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Yesterdays Oprah

post #1 of 28
Thread Starter 
How many of you watch Oprah and saw yesterdays episode on working mom vs. stay at home mom? I always find myself quite torn between the two. on one hand i did stay at home with my kids till my youngest was in 1 st grade. But i also went back to work in march of last year. i still feel torn between the two. i love being at home with my kids but then again i actually enjoy working outside of the home. i dont judge mothers who decide to keep working nor do i judge those who chose to stay at home. What is your opinion on this subject ? would you stay at home (if you were able) or would you go back to work? I know im probably opening a can of worms but Id like to know what yall think.
post #2 of 28
I didn't see the episode. But I think it's important for children to have thier mom at home with them, especially when thier young. My mom was a stay at home mom and I think I turned out quite well. Then I look at friends who's parents weren't around enough, and some of them didn't turn out so well..
post #3 of 28
Well since i cant be a mother. i did not vote. But i do think someone(from the family) needs to be home and with the kids until they at least start school,

That is one reason itta wants to move back to indo as that her aunts and uncles are all around, She can still work and the kid will be with family.
post #4 of 28
Thread Starter 
i will never regret staying home with my kids while they were little. it is a time that I will cherish forever. I am glad however that I was able to go back to work.
post #5 of 28
I'm no where near having to make this decision, but I think I would love to be a stay home mom. Yeah, even though I'm working on my PhD. Maybe things will change in the future, but I kind of like the idea of homeschooling in a group and teaching science! Then again, if/when I get married, we'll just see what happens.
post #6 of 28
If I could I would stay home with my kids. But its not something I can do right now. Maybe when John gets back to work. But not right now.
post #7 of 28
I don't necessarily think that it automatically should fall on the woman to be the one to decide if she stays home or goes back to work.

My friend didn't really want to have kids, but her husband did. So they struck a bargain. They would have 2 kids, provided he was the one who stayed home and looked after them and she went to work. She's like me and doesn't really like kids when they're young and gets along better and has more tolerance for them when they are older.

So that's what they did. After each of her kids were born she went back to work a few weeks later and he stayed home and did the "house daddy" thing. She came home and made dinner and spent a few hours with the kids before they went to bed and that was just fine with her.

Her doing that didn't hinder her relationship with her daughters. Her daughters are grown and both married now with kids of their own and she and they are best friends.
post #8 of 28
Thread Starter 
i think this is happening more and more. alot more than most people realize. stay at home daddys should have put that in the poll



Quote:
Originally Posted by Natalie_ca View Post
I don't necessarily think that it automatically should fall on the woman to be the one to decide if she stays home or goes back to work.

My friend didn't really want to have kids, but her husband did. So they struck a bargain. They would have 2 kids, provided he was the one who stayed home and looked after them and she went to work. She's like me and doesn't really like kids when they're young and gets along better and has more tolerance for them when they are older.

So that's what they did. After each of her kids were born she went back to work a few weeks later and he stayed home and did the "house daddy" thing. She came home and made dinner and spent a few hours with the kids before they went to bed and that was just fine with her.

Her doing that didn't hinder her relationship with her daughters. Her daughters are grown and both married now with kids of their own and she and they are best friends.
post #9 of 28
I don't have kids, and won't have any but my mum (a single mum) was a stay at home mum and that's what I think is best.
She stayed home until my younger sister was in high school. My sister stays home and plans to until he is around high school age.

I think it's important that one parent stays home, if I were to have kids I'd plan it out so that were possible.
post #10 of 28
I think there are advantages and disadvantages to both so it's up to the individual what they want to do, and that's going to depend on a lot of factors including finances, what stage of their career they're at etc. I wouldn't judge anyone for what they choose to do. My mum was a stay at home mum up until I was 11 when she got a full time job, although she did spend a couple of years before that studying at college and was a childminder for while when I was very little. I don't have kids so it's a theoretical question for me but I think I'd like to work part time and stay at home part time to get the best of both worlds.
post #11 of 28
I believe that it all depends on the family and their finances.
post #12 of 28
I was a stay at home mom, I didn't really start working until Desirée was a senior in high school.
post #13 of 28
When we start having children our plan is for me to go back to work within 3-6 months after giving birth and then hubby will possibly stay home. We don't have kids yet though...I may change my mind after having them.
post #14 of 28
I think it depends, my mom stayed home with me till i was 6 months I beleive, then went back to work and I didn't suffer at all. My mother was an excellent mother even though she worked full time, she was involved in everything my sister and I did I don't really want children, but If I were to have them, I would probably do the same thing, take about 6 months off then go back to work, I think I'd go nuts if I were to stay home and raise the kids
post #15 of 28
My parents were never home growing up. My mom was usually out of town 6 months out of the year from the time I was 13 to adulthood. I was always alone. My parents split when I was 12.

I think I turned out fabulous!

It's a personal choice, for starters. However I am sure money has a lot to do with it. I don't think too much either way of someone staying home, or having to go to work. Whatever fits your lifestyle.
post #16 of 28
Quote:
Originally Posted by chelle View Post
I believe that it all depends on the family and their finances.
I agree. For Dan and I we cannot afford good health insurance for the three of us if I didnt work full time. He is a foreman for a construction company so his insurance rate is SKY HIGH!! so instead we are all going to be on my insurance..I work for a hospital. That is a huge concern for us.

I plan on working full time after my maternity leave. I work second shift and Dan works first...we both get to be our childrens care takers...while they also get to spend time with our family when dan wants to work late or take care of some manly business like the gym etc. Financial we will live comfortable if we both work, there are many things in life we want to do and that means I have to work, I accept that and am happy to contribute both motherly and financialy to our household.

To me there is nothing wrong with a stay at home mom or a mother that works. If that family can make it work, thats what counts.
post #17 of 28
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sandtigress View Post
I'm no where near having to make this decision, but I think I would love to be a stay home mom. Yeah, even though I'm working on my PhD. Maybe things will change in the future, but I kind of like the idea of homeschooling in a group and teaching science! Then again, if/when I get married, we'll just see what happens.
My mom has her MBA from U of Chicago (i.e., one of the best business schools in the country) and she stayed home with us!

Myself, I was all ready to be a working mom until I sarted babysitting these kids whose parents both work full time. I could never do that to my children. It's easy to tell that these are bright kids who have never, never gotten the attention they need from their parents...especially school-wise (we're talking a 10-year old who can't spell words like "this" or "talk"). Yeah, sure, they show up to basketball games and school pageants, which is important, but you have to be there to know what's going on with your kids at all times, what's happening in their lives. Most of the time, kids won't talk, so you have to watch and monitor.

The ideal situation for me would be to not work during the day, and teach my private flute studio from home in the afternoon. Any gigging of freelancing I get to do will be odd, irregular nighttime hours, and Ian will have a normal work schedule. It goes without saying that someone who speaks Arabic and works in law is going to make more money in this day and age than a flute player, so I would be the one to stay home. If the tables were turned, it would be Ian who would stay at home.

We won't even CONSIDER bringing kids into the world until we can put away some money for college and pay for health insurance AND we own a home and at least one of us has a good job and can put money in the bank. The two of us can live on pancakes for dinner in a crappy apartment, but I wouldn't think of bringing a kid into that. And we're not talking giving our future children the fanciest things in the world, either. We just want a financial foundation where we can provide insurance and education for them.
post #18 of 28
I'm a mother of a 4 year old.. and I've never had the luxury of staying home with her.. As much as I would had lovedddd tooo.. I still would love too,, but I can't... and it sucks!! Really badly.. Next year she goes to Kindergarten so I'll never be able to stay home with her,, and I hate that I miss that..

So IMHO if you can stay home do it,, otherwise get a p/t job during the day while there at school and make sure to get home by the time they get off the bus!! That's what I would do!! If I could...
post #19 of 28
My mom worked on and off throughout my childhood. She would work for 3-5 years, then stay home for a few years, and then work, and so on. It worked out well - and me and my brother turned out just fine! She purposely worked on and off because she wanted to be at home for us, but also didn't want to have a 20 year gap on her resume. She knew she wanted to go back to work for good once my brother and I got into colleges, and she was concerned that if she didn't work at all for 20 years, she'd have a hard time finding a good job when she wanted one.

When I went to college, she applied for a job at a high school as the assistant to the Athletic Director, and she has since been promoted to the Principal's secretary
post #20 of 28
I voted for stay home for a while, then go back to work.

With my son, I just took him to school with me until he was 18 months old ( it worked out.) and then I put him into a daycare right in my school, so I could go visit him as often as I liked until he was 2.5 years old. Now since then he's been in a daycare across town for about 9 hours a day while I'm at school.

Once I'm done university and I've got tenure and I decide to have more children, I will try to plan it for a june/july birth, stay at home for summer holidays( Teacher ) and then my husband will stay at home and take a parental leave for 37 weeks. and then the child would enter daycare.

Both my parents worked a lot and I grew up quickly, but I am a better person for all the responsibilities I had. I wouldn't change a thing.
post #21 of 28
Stay home for a while and then back to work. I took 6 months off after my daughter was born, and it was great!
post #22 of 28
If you would've asked me this a year or two ago, I would've said that I wouldn't want to become a housewife. But, I started working at home. I realized that there's so much more time to do things. Now I wouldn't mind it.

I can't pick any of those options, because my choice isn't up there. I would like to continue working at home when I have kids.
post #23 of 28
Quote:
Originally Posted by lionessrampant View Post
Myself, I was all ready to be a working mom until I sarted babysitting these kids whose parents both work full time. I could never do that to my children. It's easy to tell that these are bright kids who have never, never gotten the attention they need from their parents...especially school-wise (we're talking a 10-year old who can't spell words like "this" or "talk"). Yeah, sure, they show up to basketball games and school pageants, which is important, but you have to be there to know what's going on with your kids at all times, what's happening in their lives. Most of the time, kids won't talk, so you have to watch and monitor.
see, as far as this kind of stuff goes, I really don't think it has anything to do with the mom working but everything to do with what kind of parents they are. and from what you've told us about these parents, both of them could be home and the kids would still turn out messed up anywoo, like i said, my mom worked full time all through my growing up years and like i said in another thread somewhere, my mom was on me like white on rice, she knew what i did before i actually did it that was because she was a good parent, both my sister and I have turned out to be (fairly) productive citizens
post #24 of 28
I am all about going back to work..I don't even want kids and I can't imagine being at home with bratty kids all day..I would LOSE it!! I couldn't not work, I would be so bored.
post #25 of 28
My mom was the only mom I knew who worked full time. (actually, more than full time (10 hour days 5 days a week including alternate weekends and holidays--she was a nurse) Everyone else had their moms home when I was a kid, but I had to go to my aunt's house. (which wasn't bad, but I really missed having a mom at home like the other kids) Because of that, I knew I wanted to stay home when I had kids, and I have. I did work every other weekend and filled in for vacations sometimes, so my husband spent a lot of time caring for the kids which was great. The hospital I worked at closed about 6 years ago, and since then I haven't been working. I do volunteer at the animal shelter, foster care for cats and kittens, and put together a monthly newsletter for a mother's group I belong to, but I wouldn't mind working now. Unfortunately, my available hours between getting my youngest on the bus and picking up my oldest do not coincide with hospital shifts. ( I wonder if it bothers my kids that most of their friends have moms that work but theirs doesn't )

I agree with an earlier poster that it would be great to work from home when you have kids.
post #26 of 28
I think it depends on the situation. I was at home full-time when my kids were little. I don't work now- but I'm in school part-time for a BSN degree, which I hope to get within the next few years.

I don't regret it, but it has been a pain putting any kind of a career on hold while my kids were little. I'm lucky in the fact that what I've chosen to do is a good second career. I'm not even the oldest student in my microbiology class this semester, but I'm one of THE oldest

But I wouldn't have done it any other way. Since I had such a hard time concieving both times (endometriosis and a hormone disorder) I didn't even know IF I'd ever get pregnant, and I sure didn't want to put my kids in daycare all day. It was a stretch- esp at the beginning, but worth it.

I hate seeing moms on both sides of the issue picking at each other like bratty kids You do what's right for YOUR family, and don't let anyone make you feel bad.
post #27 of 28
I deffinatley want to stay home with my kids. One thing I really want, is that if I have to go back, I want my kids in a Christian school. I don't judge any parent's on their decisions in this matter. Growing up with my mom being single and hearing her say she wished she could be home with me and all probably put it in my head the most, but truly I want to be involved in my kids life. I don't want to miss things like first steps. I want to teach my kids their ABC's and what not. That's me personally.
post #28 of 28
When we have children, I want to be able to spend time with them while they are young- I'd love to be able to stay home with them. My mom was a daycare provider, which she ran out of our home, so she was with us while we were young, and I loved it.
I also believe it depends on the family and their financial situation, and that it doesn't always have to be the mom- I think its awesome when the fathers are able to stay home with the children as well.

Hopefully when we do have children, we'll be financially well off enough to let one of us stay home with the children until they are in 1st grade at least. If not, I'm sure I'd be home with them for 3-6 months before returning to work.
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