TheCatSite.com › Forums › General Forums › The Cat Lounge › He's not quitting.
New Posts  All Forums:Forum Nav:

He's not quitting.

post #1 of 11
Thread Starter 


B was on a tangent last summer about quitting smoking.

He tried for one day and couldn't make it. Then around Thanksgiving he started talking about quitting again, and his cousin brought him some patches (she gets a huge discount on them).

His plan was to wait until after his Vegas trip. That was about a month ago. I happen to ask today if he had a plan for quitting and he said no, that he wasn't quitting...he likes smoking too much.

I wish he would. He's been sick on and off since mid-December, I KNOW it doesn't help his diabetes, and finally the brand he smokes just makes his breath taste and smell horrible (when we first started dating he didn't smoke as much as he does now and was on a different brand that didn't taste/smell so bad). The brand he smokes now I could equivate it to the smell of a diesel powered vehicle.

I do admit that I had a feeling after his last failure that he really wasn't going to quit when he brought it up again, but still there was a part of me that hoped he would.
post #2 of 11
*hugs* I am sorry. I know how you feel.

I quit smoking back in June or July . I knew my habit was getting a bit out of control and I realized somehow the smell made me , my car, and everything stink.

My boyfriend of 3 yrs said that he would quit too and pretended he had ... that was until I found ciggarettes laying here and there and everywhere.. just randomly placed. He said that he was "stressed out" and he would quit when he wasnt so "stressed out" and this has yet to happen.

He keeps saying that this is his last pack . He has said this off an on for a month now. I find cigs and then I break them or hide them.

I have asked him not to smoke in the apartment and I come home and I can tell he has. I can smell it or I see where he used some random thing for an ashtray.

I dont know what to do to get him to stop. He coughs alot and his dad I believe died of a smoking realted illness. Ive seen lots of people die from smoking related illnesses.
post #3 of 11
People are only ready to quit when THEY want to. Please don't try and force them to, even for healths sake. It just leads them to hide their smoking. I know sometimes I do it and never never tell DH. It's a horrible thing and I feel so nasty afterwards but I haven't done it for a long time now and I feel so much better. I quit because HE wanted me to not because I wanted to, and that's why I do it now and again. I knew awhile ago I nneded to stop so I finally made up my mind to just stop. It's not easy, let me tell you the cravings are horrible. And they last forever.
I hope your other halfs decide that they want to give it up, because they love life and not the cigarette.
post #4 of 11
as I can attest, as a recently quit smoker, what jugen said is true, no one can quit if they don't want to..... and it is HARD!! best of luck that he can finally make the decison soon
post #5 of 11
Umm yeah you should reallly try to get him to quit. Have him talk to his doctor... he/she has to have some ideas that could help him.
post #6 of 11
Quote:
Originally Posted by jugen View Post
People are only ready to quit when THEY want to. Please don't try and force them to, even for healths sake. It just leads them to hide their smoking.
That is sooooo true!

There really isn't anything you can do to make someone quit. Even people who have had bouts of lung cancer from smoking and have been "cured" never learn a lesson and go right back to smoking.

Smoking is a nasty habit and a deadly one too. Not only for the smoker, but for those around them because second hand smoke contains more than 50 carcinogentic chemicals that are even more deadly than the actual smoke inhaled by the smoker.

However, it has to be the person who is smoking that determines when they are going to quit, if they quit at all. Some people just like smoking too much to be able to quit. For some it's a social thing and not so much a habit thing too.

When someone quits smoking, they can't just up and quit and carry on doing what they usually do in their lives. They have to change their behaviour in order to avoid the smoking triggers that give them urges to smoke, and sometimes that requires drastic changes.

For me I had to give up the following for many months (like a year) before I dared to go back to them:

- talking on the phone for extended periods;
- sitting in smoking sections in restaurants;
- going to fancy restaurants;
- stayed out of bars and lounges;
- large celebritory dinners;
- coffee (I switched to tea);
- homes where people smoked
- sitting idle watching TV
- I even turned the TV channel if someone lit up a cigarette in the show I was watching.

I also made it a policy that there would be absolutely no tolerance of smoking in my home by anyone, no matter what the circumstances.

Quitting smoking isn't just a matter of quitting. It involves a whole attitude change which sometimes can affect your life for a considerable time, as I have shown in what I had to change or give up when I was trying to quit.

The good news is that once someone is serious about it, it's possible! I quit smoking in April 1990 and haven't had a cigarette since, though I still get the occasional urge to have one, but I've never caved to that craving.

So don't give up I hope he just keeps on trying. One day he will succeed when he's ready to.
post #7 of 11
Good luck with trying to get him to stop, though as others have said, he has to be the one who wants to. My husband tried a number of times but never managed it, and now my daughter, who started smoking in her teens even though she had seen her father's problems, has decided she is going to stop. Her doctor has started a therapy group, using patches and gum as well, and she has joined. I think part of it is that she is getting engaged and her boyfriend doesn't smoke, so she has an incentive.
post #8 of 11
I have seen my fathers health deteriorate by alot with smoking, he smokes atleast 40 cigarettes a day! i think sometimes he makes it through 60!

We have asked him to stop, the doctors have told him to stop. and this is his only sentence

"Let me enjoy the rest of my life the way I want it to."

It hurts, but forget forcing someone.

With my last bf, i actually preferred that he still smoked but less, because when he did quit, he was such a different person!
post #9 of 11
Thread Starter 
Yes, I know I can't force him to quit. I was just really bummed at this time of changing his mind.

I'm personally sick of smelling like cigerettes all the time. He is only allowed to smoke in his man-cave. However the way our vents work, he may as well be smoking every where else.
post #10 of 11
Quote:
Originally Posted by Natalie_ca View Post
That is sooooo true!

There really isn't anything you can do to make someone quit. Even people who have had bouts of lung cancer from smoking and have been "cured" never learn a lesson and go right back to smoking.

Smoking is a nasty habit and a deadly one too. Not only for the smoker, but for those around them because second hand smoke contains more than 50 carcinogentic chemicals that are even more deadly than the actual smoke inhaled by the smoker.

However, it has to be the person who is smoking that determines when they are going to quit, if they quit at all. Some people just like smoking too much to be able to quit. For some it's a social thing and not so much a habit thing too.

When someone quits smoking, they can't just up and quit and carry on doing what they usually do in their lives. They have to change their behaviour in order to avoid the smoking triggers that give them urges to smoke, and sometimes that requires drastic changes.

For me I had to give up the following for many months (like a year) before I dared to go back to them:

- talking on the phone for extended periods;
- sitting in smoking sections in restaurants;
- going to fancy restaurants;
- stayed out of bars and lounges;
- large celebritory dinners;
- coffee (I switched to tea);
- homes where people smoked
- sitting idle watching TV
- I even turned the TV channel if someone lit up a cigarette in the show I was watching.

I also made it a policy that there would be absolutely no tolerance of smoking in my home by anyone, no matter what the circumstances.

Quitting smoking isn't just a matter of quitting. It involves a whole attitude change which sometimes can affect your life for a considerable time, as I have shown in what I had to change or give up when I was trying to quit.

The good news is that once someone is serious about it, it's possible! I quit smoking in April 1990 and haven't had a cigarette since, though I still get the occasional urge to have one, but I've never caved to that craving.

So don't give up I hope he just keeps on trying. One day he will succeed when he's ready to.


Don't force him. Talking about it too much isn't good either. He needs to do it on his own. My DH quit two years ago before we moved into our apartment. I tried for him and couldn't do it cause it was for the wrong reasons.

You have to decide if you can live with his decision to smoke. It doesn't mean you have to tolerate him smoking around you. Good Luck!
post #11 of 11
I agree with anyone who says that someone cannot be forced into quitting smoking...it's something that each person has to do for themselves! I know this, because I'm a smoker, and boy, is the quitting thing ever hard.

The most you can do for someone else is hope, and pray that they can kick the habit on their own, because there is literally nothing you can do to stop someone else's addiction. Pray, pray, pray!
New Posts  All Forums:Forum Nav:
  Return Home
  Back to Forum: The Cat Lounge
TheCatSite.com › Forums › General Forums › The Cat Lounge › He's not quitting.