Originally Posted by wookie130
What in your opinion do you think you COULD do to make this situation right with each other? If it takes counseling, then go to counseling. If it means a trial separation, perhaps that's something else to try, without actually legally separating or divorcing. If it means taking more time to really discover what is in your heart, then take all the time you need.
I guess the point of my post is to remind you that marriage is hard...at times it can be REALLY hard. To me, marriage is all about thick and thin, and everything in between, but only if you value the relationship enough to put forth the type of work required that is necessary in maintaining the marriage, and GROWING WITH EACH OTHER, rather than apart. If for some reason, a voice inside of you is telling you that this type of work will NOT help you to grow together and move forward, and that everything is destined to disintegrate...then, I could see why you wouldn't be willing to give it a shot. Living life with another person is a huge up and down rollercoaster...and the highs and lows are all a part of the journey...BUT, it's only worth getting on the ride, if the person means enough to you.
I hope that wasn't too confusing. Don't think I'm pressuring you to stay in a marriage if your heart is telling you not to. Ultimately, this is YOUR rollercoaster ride. But, I think it would be wise to at least give it your all, and if that doesn't work, you'll be satisfied with the knowledge that an effort was made.
I wish I knew what I needed. I think a trial separation would never work for me because, whenever I "took a break" with an ex in the past, I'd always end up calling/wanting to see him and then we'd end up right back where we started. You get so used to telling this one person everything and then all of a sudden you don't have anyone to talk to? But that never meant I want to be back together, just that I needed a friend...
As for counseling, he came home from work and suggested it today. The idea makes me leery (I have nothing against those that seek it, I just know myself... they could tell me to do something that I wouldn't want to do and, even if it makes sense and is the right thing to do, I wouldn't do it... that and I don't see myself being completely open about everything in front of my DH - look how well that worked last time) but we'll see.
I do agree that marriage takes work, it's what I've been telling DH... they say that the first year is the hardest for a reason... and we can't just quit without trying. He seems a bit more open to trying today so thank heavens for that, it'll give me time to think about what I really want.
I think my heart was trying to warn me from the beginning... I keep a diary but barely wrote in it during our engagement... the entries I DID write all said essentially the same thing: I think this might be a mistake. And the first time I wrote that was two months after we got engaged. And I thought it all the way up during the walk down the aisle. Why didn't I talk to someone then, do something then? I wish I knew...