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I don't think I can give him up!

post #1 of 17
Thread Starter 
We’ve talked about finding Arek a new home, and we had finally found the “perfect†home for him. But I’m having second thoughts… guys, I just don’t think I can do it. Arek is MY CAT!!! I just can’t give him up - I just can’t! Even my husband (who is NOT a cat person) was telling me that he’d rather give up any of the other cats before he’d want to give up Arek. I don’t know why I love him so much, when he wants nothing to do with me, but I DO! And I don’t think I can let him go. Does that make me a bad person??? I don’t think he’s miserable here. I DO think he might do better in another home, but he and Shakhar are getting along better, they were even sleeping together today! Who knows… in a few years he might come out of his shell and be just fine… he’s only been here for about five months, maybe he just hasn't had enough time to really settle in? I don’t know what to do!!! I just CAN’T let him go!!! And you were all saying how unselfish I was being, and how good it was to put his needs before myself, but here I am thinking I just can’t do it. Couldn’t I keep him for a while longer and see what happens???!!! Am I a horrible person for wanting to keep him?
post #2 of 17
If your not comfortable placing him in any home that you've found, then I would keep him until you did find the PERFECT place.
It makes you a good meowmy to care for him that much, nothing wrong with that at all
If you think he's coming around, then maybe he's okay in your home? If you really do this he's truley unhappy, then I'd consider seriously about re-homing him.
Do whats best for him! I know you'll make the right choice!
post #3 of 17
You are not a horrible person either way, all I can say is follow your heart
post #4 of 17
I dont know the whole story, but if you have a cat that you love and you dont want to place in another home, then dont. Cats will learn to get along with each other. Mine are all littermates and I have "getting along issues" but it all can be worked out. Work with him, love on him, talk to him sweetly and see if you can help him come out of his shell.
post #5 of 17
Awwww! I don't think you're selfish! You just care for Arek so much and his well being.

I think that things will work itself out. By this I mean that either he'll start to progress where he's currently living or one day you'll admit that he can't stay and know it deep down AND you'll be able to accept it.
post #6 of 17
Quote:
Originally Posted by Pami View Post
I dont know the whole story, but if you have a cat that you love and you dont want to place in another home, then dont. Cats will learn to get along with each other. Mine are all littermates and I have "getting along issues" but it all can be worked out. Work with him, love on him, talk to him sweetly and see if you can help him come out of his shell.
I agree...they will learn to live together even if they don't "like"eachother. And it really sounds like you have made up your mind that no home is good enough for him, and you obviously want to keep him
post #7 of 17
I say do what you feel in your heart is right. If you feel a new home is best, then that's what you should go with.If you feel he is better off with you, then keep him.
post #8 of 17
Gee, that sounds like a really tough decision. Maybe you could keep him for a bit longer and see if he gets any better.
post #9 of 17
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Trouts mom View Post
I agree...they will learn to live together even if they don't "like"eachother. And it really sounds like you have made up your mind that no home is good enough for him, and you obviously want to keep him
That's really what it comes down to. I don't want to give him up. I don't KNOW whether he would do better in the other home. Part of me really thinks he would do better with her, as she's a single woman who would have so much more time than I have to work with him and his anti-social "issues." If I'm going to let him go, this is going to be the ONLY person I would consider letting him go to. She already has experience with both Maine Coons AND Ferals and everything about her is perfect. I just can't figure out whether I'm being selfish or not. He's not miserable here... but he might be HAPPIER there.
post #10 of 17
Well, that's a tough one. Personally, since you are having major doubts, it would be safest right now to probably keep him. Chances are, he's probably happier with you than you're giving him credit for...you would know it if he was miserable.

If it's not in your heart to give him to another family, I say don't do it...that would be a regret you would not want to live with.
post #11 of 17
I think you need to do what your heart is telling you to do. If you think you can't give him up, then don't.

If you give him away, then your heart is gonna hurt, so I think you should keep him for now, and just see what happens.

I don't think I could ever do it. You can't give away your children if they don't get along with each other.

Arek might think you don't love him if you give him away.
post #12 of 17
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by LSULOVER View Post
I don't think I could ever do it. You can't give away your children if they don't get along with each other.
It wasn't just the fact that they weren't getting along together... Arek is a very anti-social cat. We've been working with him since he got here to help him overcome this (we've been talking with a behavioral specialist) and we've started to wonder whether he wouldn't be better in a more quiet home. We have four young children, four other cats, a dog of our own, and foster dogs in and out periodically. I can't help but wonder if HE would do better in a one-on-one type situation.

Quote:
Chances are, he's probably happier with you than you're giving him credit for...you would know it if he was miserable.
Do you think so??? One of the things that bothers me is how friendly he is very early in the mornings, before everyone gets up. He purrs and wants attention and winds himself between your legs, etc. But once the house wakes up he becomes Mr. Aloof. It makes me feel that it's the activity/noise level of our home he's reacting to.

I want to do the best thing for him, but I want to be comfortable with the decision, too.
post #13 of 17
You have to do what's in your heart. Whatever you think deep down is best for him and you, that's what you should do.
post #14 of 17
You know, Arek won't be better off in another home if you're miserable! I mean, if you are really committed to making Arek comfortable in your home, it can be done. If you re-home him, will you regret it until the day you die? Can you live with youself if you re-home him? If you doubt even one bit that he might not be happier in another home, then don't adopt him out.

IMO, he is happy in your home as he does ask for some loving in the mornings. If it makes you feel any better, I've have my Ophelia for one year in Feb. & she's still aloof. That's just her personality. Arek may get better with time, but who knows! He might be the same Arek you know in the new home.
post #15 of 17
When it comes down to it- stop thinking about everything else- and just listen to your heart- you will figure out what is best for that sweet kitty whether it means staying with you or going to the other home. You have only had him for 5 months- that is really not that long of a time- some kitties take years to really come out of their shells and bond with their families- especially if they are feral. Maybe giving him a little more time is worth it Do what you feel is best for him sweetie- only you and your family can make the right decision for him.
post #16 of 17
Quote:
Originally Posted by Rina_Marie View Post
Do you think so??? One of the things that bothers me is how friendly he is very early in the mornings, before everyone gets up. He purrs and wants attention and winds himself between your legs, etc. But once the house wakes up he becomes Mr. Aloof. It makes me feel that it's the activity/noise level of our home he's reacting to.

I want to do the best thing for him, but I want to be comfortable with the decision, too.
This sounds just like our Lily. She's a very shy cat, but early in the morning and late at night, when we're in bed she is Miss Snuggle Puss. She mews at us, throws herself at us, and purrs her little heart out. As soon as we get up in the morning she'll freak out when we come near her, and won't let us touch her.

And we ARE that quiet house! It's DH and I, and our 2 other cats who she loves to bits. So she is in a wonderful environment, but she sounds very much like your boy still.

So what I'm trying to say, is that even in a quiet house with just one person, he'll probably still be that same cat, and he won't necessarily be any happier. While he may seem skittish, he might actually not like being in a quiet house where he's on his own if he's now used to being in a busy house.
post #17 of 17
Thread Starter 
I wrote to the would-be adopter last night and told her that I needed more time to think and pray about this. I don't know if I'm being selfish or what. I just wonder if someone with more time to really work with him couldn't give him a better home than we can. We have sooo much going on around here (with the kids, the dog rescue, the 4 other cats not including foster cats) that I wonder if someone who has him one-on-one wouldn't be doing him more justice. In any case, I'm not doing anything until I'm absolutely sure. I'll keep you posted.
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