associate whose son killed her friend...she realizes that this situation is not her fault, and that she would never wish her situation on anyone, particularly losing her 18 year-old son. I highly doubt that my associate knows that this lady was a personal friend of my other associate...and irregardless, it sounds like an effort will be made to continue to work as a team in my classroom. Hopefully we can carry on together as we have for the past two years, but we'll have to see how things go once my associate returns to work.
post #15 of 22
Originally Posted by maddensmom View Post
Aww sweetie I'm so sorry! Things like this can be so delicate. I will be keeping you all in my thoughts and prayers!
Me too.......why does life have to be like this???
post #16 of 22
We just don't know why things happen the way they do, do we? Keeping them in my good thoughts...

Hilda >^..^<
post #17 of 22
What a sad waste of two lives, and devastation for two families.
post #18 of 22
Thread Starter 
Yes, it's a horrible tragedy for all who are involved. I thought about calling my associate this evening to offer her my sympathies, but I thought about it for a bit, and decided to wait until tomorrow evening...she just home tonight from this whole ordeal, and I think I'll leave her to be with family and her closest loved ones, as I'm sure this is all very hard for her to digest.

Thanks for your supportive comments, everyone.
post #19 of 22
My goodness how awful for both families and how bizarre. I'm sure you are also still in shock with everything that is going on. Heartbreaking for everyone. My thoughts are with you.
post #20 of 22
My sincere sympathies go out to you and both of your associates. Two lives have ended in tragedy and two families are changed forever.
post #21 of 22
How horrible for all of you. I'll keep you all in my thoughts.
post #22 of 22
What a terrible thing to have happen. It's too bad that he didn't consider how his actions would hurt his family and those around him before he did what he did. My thoughts are with his family, your co-worker, and yourself.
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