Advice needed (may be long)

lsulover

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Ok, I need some help.

As ya'll know I am gonna be a grandmother in September.

My daughter DesirÃ[emoji]169[/emoji]e spent the weekend with me and we were able to do a lot of talking about the baby.

Here is my thing I need help with.

I might have to quit my job to go take care of the baby. She started asking me about my job, and how much I make and just stuff like that. Then she started telling me that there was only two daycares where she lives. She was saying that she didn't know what time these daycares opened or anything. Then she told me that there is a long waiting list for these daycares. (They are run by a church) The daycares are only allowed to take two babies per one worker.

I told her I would quit my job to come take care of the baby. I think that this is what she was wanting to hear. I told her that I wanted my grandbaby took care of. The minute I told her this, we started talking about how we might could pull this off.

We have a 30 foot camper, I told her that we could bring the camper over there and park it in their yard somewheres. I could stay in the camper the week that my husband was offshore, and I could come home on the weekends. Desiree lives about 1 hour away. I would not want to make that drive every day. And I told her that the week her daddy was home I could make the drive every day then.

We have not decided for sure that this is what we will do, it is just a back up plan. I HAVE to have all my ducks in a row. That is just the way that I am. And I really have to have a plan now, because this concerns my grandbaby.

She is still gonna check on some things where she lives. She might know someone that can babysit the baby, and she has not called the other daycares yet either. I think she is gonna try and do that this week.

I just wanna know what ya'll think I should do, or if ya'll have any other ideas what she can do.

We know that we still have a while before we do anything. We gotta get it done though. I think that there is a waiting list at the daycares too.

Any help that ya'll can give me will be greatly appreciated.

Josh's mother said she might could help on some days too, she also has told DesirÃ[emoji]169[/emoji]e that she would quit her job. I don't know if she is real serious about that though. It would be great if she could do it one week, and me the other.
But I would quit mine in a heartbeat, I would not want to because I do love what I do. But I would be doing the same thing anyways.
 

satai

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Originally Posted by LSULOVER

Any help that ya'll can give me will be greatly appreciated.

Josh's mother said she might could help on some days too, she also has told DesirÃ[emoji]169[/emoji]e that she would quit her job. I don't know if she is real serious about that though. It would be great if she could do it one week, and me the other.
But I would quit mine in a heartbeat, I would not want to because I do love what I do. But I would be doing the same thing anyways.
My only advice would be to sit down and think it all though (which you're doing), but make sure to include Josh's mom in on things - see if you guys can come up with an arrangement that suits both of you.

Also, can you work part time or week on/week off with you work place? That might be an option instead of outright quitting.
 

miss mew

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I agree, I think it would be great if you could do one week and then Josh's mom the next.

Then you could still work part-time.
 

neetanddave

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Well Belinda, I know you work to have your playing money. So that is not such a big deal. I also know you have had some problems in the past at work with not being appreciated, but that things have been better.

I also know you would not be staying in that camper, that you would be in the house with Desiree' and Josh and the baby.

I know you are looking for reasons NOT to do it, but I don't have any. Since I know how you are....

I'd bet you and Jimmy might even pack up and move closer to her so you can be there more often anyway.
 
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lsulover

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Originally Posted by neetanddave

Well Belinda, I know you work to have your playing money. So that is not such a big deal. I also know you have had some problems in the past at work with not being appreciated, but that things have been better.

I also know you would not be staying in that camper, that you would be in the house with Desiree' and Josh and the baby.

I know you are looking for reasons NOT to do it, but I don't have any. Since I know how you are....

I'd bet you and Jimmy might even pack up and move closer to her so you can be there more often anyway.
No, I really would be staying in the camper when Josh and DesirÃ[emoji]169[/emoji]e are home, I would want them to have their time with the baby. I wouldn't wanna stay with them all the time when they are home. I would want them to have family time, alone.

And I don't know if Jimmy would wanna move, I haven't even thought of that option.
 
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lsulover

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Originally Posted by Satai

My only advice would be to sit down and think it all though (which you're doing), but make sure to include Josh's mom in on things - see if you guys can come up with an arrangement that suits both of you.

Also, can you work part time or week on/week off with you work place? That might be an option instead of outright quitting.
I would include Josh's mom, I have learned to share.


And I probably could work part time too at the day care.
 

bella713

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I was a Nanny(Not a Granny a Nanny LOL) for over 10 years and I loved it. In this day in age it is so scary to think of someone you don't know trust and love caring for your child, they are God's gift to this world and should be treated as such. I think it would be great if you could work something out with Desiree's MIL so you could be one week on and one week off and cover for each other when necessary. And this way you would both still have your free time. There are 7 nieces and nephews in my family and not one has been taken care of by someone who wasn't a family member on a daily basis. They did have babysitters if they need to go out at night. But I also understand that is the perfect scenario, not everyone has that luxury.
Good luck I hope it all works out!
 

trouts mom

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I was thinking would you move closer? Since you'll have a grandbaby now, you will want to be closer anyway i think. I know my mom wishes she were closer to her granddaughters. If your not too attached to your house, maybe you can seriously talk about that with your DH?
 
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lsulover

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Originally Posted by Bella713

I was a Nanny(Not a Granny a Nanny LOL) for over 10 years and I loved it. In this day in age it is so scary to think of someone you don't know trust and love caring for your child, they are God's gift to this world and should be treated as such. I think it would be great if you could work something out with Desiree's MIL so you could be one week on and one week off and cover for each other when necessary. And this way you would both still have your free time. There are 7 nieces and nephews in my family and not one has been taken care of by someone who wasn't a family member on a daily basis. They did have babysitters if they need to go out at night. But I also understand that is the perfect scenario, not everyone has that luxury.
Good luck I hope it all works out!
I am also gonna be called Nanny, and I agree with you about not knowing who was gonna take care of the baby. I had already asked DesirÃ[emoji]169[/emoji]e if they did put the baby in day care, I would like to visit the daycare with them, I work in one and I know how they are run and I think I would know what to look for.
 

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All I can say BB is I did it for 3 years with my Grandson that is why I have such a bond with him, the bad thing is sometimes I feel like I Love him way more then the others and I don't really think it's that, it's different when they are in your life every single day. I feel good about having done that to help my Daughter and Son-in-law but more then that how I helped mold a Baby into a Wonderful Bright kind Hearted Young Man. I want everything for him and more. I watched him go from Pre-school to High School graduation to collage so far and I hope and pray that I am here when he Graduates Collage gets married and has Children that he will Mold into Wonderful Human beings like he is.
The hardest part is then you feel so attached that you feel like you have part ownership
and I used to hate to hear my Daughter scold him and at 18 I still do although I don't say anything, I think you would enjoy doing that if you can do it.. It does tie you down some but I didn't work so I was home anyway it worked out for me.
 

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LSULOVER;1553330 said:
I would include Josh's mom, I have learned to share.



Not Easy BB
We tend to think they belong to us
When the Kids would come to get him and they would put him in his car seat he would look at me like " Mammy " where are they taking me
I was devasted
when my Daughter got layed off
I offered to help her find another job
 

halfpint

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Originally Posted by LSULOVER

I am also gonna be called Nanny, and I agree with you about not knowing who was gonna take care of the baby. I had already asked Desirée if they did put the baby in day care, I would like to visit the daycare with them, I work in one and I know how they are run and I think I would know what to look for.
Just try not to take control BB
It's so hard not to think we know more, I know my Grandson better then ANYONE he even told me yes you do Mammy and I'm glad it's you.
 
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lsulover

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halfpint;1553526 said:
Originally Posted by LSULOVER

I would include Josh's mom, I have learned to share.



Not Easy BB
We tend to think they belong to us
When the Kids would come to get him and they would put him in his car seat he would look at me like " Mammy " where are they taking me
I was devasted
when my Daughter got layed off
I offered to help her find another job
I know, and I told DesirÃ[emoji]169[/emoji]e that last night, I told her that I was not trying to tell her what to do or anything. I do know that this is their baby, and I would never to anything to make them think that I was trying to butt in their lives. I will always be there for my kids. But I think you gotta let them make their own decisions.
 
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lsulover

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Originally Posted by halfpint

Just try not to take control BB
It's so hard not to think we know more, I know my Grandson better then ANYONE he even told me yes you do Mammy and I'm glad it's you.
That is why I told DesirÃ[emoji]169[/emoji]e that something would work out. I will do whatever I hafta do to help them.
 

halfpint

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LSULOVER;1553537 said:
Originally Posted by halfpint

I know, and I told DesirÃ[emoji]169[/emoji]e that last night, I told her that I was not trying to tell her what to do or anything. I do know that this is their baby, and I would never to anything to make them think that I was trying to butt in their lives. I will always be there for my kids. But I think you gotta let them make their own decisions.
Yes you do have to let them do that...but IT'S NOT EASY all the time
My Grandson wanted to go to Chicago to Collage last year
Oh My God I said to my Daughter will have to buy stock in Western Union
Now he's thinking about Wyoming for next year my brother is moving uo there so he may stay with them. I worry so much about him, and I am the biggest enabler there could be
I know I shouldn't but it is very very hard, he works goes to school and I know he is trying his best but how much money can a Barista make working 25 or 30 hours a week
 

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I think it's wonderful that you are willing to do that to help your daughter out! I agree with the others - if her MIL is willing to do the same, week and week about could be a good arrangement! Congratulations Belinda - you're going to be a super grandmother!
 

ilovesiamese

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I think it's great that you want to help you daughter out! My mom lived 8 hours driving distance away from me when I had my son, so your daughter will be very lucky to have you!


My mother was always a great source of information having raised 5 children, but sometimes she could be a little pushy if she didn't agree with how I wanted to raise my child. My only advice is that grandparents are secondary to parents even though we all know grandparents only have the best interests for the grandbabies,so if you give advice and they decide not to take it, try to understand (which I'm sure you will).

I hated my MIL. She would always grab my son away from me and nag us because we didn't and don't tap his fingers and yell at him. It caused some very hard feelings between us because she just couldn't get it through her head that I was my son's mother, not her.
 
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lsulover

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Originally Posted by IloveSiamese

I think it's great that you want to help you daughter out! My mom lived 8 hours driving distance away from me when I had my son, so your daughter will be very lucky to have you!


My mother was always a great source of information having raised 5 children, but sometimes she could be a little pushy if she didn't agree with how I wanted to raise my child. My only advice is that grandparents are secondary to parents even though we all know grandparents only have the best interests for the grandbabies,so if you give advice and they decide not to take it, try to understand (which I'm sure you will).

I hated my MIL. She would always grab my son away from me and nag us because we didn't and don't tap his fingers and yell at him. It caused some very hard feelings between us because she just couldn't get it through her head that I was my son's mother, not her.
I did do that, I would never do anything to overstep my boundries. And I made sure that I told DesirÃ[emoji]169[/emoji]e that too.
 
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