O.K. people, are you up to this challenge?
Heidi - don't mean to "steal your thunder" so to speak. And do please let us know what happens? But as long as others are sharing, now I HAVE to ask.
I'm the bad person in this one. I'm the one not responding. Here's why (using fake name of friend).
We met in college in 1981. We were friendly, not great friends. Our college was very different. You spend 3 months on campus, the rest of the year in an internship you develop with an Advisor, then regroup in May. The rest of the years you spend at overseas branches. It was a VERY small school - there were only maybe 40 students in the college's Freshman year class. Seven of us graduated from this same college (most transfer to another one along the way).
We became good friends during the May part of the program. Second year she went to Denmark, I went to Costa Rica. We wrote each other. That's when we started to become close - through letters.
Then I took a year off to work. She went to New Orleans. For my third year of school, I wanted to go to the Indian Center. She did too. She left early and went back to Denmark. I flew to Germany, she met me there, we travelled to Denmark, then India via Pakistan (1984). We became best friends in 1984/1985. We are so close, she tells me about being sexually abused by her mother. About having sex with her brother (they shared a room growing up), and other sick stuff that happened to her and that she did by choice.
A couple years later, after we'd both graduated, we both settled down in NY. I was married already. My husband at the time enrolled in the same college. He went off to India while I stayed in NY to work. Friend and I were room-mates while this happened. We became even closer. He came back, she went to, at the time, Czecheslovakia. She fell in love, the two of them came back to the States. The four of us shared an apartment for about a month while they found another place to live.
She was in Brooklyn, we were in Queens. We rarely saw each other because of schedules, but we talked a lot on the phone.
Etc. They moved to Czecheslovakia after a while. She was pregnant. I flew there on vacation to be with her while she had the baby.
Years later, she is divorced with custody - actually, with a good relationship with the baby's dad. I am separated. We have stayed very close friends through all of it and travel frequently to see each other. Along comes hubby. My soulmate. No way around it - I share "her and my stuff" with him, but not all of "his and my stuff" with her anymore. I no longer visit her by myself, but come with hubby. She now has a kid, I now have a husband I actually like. We discuss these issues and remain friends. She is very jealous of hubby. I would have been too if the situation were reversed. Oh - she's bisexual and would've been into having me as her...significant other. So hubby, of course, at first, is jealous of her. But she and I never "explored" that avenue. She approached, I declined, and we remained friends through it.
She lives in PA near Philly, I travel the country in an R.V. When we fly to Philly for business, we always rent a car to drive out to see her and her son. This goes on for four years. Now we're up to 1997. Her son is six.
Hubby and I aren't going to Philly. We will be in Jersey. We pay for her and her son to come out to the resort, and we pay for their room during the stay. She and her son are all over each other. They kiss on the lips. She refers to him as her "little husband." They just moved into a new apartment - it doesn't have two bedrooms, so she's set up some sort of thing in the dining room for the kid, but it doesn' matter because "he usually sleeps with [her.]"
I make hubby babysit while I spend time with my friend. I ask if she knows what she's doing - is she repeating history? She denies it. I don't believe it.
What do I do? I stop returning her phonecalls. It's too creepy. I feel like I can't report it to authorities because I don't know it's happening, but.... I don't know what's best for the child. I really don't. They still live in that apartment that has no bedroom for the child, who would now be 11. I already asked her to seek help - five years ago. What do I do now? We "drifted apart" after that, and haven't been in touch since 1998. I stopped calling. She stopped calling. Then earlier this summer she left a message on our cellphone. I haven't returned it. She was in the Czech Republic for the summer, and got back a couple of weeks ago. She left another message two weeks ago. "I REALLY WANT TO SPEAK TO MY FRIEND LAURIE. PLEASE GIVE HER THE MESSAGE." Like my husband is the only one who uses the phone and he's preventing me from speaking to her or something. NOT SO.
???????????????? I honestly don't know what to do. I thought this was "dealt with" four/five years ago! ????????????????