Tough decision...what to do about Cuddles

jen

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I think this is the right place for this... please bear with my long post and help me figure out what to do.

If anyone remembers, I took in Cuddles when the owners decided that after 12 years, she wasn't an important enough part of the family to take along with them when they moved... I took her in with the intention of rehoming her. If no where else, then to my neighbors house because she helps me out sometimes with hard to place cats. The people failed to tell me, other then in an email after I had her that she has never seen another cat in her life. She was extremely scared and aggressive and defensive when I just got her, and now almost 2 months later I can still barely pet her. She loves to be around people but just not touched. She will rub against my legs, she will sit next to me and purr and meow back at me when I talk to her, but if I look directly at her or approach her, she freaks.

By freaks I mean she meows or almost screams, she will bat really hard at whatever is coming at her. She also bites, but the second her teeth touch you, she backs off. Very much a warning, hey stay back sort of thing.

But she is sweet otherwise. The problem I face now is what to do. I know it can take months or years to get a cat to be "normal". Normal as in the way she was with her previous owners for 12 long years. In the time she gets back to normal, I cannot take in any other cats as rescues to rehome because she has my bedroom. Plus if I can finally get her back to "normal" I think it will start all over again from square one if she were to go to a new home again. I couldn't even try it out in a new home as a test because I think she will revert back to the untrusting and hostile little kitty she is now.

Also the problem that no one wants an old cat, let alone one with her personality quirks and her timidness and hostility.

So what do I do? I cannot permenently keep another cat. I have too many as it is. And she cannot live her life locked in my bedroom. She is in the only space I have to take in new cats who need homes. I just don't know what to do. Some people have suggest euthanizing her. I am wondering if that might be the only thing I can do at this time. She may live another 5 years, do I not rescue a single other cat until she passes away of old age? Do I just give up on her and take the easy way out and euthanize her? But then I see her curled up sound asleep on my fluffy purple pillow that she loves or in my wool bathrobe and I am so sad to have to do that to this poor kitty who doesn't deserve it.

I know there is that one home out there just for her, with a single person or a couple with none or one other cat who would love to take the time to allow a nervous senior kitty to relax and open up to them. Or a little old lady wanting a little old lady cat to talk to and care for and sleep with but not have to worry about playing with her a lot or bending down to pick her up or tripping over her or anything like that. But REALISTICALLY, how long do I wait for that one special person to come along? I have posted so freakin many ads for her. Going about it every way, explaining her and her needs the best I can. The fact that she is very cat aggressive is a turn off right away for most people, then her age and the fact that you really can't touch her much. I can for about 30 seconds and then she freaks out and starts biting and growling and stuff.

Please tell me what you all think. What would you consider doing if you were in my shoes? Are you horrified I mentioned euthanizing her or do you think that might be the best option? Do you think keeping her for an unlimited amount of time with the almost non-existant chance that someone will want her is a better idea? It's not like she is in a shelter in a cold steel cage with no human interaction. But in the meantime I cannot take in anymore unwanted cats who need me.

Thanks for listening.
 

white cat lover

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My honest to god opinion Jen? Cuddles is not happy with you. While she seems content sometimes, she is very stressed. I think that you shoud euthanize her from that aspect. Then again, she is a perfectly healthy cat, so there I don't think you should euthanize her. I assume no rescue or no-kill will take her in, either. If you keep her & she doesn't find a home....you could have her for 5 years like you said. That means that other cats will die, ones that you have a chance of re-homing.

Have you made a list or pros & cons? I dunno, while she may seem happy in your home, I feel that if I were in your situation, I woud harder my heart & do something awful. But I would be there for her at the end.

to you & good luck with this decision!!!
 
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jen

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I am starting more and more to think that euthanasia is the best option. Even when she does let me pet her or scratch her neck she is tense and ready to start growling at the slightest wrong move. She isn't a happy purring cat unless I am at least 3 feet out of her reach. I have noticed a definate change in her reaction when I come in. She is no doubt happy to have me in the room with her. Runs up and rubs my legs. Still can't pet her, and if my boyfriend comes in, she goes back to being aggressive to him and me too.

Ya this is gonna be tough.
 

white cat lover

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Just don't jump to any conclusions...I'm sure you won't, but it's always good to have someone remind you.
Think about it, listen to what other members have to say.... I think I've said all I can to help....if she generally doesn't seem happy with her life, then I think there's not much to do.
again.....
 

jadedlaw

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I realize you're in a difficult position, but I cannot help but be shocked that euthanizing a healthy cat (even if she is a frighten, not exactly tamed cat) is even a consideration.
 

lsulover

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I don't even know what to say, I don't know what to tell you to do.

I think maybe thought you should just try to find a no kill shelter and see if they will take Cuddles. I can not mention putting the cat to sleep, she is a healthy cat, she just has some problems right now.

I am sending some hugs and prayers from Mississippi for you and for Cuddles.



I think Cuddles wants to be loved by someone. I just don't know who.
 

rosiemac

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Originally Posted by Jen

I am starting more and more to think that euthanasia is the best option.
For who?. My honest opinion is that she doesn't like to be petted etc... unless it's on her terms. As you've said she gives you the signals to back off, so if you do that then she won't feel threatened and she won't be aggressive. Putting this poor girl to sleep is rather a drastic step to be honest, so if that's your intention i would find her a no kill shelter where someone will take her and have the patience to win back her trust


Poor baby, not being wanted after 12 years makes you wonder what the situation was like during that time


Cuddles is only 12, and weve had members here who's cats have lived to 20 years and over, but please don't euthanise her just because of the way she is
 

silentnate

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Originally Posted by jadedlaw

I realize you're in a difficult position, but I cannot help but be shocked that euthanizing a healthy cat (even if she is a frighten, not exactly tamed cat) is even a consideration.
I agree with this but I also think it is easy for us on TCS to think that another solution will come along. Epona and I couldn't take this cat as we already have two other cats and I can see that being the case with a lot of other owners who might have shown an interest. I hope the OP can hold on until and appropriate home is found and vibes for Cuddles (who is the real victim in all this) are on there way
 

katiemae1277

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based on the way Cuddles is acting in a safe home environment makes me believe that putting her in a shelter, even a no kill shelter, will certainly put her over the age, this cat would not do well at all in a cage, and as is the case with most rescues, shelters, they probably don't have a foster home to send her too that is devoid of all cats or has the room to keep her sequestered in a room all by herself. I used to be totally against euthanasia until I watched this program on HBO, and realized that having an animal live out its life in a cage is like a life sentence in jail to a person, and the animal has not done anything wrong! we all know how sensitive cats are to their environment.... is quantity of life really more important than quality? I don't think it's wrong of you at all to consider euthanasia, Jen, a horrible decision to say the least, but like you said, you need to look at it from the angle of keeping one aggressi,ve anti-social, quite possibly unhappy cat alive so that others can die? lots of
to you. My suggestion is to give Cuddles until kitten season is beginning, keep trying to find her a home, is there anyway Tiger Ranch could take her? do you have any contacts with other rescues that can put the word out? I saw we put the former "owners" to sleep
and let Cuddles have their new apt
 
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jen

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I absolutely will not put her in a shelter of any kind. I have worked in too many shelters to know she is the best example of a cat who will not be adopted or deemed not adoptable. If not that then she will die of depression or get seriously ill.

She has never seen another cat, she has never been outside her original home (and now mine and can barely handle it) she has never been contained really. She WILL NOT make it is a shelter. She will be euthanized there anyway due to aggression and the fact that she is very very unsocial and unfriendly towards others. She will have no option but to be left alone in a cage. She cannot be handled or pet, she cannot be let loose outside in a barn because she is declawed, which is also part of the reason she bites so much. She will not last in a shelter period. Plus there are none that will take her. They are all full.

I don't want to euthanize her. But she is holding up other adoptable cats from coming in. I consider myself a rescuer and a temporary shelter for these unwanted animals. But thankfully I don't need cages most of the time. I think along those lines too. She is an unadoptable cat. I put myself at risk too because if I rehome her and she bites someone and it's serious, that is my fault because I know that is something she might do. What if the new owner lives alone but has people who come over a lot and they have kids, kids that want to pet the kitty?

Like I said, there is the one perfect home for her. But how long do you wait to find it? I am not doing anything with her right at the moment. She is still happily roaming around my bedroom. I am not going to jump to conclusions but I have been doing this a long time, I know she is the perfect example of a cat who will never get adopted...

Bottom line is she is not happy and will not be no matter what I choose to do. Except with euthanisia, she will not have live such stressed out and uneasy rest of her life.... This is why I keep going back and forth on what to do.

Keep talking people, please, let me know your thoughts... I really need help here.
 
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jen

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Originally Posted by katiemae1277

I used to be totally against euthanasia until I watched this program on HBO, and realized that having an animal live out its life in a cage is like a life sentence in jail to a person, and the animal has not done anything wrong!
I just watched that video in class yesterday. It was great wasn't it? Really shows you how hard of a decision this is to make on a perfectly healthy cat. But also a very unhappy one. What kind of a life is that? You just don't understand what life in a shelter is like until you have been closely involved with or worked in one. Those cats have compromised immune systems and continouosly get sick over and over again. I don't want Cuddles stuck in a cage and sick and angry and not one can ever comfort her. That is just awful.
 

katiemae1277

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Originally Posted by Jen

I just watched that video in class yesterday. It was great wasn't it? Really shows you how hard of a decision this is to make on a perfectly healthy cat. But also a very unhappy one. What kind of a life is that? You just don't understand what life in a shelter is like until you have been closely involved with or worked in one. Those cats have compromised immune systems and continouosly get sick over and over again. I don't want Cuddles stuck in a cage and sick and angry and not one can ever comfort her. That is just awful.
it was really good, very eye-opening
never thought of it from the angle of the pets, being stuck in a cage everyday for the rest of their lives, they literally go crazy! and after awhile, even the adoptable ones develop such bad behavorial problems that they become unadoptable, like I said, its not about quantity, its quality that needs to be looked at. That show made me cry, its just so disgusting that in this country millions of unwanted animals are euthanized everyday. People just don't care
 

rosiemac

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Well you don't want to put her into a no kill shelter, you don't want to keep her forever as she is because it's holding you back on adopting more, so the only other answer is to euthanise, and i don't think you'll get many supporters for that here, especially when she's healthy.

I can understand you wanting to adopt more so they don't have to live in a cage, but what about Cuddles, doesn't she deserve a chance?!.

You also asked how long do you wait to find the perfect home?, well the only answer to that i have is how long is a piece of string?. When i brought Sophie home as a kitten Rosie hated me for it. I vowed i wouldn't give Sophie up and i would ride the storm. That storm lasted nearly a year before Rosie ever came near my lap, but i got there with her in the end. I never forced her into anything i just let her come around herself.
 

white cat lover

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First of all, I stand a pretty good chance of getting a lot of you angry with this post.

I agree with Susan, yet at the same time I agree with Katie. Cuddles is in a jail cell in her own little world. She is miserable & in pain, mentally. When our kitties are physically in pain, we help them go to the bridige where they will be forever happy.

I am not saying that the only option here is to euthanize Cuddles. I am just saying that it might be something that has to be done. I mean, I have seen older cats like Cuddles in shelter situations. I honestly watched one starve to death as no one wanted to euthanize the poor guy. He was suffering where we couldn't see it-mentally. He died all alone in his cage one night, scared. If they had listened, I would have been there for him at the end at the vet's office. He deserved at least that much.

I don't know that any of us have the answer Jen. I do know that it sounds like you are doing everything you can to re-home Cuddles. You just cannot lie about her age or the fact that she is a little "snippy" sometimes. I also understand your liability should you re-home her. I think that for the time being, keep doing what you are, try to re-home her. Do you have a contract for adoptees to sign? If not, make one for Cuddles expllicitly stating that you are not liable for anything that happens to the Cuddles or anything Cuddles might do after she is adopted out by you. Cover yourself there as many times things like that can come back & bite you in the rump.

"Bottom line is she is not happy and will not be no matter what I choose to do. Except with euthanisia, she will not have live such stressed out and uneasy rest of her life.... This is why I keep going back and forth on what to do." This saddens me. I really sincerely hope poor Cuddles is not destined to be scared, alone, & unhappy for the rest of her life.

I have to say this, but I do believe that the mental stress is going to get to her sooner rather than later.

Jen, one last thought.....Do you know of any no pets/kids homes that could take her in for a short while to see how she does there, or do you think that would only add kindling to her "fire"?

ETA: I speak from the position of a person who has had to choose 4several cats to be euthanized, despite being healthy, because of overpopulation. I chose ones that were suffering in the cage mentally. A cat like Cuddles would've been an easy choice IMO. I'm sorry, but I hate to see a cat suffer mentally or physically. I've been there, done that, made choices that break my heart. But I was there for them, more than the so called "owners" were. That being said, Jen has a much better situation going with Cuddles. Hopefully, with more time, she will come around!

Any chance your neighbor would take her in Jen? IMO, I would give her more than 2 months to settle in. It took my Ophelia a lot longer than that. Have you tried appraoching this situation as though Cuddles is a feral cat?
 

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I don't have too much to add here, except I think the people who do the work that you people do all deserve a pat on the back and a hug.

It must be so hard facing decisions like this, sometimes day after day.

I feel so sorry for the cat. She has no idea what the heck happened to her family, her home....and now she has to deal with other things that she doesn't even know what they are.

I guess the best thing that you can do, is to go with what your heart is telling you. You are very experienced in these matters and I think instinctively you KNOW Cuddles will NOT be able to be rehomed.

More importantly, don't blame yourself. It rests solely with the people who chose to give her up. You are doing the best that you can do and that should be all that is expected of you.

Hugs and kittykisses from KittenKiya's Clan.
 
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jen

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Originally Posted by white cat lover

First of all, I stand a pretty good chance of getting a lot of you angry with this post.

I agree with Susan, yet at the same time I agree with Katie. Cuddles is in a jail cell in her own little world. She is miserable & in pain, mentally. When our kitties are physically in pain, we help them go to the bridige where they will be forever happy.

I am not saying that the only option here is to euthanize Cuddles. I am just saying that it might be something that has to be done. I mean, I have seen older cats like Cuddles in shelter situations. I honestly watched one starve to death as no one wanted to euthanize the poor guy. He was suffering where we couldn't see it-mentally. He died all alone in his cage one night, scared. If they had listened, I would have been there for him at the end at the vet's office. He deserved at least that much.

I don't know that any of us have the answer Jen. I do know that it sounds like you are doing everything you can to re-home Cuddles. You just cannot lie about her age or the fact that she is a little "snippy" sometimes. I also understand your liability should you re-home her. I think that for the time being, keep doing what you are, try to re-home her. Do you have a contract for adoptees to sign? If not, make one for Cuddles expllicitly stating that you are not liable for anything that happens to the Cuddles or anything Cuddles might do after she is adopted out by you. Cover yourself there as many times things like that can come back & bite you in the rump.

"Bottom line is she is not happy and will not be no matter what I choose to do. Except with euthanisia, she will not have live such stressed out and uneasy rest of her life.... This is why I keep going back and forth on what to do." This saddens me. I really sincerely hope poor Cuddles is not destined to be scared, alone, & unhappy for the rest of her life.

I have to say this, but I do believe that the mental stress is going to get to her sooner rather than later.

Jen, one last thought.....Do you know of any no pets/kids homes that could take her in for a short while to see how she does there, or do you think that would only add kindling to her "fire"?

ETA: I speak from the position of a person who has had to choose 4several cats to be euthanized, despite being healthy, because of overpopulation. I chose ones that were suffering in the cage mentally. A cat like Cuddles would've been an easy choice IMO. I'm sorry, but I hate to see a cat suffer mentally or physically. I've been there, done that, made choices that break my heart. But I was there for them, more than the so called "owners" were. That being said, Jen has a much better situation going with Cuddles. Hopefully, with more time, she will come around!

Any chance your neighbor would take her in Jen? IMO, I would give her more than 2 months to settle in. It took my Ophelia a lot longer than that. Have you tried appraoching this situation as though Cuddles is a feral cat?
My neighbor also has 7 cats and it would be a similar situation where she would be stuck in a small room by herself all the time like she is here.

Thanks guys for your kind words. I know not everyone agrees with euthanasia and I know this is not something that has a concrete answer. There are so many acceptions, and "what ifs" and everything. It is horrible to think about but a decision has to be made at some point. I am not rushing right now. I have to figure it out. I know it can take a long time for cats to come around but I just don't know how long I should wait. Someone mentioned taking her to Tiger Ranch but they are no cage, no kill so she would be screwed either way and I know she would be extremely stressed out there as well with so many other cats being able to come right up to her.
 

furryferals

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I'm not psychic,I just see through people
Jen- I fostered a cat exactly like Cuddles afew months ago.
She had never seen another cat and when her owner died,It was upto
her family to look after her,They couldn't cope with her so she came
into the rescue I volunteer for,They were convinced she was feral and
not a house cat,because as you know,Not everybody tells the truth
regarding an animals history.
Anyway since I deal with ferals,I took her home to see if she would
'come round'.It was either that or put her on a farm.
She didn't come round with me, she was very distressed,Though she was
more settled when my cats were out of the room.
It was obvious they were causing her distress so I asked my Sister who had
no pets if she would like to foster her for a week to see if that was the problem.
She settled in quite quickly and I was able to get a very good idea on the kind of
home she needed.
There were a few possible homes that came up for her but my Sister got attached
to her and decided it wasn't fair to uproot her again,so she adopted her.
She has settled in really well and is now very happy.
Though not when she sees me,she thinks I'm there to take her away

This is her.


What we have to remember is cats that have never seen another cat
don't identify with them,they only identify with humans,That's all they've
ever known.
I wouldn't wait for the right home to come along,I would go out and find the right
home for her.You could try nursing homes or old peoples homes.Or advertise for a
temporary foster carer with no pets,till you find the right home.
If all fails then I would not consider euthanising her.I would accept defeat and find
her a farm or stables she could live on.
 

icklemiss21

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Some of the posts are really long and I will admit I haven't read through them all, but here is my story.

Scully was 8 when we adopted him, which isn't as old as Cuddles, but like Cuddles, he was a biter and scared of people and cats. He was also 33lbs and the shelter had told the people that he was unadoptable and would be PTS as they needed the space.

We took him (and originally it was only temporary) but we worked with him and now he is happy to be held and cuddled, is down to a healthier weight of 21lbs and plays with the other cats. He is a complete love bug.

This may sound harsh, but I don't think it is right to have Cuddles PTS to save other cats, when Cuddles, in reality, needs you more. There will be a home somewhere, with a patient person who is willing to work with Cuddles. I understand it won't be easy to find, but I knew what we were getting into with Scully, and yes I got bitten a few times in the process, but it is worth it to see him now, sitting on my sofa cuddled up with Boomer grooming each other.
 
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jen

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Originally Posted by furryferals

What we have to remember is cats that have never seen another cat
don't identify with them,they only identify with humans,That's all they've
ever known.
I wouldn't wait for the right home to come along,I would go out and find the right
home for her.You could try nursing homes or old peoples homes.Or advertise for a
temporary foster carer with no pets,till you find the right home.
If all fails then I would not consider euthanising her.I would accept defeat and find
her a farm or stables she could live on.
That is a great idea. But I am also worried about her biting. She is scared to death of everything and declawed so an outdoor situation wouldn't work out for her. Little noises send her running behind the curtain. A home with an elderly person would be wonderful. But I think her biting is a huge turn off. I think I will go around on Friday and take some fliers to area elderly homes or assisted living places. That is a really good idea, thanks. I will just have to make them aware that she can't be approached, she needs to be the one to come to seek the attention.
 

mzjazz2u

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I would not put a cat down because of these issues. Sounds like she just needs another home. Not that yours isn't good enough. But Maybe she needs a one cat home or something. I've had cats with social issues in the past and had to rehome them. Mine just wasn't the best home for them. When I took in Carmella years ago, she would scream and scream and hiss. And was always swatting at the other cats. She'd hide in a closet. She'd even hiss and scream at me. I rehomed her where she'd be the only cat and is doing pretty well.
 
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