My boss worked with my mother when I was about 14. Then as I was finishing HS, my mom and another co-worker were working for a competitor and my mother was the director. Well she was told to lay off our current boss. Mom and my other co-worker were furious, so they got together and approached our current company and got positions there. About 9 months later, I was hired. Then 3 months later, our boss. Later that year the old boss had to move, and my current boss took her position.
At first it was fine. But slowly she's become more and more controlling, yet never there. I mean literally! Not in the office! Part of her job is on the road, but as manager she should also be in the office.
Since about September or October my enrollment has gone way up. I mean to the point that I am rationing computers for my students. (Another gripe that's gone no where.) I am one of two instructors, but our clients, due to their varying challenges, can be quite time consuming and really they make us be creative in finding ways to teach them, etc. On top of this, I'm creating, from scratch, all of the assignments for them to complete in Word and Excel. The other texts are on hold. To my great surprise, I learned that our other office no longer uses the text books we were struggling with. (ie. taping them back together as they were falling to pieces. Isn't that embarrassing!?!) Since then I've been struggling to make sure our program is up to par, since I take pride in it!
Through all this, my boss is in the office maybe 2 days a week, and not the whole day. She doesn't get there before 10:30 most days. Here is where I've gone wrong. I've admitted it on here, that I have strong ocd tendencies and strong anxiety in certain situations. One is driving in bad weather and another is with the darn alarm at work, which has gone off on me for no reason, sending me into a panic attack. So since my co-worker is an early riser and what not, I've started being late to work. Very late. Up until recently my boss hasn't even known. That's strike number 1. I've been working on that and done much better the last two weeks, but I'm not out of the woods yet.
Back to my boss not being there. A few weeks ago things were hectic in the office and it was Monday morning. My mother was trying to get ahold of my boss....come to find out at about 10:30, she answered the phone....she was sleeping, sick and not coming to work. I was
Here is strike number 2. When it came out that we all were so frustrated, we decided that it was time to talk to her about it. Keep in mind, most of us have history beyond this job with her. So we decided we should get together beforehand, off work time, and discuss what the issues really were and how to best handle them. We never did and no more was mentioned between us about it.
So yesterday after our staff meeting our boss called each one of us into her office separately. Somehow she found out that we had been upset and talked to each other. I was honest about everything she asked. She wanted to know if I find her approachable. I said "Not so much anymore." Lately I've gotten that vibe when I walk into the room that she doesn't want me there; that I'm not welcome. I said something casually about being nervous for my best friend, the one who's dog she adopted then gave away on me!, since her due date is so close and she's so far away. Her reply was 'Why?' Said in a very cold, unfeeling, Leighann your so stupid manner. We also discussed my lateness and she told me that it is my responsibility to open the doors in the morning. (I always thought that was really management's responsibility, guess not...) I told her how overwhelmed I've been and how everything has gotten very tense. Our office never used to be like this. I also told her that I know it is wrong for me to be late and that it is something I'm working on. I was also told that I just have to get used to her not being there and contacting her on her cell. If had time to call her cell I would! I told her that I need a face to face manager. I need someone who's here observing and assisting us. She basically refused and said that I am just gonna have to get used to calling her cell. That darn cell that rings constantly when I do get the chance to talk to her. It's interrupted so many times and mostly it's her mother and husband. Sometimes I just wanna grab it and give it a good toss and ask her if she could just pay attention to the person in front of her face first!
So I spent a few hours last night crying, went to bed at about 9:30 and slept till after 10 today. I feel so depressed. I've been depressed and I know this feeling all too well.
Part of me is proud of myself for how I handled that meeting. I pulled my chair right up to her desk, I looked her in the eye, and even leaned my elbows right on her desk. I did not look intimidated. I was honest. My mother told me I must have really said something to rattle her nerves because she was red when we walked out. That might have been when I said that I'd been asked by a client who's been in my program for a few weeks now who she was. She takes pride in her title. I was with her once when she ran into someone she hadn't seen and the guy made a big fuss over her for it. She glowed and got so giddy. Yet our clients don't know who she is, and I make sure I give everyone's name and job who works there when new clients come. I even describe her. To that she said 'Oh that's one of the things we were talking about the other day....' basically she gave me some attempt at covering her butt. I don't buy it.
I'm not sure what to do and what will come. She said something to my mother and I'm guessing everyone but me, about going to look up what the policy on gossip is for the company. You'd think since everyone has the same complaint that she might get some warning flags.....I take it not.
Part of me thinks, maybe I should go talk to my dr about my anxieties. I just don't know how to get them under control. I know I'm not innocent in all of this, but I know it's all snowballed and now rolling down hill fast. I consider myself a good worker. One fear is, we serve people with disabilities and make allowances for them, but we have another employee who works separately but under her, and she does not make allowances for his disability. That irked me greatly. I'm afraid of being truly diagnosed and it not helping, but making her try to 'fix' me. I'm so upset. My mother is too. I'm petrified to call the other instructor....I fear she up and quit. She's basically at retirement age and just works because she likes to. She's a firecracker and won't be treated wrong and will speak her mind. I've worked so hard to establish credibility there. It's not easy when you are just in your early 20's and most of my clients are around my parent's ages! I need her support and not over the telephone. I just don't know what to do!